Wow...

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:021fa457-92f2-4fdf-96dd-798eae42354b">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh Sweet Beezus.  Really?  not only determined to be right, but also opposed to "different perspectives".  Somehow, not surprising in the slightest. But you're right.  If I'm going to call out a group "in power," I should be subtle in my references, so as not to cause offense.  Nazi references withdrawn.  There will be no further references to known tyrants or anything not politically correct.  One tends to forget how sensitive people get when called out. Sorry you didn't like what I said.. Reported?  Yeah, no aspirations to tyranny here.  ;)  Guess I should call it oligarchy anyway, since we're all apparently going to decide to be literal. To the point though: People need to chill the fig out, in general.  Some women go OCD about planning before it's time. Agreed. (wait, is it offensive to refer to OCD?  do I need to come up with a PC name for what that stands for?  Is that why everyone says BSC? Still don't know what that means..) Some women would do well to learn patience in waiting for their engagement to become "official". Agreed. Some women who are not yet, but close to being engaged are just plain going to want to browse and plan, and just perhaps might know more about the validity of starting planning than those who want to comment on it here. Fact. Some women's would do well to quit mistaking their "advice" and "talking people down" for being charitable and well-meaning and see it for what it is:  stroking ones ego, congratulating ones self on being superior.  Quite simply, the incessant know-it-all is at least equally as annoying,  probably moreso, to those wanting to legitimately brainstorm and plan on the NEY board, as those NEY over-planners are to the already-married, already-engaged brides swarming the board. At least over-planning is self-inflicted harm, not targeting anyone.  No cease-fire in sight?  Or you're really just that determined that everyone believe you're right? The OP has an opinion, calmly stated, and because it's not what the oligarchy wants to hear, it's "Not a good way to introduce yourself."  Sorry OP, you must not have known-- differing opinions of the wrong kind, aren't welcome here. :) Good Lorna, is it really that hard to leave people alone, or should we start up the rainbow farts in your direction instead, like a few of the love-fests earlier today, and congratulate you all on how smart you are for saying how stupid women are for planning or brainstorming before the rock is in place? Am I doing better at avoiding specific offensive historical references?  There's not even a single deity.  I worked hard.  Just for you.
Posted by imJacksPGbelly[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Being contrary to be contrary does not win friends. Nor does making culturally insensitive remarks regarding one of the greatest genocide's in history. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>But for the record, I call Spain. 

</div>

**Mutley**

WOW.  So this is what NEY has become?



OP, go back a couple of months and see what you think of those posts/posters.  It is ridiculously tame (lame) now. 

Jack, if you want to see a regime, you should go read those posts as well.  Now THAT was a good regime. 

"The times, they are a-changing."

HeartOverMind

OMG!!!! I was only gone for a few minutes and look what ensued...a freaking war!

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:5256ebfb-7c38-4c18-9cbb-fd55fb96ae06">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG!!!! I was only gone for a few minutes and look what ensued...a freaking war!
Posted by HeartOverMind[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yep, we Oligarch are warring. I don't know who my homies are though? Homies? Help me out.</div>

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:156cad6f-1a19-4651-a43d-da6d4ac88db4">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : Yep, we Oligarch are warring. I don't know who my homies are though? Homies? Help me out.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

A freaking war that brought out Mutley, so it must be bad. Mutley, I'm glad you posted. The board has been lacking that.

I did a UN Simulation in class today where I was North Korea. Can I be your homey if I'm NK, Hetshup?

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:1649c771-5b8e-4875-8df1-e8ffbbe57e9d">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : A freaking war that brought out Mutley, so it must be bad. Mutley, I'm glad you posted. The board has been lacking that. I did a UN Simulation in class today where I was North Korea. Can I be your homey if I'm NK, Hetshup?
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Do you wear platform shoes?</div>

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:021fa457-92f2-4fdf-96dd-798eae42354b">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh Sweet Beezus.  Really?  not only determined to be right, but also opposed to "different perspectives".  Somehow, not surprising in the slightest. But you're right.  If I'm going to call out a group "in power," I should be subtle in my references, so as not to cause offense.  Nazi references withdrawn.  There will be no further references to known tyrants or anything not politically correct.  One tends to forget how sensitive people get when called out. Sorry you didn't like what I said.. Reported?  Yeah, no aspirations to tyranny here.  ;)  Guess I should call it oligarchy anyway, since we're all apparently going to decide to be literal. To the point though: People need to chill the fig out, in general.  Some women go OCD about planning before it's time. Agreed. <strong>(wait, is it offensive to refer to OCD?  do I need to come up with a PC name for what that stands for?  Is that why everyone says BSC?</strong> Still don't know what that means..) Some women would do well to learn patience in waiting for their engagement to become "official". Agreed. Some women who are not yet, but close to being engaged are just plain going to want to browse and plan, and just perhaps might know more about the validity of starting planning than those who want to comment on it here. Fact. Some women's would do well to quit mistaking their "advice" and "talking people down" for being charitable and well-meaning and see it for what it is:  stroking ones ego, congratulating ones self on being superior.  Quite simply, the incessant know-it-all is at least equally as annoying,  probably moreso, to those wanting to legitimately brainstorm and plan on the NEY board, as those NEY over-planners are to the already-married, already-engaged brides swarming the board. At least over-planning is self-inflicted harm, not targeting anyone.  No cease-fire in sight?  Or you're really just that determined that everyone believe you're right? The OP has an opinion, calmly stated, and because it's not what the oligarchy wants to hear, it's "Not a good way to introduce yourself."  Sorry OP, you must not have known-- differing opinions of the wrong kind, aren't welcome here. :) Good Lorna, is it really that hard to leave people alone, or should we start up the rainbow farts in your direction instead, like a few of the love-fests earlier today, and congratulate you all on how smart you are for saying how stupid women are for planning or brainstorming before the rock is in place? Am I doing better at avoiding specific offensive historical references?  There's not even a single deity.  I worked hard.  Just for you.
Posted by imJacksPGbelly[/QUOTE]

Actually it is quite offensive to use the term OCD unless you have been clinically diagnosed with OCD. So yeah, find a more PC way to say it like, anal-retentive, detail oreinted, but not OCD. Personally I think you're a troll who likes to hear herself (himself?) talk (type?). If you don't like the board get off it and don't come back. FWIW this is the first time I've posted on this board, I am engaged, but I'm quite offended by your attitude and references. Troll, go back under your bridge.

