Question of the Day: If you really knew me....

nottheonlydreamer44

Yes. I am ashamed to admit it but I watch Teen Mom and the new show "If you really knew me", partly because I'm going into classroom teaching and partly because, well, I love it.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun (since none of us really know each other) to reveal our "if you really knew me..." statement. This can be something your IRL friends know or just something that you want to get off your chest to someone about who you are and your life. Cathartic excercises are good for the soul

loves2shop4shoes

I love Teen Mom, but I've never seen If You Really Knew Me.  Can you give us an example of a statement they use on the show?

nottheonlydreamer44

If you all really knew me (or my friends for that matter)... you would know that I have been sexually assaulted 3 times in my life by different people. 2 boyfriends and 1 family friend years ago.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I hate my Dad for loving his other kids more than me and making it clear that's how it is. While I hate him I still want him to show up for my wedding I just don't think he will.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I worry everyday about getting married again. I love my FI more than anything but I'm afraid if it doesn't work out - It will be just another failure my parents will never let go of.

and on a non-serious note

If you really knew me...you would know that I eat baby food all the time. It's my breakfast or snack at least once a day! Weird I know.

nottheonlydreamer44

It's basically just saying " if you really knew me.... you'd know this" and it's usually a secret or something of that nature. They have a challenge day at high schools and encourage everyone to learn about one another and get out of their cliques. It's pretty neat to watch actually and I thought hey why not try it here.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:b894a4d8-dc02-4c72-b235-4447647ec0e2">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]I<strong>f you all really knew me (or my friends for that matter )... you would know that I have been sexually assaulted 3 times in my life by different people. 2 boyfriends and 1 family friend years ago.</strong> If you really knew me... you'd know that I hate my Dad for loving his other kids more than me and making it clear that's how it is. While I hate him I still want him to show up for my wedding I just don't think he will. If you really knew me ... you'd know that I worry everyday about getting married again. I love my FI more than anything but I'm afraid if it doesn't work out - It will be just another failure my parents will never let go of. and on a non-serious note If you really knew me... you would know that I eat baby food all the time. It's my breakfast or snack at least once a day! Weird I know.
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

<div>1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault/violence in her life time.  *hugs* I am very sorry that this happened to you.  No one should have their life altered like that.  </div>

loves2shop4shoes

Ok, I'll play.  This is a good way to get to know everyone on here.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

I was raped twice in my life.  Once when I was 16 by a friend at a party.  The other time was my freshman year of college when I was attacked by my Chemistry TA while staying after to complete a lab experiment.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

I feel inadequate as a person because my dad could never love or care about me the way he did his 2nd wife, 3rd wife, or stepchildren.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

I love my mother as a mother, but I hate her as a person.  She has a BPD but always refused to accept this and get help.  She could live a semi-normal life if she just got some help, but she refuses.  

Two Christmases ago, we got into a HUGE fight that she picked with me over NONSENSE and as a result, she told me "I'm ashamed to call you my daughter because you have no respect", "Clearly we're not getting along now, so let's not talk again for 10 years", and "I fear the day you have children because you're going to be a shitty, abusive mother".  I had to spend $100 to take a cab to get on a train back to Boston and was depressed for 3 months after.  I don't think I can forgive her for that.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

I hate my culture.  I'm Portuguese.  I hate that the Portuguese notion of respect is "Respect your elders.  Even if they walk all over you.  Even if they're being disrespectful and offensive.  Just let them shiit all over you, smile, and say thank you."  I think that's BS.  I respect those who respect me.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

I resent how spoiled my brother is.  He's the only male grandchild, so my uber-rich grandparents give him money to travel with and piss away.  He gets wired $50,000 at a time...and nothing for the rest of us.  He ONLY dresses in the best of the best (read:  Gucci, LV, Armani, Loro Piana, etc.)  My brother is a manslut and does DRUGS (read:  cocaine and ecstasy).  I don't think that because he has a penis, that makes him more worthy of love or money.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

Deep deep down, I'm terrified of getting married.  I don't want to divorce like my parents did.  I don't want to put my children through that.  Truly, I'd rather be dead than divorced.  I realize that I can't live my life in fear, so I'll get married anyway because I know BF is the right one... but it still scares the hell out of me.

