Inviting Exes to the Wedding

bsidebella

My favorite morning radio show discussed this as a topic today. One of the deejays, who is getting married soon, said that she was planning on inviting one of her ex boyfriends to her wedding to "rub it in" and "show him what he was missing". She ended up not inviting him due to space constraints, but the mention of this sparked an influx of phone calls from listeners who had invited exes to their weddings!

One woman had invited two of her ex boyfriends to her wedding - neither of them attended but apparently they spent the day badmouthing her on Facebook together. However, on the flip side, one man said that not only was his wife's exboyfriend invited to the wedding - he was a groomsman! They still had a great relationship and apparently the ex was very happy for them!

So ... feelings on this topic? Would you invite your ex to your wedding, for whatever reason? Why or why not?

AudgiePodge

If you're not friends with our ex, inviting him/her is really immature.  Yes, I judge that.  I am not friends with any of my exes, none will be getting an invite.  ExH knows when I will be getting married, because of DD, but will not receive an invite.  Hell, he can't even legally leave the state of Alaska.

Hazel_B

Hmmm, I hadn't really thought about this. If I had the space I would be willing to invite 2 of my 3 exes, but they wouldn't be top of my priority list. One has already told me that he'd like to come.

I don't know how FI would feel about this and I have no idea if FI would be willing to invite any of his exes.

calindi

If I was legitimately friends with an ex, I'd invite him.  I only have one ex who I was in a serious relationship with, and we're on very good terms, but not nearly close enough to consider inviting him to my wedding.  I do have 1 guy who I hooked up with once-upon-a-time who I would invite, but I'm not sure if we have space.

Wrkn925

I dunno...

I have an ex that I'm kinda friends with.  I'd probably send him an invitation if space allowed.  I don't know if he'd attend.

Elle1036

Ditto others.  If I had a legitimate friendship with an ex and thought he would want to attend, I'd happily invite him.

However, my only real "ex" is not exactly on my good side.  If I do any "rubbing it in", it will be inadvertent and due to my posting pictures on facebook of myself looking amazing on my wedding day.  We have some mutual friends, so I can rest assured he'll be able to see some of them and really regret cheating on me.

trebmal

I invited an ex and his fiance to my first wedding with no hesitation at all because he was one of my very best friends for a very long time, which is why we didn't work as a couple.
However, he has made some unfortunate advances regarding us being together again in the past year or so, even though he is still married so needless to say, we are no longer friends AT ALL.  Oddly enough, he is really good friends with my bf, like weekly sports and such, so that's VERY weird.  He actually approached bf when we first got together and asked him to not date me because he wanted to be with me and said if bf was a "true friend" he'd step  aside and let him "have" me. 
Anyways, that's a whole other post, but yeah, I think like PP said, if it's a good relationship/friendship, and no drama will happen, I think it's ok. 
If it's for immature reasons, then, it's probably a no go for a lot deeper reasons. Perhaps the whole wedding should be if you're that immature, you're probably not in a place to make mature enough decisions to make a marriage work, but I could be acting very soap boxy, too...haha 

bethsmiles

I think it's really immature to invite an ex to your wedding just to rub it in. I would really judge a person who did that and it would make me wonder 1. if they were mature enough to be getting married and 2. if they were really over the ex.

IMO, unless you and your FI are friends with an ex, really friends not just friendly, there is no reason an ex should be invited to your wedding.

LizzyTish88

I am not that friendly with any of my ex's and BF doesn't have any ex's so that wouldn't be a problem for us. IF we were very friendly I might consider it, but I really can't say for sure.

PolkaDotBella

As someone who was invited to an ex's wedding, I'd have to say unless you're friends with them... don't invite them! I did not remain friends with him so I was shocked when we got an invitation to his wedding. There was a lot of other drama regarding our breakup but still... it was awkward to get that invitation.

So... since neither of us are friends with any of our exes... I can't imagine inviting them...

mellimel19

I agree with others that if you are still friends with an ex, it might be ok to invite them. But doing it to rub it in? I dunno, something about that makes me wonder if the person getting married is truly over their ex. If they were really happy with their current relationship and going into the marriage for the right reasons, I don't see why you would even care about making an ex jealous. Wouldn't you be too focused on the exciting step your about to take to worry about exes? I am not friends with the one ex I had a serious relationship with though I see him from time to time at gatherings of mutual friends, but he will definitely not be getting an invite.

[Deleted User]

Bella are you talking about Carolina from Elvis Duran & the Morning Show?? That totally sounds like something she would say... lol

It's definitely ridiculous to invite an ex just to rub it in but if you still have a good relationship with the person I don't see anything wrong with inviting them, as long as your SO is comfortable with it.  If BF & I get married and we had enough room, I'd discuss inviting my ex-BF & his wife to the wedding. We had an amicable break-up and we are still on speaking terms. He'd probably be happier for us than most people we know.