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:021fa457-92f2-4fdf-96dd-798eae42354b">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh Sweet Beezus.  Really?  not only determined to be right, but also opposed to "different perspectives".  Somehow, not surprising in the slightest. But you're right.  If I'm going to call out a group "in power," I should be subtle in my references, so as not to cause offense.  Nazi references withdrawn.  There will be no further references to known tyrants or anything not politically correct.  One tends to forget how sensitive people get when called out. Sorry you didn't like what I said.. Reported?  Yeah, no aspirations to tyranny here.  ;) 

<strong>Honestly, in your attempt to insult the "group in power" you merely suceeded in making yourself look like a supercilious troll. One that desperately needs to close the "dictionary.com" window and move along. As Beth said, no one is talking about being PC. More or less it is simply about not portraying yourself as a completely ignorant bigot by referring to a group of people as "nazi's" and assuming it not to come off as offensive.</strong>

Guess I should call it oligarchy anyway, since we're all apparently going to decide to be literal. To the point though: People need to chill the fig out, in general.  Some women go OCD about planning before it's time. Agreed. (wait, is it offensive to refer to OCD?  do I need to come up with a PC name for what that stands for?  Is that why everyone says BSC? Still don't know what that means..)

<strong>Bat.Sh!t.Crazy. Learn it. Love it. It describes you to a T. OCD is an ILLNESS not a way to "act". You cannot "act" OCD about something (due to the fact that it doesn't make sense) and you are diagnosed with OCD.  Just for the record.</strong>

Some women would do well to learn patience in waiting for their engagement to become "official". Agreed. Some women who are not yet, but close to being engaged are just plain going to want to browse and plan, and just perhaps might know more about the validity of starting planning than those who want to comment on it here. Fact. Some women's would do well to quit mistaking their "advice" and "talking people down" for being charitable and well-meaning and see it for what it is:  stroking ones ego, congratulating ones self on being superior. 

<strong>Last time I checked, we were all well aware of typical behavior of the "almost engaged". It is not "talking down to people" (Fact. You should learn to use proper grammatical sentences before writing intentionally verbose posts here). All the women here do is try to help ladies who may be a little too over-zealous in their planning, slow down and get a reality check. Guess what? That "right around the corner proposal"? It might NEVER come. Sh!t happens.
</strong>
Quite simply, the incessant know-it-all is at least equally as annoying,  probably moreso, to those wanting to legitimately brainstorm and plan on the NEY board, as those NEY over-planners are to the already-married, already-engaged brides swarming the board. At least over-planning is self-inflicted harm, not targeting anyone.  No cease-fire in sight?  Or you're really just that determined that everyone believe you're right? The OP has an opinion, calmly stated, and because it's not what the oligarchy wants to hear, it's "Not a good way to introduce yourself."  Sorry OP, you must not have known-- differing opinions of the wrong kind, aren't welcome here. :)

<strong>I cannot even bring myself to address this ridiculous, asinine, drabble.  </strong>
 
Good Lorna, is it really that hard to leave people alone, or should we start up the rainbow farts in your direction instead, like a few of the love-fests earlier today, and congratulate you all on how smart you are for saying how stupid women are for planning or brainstorming before the rock is in place? Am I doing better at avoiding specific offensive historical references?  There's not even a single deity.  I worked hard.  Just for you.

<strong>What people would you like us to leave alone? The ones who come on here, without lurking first (thereby noticing the other 400 other posts almost identical to theirs)? That wouldn't make much sense now would it. After all, if we left everyone that wasn't included in the vast heirarchy of this board alone, then the board would cease to exist. Maybe the person who should leave everyone alone, is you. By the way, when I opened a history book the last time, I'm fairly sure Hitler was not referred to as a "deity" but alright.</strong>
Posted by imJacksPGbelly[/QUOTE]

OP - you made a good point and it is an understandable view point. Just a little odd to jump into a conversation when you have never introduced yourself. This is not meant to attack you in any way. Unfortunately, the topic has differed to a shameless troll who cannot control mentioning a disgraceful historical "deity".

Sorry you got lost in all of this.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:21961e84-e365-429e-9808-063dcb3bd8b1">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : Actually it is quite offensive to use the term OCD unless you have been clinically diagnosed with OCD. So yeah, find a more PC way to say it like, anal-retentive, detail oreinted, but not OCD. Personally I think you're a troll who likes to hear herself (himself?) talk (type?). If you don't like the board get off it and don't come back. FWIW this is the first time I've posted on this board, I am engaged, but I'm quite offended by your attitude and references. Troll, go back under your bridge.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I like you, will you stay?

Also, all those responses at the beginning regarding what nobody likes on this board? No one was accusing OP of that. They were explanations of why there were so many "don't pre-plan" posts.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:8a9fef79-1a0b-43a8-b6a0-4497dfa26d8b">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : I like you, will you stay? Also, all those responses at the beginning regarding what nobody likes on this board? No one was accusing OP of that. They were explanations of why there were so many "don't pre-plan" posts.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Bren - Of course I'll stay.I wasn't referring to OP in my post, it was all directed towards the Troll. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I was telling Jack to get off the boards if she doesn't like it, not OP.

OP - Please don't think I was referring to you. Stick around. I've found something I like about a lot of these boards. You just have to get used to the dynamics. The more you read, the more you'll realize that the girls aren't here to be mean, they're here to help, and keep you from making a big huge mistake. Like pre-planning to the point when you book a venue w/o a budget and potentially lose a deposit because you couldn't possibly affor. It just seems silly to me to put a lot of work into something when it isn't even guaranteed right now.