PaigeMcC

If you really knew me...

You'd know that Paige is not my first name, but it is the name is "go by"

If you really knew me...

You'd know my sister is my hero, my brother is my rock, my mom is my confidant, my dad is my intellectual role model, my grandfather is my favorite author, I am the only person in my family that my grandmother (who has Alzheimers) remembers, my grandparents that passed were my best friends and my family is a HUGE part of my life.

If you really knew me...

You'd know that I've always wanted to be the voice of a Disney character.  

If you really knew me...

You'd know that my friends sometimes call me "mom" because I take care of everyone.

GreenPepperBurger

Dreamer and Loves2Shop, I'm so sorry you guys had to go through that. Honestly, I can't even imagine it, and you guys are very strong for being able to talk about it. *hugs*

If you really knew me:
You would know that I had a tumor in my spinal cord when I was 20 months old and it left me paralyzed from the waist down for several months before I turned 2 years old. The tumor, although benign and completely removed, permanently damaged my nerves on my left side. I cannot flex my ankle on my left foot, and it has influenced the way I walk - which is kind of a bouncey step. I had to wear braces on my legs for ten years and endured constant teasing at school: "What are those things on your legs?" "Why do you walk like that?" Even though I haven't worn braces since I was eleven years old, sometimes people still stop me and ask "What happened to your leg? Why are you limping?" It's really hindered my life in some ways because for a long time I was afraid to meet new people or go out for fear someone would ask me these questions. I'm slowly starting to get over it, but every time someone asks, it feels like a wound that keeps being reopened.

deburnin

If you really knew me... you'd know that I'm very timid when getting to know people, but am VERY loud once you get inside my small bubble of close friends. The internet makes me much braver and I really appreciate the invention of it because it gives me a chance to practice my social skills.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I have two favorite Michael Jackson songs. 1.) "Keep the Faith" which stopped me from killing myself at 13 and 2.) "For All Time" which I want to be played at my wedding.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I'm Haudenosaunee and know what that is without needing to look it up. 

If you really knew me... you'd know that I'm an atheist and bi-sexual and terrified that my dad will find out. While he wouldn't disown me or any thing like it he would be extremely disappointed and I would be devastated.

If you really knew me... you'd know I'm terrified of having children because I'm scared that social anxiety and depression are inherited and I never want them to suffer like I did.

heyimbren

loves2shop: If you really knew me...

you'd know that my mom has BPD too. about a year and a half ago i cut her out of my life because i couldn't handle the choices she was making. and i miss her every single day.

If you really knew me...

you'd know that i don't want to get engaged anytime soon because i really want my mom to be around for the planning and even just the wedding. she's a drug addict and right now she's so far gone from being "normal" that i know if i wait for her to "get better" then i'll be waiting years. but she's my mom, you know?

If you really knew me...

you'd know that i'm Disney obsessed. i never get tired of the movies, and my family used to go to Disney World so much that it's my favourite vacation spot and feels like a second home. my papa thinks its sad that i prefer Disney over France lol.

If you really knew me...
you'd know that i ADORE what i'm studying. i love political theory (i'm such a nerd) and one day i really hope to be fluent in french. but after 14 years of studying it, i'm only now realizing how hard that's going to be.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:12c14866-a197-4abf-9a4d-69b324df0dac">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE] If you really knew me ...<strong> you'd know that I'm Haudenosaunee</strong> and know what that is without needing to look it up. 
Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

ME TOO! (well only half by blood) i'm Mohawk.

