Can I have a brief therapy session here?

loves2shop4shoes

Sorry ladies, but since I can post now, I figure I should take advantage of it.

Basically, ever since the first snow fell in Boston (which was a few days ago), I've been thinking a lot about my friend Tyler.  He committed suicide in February.  He was very smart, funny, handsome, and had so much potential.  I miss him a lot.

The snow made it really feel like Christmas.  I started to think about his poor parents...who I'm sure will be going through a really hard time this Christmas...since it will be their first without him.  It occurred to me that as joyous of a time as it is, there are a lot of people who are going through a lot of pain right now because they miss a loved one.

I really feel for these people.  I really wish Tyler were still here.  I wish none of us had to miss him this Christmas.

Who are you all missing this Christmas?  Is anyone else dreading the holidays for a reason like this or for any other reason at all?

heyimbren

A friend of mine (who was very, very close friends with a couple of my close friends) died two years ago in early December. Just a few days before his 18th birthday too. Every Christmas now I think of his close friends and family, since it was just a couple weeks before Christmas.

I miss my mom on the holidays, but that's a different thing altogether.

It's things like this that don't make me look forward to getting older. Life just gets harder and more complicated and I hate knowing I'll be losing others in the future.

I'm so sorry Shoes.

ravenray

My grandfather died a few weeks ago.  I miss him.  I am really sorry about your loss Shoes.  It's hard when someone dies but I think it’s even harder when they commit suicide.    I'll keep you and Tyler’s family in my prayers.

motoLyn

I'm sorry to hear that Shoes, I'm glad you posted, sharing with others is a great way to get through these hard times.  I'll share this with you because I have found closure in it already and it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.  My older cousin committed suicide just before Christmas, I was on the road to Las Vegas when I got the call from my parents.  I turned right around and came home.  The viewing and the funeral was quite an emotional affair for my Aunt and her children (my other cousins) as well as the rest of the family because growing up we all lived within walking distance of one another.  With Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents each taking turns watching over the kids while the other sets of parents worked or ran errands.  So we all basically we're raised together.  He had gone through a messy divorce in which his wife had custody of their two daughters.  For two years after that incident every Christmas I would cry.  Because I missed him so.  I still tear up now because I miss him and his quirky sense of humor, but we live for those who are here.  Any every year on Chinese New Year I'll go to the Buddhist temple and light a incense in his memory. 

We try to include me aunt in on holiday festivities cause we want her to know she's not alone. 

bsidebella

FI lost his cousin Justin this August. He had a seizure while driving, and he was 21 years old. Last night, FI went to his parents' house to decorate their tree, and he got overly emotional thinking about Justin and had to excuse himself so his parents wouldn't see him getting upset. It was very hard for his family to lose him, and I especially think about how hard Christmas will be for his aunt, uncle and his 12 year old cousin who is now an only child.

The first round of holidays is always the worst when you lose someone. I'm not saying it gets any easier - for some it does, for others it doesn't - but the first time is pretty full of suck.

calindi

The parents of my friend who died of leukemia last November are really mourning him this year.  In fact, his Mom still doesn't know about my race as his Dad doesn't think she's strong enough to know about it yet.  It's really sad.

I also started crying the other day while drying my hair (silly, I know) thinking about my grandfather who passed away when I was in high school. 

Plumbb2

My stepdads brother died tragically in a motorcycle accident this past November. A teenage boy thought he could make the turn quick enough and apparently he was wrong. The boy had no license hence no insurance. My stepdad's brother didn't have life insurance. It's hard to think how much his wife and daughter are struggling emotionally but also financially.
 
The worst thing was the head line in the newspaper the next day was whether or not this boy who just killed a man would be able to play in the big high school football game on Friday.

meamolly

my cousin dominic passed this last january. He held on so strong so everyone could see him last christmas. it was sad since he was only 25. He and I were such great buddies and even got matched on e-harmony! He and my sister use to do a dance for us each christmas to the snowmiser song from The Year Without a Santa Claus. Dom was sick for the past ten years and we know he is no longer in pain. It is so hard to think how it has been a year since i last talked to him.

Now that I have sobbed myself into hicups...... It will be a hard christmas but he is still around watchinng over us

bourgehm

My grandmother died right around christmas, and I always miss her most around this time.

Suicides actually go up around christmas-time, because of how everyone is 'expected' to be all happy.

jemmini6

A friend of my sisters was in a car accident just before Christmas and their 6 month old daughter was killed.  They already had all of her toys bought and wrapped that year...I can't imagine how terrible that would be to have to unwrap and return all of your babies toys because they died.  It's been a few years since that happened, but they buy her something every year and leave it at her headstone.