Edited: because I missed the N in Bren's name

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:efb916de-a38e-452d-8551-eab8d42082bb">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : Bren - Of course I'll stay.I wasn't referring to OP in my post, it was all directed towards the Troll. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I was telling Jack to get off the boards if she doesn't like it, not OP. OP - Please don't think I was referring to you. Stick around. I've found something I like about a lot of these boards. You just have to get used to the dynamics. The more you read, the more you'll realize that the girls aren't here to be mean, they're here to help, and keep you from making a big huge mistake. Like pre-planning to the point when you book a venue w/o a budget and potentially lose a deposit because you couldn't possibly affor. It just seems silly to me to put a lot of work into something when it isn't even guaranteed right now. Edited: because I missed the N in Bren's name
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I know what you were referring to, I just meant that I like your no-nonsense attitude. ;)

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:89b55abc-5134-4f70-9647-0fee803e3475">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : Do you wear platform shoes?
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

I have a pair of platform BM shoes, do those count?

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:1f215d87-d5a4-4ced-b09d-71ea1dc61c83">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : I know what you were referring to, I just meant that I like your no-nonsense attitude. ;)
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> Love your sig pic BTW. Canada right? I think I've seen you post on other boards. I randomly post wherever and don't really have a home board. Spend most of my time on E though. Those girls are great, but they get a bad rap because they can be honest and snarky sometimes. Mostly they make me laugh.

Edited: Because I suck at typing tonight.

PaigeMcC

Wow, I missed all this fun.  Love trolls.  Love snark even more.  Bitching about snark just makes me snarkier.  If people don't like it they should leave.

Just my $0.02

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:d8d05d8a-d2e4-4d41-9455-2866a2fa5535">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : Love your sig pic BTW. Canada right? I think I've seen you post on other boards. I randomly post wherever and don't really have a home board. Spend most of my time on E though. Those girls are great, but they get a bad rap because they can be honest and snarky sometimes. Mostly they make me laugh. Edited: Because I suck at typing tonight.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Yepp, Alberta! I post on here most of the time, but I post on other boards too when I have more time. I actually really do enjoy E, I just don't have enough time to keep up with all the posts.

tafft1

This is the internet - not your personal circle of happy feel good buddies that drop everything to worship the ground you walk on or just totally agree with just everyhting you have to say. It's called the real world. Look into it.

imJacksPGbelly

Not a troll... that would be too easy.  And frankly, I'd suck at it.  I'm too wordy in debates/ written conversations.  Not my forte.

No dictionary.com, I've actually degreed in psychology (yes, I was amused by people defining OCD for me), and I write, for a living. (though, it somehow always more to the point when it's not personal opinion-- Yes, I admit that my posts are personal opinion.  Shocking, I know.)

So, sorry to disappoint.  I know it's always fun to call troll, rather than evaluate the validity of the points someone is making.  Easier too.

If anyone is legitimately offended by my references, I do honestly apologize, as I was not using the reference as it seems to have been taken.  You might find a closer description of my reference at urbandictionary.com.  Take a look-see.  Color me skeptical, though. It is extremely convenient to wax literal when you don't like someone's analogy. 

Note to self (and perhaps to Seinfeld): I'll have to be cautious of watching the "Soup Nazi" episode with others around, since it seems like a common offense.


Really, there have been one or two responses that have actually addressed points I've made, and the rest have focused entirely on trying to discredit .. what, grammar?  word-choice?  Nice try.  I check my work.  So we're playing a word game now..  is that like the cyber equivalent of arm-wrestling? 

"I cannot even bring myself to address this ridiculous, asinine, drabble."

asinine.  Nice choice.  Drabble, though? I think you meant dribble.  As a drabble is something that I've actually written.  Drabble is a very short story.  100 words exactly.  Something that I practice sometimes in my work, as an exercise in brevity. (Hard to tell, right? Like I said, not my forte.

"talking down to people"
Hmm.. might want to check my original post on that one: I said, "Talking people down", quoting what people have said previously.. on this thread, I believe.  It was a reference to "calming someone down," and based on the usage, probably meant to sound similar to talking down someone with a gun in a tense situation.

By the way, when I opened a history book the last time, I'm fairly sure Hitler was not referred to as a "deity" but alright.
"Unfortunately, the topic has differed to a shameless troll who cannot control mentioning a disgraceful historical "deity"."

Wow, seriously?  I have to explain this one?  *sigh*  Fine.  I would say it kills it, but it was obviously already lost, so not a big diff.

I was not comparing Hitler to a deity.  Having reread my first "offensive" post, I realized I used references like "God forbid" or "Good Lord" at one point?  It's slipping my mind.  In this post, there were no references to deity.  I said, "Sweet Beezus", and "Good Lorna".  Nowhere did I compare Hitler to a deity.  In fact, no where did I mention Hitler.  Wow, so now it's a game of "telephone".

OH, and the word would be "deferred", not "differed".  In your last sentence.  You were saying the topic had been given over to a shameless troll, right?  Deferred, not differed.

So are we done with the word games, and trying to one-up each other?


You want to know why I post?  I have been on the boards for a while.  Planned first wedding in 2002.  Was on here when pregnant with my son in 2005. The boards haven't changed.  I guess it just means that women haven't changed.  Do people not tire of the drama?  The OP didn't "jump into a conversation with a complaint."  She started her own thread, and was jumped on because it was pointing out something she didn't like about the responses on a lot of threads on the board. Such an egregious crime, apparently. 

A few threads down, is an entire post from a married or almost-married bride, to "newbies" or "wannabe's".  I forget the title.  All about how ridiculous and clueless they are.  And the entire thing is filled with the fan club congratulating the post on it's stellar wisdom.  Really?  Why do people take such pleasure in gloating over people.  It's ridiculous. 

I like the board, or at least the concept of it, anyway. But you're right, I don't like the tenor of a lot of the posts. But the board is called "Not Engaged Yet," so why would I allow myself to be driven off because I am going to stand up against the majority? Sorry.  I don't work that way.  When I came back to the knot, I was apprehensive about the boards because I remember how just-plain-snotty a lot of women were and how much they enjoyed targetting others.  I made a single post on here with a genuine question, NOT repeating what 100s of other bride's have said, and when I came back to it hours later, I was apparently ridiculous and silly for the question I asked, and someone later suggested that I was a troll?  Before I'd even responded to anything? Seriously?  You ladies are ridiculous.  One would hope that women could group together to become the best version of themselves: powerful, supportive, strong, loving, nurturing, but instead, in groups we seem to devolve into exactly what all the stereotypes point to: 

Catty, back-biting, cliquish, snotty, self-righteous, manipulative.. especially manipulative, etc etc etc..  No wonder the feminist movement keeps stalling.  We keep blocking our own progress. Just like crabs trying to get out of a bucket. It's depressing.

