Bump up the wedding?

Malakia02

Hey Ladies,
    I need some thoughts on what you guys think of this situation.  My family found out this past weekend that my grandmother has a serious heart condition and will only be with us for a few more months (at best).  I am very close to her and this has been very difficult for everyone since 1) she is really not that old and 2) this was unexpected from her lack of clinical signs. 

Matt and I were originally holding off on wedding plans for awhile to save up $$$, but now I have the urge to move up the the wedding to this spring while my grandmother is still with us.  I asked my mother and her only response was 'do what you want.'  I am having trouble right now distinguishing if this is a prudent decision or if I am just jumping the gun because I am scared.  Any advice would be appreciated- thanks!

**Mutley**

What does Matt think? 

Are you doing pre-marital counseling?  If I were in this situation, we would have discussed it between ourselves and then our Pre-Cana mentors.  They were outside of the situation but still knew a lot about our relationship. 

What is more important to you?  Having your grandmother there or having more $ for the wedding?

If it is important for you to have your grandmother there (and your FI is onboard,) then I would go with moving the wedding up. 

Ana_2985

I'm sorry to hear about you grandmother.  My first bit of advice would be to ask your grandmother what she thinks, but I realize that could be a difficult (sad) conversation.

Based on what I've seen, I would say don't change the date.  A family member of mine was in a similar situation.  His FMIL was diagnosed with cancer.  They decided NOT to change the wedding date even though there was a very good chance that his FMIL would not be there.  I think his FMIL wanted them to plan for the wedding that they really wanted.  She was there for them for most of the planning process and I think that was most important to everyone.  From what I understand, she didn't want them to rush the wedding because they would be focused on the fact that she wouldn't be there much longer.

Maybe your grandmother feels this way too.  Talk to her.  Maybe you can just involve her in things like choosing flowers or songs so that even if she's not there for the wedding she's still a part of it.

Button5807

I really can't add anything to what Mutley said, but I thought it might help to know someone else agrees.

e_uecker

That is so tough. I would agree with the above posts. Discussing it with your fiance.

202987

I am sorry you are in this situation, and my thoughts are with you.

As grim as it is, though, my suggestion would be to not move the date-I hate to say this, but what if you move it to spring, make the arrangements, and maybe she still misses it?  Or isn't healthy enough to attend at that point?

If you can guarantee she willl be ok to come in the spring, then that's a different story.  But if not, you might move it for nothing-or worse, if timed in such a way-her passing may overshadow the wedding (you don't want to be upset on your wedding day).

I am sorry to bring up these points, it is just an outsider's view.  Again, I am sorry this is happening :-(.

Malakia02

Thanks so much guys this is exactly what I needed- some different perspectives.   

My apologies in that I did not mention in the OP that I did talk to my fiance' as well and he is on board with whatever I decide.  Ultimatly I would choose grandmother over having money for a bigger wedding... but I will indeed talk to her when I visit her this upcoming weekend. 

**Mutley**

Realize that my post may have come off as crass, i.e. grandmother vs. wedding $.  I did not intend to imply that it was that cut and dry because I certainly think you would chose your grandmother over $.  Your OP seemed to use $ as the only reason for waiting, so I guess the other question is what are the other benefits of waiting?  

natyasa

So sorry to hear about your grandmother, I know how you must be feeling as my grandfather was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer not too long ago.

I'm not sure how you were planning on having your wedding  and whether civial marriage or marriage in a temple of faith is more official, but have you concerned having your marriage at city hall a little earlier, following by a nice dinner? That way your grandmother will "see" you get married, but won't be there for the big reception involving "everyone else". I know it would make the "big day" less special, but at least you'd know that she was present and shared a special day with you. Just a thought...

noelle24

I'm so sorry Malakia.  Things like this are always heartwrenching.  I can't offer much else by way of advice besides what's already been mentioned.  But my thoughts are with you and your family.

jeanacorina

I am so sorry. What a difficult choice to have to make.

I think you've got the right idea about talking to your grandmother about what she thinks. I also really love the idea of having her help you with planning flowers, songs, etc.... maybe even bring her wedding gown shopping if she's well enough. She can still be a part of the joy even if she's not physically there at your wedding. You'll still be able to see her in the things she helped you choose.

You can include something special in a way that's happy for you instead of sad.

babybchbum

GL with this situation. all the PP have honest thoughts and opinions.

katanne9

If it's important to you (which it appears to be so) I would just bump up the wedding date. I think that whatever sacrifices you would have to make (in bumping the date up) could never outweigh how glad you would be that your grandmother could be there.

paintgirl

Since your FI is on board, I would bump it up. Or consider two weddings - a small one with just immediate family very soon so she can be there and see you get married, and a second to celebrate with the rest of your family and friends.

At the risk of sounding too... something - sentimental? religious, which I'm not really?? - I think bumping up the wedding is for you, not her. Although I'm not particularly religious I do believe she'd be with you on your big day, even if she's not there physically. I'm not saying it's a bad or selfish thing to want to move it up, but I do think it's more for you than her. If you think of it that way, it might help you make an objective decision.

I hope she is comfortable and at peace ...

Acrosthec

It sounds like it's important to move it up to you.  If you talk with your grandmother and she's appreciative (I know mine would probably say "no no no, don't change anything for me!"), then I would go ahead and have a small ceremony and intimate dinner reception with family, and then celebrate with a big party (somewhat akin to an AHR after a DW) with your extended family and friends at the time you were planning to have your wedding originally.

desertsun

Everyone has already laid things out pretty clearly and made excellent points, so I don't have much to add.

Just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this, and my thoughts are with you.

oceana919

First of all, I am so sorry you're in this position. My grandmother passed away nearly two years ago, and I'll be honest, planning has been hard (especially the "girly" stuff, like dress shopping) because I always pictured her being a part of it.

I would go with a scenario that Acro presented...a small family ceremony and dinner party, and a big reception after-the-fact. You could even renew your vows at that time, if you wanted to. It sounds like having your grandmother there is a real priority, and if she's on board with this scenario, I would go for it.

I'll be keeping you and yours in my prayers...

Narwhal

I think what Jeana said is a great idea. Involve her as much in the planning process as possible, that way even if she isn't there phyiscally, you will see her throughout the entire day.