It's hard to think about all the people you've lost, especially around the holidays, but I think they would all want you to be happy and enjoy the holiday with the people you still have.

GreenPepperBurger

I don't have any grandparents - both of my grandmothers died before I was born (before my parents even met, actually). My mother's father passed away shortly before my 12th birthday, and my father's father passed away right before I graduated high school.

I wasn't very close to my dad's father, but I was close to my mother's father, as I was to his second wife. She was like my grandmother. She passed away when I was 9.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if my grandmothers were alive.

I'm sorry for everyone who is grieving someone this holiday season.

Daisy125

Shoes, I'm really sorry for your loss.

I lost my grandfather a few months ago. I know when you reach adulthood, you can't expect grandparents to be around forever but he was actually pretty young, just 68 years old. It was a huge shock and really unexpected. My whole concept of Christmas is so deeply rooted in memories of my grandparents, it just seems so very wrong for him to not be here this time of year. It's also the first Christmas that I'll be away from my family, which makes it so much harder.

StarGazingHiker

I was just thinking about this yesterday... I was cleaning out a box of papers and came across the song list that my sister and I made for my Grandpa's memorial service, and totally broke down and cried. He passed away earlier this year so this Christmas will be hard without him, also I'm definitely missing my Grandma who passed away 9 years ago. This Christmas will be special though because I am making one of her Christmas Peanut Brittle recipes.

I'm sorry to everyone who's missing someone this year! Hugs to all!!

mzm153

My great grandfather was gunned down at a bar on a Christmas eve. That happened a long time ago (my grandpa was 18 at the time) and that makes my grandpa not look forward to Christmas. The only thing that affects me is that it hurts for me to see him thinking about death when its supposed to be a joyful day.

nottheonlydreamer44

All of your stories really touched me and Shoes I am glad you decided to share. I'm sorry that we have all had such painful experiences around this time of year. While I can't say I am missing anyone exactly, my great aunt did pass away Tuesday after 8 years in the nursing home. Definitely puts a damper on things when I know I have a funeral to go to tomorrow.

I hope everyone takes this holiday season for what it's worth and appreciates the people in our lives who love us and who we love in return. I love all you ladies!

loves2shop4shoes

Thanks all for sharing your stories.  I'm sorry for your losses too!

deburnin

*hugs for Shoes and everyone else*

I can't get into the holiday spirit this year. We had our first "Christmas" without Michelle this past Sunday. I broke down on the way to her partner's house. It's only the second time I've been out to the house since it happened.

Today the song Airplanes came on my playlist while I was in the shower. It was the first song I heard after I had learned she had killed herself (the music video was on the TV when I turned it on). I just sat down in the tub and cried until the water got cold. It's been five months and it still hurts so much. Sometimes I'm angry at her, others I just miss her, most times I just wish I could change it. I still have days where a hundred what ifs go through my head. I was going to call her that morning, but thought it was too early so I just went and had fun at the Ren Fest... My family didn't want to ruin my day so I didn't find out until I came home the next morning... I can't even begin to imagine what my mom is going through. They were friends for over 30 years.

Christmas Eve, BF and I plan on breaking out the goblets we bought and watching a Christmas movie.

LizzyTish88

This thread made me tear up. I am sorry for all of your losses and hope you all find comfort this Holiday season.

This past Feb I lost my step-dad's father. He was very much a grandfather to me. His wife passed in December three years ago. To be honest we knew he wouldn't last very long without her, and then when he heard he had cancer we knew it was coming. We all found comfort in knowing they would be reunited.

This past August I lost my grandfather that was my mom's father. I was extremely close to this grandfather, as he and my grandmother pretty much raised me. Our whole family is extremely close and all feel his loss so much. I was watching a thing on TV last night that was a tribute to the troops. My grandfather was in the Army and they did the solute at his funeral. They also had Diddy signing "I'll be missing you." I had to change the channel because I was sobbing.

This Christmas is going to be a very hard one, but I know that they are watching over us and that brings a lot of comfort to my family and me.

PaigeMcC

I'm going to be really selfish right now: I can't read this thread.  I burst into tears this morning at my kitchen table b/c my grandma wasn't going to be around for Christmas.  I just can't read any more sad stuff.  I'm really sorry for everyone's losses though...Christmas can be hard *group hug*