Am I a troll?  No.  Am I going to continue to post what I think and call out the BS as I spot it? Yes.  I don't "fall in line" to be popular on the board. Maybe I'll go back to just lurking.  It's not a bad idea.  But I promise one thing-- if I stick around, I'll post as I like (avoiding the now-clear faux-pas), and in genuine threads, I'll respond to each one of you as if I never spoke to you, because I don't hold grudges and think that when not resorting to mob mentality may actually have something valuable to offer.  Though I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I'm "black-balled" for not backing down on this-- not cow-towing to the majority sentiment.

 At this point I don't really care.  I don't play the clique game anymore. I'll respond to things that interest me if I choose to respond.  Or if someone is getting attacked at the hands of the "clique," I'm likely to call it out. Someone said that being contrary for the sake of being contrary doesn't win friends?  I'm not in a popularity contest, and I have no problem being contrary to make a point, when "mob-jority" seems to be on the prowl. Sorry if that isn't comfortable for anyone.  That's me.

tafft1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:9791cf1a-eb4d-44df-9a70-c33cd19ff3c6">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]One would hope that women could group together to become the best version of themselves: powerful, supportive, strong, loving, nurturing, but instead, in groups we seem to devolve into exactly what all the stereotypes point to:  Catty, back-biting, cliquish, snotty, self-righteous, manipulative.. especially manipulative, etc etc etc..  No wonder the feminist movement keeps stalling.  We keep blocking our own progress. Just like crabs trying to get out of a bucket. It's depressing.[QUOTE]

What does this have to do with anything..and this is assuming everyone on this board even agrees with this philosphy. I cannot speak for anyone else but I certainly don't follow those views in my life , nor would I ask anyone to follow those I do either. It's about choice and we should not all be grouped together as one big happy family just because we are female.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:9791cf1a-eb4d-44df-9a70-c33cd19ff3c6">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]Not a troll... that would be too easy.  And frankly, I'd suck at it.  I'm too wordy in debates/ written conversations.  Not my forte. No dictionary.com, I've actually degreed in psychology (yes, I was amused by people defining OCD for me), and I write, for a living. (though, it somehow always more to the point when it's not personal opinion-- Yes, I admit that my posts are personal opinion.  Shocking, I know.) So, sorry to disappoint.  I know it's always fun to call troll, rather than evaluate the validity of the points someone is making.  Easier too. If anyone is legitimately offended by my references, I do honestly apologize, as I was not using the reference as it seems to have been taken.  You might find a closer description of my reference at urbandictionary.com.  Take a look-see.  Color me skeptical, though. It is extremely convenient to wax literal when you don't like someone's analogy.  Note to self (and perhaps to Seinfeld): I'll have to be cautious of watching the "Soup Nazi" episode with others around, since it seems like a common offense.
<strong>
Making a pop culture reference is NOT the same as likening the people on this board to those who participated in genocide. You have a difference of opinion. That is absolutely fine. But I skipped over your entire argument b/c I was legitimately offended at being called, in seriousness, "gestapo." If you want to have a debate, do it with respect and not inappropriate name-calling.

</strong>Really, there have been one or two responses that have actually addressed points I've made, and the rest have focused entirely on trying to discredit .. what, grammar?  word-choice?  Nice try.  I check my work.  So we're playing a word game now..  is that like the cyber equivalent of arm-wrestling?  " I cannot even bring myself to address this ridiculous, asinine, drabble." asinine.  Nice choice.  Drabble, though? I think you meant dribble.  As a drabble is something that I've actually written.  Drabble is a very short story.  100 words exactly.  Something that I practice sometimes in my work, as an exercise in brevity. (Hard to tell, right? Like I said, not my forte. "talking down to people" Hmm.. might want to check my original post on that one: I said, "Talking people down", quoting what people have said previously.. on this thread, I believe.  It was a reference to "calming someone down," and based on the usage, probably meant to sound similar to talking down someone with a gun in a tense situation. By the way, when I opened a history book the last time, I'm fairly sure Hitler was not referred to as a "deity" but alright. "Unfortunately, the topic has differed to a shameless troll who cannot control mentioning a disgraceful historical "deity"." Wow, seriously?  I have to explain this one?  *sigh*  Fine.  I would say it kills it, but it was obviously already lost, so not a big diff. I was not comparing Hitler to a deity.  Having reread my first "offensive" post, I realized I used references like "God forbid" or "Good Lord" at one point?  It's slipping my mind.  In this post, there were no references to deity.  I said, "Sweet Beezus", and "Good Lorna".  Nowhere did I compare Hitler to a deity.  In fact, no where did I mention Hitler.  Wow, so now it's a game of "telephone". OH, and the word would be "deferred", not "differed".  In your last sentence.  You were saying the topic had been given over to a shameless troll, right?  Deferred, not differed. So are we done with the word games, and trying to one-up each other?

