The Plunge

luvdncn90

So M (BF) and I were perusing The Plunge and I stumbled upon this article.

http://theplunge.com/gettingengaged/how-to-announce-your-engagement

Basically it talks about who you should tell you're engaged before you post it all over the internet and yada yada. Well one of the people it said to tell is your exes who you see regulary. I found this interesting because when I do get engaged the last person I would even think about calling up or meeting in person to tell the news to is any of my serious exes. I honestly don't think any of them would care. I know I would be happy for any of my exes if they told me they were engaged, but I most certainly do not expect them to want to meet me in person or call me up.  And I still see a few of them regulary, one of them (my most serious ex) is my best friends cousin.


I just found this interesting. Did any of you ladies tell your exes? Would you tell me or just let them find out on their own?

bethsmiles

I have an ex whose family I'm close to. He would super pissed if he found out I was engaged over FB. But I see him every time we are both back in our hometown and we are still friends. I wouldn't call up an ex I never talk to though.

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:99a1c691-5d89-4517-adec-db2257a714aa">The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE] Well one of the people it said to tell is your exes <strong><em>who you see regulary.</em></strong>
Posted by luvdncn90[/QUOTE]


I think the part about seeing them regularly is the key. I'm not friends with any of my exes. I don't see any of them regularly. I wouldn't dream of calling them up to tell them any big personal news.

However, a few friends of mine are good friends with at least some of their exes, and talk to them on a regular basis. In that case, I think you would want to let the person know before they read it on Facebook. It just saves some awkwardness/potential hurt feelings.

loves2shop4shoes

I don't see any of my exes really at all.  I still talk to some of them via text or whatever just to say hi and see how their families are, but that's it.  When I got engaged, my most serious ex found out and FREAKED out.  One of his frat brothers tried to friend me on FB to see pics of the ring.  It was funny.

luvdncn90

Yeah, I see one of my exes still often but I don't know if I would feel comfortable calling him or meeting him to tell him the news. We have a pretty rough history and although we are on friendly terms now, I just don't feel like it's any of his business.

I most definitely would not call or text all of my exes, that would be weird. I also though the one abou coworkes and old friends was interesting. I'm not close enough to any of my coworkers to call them up and tell them. I would just let them find out over the internet or through other people.

bethsmiles

I think you should just tell family/friends and then give the news time to travel through the grapevine before putting it on FB.

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:333c8a5d-9ff6-435e-8925-a9128a8277f3">Re: The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should just tell family/friends and then give the news time to travel through the grapevine before putting it on FB.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I agree completely! I am a facebook whore, yes I just said that, but I would never just let people find out like that. I had a close friend who got engaged and only told immediate family and then posted it all over Facebook. Needless to say, I was not the only one of her close friends who was upset to find out about it that way. I understand wanting to tell everyone at once, but really?

jeanacorina

Your coworkers will find out either a) because you go to work and squee and tell everyone you're engaged, or b) because you show up to work with an obvious honkin' ring on your finger.

Either way, your coworkers are likely to know pretty quickly. That's how it happened for me. A combination of me telling them on Monday morning and them seeing a big ol' rock on my hand that wasn't there on Friday. You don't call your coworkers on the phone unless they're actually close friends. I think this site is either really silly or you're reading too much into the article.

When you get engaged, you call your family and close friends. Most other folks find out the next time you see them in person and tell them, or when you update your social networks, or when your family and friends tell them. It's really not rocket science.

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:5538db9d-e3cc-4d3a-8e8f-af2171d44e97">Re: The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE]Your coworkers will find out either a) because you go to work and squee and tell everyone you're engaged, or b) because you show up to work with an obvious honkin' ring on your finger. Either way, your coworkers are likely to know pretty quickly. That's how it happened for me. A combination of me telling them on Monday morning and them seeing a big ol' rock on my hand that wasn't there on Friday. You don't call your coworkers on the phone unless they're actually close friends. I think this site is either really silly or you're reading too much into the article. When you get engaged, you call your family and close friends. Most other folks find out the next time you see them in person and tell them, or when you update your social networks, or when your family and friends tell them. It's really not rocket science.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]


Lol I most definitely am not taking this articles advice to heart, seeing as we have a ways to go before we get engaged.

I just found it interesting, that's all.

desertsun

Honestly, I let my exes find out via FB. I've stayed on good terms with all of them, but don't talk to them regularly.

But I may not be the best source. We called our families, texted our close friends, and within 72 hours I had updated my relationship status on FB.  I also posted ring pics. Not as my profile photo at least. But I had friends/family requesting photos.  So I guess by some standards I'm tacky. shrug.