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:5e20886c-c112-4b6f-ba29-6dd01ba6c845">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I'll play.  This is a good way to get to know everyone on here. If you really knew me, you'd know: I was raped twice in my life.  Once when I was 16 by a friend at a party.  The other time was my freshman year of college when I was attacked by my Chemistry TA while staying after to complete a lab experiment. If you really knew me, you'd know: I feel inadequate as a person because my dad could never love or care about me the way he did his 2nd wife, 3rd wife, or stepchildren. If you really knew me, you'd know: I love my mother as a mother, but I hate her as a person.  She has a BPD but always refused to accept this and get help.  She could live a semi-normal life if she just got some help, but she refuses.   Two Christmases ago, we got into a HUGE fight that she picked with me over NONSENSE and as a result, she told me "I'm ashamed to call you my daughter because you have no respect", "Clearly we're not getting along now, so let's not talk again for 10 years", and "I fear the day you have children because you're going to be a shitty, abusive mother".  I had to spend $100 to take a cab to get on a train back to Boston and was depressed for 3 months after.  I don't think I can forgive her for that. If you really knew me, you'd know: I hate my culture.  I'm Portuguese.  I hate that the Portuguese notion of respect is "Respect your elders.  Even if they walk all over you.  Even if they're being disrespectful and offensive.  Just let them shiit all over you, smile, and say thank you."  I think that's BS.  I respect those who respect me. If you really knew me, you'd know: I resent how spoiled my brother is.  He's the only male grandchild, so my uber-rich grandparents give him money to travel with and piss away.  He gets wired $50,000 at a time...and nothing for the rest of us.  He ONLY dresses in the best of the best (read:  Gucci, LV, Armani, Loro Piana, etc.)  My brother is a manslut and does DRUGS (read:  cocaine and ecstasy).  I don't think that because he has a penis, that makes him more worthy of love or money. If you really knew me, you'd know: Deep deep down, I'm terrified of getting married.  I don't want to divorce like my parents did.  I don't want to put my children through that.  Truly, I'd rather be dead than divorced.  I realize that I can't live my life in fear, so I'll get married anyway because I know BF is the right one... but it still scares the hell out of me.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]



Love2shop - I knew there was a reason I [img]<a href="http://www.websmileys.com/sm/love/639.gif" rel="nofollow">http://www.websmileys.com/sm/love/639.gif</a>[/img] you. Our stories are so similiar it's crazy. I'm sorry about your mom because any mental disorder is so hard to deal with. By BPD - are you saying Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder 2 VERY different things.

***hugs to all of you ladies who have participated thusfar***

deburnin

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:33f033e7-9886-4e9d-aa4f-ba68dbf08131">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me.... : ME TOO! (well only half by blood) i'm Mohawk.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm Seneca through my dad so I'm technically not recognized since everything is done maternally. My dad's parents were pissed when he married a white woman. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" /></div><div>
</div><div>Oh and I love Disney too! So obsessed. I told BF I don't want to get engaged unless it's in Disney World. lol That's the only place my family really goes on vacation as well. We go every two years and start saving again as soon as we get home. I know how to get around Disney World better than my hometown and surrounding area. One of my goals in life is to visit all the Disneys in the world. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div></div>

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:dae5a4aa-a1bf-47dc-9567-03cf409a665f">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me.... : Love2shop - I knew there was a reason I [img] <a href="http://www.websmileys.com/sm/love/639.gif" rel="nofollow">http://www.websmileys.com/sm/love/639.gif</a> [/img] you. Our stories are so similiar it's crazy. I'm sorry about your mom because any mental disorder is so hard to deal with. By BPD - are you saying Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder 2 VERY different things. ***hugs to all of you ladies who have participated thusfar***
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, it seems we have a lot in common.  My mom has a Borderline Personality Disorder.  It's quite exhausting.</div><div>
</div><div>*HUG*</div><div>
</div>