<strong>Pot meet kettle. It is hypocritical to engage in the same activity you're attempting to berate others for.</strong>

 You want to know why I post?  I have been on the boards for a while.  Planned first wedding in 2002.  Was on here when pregnant with my son in 2005. The boards haven't changed.  I guess it just means that women haven't changed.  Do people not tire of the drama?  The OP didn't "jump into a conversation with a complaint."  She started her own thread, and was jumped on because it was pointing out something she didn't like about the responses on a lot of threads on the board. Such an egregious crime, apparently.  A few threads down, is an entire post from a married or almost-married bride, to "newbies" or "wannabe's".  I forget the title.  All about how ridiculous and clueless they are.  And the entire thing is filled with the fan club congratulating the post on it's stellar wisdom.  Really?  Why do people take such pleasure in gloating over people.  It's ridiculous.  I like the board, or at least the concept of it, anyway. But you're right, I don't like the tenor of a lot of the posts. But the board is called "Not Engaged Yet," so why would I allow myself to be driven off because I am going to stand up against the majority? Sorry.  I don't work that way.  When I came back to the knot, I was apprehensive about the boards because I remember how just-plain-snotty a lot of women were and how much they enjoyed targetting others.  I made a single post on here with a genuine question, NOT repeating what 100s of other bride's have said, and when I came back to it hours later, I was apparently ridiculous and silly for the question I asked, and someone later suggested that I was a troll?  Before I'd even responded to anything? Seriously? <strong> You ladies are ridiculous.</strong>  One would hope that women could group together to become the best version of themselves: powerful, supportive, strong, loving, nurturing, but instead, in groups we seem to devolve into exactly what all the stereotypes point to:  <strong>Catty</strong>,

<strong>Again, participating in the very behavior you're attempting to condemn.</strong>

back-biting, cliquish, snotty, self-righteous, manipulative.. especially manipulative, etc etc etc..  No wonder the feminist movement keeps stalling.  We keep blocking our own progress. Just like crabs trying to get out of a bucket. It's depressing. Am I a troll?  No.  Am I going to continue to post what I think and call out the BS as I spot it? Yes.  I don't "fall in line" to be popular on the board. Maybe I'll go back to just lurking.  It's not a bad idea.  But I promise one thing-- if I stick around, I'll post as I like (avoiding the now-clear faux-pas), and in genuine threads, I'll respond to each one of you as if I never spoke to you, because I don't hold grudges and think that when not resorting to mob mentality may actually have something valuable to offer.  Though I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I'm "black-balled" for not backing down on this-- not cow-towing to the majority sentiment.  At this point I don't really care. <strong> </strong>I don't play the clique game anymore. I'll respond to things that interest me if I choose to respond.  Or if someone is getting attacked at the hands of the "clique," I'm likely to call it out. Someone said that being contrary for the sake of being contrary doesn't win friends?  I'm not in a popularity contest, and I have no problem being contrary to make a point, when "mob-jority" seems to be on the prowl. Sorry if that isn't comfortable for anyone.  That's me.

<strong>Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Yes, many people who post on this board regularly do share similar opinions.

But if you stick around long enough, you will see that we DO have differences. We disagree with each other sometimes.

If you look up toward the beginning of the thread, you will see that I made some very positive and encouraging comments.

Please read carefully before indicting the entire board.

In general, we're all on the same page of discouraging people from planning their weddings before they're engaged. That doesn't stop us from being a strong, supportive, and even loving group. For many of us, the advice we give does come from a place of genuine concern and desire to help those around us.

I think that there is sometimes a bit of "group think," and I personally think of myself as one of the more contrary people who isn't afraid to go against the crowd. I respect others who do the same.

But ranting, insulting, condescending, and just generally acting bitchy is, again, not the best way to communicate your message.

Please share your opinions RESPECTFULLY and you might find others more open to listening respectfully.
</strong><strong>
</strong>Posted by imJacksPGbelly[/QUOTE]

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:9791cf1a-eb4d-44df-9a70-c33cd19ff3c6">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]Not a troll... that would be too easy.  And frankly, I'd suck at it.  I'm too wordy in debates/ written conversations.  Not my forte. No dictionary.com, I've actually degreed in psychology (yes, I was amused by people defining OCD for me), and I write, for a living. (though, it somehow always more to the point when it's not personal opinion-- Yes, I admit that my posts are personal opinion.  Shocking, I know.) So, sorry to disappoint.  I know it's always fun to call troll, rather than evaluate the validity of the points someone is making.  Easier too. If anyone is legitimately offended by my references, I do honestly apologize, as I was not using the reference as it seems to have been taken.  You might find a closer description of my reference at urbandictionary.com.  Take a look-see.  Color me skeptical, though. It is extremely convenient to wax literal when you don't like someone's analogy.  Note to self (and perhaps to Seinfeld): I'll have to be cautious of watching the "Soup Nazi" episode with others around, since it seems like a common offense. Really, there have been one or two responses that have actually addressed points I've made, and the rest have focused entirely on trying to discredit .. what, grammar?  word-choice?  Nice try.  I check my work.  So we're playing a word game now..  is that like the cyber equivalent of arm-wrestling?  " I cannot even bring myself to address this ridiculous, asinine, drabble." asinine.  Nice choice.  Drabble, though? I think you meant dribble.  As a drabble is something that I've actually written.  Drabble is a very short story.  100 words exactly.  Something that I practice sometimes in my work, as an exercise in brevity. (Hard to tell, right? Like I said, not my forte. "talking down to people" Hmm.. might want to check my original post on that one: I said, "Talking people down", quoting what people have said previously.. on this thread, I believe.  It was a reference to "calming someone down," and based on the usage, probably meant to sound similar to talking down someone with a gun in a tense situation. By the way, when I opened a history book the last time, I'm fairly sure Hitler was not referred to as a "deity" but alright. "Unfortunately, the topic has differed to a shameless troll who cannot control mentioning a disgraceful historical "deity"." Wow, seriously?  I have to explain this one?  *sigh*  Fine.  I would say it kills it, but it was obviously already lost, so not a big diff. I was not comparing Hitler to a deity.  Having reread my first "offensive" post, I realized I used references like "God forbid" or "Good Lord" at one point?  It's slipping my mind.  In this post, there were no references to deity.  I said, "Sweet Beezus", and "Good Lorna".  Nowhere did I compare Hitler to a deity.  In fact, no where did I mention Hitler.  Wow, so now it's a game of "telephone". OH, and the word would be "deferred", not "differed".  In your last sentence.  You were saying the topic had been given over to a shameless troll, right?  Deferred, not differed. So are we done with the word games, and trying to one-up each other? You want to know why I post?  I have been on the boards for a while.  Planned first wedding in 2002.  Was on here when pregnant with my son in 2005. The boards haven't changed.  I guess it just means that women haven't changed.  Do people not tire of the drama?  The OP didn't "jump into a conversation with a complaint."  She started her own thread, and was jumped on because it was pointing out something she didn't like about the responses on a lot of threads on the board. Such an egregious crime, apparently.  A few threads down, is an entire post from a married or almost-married bride, to "newbies" or "wannabe's".  I forget the title.  All about how ridiculous and clueless they are.  And the entire thing is filled with the fan club congratulating the post on it's stellar wisdom.  Really?  Why do people take such pleasure in gloating over people.  It's ridiculous.  I like the board, or at least the concept of it, anyway. But you're right, I don't like the tenor of a lot of the posts. But the board is called "Not Engaged Yet," so why would I allow myself to be driven off because I am going to stand up against the majority? Sorry.  I don't work that way.  When I came back to the knot, I was apprehensive about the boards because I remember how just-plain-snotty a lot of women were and how much they enjoyed targetting others.  I made a single post on here with a genuine question, NOT repeating what 100s of other bride's have said, and when I came back to it hours later, I was apparently ridiculous and silly for the question I asked, and someone later suggested that I was a troll?  Before I'd even responded to anything? Seriously?  You ladies are ridiculous.  One would hope that women could group together to become the best version of themselves: powerful, supportive, strong, loving, nurturing, but instead, in groups we seem to devolve into exactly what all the stereotypes point to:  Catty, back-biting, cliquish, snotty, self-righteous, manipulative.. especially manipulative, etc etc etc..  No wonder the feminist movement keeps stalling.  We keep blocking our own progress. Just like crabs trying to get out of a bucket. It's depressing. Am I a troll?  No.  Am I going to continue to post what I think and call out the BS as I spot it? Yes.  I don't "fall in line" to be popular on the board. Maybe I'll go back to just lurking.  It's not a bad idea.  But I promise one thing-- if I stick around, I'll post as I like (avoiding the now-clear faux-pas), and in genuine threads, I'll respond to each one of you as if I never spoke to you, because I don't hold grudges and think that when not resorting to mob mentality may actually have something valuable to offer.  Though I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I'm "black-balled" for not backing down on this-- not cow-towing to the majority sentiment.  At this point I don't really care.  I don't play the clique game anymore. I'll respond to things that interest me if I choose to respond.  Or if someone is getting attacked at the hands of the "clique," I'm likely to call it out. Someone said that being contrary for the sake of being contrary doesn't win friends?  I'm not in a popularity contest, and I have no problem being contrary to make a point, when "mob-jority" seems to be on the prowl. Sorry if that isn't comfortable for anyone.  That's me.
Posted by imJacksPGbelly[/QUOTE]

