My most recent explosion.

chickadeedeedee

I accidentally exploded at BF yesterday. It started so small- I was trying to convince him that we need to get a cat someday- and it turned into my crying about how I never get to make decisions in the relationship and how he's a control freak. Half an hour later, he's tossing his hands up in the air and getting ready for work, and I'm like, crap, what did I just do? Needless to say, very little of what I said during my venemous rant was a big deal at all, and I just made myself out to be completely BSC.
BF is a freakin' saint for putting up with my few-and-far-between moments of crazy. At the end of the day, he told me that even though he doesn't like cats, he won't rule out the purchase/adoption of one in the future, and despite my momentary insanity, he still wants to be with me. AWESOME.

Help me feel like I'm not alone in this world. What was your most memorable temporary BSC moment?

musikbx

Everyone has fights, not a cause for alarm. What matters is how the two of you end it.  You guys ended up reaching a compromise on your Maybe Cat, which is a good step. Although it sounds like you are frustrated about not having (or feeling like you have) as much input as you would like to in certain aspects of your relationship. This is something the two of you should discuss later, during a non-BSC moment.

If it makes you feel less alone, I'll admit that I've had my fair share of temporary-BSC moments... some that are remarkably similar to what you've described here.

yellowroseFRA

If it makes you feel better, I have gotten worked up with BF over much smaller stuff, only to realize after the fact that it was BSC - like today. We are going on our first trip alone next week, and we started talking about potentially clashing travel habits - such as his weird refusal to eat outside. I ended up getting all upset about how he sometimes will go to a cafe with me and sit there and drink the water he brought with nothing in front of him while I eat. Petty? yes. Do I understand that he can't afford/ doesn't like to eat out much? Yes. Does it makes it less annoying to always be eating alone in front of him? No. It's not a big issue, but everyone gets irritated over little stuff every once and awhile, don't beat yourself up.

jeanacorina

I have BSC moments all the time. I'm a very passionate person, and I say what's on my mind. FI knows that, and he's used to it.... although sometimes he puts his foot down and tells me I'm being rediculous. I don't remember a specific one.

However, just today, while riding in the car, we had a LONG talk about WHY I say and feel the things I do. It has a lot to do with my dad, and the fact that he has been emotionally unavailable and extremely strict with me from the day my brother was born (I was 2) until I moved to Louisiana 3 years ago. It's hard to get a firm grasp on my "new dad" and the relationship he wants to have with me, and I may never get past my need for someone to be proud of me.

It's hard to have those discussions, but you need to be able to open up completely to him without the fight. Fights are normal. But you need to talk about the cause and not just let it simmer until the next big blowup.

Also, when/if you get a pet, please adopt from a shelter. There are plenty of wonderful animals already in the world who need homes. You will never regret adopting.

bajediva

PPs made great points.
one blowup i remember was a time when i called him and he was out, and he didn't call/text/IM when he got home like i asked. granted i was asleep anyway, which he said was why he didnt, but that was far from enough for me and i let him have it.

similarly to what was said before, this was definitely connected to a bigger issue. we are LDR, and being 4 hours apart and active, our schedules don't exactly coincide. it's frustrating for me when days go by in which our most meaningful conversation is skyping while we both work on other things on our computers. that is not quality time to me. he says we talk everyday, what's the problem??

after the blow-up, i apologised and wrote out the real issue, & he wrote me back. now, no matter how many other times we've spoken, we have a set weekly appointment when i know we can discuss major issues (or just completely goof off) without other distractions.

Narwhal

I fussed out BF the other day because he never drinks the coffee I make.

kelseyd625

It's okay...I got mad at BF and then realized I was wrong...and then continued our argument because we hadn't had one in a while because arguing is good for the health of our relationship. I told him later that night and he was just like...really?!? So I had to apologize for being BSC and it's not a big deal.

bajediva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_recent-explosion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed1707a1-f704-449a-818d-a23ee1f675baPost:eaa38e9b-a64d-4d10-a12b-402d993a4fb0">Re: My most recent explosion.</a>:
[QUOTE]...and then continued our argument because we hadn't had one in a while because arguing is good for the health of our relationship.
Posted by kelseyd625[/QUOTE]
i know it's healthy to be comfortable enough to express opposing opinions, but how is it healthy to fabricate an argument, whether in whole or in part?

noelle24

Arguing over nothing, and continuing to argue after you realize you're wrong is never healthy for a relationship. WTF.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_recent-explosion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed1707a1-f704-449a-818d-a23ee1f675baPost:eaa38e9b-a64d-4d10-a12b-402d993a4fb0">Re: My most recent explosion.</a>:
[QUOTE]It's okay...I got mad at BF and then realized I was wrong...and then continued our argument because we hadn't had one in a while because arguing is good for the health of our relationship.
Posted by kelseyd625[/QUOTE]

Yeah, maybe in the 11th grade when it meant that you got to makeout under the bleachers afterwards...