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:702ce513-181c-4044-ab41-7956644cae0c">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]Dreamer and Loves2Shop, I'm so sorry you guys had to go through that. Honestly, I can't even imagine it, and you guys are very strong for being able to talk about it. *hugs* If you really knew me: You would know that I had a tumor in my spinal cord when I was 20 months old and it left me paralyzed from the waist down for several months before I turned 2 years old. The tumor, although benign and completely removed, permanently damaged my nerves on my left side. I cannot flex my ankle on my left foot, and it has influenced the way I walk - which is kind of a bouncey step. I had to wear braces on my legs for ten years and endured constant teasing at school: "What are those things on your legs?" "Why do you walk like that?" Even though I haven't worn braces since I was eleven years old, sometimes people still stop me and ask "What happened to your leg? Why are you limping?" It's really hindered my life in some ways because for a long time I was afraid to meet new people or go out for fear someone would ask me these questions. I'm slowly starting to get over it, but every time someone asks, it feels like a wound that keeps being reopened.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

GPB - You are awesome for overcoming that and that is some scary sh*t. Don't ever be ashamed of what's happened to you - embrace it and understand its just one more thing that sets you apart from the crowd. :)

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:12c14866-a197-4abf-9a4d-69b324df0dac">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong> If you really knew me ... you'd know I'm terrified of having children because I'm scared that social anxiety and depression are inherited and I never want them to suffer like I did.</strong>
Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

I am with you on this girl and I know it's scary to think that things that have bothered you will be passed down to your kids. I'm terrified my disorders will keep me from enjoying having children for that same reason.

GreenPepperBurger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:e3ad5f0f-2a5a-4368-8a5f-f3fba5c657c2">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me.... : GPB - You are awesome for overcoming that and that is some scary sh*t. Don't ever be ashamed of what's happened to you - embrace it and understand its just one more thing that sets you apart from the crowd. :)
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]


Thank you very much. The same goes for you, as well. We are all strong in our own ways.

I have friends who ARE paralyzed and have been in wheelchairs for the better part of their lives. One of BF's very close friends almost died last year from complications from muscular dystrophy. Seeing that makes me ashamed that I have this self-pity - these people are truly incredible.

catemeg

If you really knew me... you'd know that I'm the oldest of 15 cousins.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I'm a total klutz and end up with the weirdest stories of how I get hurt.  I'm always covered in bruises!

If you really knew me... you'd know that my brother is my best friend and will be my "Man of Honor" and I will be his "Best Woman" when we each get married.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I feel like my immediate family has been too lucky.  We all get along so well, my parents are fantastic, we love spending time together, and we all talk to each other nearly every single day.  I'm petrified of losing any one of them - if one of my parents died, it would literally kill the other one and would drain a lot of sunshine out of my life.  I can't imagine living without my parents or my brother, so I kind of hope they all outlive me.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I kind of hate living in Miami.  I love living with my boyfriend and I love my job, but this city isn't all that great. 

oceana919

Ok, I'll play.

If you really knew me...
you'd know that a) yes, I really am this blunt and honest in real life, and b) no, I'm really not as big of a b*tch in real life as I get labeled on TK. I just have a low tolerance for bullsh*t. Ask ricky.

If you really knew me...
you'd know that by the time I start breaking down and crying (or otherwise outwardly expressing "negative" emotions), things have gotten really bad or really overwhelming. I tend to find the humor or bright side in almost everything, and tend to put up a strong wall in front of bad stuff, so if you can actually see me becoming frustrated/angry/upset, you know it's pretty serious.

If you really knew me...
you'd know how much I want to get out of the state of Florida. Most of the time, I hate it here. I'm a midwest girl who detoured through the South for a while - I miss Southern Hospitality, smalltown sensibilities, living in a house where your neighbors aren't rightontopofyou...I'd really like to find an old converted/restored farm house somewhere in the Carolinas where my brother and I could let our respective future spawns ride horses and play together in the back yard.

If you really knew me...
you'd know I'm a friggin overachiever. Think Martha Stewart + Eugene Clark + Valerie Taylor + Pioneer Woman.

If you really knew me...
you'd know who those last three women were without having to look them up.

If you really knew me...
you'd know I secretly want to be Annie Leibovitz. Her photography literally takes my breath away.