*insert long, drawn out response here that pretends to be enlightening and shows off my linguistic "skills" in order to try to make myself appear to be above all this bickering, yet really just carrying on because I'm too insecure to not get the last word*

See...I can play that game too.  Only I did it in 50 words or less

heyimbren

Jacks, you're a troll for stirring up trouble where there isn't any. Nobody berated Marley, in fact most of the posters even told her to keep posting. Reading comprehension fail.

Marley, come take your thread back. I like you because you're a poster who can express different views without being rude. I'd love to read an introduction post from you.

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:ae654ece-9079-4020-ac71-a7a55ddafa87">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : [QUOTE]One would hope that women could group together to become the best version of themselves: powerful, supportive, strong, loving, nurturing, but instead, in groups we seem to devolve into exactly what all the stereotypes point to:  Catty, back-biting, cliquish, snotty, self-righteous, manipulative.. especially manipulative, etc etc etc..  No wonder the feminist movement keeps stalling.  We keep blocking our own progress. Just like crabs trying to get out of a bucket. It's depressing.[QUOTE] What does this have to do with anything..and this is assuming everyone on this board even agrees with this philosphy. I cannot speak for anyone else but I certainly don't follow those views in my life , nor would I ask anyone to follow those I do either. It's about choice and we should not all be grouped together as one big happy family just because we are female.
Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely.

When it comes to Jack's or whatever your name is, I'm choosing of my own accord, not to learn it. You can nit-pick all you want through my post to you (again assuring yourself in your mind that you are "superior"). If you "degreed" in psychology then you should be of the utmost awareness that referring to OCD as something you can "act" like.

I am degreed (?), as well. Public Relations, Criminal Justice (minor in Psych) and finishing a Master's in Special Education. Quite frankly, I could go back and forth with you all day over this trivial nonsense but I won't because you clearly get off on watching yourself type. If you're this superflous in your writing, I can only imagine that my Graduate School professors would rip your papers to shreds. It's a lot of "filler" and not much else.

You want to put your opinion out there you should be ready to hear other opinions right back. Especially when you pull insulting, bastardized comments out of your ass about genocide (which by the way refers to HITLER) you don't really need to say the name now do you?

I am over everything that has to do with your pretentious attitude. And yes you are the definition of a troll. Just a wordy one without anything interesting to add to the conversation.

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:b4b8e855-0e18-43a9-9e56-adfc095a18d1">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wow... : *insert long, drawn out response here that pretends to be enlightening and shows off my linguistic "skills" in order to try to make myself appear to be above all this bickering, yet really just carrying on because I'm too insecure to not get the last word* See...I can play that game too.  Only I did it in 50 words or less
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Jem, I love you more than words can possibly describe for this. :-)

SeaTea02

Okay, I won't lie, I skimmed but holy shitake.

MS. Phyc major over here is evaluating our "power structure".

Let me tell you what, sweets: the women on this board are not tyrannical. I joined this board with no problems.

It is just possible that you won't fit in here. That tends to happen in life; some groups are for you and others... well others just won't like you and you won't like them. I cannot believe as an adult you are even putting this much effort into an online "war".

Now I will be mean::: Do people not like you INR (in real life... I know you are slow on the uptake)? Do you have no friends and nothing better to do?? Life is not full of rainbows and unicorns and all the women on this board do it try and and give out a healthy dose of reality.



This is the barfing rainbow unicorn . We do not have fake niceness around here.

marleylikeair

Eesh. *blink* I went away to make dinner and eat it with my wonderful BF, and I came back to 50+ posts! Holy poo.