KatyRoseM

One of my exes is one of my best friends so he will be invited.  I thought about having him in the wedding, but that might have been too weird. 

Ember01

This has been a point of discussion for a couple months with us. Let me explain...

Ex-FI and I were family friends for years before we started dating. We dated for 8 years before we broke up. It was a nasty break up that 5 years later, I still worry about him doing something. So, his parents and my parents are still in the same circle of friends. Because of the bad situation (there were police reports and break-ins and all sorts of stuff after the break up), I hesitated on inviting ex's parents. I felt like I was putting the information in his hands by sending them an invite. I don't want him to show up and make a scene. But, I love his parents and I didn't want to make it awkward for my parents. We are inviting all the other people in their circle of friends. So, we finally decided to invite his parents, because we decided that the ex wouldn't dare make a scene if his parents are there.

So, a little bit of a different scenario, but same general idea. As for ex's... Neither of us talk to our ex's, therefore, we aren't inviting them.

calindi

Ember, hire a security guard.  For realz. That's some scary creepy stuff!

My grandpa hired one of his buddies who was a cop to attend plain-clothes to my Mom & Dad's wedding in case my grandma pulled something like that.  Luckily, she was dating someone new so she was trying to impress him so she behaved.  I'll have a security guard at my wedding for more or less the same reason - never know when crazy is going to come out of the closet and bite you!

Ember01

Yeah. We are having security and the country club will be informed of the situation, so that hopefully they can help keep him out. But, I think with his parents there, he wouldn't dare show up. I'm just glad that in 8 months, I'll be out of my house for good and he'll have no clue where I'll be living.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inviting-exes-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:eaf8e715-9077-4882-8b12-bedde8dcea67Post:f7541163-e2ac-4f28-a63d-1bf28a22528d">Re: Inviting Exes to the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's really immature to invite an ex to your wedding just to rub it in. I would really judge a person who did that and it would make me wonder 1. if they were mature enough to be getting married and 2. if they were really over the ex. IMO, unless you and your FI are friends with an ex, really friends not just friendly, there is no reason an ex should be invited to your wedding.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

This.  I'm not really friends with any of my exes, so none of them will be getting an invite.  FI still talks to one of his exes on occassion (she had a 2-year-old when they started dating, so she keeps him updated on her - she's now almost 8), but it's definitely not the type of friendship that would solicit an invite.  So no exes at the wedding for us.

I did know someone once who was dating a guy since high school (we'll call then A & B).  They met another couple in college that they became best friends together (we'll call them Y & Z) and they ended up 'trading' partners.  So basically, A & Y got married and B & Z got married.   They are all still best friends and were the BM/MOH in each other's weddings.  Odd situation, but remaining good friends with exes is not unheard of.

mandi921vh

I would only invite an ex boyfriend to my wedding if he and I were still friends.

Inviting an ex you don't speak to anymore to your wedding screams "look what you almost had" which is immature. 

Hippinhipster

I'm inviting my ex to the wedding we were best friends for 5 years before we started dating and it was one of those short lived "we're better as friends" type things and we're still very good friends and I was always very close with his family so they're all invited. My fiance's ex is crazy and she wont be invited lol

notquiteblushing

I invited one of my exes to my wedding and he came.  My mom laughed her ass off when she realized who it was.

DH's ex and her husband were at our wedding too.  We hang out with them all the time.

I say if you're still friends, why not?  But inviting them to show them up is rude and probably a sign you're not ready to get married.

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inviting-exes-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:eaf8e715-9077-4882-8b12-bedde8dcea67Post:84b0b55d-e2b7-4df4-a483-186d4c9d8d1a">Re: Inviting Exes to the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Bella are you talking about Carolina from Elvis Duran & the Morning Show??
Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

YES! I love that crazy betch! =D

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inviting-exes-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:eaf8e715-9077-4882-8b12-bedde8dcea67Post:f0d3981b-0d5f-40bb-a753-3cdce0b1fdb1">Re: Inviting Exes to the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Exes to the Wedding : YES! I love that crazy betch! =D
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

LOL... I knew it!  That totally sounds like something she would say...  I love her!  That whole show is great! but I miss John Bell! :( lol

jeanacorina

I am not friends with any of my exes, and neither is DH (he didn't have any serious relationships before me, but had a huge crush on one girl for years and asked another to a homecoming dance but she stood him up. He counts them as exes, so ok lol).

I think if we were good friends with an ex, that would be okay. But I would never invite someone just to rub it in. I absolutely hate two of my exes. One was a horrible human being in general and the other was just selfish and took advantage of my feelings for him. If I were the kind of person to strike back at someone, it would be one of those guys. However, I'm not like that. They are long gone, we've all moved on, and I will be thrilled if I never see them or speak to them again.

I can't imagine trying to intentionally hurt them just because of all the pain they caused me. It's best left in the past where it belongs. Inviting them to my wedding would only dig up old scars, and I had enough going on.