If you really knew me...
you'd know how badly I want to be a mom, and how terrified I am at the possibility that that might not happen.

deburnin

There are a lot of strong women in this thread and I just want to applaud you all. Hugs all around.

nottheonlydreamer44

I'll also say:

If you really knew me... you'd know that I desperately want my mom to care about my wedding. She didn't help or care about the last one. Now that I know she adores Mike - I just hope that gets her interested. I want that mother daughter moment where I try on a dress and my mom cries. She has never done anything wedding related with me.

If you really knew me... you'd know that while I don't miss my job, I miss the clients. They taught me true sympathy and caring for the people around us instead of ignoring the homeless on the street or the kid who is always in trouble. I wanted to help every single one of them and it makes me cry to know I couldn't. i have definitely learned a lot about myself and where my heart lies, however.

If you really knew me...  you'd know if it came down to ever having to choose between my dog and FI; I'd choose my dog without a second thought. I'd take my dog over pretty much anything and I could never let him go to a shelter. He is my best friend and the only "person" who has been with me through all this crap the last 3 years.

If you really knew me... you'd know that I want to stop taking all my medication. My personality has changed so much that I feel like a different person sometimes and I don't know if it's a bad or good thing. I got weaned off Klonopins and I was so miserable and unhappy that I had to go back on them. That scares me. If I get pregnant I can't take my medication....

lastly

If you really knew me... you'd know that I am constantly focused on pleasing the people around me. FI is the only one who has ever focused on pleasing me and it's a big reason why I love him.


***HUGS*** It's kind of like confession wednesday and maybe this will help some of us get out what we can't tell others.

heyimbren

wooooops when i said BPD i meant Bipolar. mental health problems are all so scary though.

deburnin - my papa is a full Mohawk, grew up on the reserve and everything. he married my gramma (who's white) but she was given Indian Status (back in the days when it could happen). and then for me, both my parents were half Mohawk. sidenote: my gramma's family was NOT happy when she married "that Indian man". they kept going on about the "poor children" who'd be half-Indian. thennnn they had my mom with fair skin, blue eyes and blonde hair  but hearing that now, i honestly cannot believe they made such a fuss about it. but i know that was "back in the day". still doesn't make it okay.

deburnin

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-of-day-really-knew?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e4b977dd-46cd-42a9-a60e-97aece52c397Post:639275af-bb85-4ef5-b3f4-54850f62ad18">Re: Question of the Day: If you really knew me....</a>:
[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">you'd know that I want to stop taking all my medication. My personality has changed so much that I feel like a different person sometimes and I don't know if it's a bad or good thing.</span>
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

<div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I remember that feeling. If there was a side affect of the medication I was put on I got it. I was on Lexapro for 4 years and by the end I was having such bad seizures and was told by my NP that there was no way it was because of the lexapro (a quick google search discovered she was extremely wrong). I was also sleeping up to 16 hours a day and still feeling tired. I just got so fed up I quit cold turkey. Probably not the smartest of ideas, but it worked out well for me. I wish you more success in the future.</span></font></div></div>

nottheonlydreamer44

LOL - BPD and BPD are very similiar in some ways so no biggie on getting them confused. Mental illness - sometimes I think is worse than anything. It doesn't go away, it's nearly impossible without a myriad of drugs to live a semi-normal life, and if you have something theres a 25-30% chance your child will have it too.

Not saying cancer, AIDS, being paralyzed, ect... aren't all horrible things to deal with. It's just being mentally ill myself and working with the mentally ill - I saw how much they got pushed aside and it was like they didn't exist most of the time.

It's painful for the person AND their family.

nottheonlydreamer44

deburnin - I know some people on Lexapro that have definitely not been happy with it and I'm sorry you seem to have said a similiar experience However, I'm glad to see you quit cold turkey and are still feeling good, I imagine? lol.

I can't stop my medication or I don't know what would happen. That freaks me out. I take 5 different kinds and 7 pills every.single.day. I know people on so much more than that and I can't believe they're functioning.