So. Ahem. Sorry, guys. I didn't mean to start a war. Hm. Let me start with something easy...y'all are totally right, I didn't introduce myself before jumping in with a criticism. I apologize for that. I honestly didn't realize that was the custom here. Which is weird, because I'm totally the type of person who likes formal introductions in real life and feels sort of uncomforable without them! (Maybe I just didn't think a bajillion strangers would read a NWR post from a total newbie?) May I chalk that mistake up to a long day at work and a headache? Anyway, perhaps I'll post an intro soon, separate from this thread.

So, if anyone is still wondering, I *DO* think it's BSC (got to love that acronym, so fun to say) to buy a dress or call up venues or vendors before you're engaged, and always have. Really! I'm sane, I promise! I was just musing on a thing or two. I didn't want to specifically call out anyone, but maybe I should have been more specific...someone mentioned that there had been a couple of threads recently that were started just to complain about newbies who were jumping the gun, with a bunch of people jumping in and basically high-fiving the thread. That's what I thought was a little un-called for. Not the talking-you-down-out-of-the-tree stuff. I've got no problem with people replying to pre-planners' threads with stuff like "Don't plan yet, you're not engaged, calm down!" I probably didn't explain myself well enough. Oops again.

FWIW, my personal preference is to leave the snark out of a reply unless the OP has already come in with an attitude or an entitled tone...I'm sure I'm not the only one. (I realize my original post could have been taken as somewhat snarky--I didn't mean it that way.)

I'd also like to say that I'm definitely not, nor am I expecting anyone else to be, all puppies and rainbows, and no, I do not want to see a board where people encourage extreme pre-planning! Ugh.

Anyway, thanks for the lively debate and all. Special thanks to Bren and dreamer for encouraging me to come back to the thread. Can we put this to bed soon? BF is already there...

imJacksPGbelly

@ desert: 
"I think that there is sometimes a bit of "group think," and I personally think of myself as one of the more contrary people who isn't afraid to go against the crowd. I respect others who do the same.

But ranting, insulting, condescending, and just generally acting bitchy is, again, not the best way to communicate your message.

Please share your opinions RESPECTFULLY and you might find others more open to listening respectfully."

Fair enough.  If you go against groupthink, more power to you.  Admittedly, I am ranting at a group at large, knowing that there are individuals who might be part of the group, that individually don't fit into what I'm ranting at.  That's exactly why I say, I'll respond to anyone in any other legit thread, and not hold grudges because of what seems to be a trend in group threads. 

I was extremely disappointed that my first reintroduction back the the message boards on theknot.com was met with so many bitch, snarky know-it-all replies.  At that point, it seemed like a bit of a lost cause.  I tried to clarify, the relationship status because it was at-issue, but mob mentality had taken over, and the fan club seemed present to congratulate the veteran on "catching another newbie in the act".  So yes, I felt like the sentiment was a little ridiculous.  And it seems to be present on a lot of threads, like one below, consisting entirely of a soap-box address to put newbies on their guard.  It doesn't personally affect me, but it annoys me because I know that it does affect some people, and they're usually the ones to back down as soon as someone gets snarky because they

So how should one actually respond to this board.  Just ignore the snark until people decide you're submissive and pleasant enough to be liked, and then you you suddenly have enough seniority and rank in the heirarchy to be allowed to have your own opinion?

I understand wanting to encourage people not to plan when not engaged, but I believe there is a difference between offering an opinion to a question and stonewalling. It just seems like people are sitting and waiting for things to flame and snark at.  Discouraging for someone who is looking for what the board is purported to be, not more stereotypical feminine drama.

@ jemmini-

You guys seem to have me mistaken for another stereotype.  I couldn't care less if there were someone more skilled or "prestigious" on the board.  Desert asked this too-- I wasn't posting linguistics to show off.  Fact is, if someone is going to call out my grammar or word choice as pretentious, when it's just the way I write, and make it a word game, then I'll end the game, and move on to the point. .. the same point that very few have actually been willing to acknowledge because they'd rather attack grammar or over-literalize. 

I'm not saying I'm above arguing. Clearly i'm in the middle of it, and can't seem to resist responding.  I'm saying I'm fed up with it.  That "WE" devolve, in groups of women.  I'm saying I prefer a board where women aren't so quick to jump on others.

It probably isn't worth the energy of trying to discuss though because seemingly most are likely to just look for easy flaws, not actually caring about the discussion.  Admittedly, I wasn't expecting anyone to respond reasonably to the discussion, though, and I also launched in with snark.

imJacksPGbelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:b55cdf98-b8ab-489e-8c51-b3c6832d75bb">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, my personal preference is to leave the snark out of a reply unless the OP has already come in with an attitude or an entitled tone...I'm sure I'm not the only one. (I realize my original post could have been taken as somewhat snarky--I didn't mean it that way.) I
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]


Apologies.  Not intending as a hi-jack, but I definitely did.  I have been frustrated by the same things you're mentioning here, and was annoyed at the responses you got on here, but I should have left the snark out of your thread, so.. sorry.  I was on one earlier.  Actually uncharacteristic for me, it's been a strange day. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you didn't sound at ALL snarky in your post (part of why I was annoyed at some of the responses to you early on), so I am sorry for adding snark that you didn't invite.  :)

Have a good night.  I'm off as well.  Last post was one that was just sitting while I was getting my kiddo in bed, and just finished and hit "submit" when I got back before seeing your reply.

PandaBurr

I can kind of understand where you're coming from, Jack. I think what it is, is that there are a couple of groups of women on this board that are friends, and they friends because they share very similar opinions on various subjects. It can seem cliquey, but I don't think it's fair to lump everyone on this board into a single clique.

I actually think that lately some posters have been a little too eager to bring out the flamethrowers, and have been doing so unnecessarily. So I can see why you would think that most of the posters here are "catty bitches".

But, just as you are entitled to your opinion, so is everyone else here. It just happens that there are several groups of women who share very similar opinions, so you end up reading a lot of the same responses. If you stick around a little longer, you'll realize that this board isn't just one big amorphous mindmeld.