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:82170679-75aa-44a8-b077-51f06d91a33d">Re: The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I let my exes find out via FB. I've stayed on good terms with all of them, but don't talk to them regularly. But I may not be the best source. We called our families, texted our close friends, and within 72 hours I had updated my relationship status on FB.  I also posted ring pics. Not as my profile photo at least. But I had friends/family requesting photos.  So I guess by some standards I'm tacky. shrug.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]


Ha, I don't think that's tacky at all! That's pretty much what I will do when it does happen. I'll call my family, closest friends, text good friends, and then let everyonce else find out on their own!

After all if you want everyone to know something what do you do?? Update your Facebook! lol

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:82170679-75aa-44a8-b077-51f06d91a33d">Re: The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I let my exes find out via FB. I've stayed on good terms with all of them, but don't talk to them regularly. But I may not be the best source. We called our families, texted our close friends, and within 72 hours I had updated my relationship status on FB.  I also posted ring pics. Not as my profile photo at least. But I had friends/family requesting photos.  <strong>So I guess by some standards I'm tacky. shrug.</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>If by tacky you mean AWESOME, then I concur...</div><div>
<div>I don't get why some people think posting pics of your ring on FB is tacky.  I think most people have at least SOME friends who live far away and who would want to see the ring and the only way for them to do that is through FB.  However, I had heard through the grapevine that my cousin was PISSED when I posted pics of my ring on FB because she said I was only doing so "to show how much bigger my stone was".  I thought she was kidding!  Can we say bitter?</div></div>

alanna91

Wouldn't an ex you see regularly just be a friend?

I certainly don't see why you would want to dig up old feelings and talk to an ex that you probably ended on bad terms with, just to say that you're engaged. Yet, if you guys are just friends that dated once, it would be the same thing as telling a friend!

The closest thing I have to an ex is someone I went on a date with when I was thirteen. We were engineering camp buddies (haha, so lame.) and we don't talk at all anymore.

AudgiePodge

I told my ExH in person when I went up to Alaska in December.  I think if he found out from someone else and not from me directly, he would have been hurt.  He still keeps in touch with my sister and her BF.  I didn't have to worry about him finding out on Facebook since he doesn't have one, but I still waited to put it up there until I had told family.  He told me congratulations and the he was happy that DD was going to have a great step dad.

desertsun

Yeah, I'm pretty sure some of my friends who are really competetive didn't like my ring being out there for the world to see. It's on the blingy side. But I have family and a couple besties who live far away who wanted to see it! FB was the easiest way to share. Sometimes you just gotta let go of worrying about what other people think.

jeanacorina

I only think posting your ring on FB is tacky if it's your profile pic. Yes, I know, some girls I love dearly have done that. Doesn't mean I think they're tacky people. Just means they did something I think is a little tacky.

Posting a pic in an album for folks to see is not tacky, imho. I did that for family and friends far away.

So, that's how I feel about it.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:87616b36-2818-44ed-a114-2b639857308b">Re: The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE]I only think posting your ring on FB is tacky if it's your profile pic. Yes, I know, some girls I love dearly have done that. Doesn't mean I think they're tacky people. Just means they did something I think is a little tacky. Posting a pic in an album for folks to see is not tacky, imho. I did that for family and friends far away. So, that's how I feel about it.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree 100%.</div>

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_plunge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2cce0f8-8de5-48a5-8883-c9198f07c314Post:87616b36-2818-44ed-a114-2b639857308b">Re: The Plunge</a>:
[QUOTE]I only think posting your ring on FB is tacky if it's your profile pic. Yes, I know, some girls I love dearly have done that. Doesn't mean I think they're tacky people. Just means they did something I think is a little tacky. Posting a pic in an album for folks to see is not tacky, imho. I did that for family and friends far away. So, that's how I feel about it.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

I totally agree - it isn't in anyone's face, especially if you remove it from being "published" to others newsfeeds.  And so it's someone's choice to go see the pictures, unlike a profile picture.  This is probably what I'll do, since it's not likely I'll see my parents or siblings or extended family for months afterwards!

And I think as far as the ex's go, sometimes girls take things harder than guys.  If it's a distant ex who you haven't talked to in a long time, whatevs.  But if it's someone you see socially, and it was a rather serious relationship, at least let them know by email or a phone call before they see you changed your relationship status on Facebook.  And I think this is more important for guys to do than girls - I can't think of a single ex who would be distraught upon learning that I'm engaged, but I do know several girls who would have a hard time if their ex's got engaged (even if they themselves have moved on and are dating someone else).  Like my parents' friend who is on his second marriage - I think he sort of owed it to his ex-wife and mother of his children to tell her personally that he was getting remarried so she didn't have to hear it through the grapevine. 

Blue & White

Yea, I'm dating my best friend's ex.  When we get engaged, she will know before it's on facebook.

My ex?  He'll find out on facebook.

Heather2256

You have to think though - just cuz you don't put it on FB or anything else doesn't mean no one else will the first chance they get! Me, for example, am not on FB or Myspace or anything of the sort, and yet I know my sisters will put it on there ASAP & that's how a few of my cousins & such will find out. Sort of ruins the fun of telling people when they already know.