I applaude you for being able to figure out what your needs were and meeting them - sometimes NP's and doctors don't know what the hell they're talking about.

loves2shop4shoes

We have such a strong group of women on this thread.  It's really incredible and I applaud all of you on your ability to share.

As for the mentally ill bit, it really is tough.  My mom has been diagnosed as having a Borderline Personality Disorder with Paranoid Delusional tendencies by 3 different psychiatrists and she still refuses to believe it.  I have had some pretty serious battles with depression, but according to every therapist I've seen, my brain is perfectly fine and it would be abnormal if I WEREN'T depressed given my life circumstances.  So, I just go to therapy 2-3 times per week.  But it's really, really tough to deal with my mother.

If you really knew me, you'd know:

I am afraid that marrying into my family will one day become a deal breaker for BF.  His family is so wonderful, loving, and accepting and that's something he BRINGS to the relationship.  My family is insane, judgmental, rude, and exhausting and I feel bad that BF has to deal with any of it.  He brings a positive to the relationship with his family and I bring a HUGE negative.  I feel like he deserves better.

deburnin

Dreamer- Feeling quite wonderful. I made the one year mark of no suicidal episodes. It's a massive achievement.

I was on four different pills because they had put me on medication to try and control my seizures, which magically disappeared once I stopped the meds. I swear they were just putting me on things to see what would happened. I have very little trust for doctors since then.

nottheonlydreamer44

Love2shop,

I certainly hope that isn't a dealbreaker for your BF, hopefully it will do nothing but provide you with a soft place to fall when your family is too much for you. I'm not saying abandon your family but let your BF's become your guide to normal relationships. *whatever normal even is*. He does NOT deserve better - you sound like an intelligent, beautiful woman and just because your family is outside what some would consider "tolerable" doesn't mean anything. At least it shouldn't. YOU arent you're family. Eventually you and your BF will make your own family and then it will be your decision whether or not you want your side in your childs life,

BTW -  Mike bring the same thing and I feel my family just brings the negative from my Dad's side. But every family no matter how close they are, have problems and nothing is perfect. Don't talk yourself into thinking there is some mold of perfection that you need to aspire to or he'll leave you. If that's true then screw him. *gets off soapbox now*

As for everyone else, I agree with love2shop, you all are brave and wonderful women to have gone through all these life experiences and come out on the other side for the most part. Everyone that's shared has given a part of themselves to this board full of strangers spread out acorss the country and I think that is amazing!

loopy82

If you knew me.... I often feel like an outsider. For the majority of my life I had a really hard time making friends and never had more than 2 friends at a time, sometimes I had none. I do have many more friends than that now, but really a part of me feels like a lot of them aren't truly good friends.

If you knew me.... you would know that I was incredibly confident and had awesome self esteem between 22-23 that I never had before or since. I wish I knew where it went. I am so far from that know, that FI doesn't believe me when I tell him about it.

If you knew me you would know that I just want to be accepted by people. This is hindering me applying for jobs. I feel like I bomb all interviews and will never be able to obtain a better job. It makes me horribly depressed feeling like I will be stuck here forever, but I truly feel like I will never have a better job.

If you knew me you would know that I never thought I would ever be getting married. I told FI that on our first date. I never thought anyone would love me enough to want to marry me.

Gee.... can you say that I have some self esteem issues???

If you knew me you would know that I love being out on the farm. If I could have cattle and horses I would be thrilled!

IF you knew me you would know that I am a pretty good baker. I love to bake and will hopefully get back into it after the wedding.

If you knew me you would know that I hate to be bored, yet I don't have any hobbies.

If you knew me you would know that I am really random in my thought processes.

loves2shop4shoes

Nottheonlydream:  Yeah, BF says that my family is exhausting, but it doesn't change how he feels about me.  I just hope that never changes.  He's a good man and we're lucky to have each other.

I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy now.

oceana919

If you really knew me...
you'd know how much I want loopy to ship me some cupcakes.