Personally, I only flame when people are being ungrateful, selfish, or are making bad decisions. Again, my definition of "bad decisions" might vary from yours, but if someone is suggesting to other people to go into debt for their wedding, I'm sure as hell going to tell them that's a stupid idea. If there's some poster throwing a hissy fit about how her boyfriend won't propose to her even though she's been nagging him to do it for a year, and has planned every detail of their wedding already, I'm going to tell her she's being a crazy bitch and that's probably why he hasn't proposed.

Maybe I'm willing to say these things because of the anonymity that the internet provides, but I personally would prefer that an internet stranger tells me that my idea is stupid, or that I'm being unreasonable, than look like an idiot to people I actually know IRL.

I'm terrible at explaining my thoughts, so if this is just a big jumbled rambling mess, please forgive me. I guess my point is that it's not fair to lump everyone into a single motherbrain, when there really are a lot of different posters, and lots of different opinions on this board.

Also, I understand that the tagline of this board says, "You've planned your flowers, found a gown...but no ring (yet)? Welcome to NEY," but can you really say that it doesn't sound crazy? I mean, if I met someone who told me that they planned their flowers and got a wedding dress before they were even engaged, real life or not I would definitely tell them that it was weird.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2fe3530-ef15-4998-8470-52ab5141d56fPost:3f18fd06-172c-4983-ae07-964bec578cbc">Re: Wow...</a>:
[QUOTE]@ desert:  "I think that there is sometimes a bit of "group think," and I personally think of myself as one of the more contrary people who isn't afraid to go against the crowd. I respect others who do the same. But ranting, insulting, condescending, and just generally acting bitchy is, again, not the best way to communicate your message. Please share your opinions RESPECTFULLY and you might find others more open to listening respectfully. " Fair enough.  If you go against groupthink, more power to you.  Admittedly, I am ranting at a group at large, knowing that there are individuals who might be part of the group, that individually don't fit into what I'm ranting at.  That's exactly why I say, I'll respond to anyone in any other legit thread, and not hold grudges because of what seems to be a trend in group threads. <strong> I was extremely disappointed that my first reintroduction back the the message boards on theknot.com was met with so many bitch, snarky know-it-all replies. </strong> At that point, it seemed like a bit of a lost cause.  I tried to clarify, the relationship status because it was at-issue, but mob mentality had taken over, and the fan club seemed present to congratulate the veteran on "catching another newbie in the act".  So yes, I felt like the sentiment was a little ridiculous.  And it seems to be present on a lot of threads, like one below, consisting entirely of a soap-box address to put newbies on their guard.  It doesn't personally affect me, but it annoys me because I know that it does affect some people, and they're usually the ones to back down as soon as someone gets snarky because they<strong> So how should one actually respond to this board.  Just ignore the snark until people decide you're submissive and pleasant enough to be liked, and then you you suddenly have enough seniority and rank in the heirarchy to be allowed to have your own opinion?</strong> I understand wanting to encourage people not to plan when not engaged, but I believe there is a difference between offering an opinion to a question and stonewalling. It just seems like people are sitting and waiting for things to flame and snark at.  Discouraging for someone who is looking for what the board is purported to be, not more stereotypical feminine drama. @ jemmini- You guys seem to have me mistaken for another stereotype.  I couldn't care less if there were someone more skilled or "prestigious" on the board.  <strong>Desert asked this too-- I wasn't posting linguistics to show off. </strong> Fact is, if someone is going to call out my grammar or word choice as pretentious, when it's just the way I write, and make it a word game, then I'll end the game, and move on to the point. .. the same point that very few have actually been willing to acknowledge because they'd rather attack grammar or over-literalize.  I'm not saying I'm above arguing. Clearly i'm in the middle of it, and can't seem to resist responding.  I'm saying I'm fed up with it.  That "WE" devolve, in groups of women. <strong> </strong>I'm saying I prefer a board where women aren't so quick to jump on others. It probably isn't worth the energy of trying to discuss though because seemingly most are likely to just look for easy flaws, not actually caring about the discussion.  Admittedly, I wasn't expecting anyone to respond reasonably to the discussion, though, and I also launched in with snark.
Posted by imJacksPGbelly[/QUOTE]

A - I never accused you of showing off. Throw out all the big words you want. I just don't approve of using your vocabulary to condescend to or attack others.

B - I honestly think you're overreacting. This board is full of fun and supportive girls. I don't think anyone was malicious in their response to your first post. did you get some blunt and honest opinions? Yes. Did you get some opinions that you didn't want? Yes. But that's the reality of a public message board. You put something out there, and you can't control what you get in response.

C - The way to respond to the board (and not just for you, Jacks, but for everyone) is, instead of interpreting what people say as a personal attack, to think about responses with an open mind. Be honest with yourself and ask, "Does this poster have any valid points?"

<strong>Then take what's useful, and let the rest roll off your back.</strong>

[Deleted User]

Let me just add in an outside perspective.

I think the entire topic is getting a bit dramatic and out of hand. I think that all of you genuinely want to have your opinions respected and listened to. I also think that some of you feel as though others are stepping on each others opinions and not respecting them.

 The point that people have tried to make about pre-engagement wedding planning is that it's not constructive. It isn't, I shall agree with that. However, I don't see why there needs to be over three different threads about how annoying/foolish it is for women to be planning their wedding so soon. Mentioning it once, or placing it in a sticky, should be more than enough. While you have a valid point and you are correct in your point, the way you're expressing it is giving some people the wrong idea.

 Imagine if you were a girl who was not yet engaged but expecting a proposal very soon, or perhaps already knew a proposal was coming. You come on here to talk about possible ideas for a wedding, and see three plus threads about how foolish it is to even think about wedding stuff before getting engaged. Suddenly, you don't feel very welcome. You feel like by voicing your dreams, you're going to do something wrong.

 I feel as though this is all one big miscommunication. A few people got annoyed with others and made some posts about it. However since these people were annoyed, their posts came off as (surprise) annoyed and on some level catty (no offense intended). These posts offended someone, who in turn (a chain reaction) made a post about how offensive these posts were. Since everybody was annoyed to begin with, all the posts came off as annoyed and it became a massive chain reaction.

 This isn't about first impressions or complaining too much. It's about a simple misunderstanding that people seem to be getting very worked up about. 

 So please, just take a moment to stop and think about this.