Narwhal

I think that's a huge deal, actually. Fighting just for the sake of fighting might not be a big deal now, but if you're looking at forever, that's going to get really old.

The coffee fight was just me fussing because he says he likes my coffee then never drinks it.  He said "You're being silly, you know I don't drink any coffee in the morning." And I knew he was right and got over it.

I also had my period at the time so I was just being a grump.

PaigeMcC

Is arguing really good for a relationship? BF and I have never had a 'real fight' in the past 4 years.  We disagree and then we talk it out...but we've never actually fought or screamed or yelled or anything. 

I tried to yell at him once and he was like "You're angry and I can't talk to you when you're like this.  I'll go to the other room and when you've calmed down come see me and we'll figure this out."

So is it really good to full out fight? I don't think we could do it...I wouldn't know how anymore!

Narwhal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_recent-explosion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed1707a1-f704-449a-818d-a23ee1f675baPost:d48af9f0-314e-456f-b38f-0160898cef81">Re: My most recent explosion.</a>:
[QUOTE]Is arguing really good for a relationship? BF and I have never had a 'real fight' in the past 4 years.  We disagree and then we talk it out...but we've never actually fought or screamed or yelled or anything.  I tried to yell at him once and he was like "You're angry and I can't talk to you when you're like this.  I'll go to the other room and when you've calmed down come see me and we'll figure this out." So is it really good to full out fight? I don't think we could do it...I wouldn't know how anymore!
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

BF and I don't really fight either. I'll get worked up about something, then he'll just fix it and say something sweet, and I can't be mad at him anymore. And he rarely gets angry with me.  Sometimes I get on his nerves and he'll tell me to please stop doing that, and I usually do. 

Are we doomed?

Button5807

you're totally doomed

BF and i fight all the time it's the healthiest thing ever.
Just last night I broke a chair over his head b/c he didn't get me a glass of water fast enough.

Narwhal

Heavens! I'm surprised he didn't just drop to one knee right then and there, buttons! Because of your fighting patterns alone, I can see that you two are going to withstand the test of time!

Button5807

Obviously, and if not, I'll just shoot him.

Narwhal

HEALTHIEST RELATIONSHIP EVA

jeanacorina

lol, that's awesome.

sunkiss177

Oh, come on---the whole point of this thread was “fighting over nothing.”  kelsey just had a literal example.  A moment of crazy where she thought “hey we need a good fight; I might as well carry this one out.”  She apologized to her bf.  No worse then fighting over future cats and coffee.  It sounds like she fights infrequently and was just in a fighting mood that night.   

I think the “I am going to fight to fight” thought entered your head was pretty funny.  I do it too…but I do it frequently and don’t have that justification consciously in mind when I do it.  My last most crazy moment was a month ago when I tried to start a heated battle because he bought skim milk instead of 2%.  We both knew the whole time that I didn’t care at all about milk—I barely drink either kind anyways! 

This isn’t my board though, I am getting married in a month and this actually came up in pre-marriage counseling with the pastor.  He had us look at the conflict resolution styles of our parents.  Pretty interesting to see how that plays out in a child’s relationships.  Pastor thinks I do it as a way to feel closer—something like my parents always fought so I subconsciously thinking that a couple should fight frequently if they care about each other.  Not sure I believe him fully-- I started doing it when I got stressed out about the house and wedding, but some of it seems to right.

jeanacorina

That's actually pretty fascinating, sunkiss.

musikbx

Sunkist... I also think that couple fighting styles vary heavily depending on what they saw growing up. Many people base their ideas of the "appropriate" amount of inter-relationship fighting on whether their parents fought or not, and  how they perceive their parents' relationship. Personally, my parents never fight... but they also seem to lack any communication skills, whatsoever.

I had mentioned it before, but it is a point that seemed to get lost.  What's really important about a fight is not so much the frequency or duration... but how it ends.  My boyfriend and I do our fair share of fighting, but it somehow always turns into a constructive conversation about our relationship.

Button5807

my parents hit each other with chairs

so it's all good.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_recent-explosion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed1707a1-f704-449a-818d-a23ee1f675baPost:5333fd53-9274-4f9a-98a7-5f8f389948fb">Re: My most recent explosion.</a>:
[QUOTE]my parents hit each other with chairs so it's all good.
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

OMG! SOBE EVERYWHERE!!!

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_recent-explosion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed1707a1-f704-449a-818d-a23ee1f675baPost:9e084668-3989-4e66-962a-3b855df3b80f">Re: My most recent explosion.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My most recent explosion. : OMG! SOBE EVERYWHERE!!!
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Same here...