I know I'm being a brat but I'm going to vent anyway

bethsmiles

Just as a disclaimer I am fully aware of how bratty and probably petty I'm being in this post.

I am so SICK of hearing BF's friends talk about their wedding. I get that people are excited for them because they have been dating since junior year of high school. But I really just don't want to hear about the wedding anymore. And I know part of it is jealousy that they are getting married and BF and I are going to be waiting quite a bit longer. And I know its whats best for me and BF but I still wish that we were willing to take the huge risk of getting married before we are out of school and financially stable. But we aren't because we know it would be a mistake for our relationship.

But I think the biggest thing that bugs me is how they complain about her parents all the time. Her parents aren't happy about them getting married so young and therefore have been very picky about the date and they still have yet to pick one her parents are happy about. Her parents are paying for the whole wedding and there is pretty much no budget. But all they do is complain that they can't get married because of her parents. Which totally isn't true. They could go to the courthouse and get married, but they want the big wedding. I just can't help but roll my eyes and see her as just another spoiled rich kid when she talks like this.

I am happy for them but I don't care what photographer they are getting, I don't what venue they are using, I don't care what colors they chose. I don't care about any of the details! Its a year away. Maybe closer to the wedding I will be interested but right now I just don't care.

Oh and I especially I am sick of hearing about how great sex is going to be for them. Seriously? Why do they need to discuss this with me? I don't want to hear about their fantasies for their wedding night.

Ugh...I know I'm being a bad friend and I feel guilty that I just don't care about their plans and I don't want to hear about any of it. I don't feel this way about any of my other friends weddings (granted their weddings are all this summer so maybe I care because its closer?) I just needed to vent and seriously feel free to flame me because I totally feel like I deserve a good talking to for feeling this way.

catemeg

Remember that relationships are not a race or competition, and a wedding is not a finish line.  Just because they get married earlier doesn't mean they "win".  It sounds like you and your BF have made the decision to wait based on practical reasons that are better for the both of you and your future together rather than hormones - good for you!

It sounds like your "friends" are immature - trash talking their parents is rather juvenile, and talking about their future sex life with others is tacky.  And this is a good lesson to remember - how you're feeling about listening to every stupid detail is how 95% of the population feels when being spoken to about weddings.  They just don't care!  Remember this for when you're engaged and don't blabber to people - no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you will be, and that's okay.

bethsmiles

Yeah...I know its not a race. I'm just such an impatient person, its totally something I need to work on. Waiting to get engaged/married is good practice I guess

jeanacorina

I totally went through this. I love weddings, but it started to get really annoying for everyone to get engaged and get married and there I was being all SENSIBLE.

Of course, then wedding planning was like the worst thing ever and I'm so glad it's over and we're normal people again and nothing at all has changed between DH and I... and it's freaking great.

Just take a few deep breaths. Bean dip them if it gets to be too much. Don't say "Look, I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about weddings right now" because then they'll get all pity-party on you, and that's WORSE.

You could try "Hey, we haven't talked about ________ in a while. What's going on with that?"

Wedding planning can easily take over a person's brain. Try sidetracking and see how that works.

TuffysMommie

Forget the whole jealousy or race aspect of this post...but I agree - it annoys me when friends who used to talk about intelligent topics turn into people who only want to talk about the ridiculous details of their weddings.  THAT annoys me. I agree with you - hearing details about any wedding can get to be a bit much!

kmabjo

I know how you feel - I have a friend like this and they always complain but are given everything from her parents. Just try to ignore it as much as possible. We are human, we have these feelings. It does not make you a bad person.

Simply Fated

Her parents are paying for the whole thing, but aren't allowing them to get married yet? Did I get that right?

I don't need to hear about sex fantasies they plan on playing out once they're married. Ew. I'm sorry they are putting you through that. It's a sign of immaturity on their part.

leia1979

Beth, I totally understand. BF's friend is the same way (but admittedly, nowhere near as bad). I'm glad she's excited, but I'd like to talk about something other than her wedding. On the plus side, only a few more weeks til the wedding, and then I don't have to hear about it anymore. RIght?

Jeana and Sunbird are right. Bean dip!

GreenPepperBurger

I kind of have the opposite problem - people want to talk to me about my wedding and I'm not even engaged yet. Some of his family ask me, "What colors do you like? What kind of flowers?" And I'm like, "Dude, we're not even engaged. Can we chill?"

But yeah. I don't think you're a bad person and you're totally validated in feeling annoyed. It's hard to wait when it seems like everyone around you is getting engaged/married. But you're smart for realizing you're doing what's best for you, and what will help you in the long run.

You can bean-dip them, sure. Or just punch her in the face.

bethsmiles

Yup yup yup...this is totally why i stay on this site. You girls always give the best advice! I don't know why i always forget the ever so helpful bean-dip

Simply Fated - they aren't not letting them get married more like they made them push the date way back from when they originally wanted to get married (this summer) and are kind of jerking them around with picking a date for next summer. But I think they said they have it narrowed down to 2 that her parents approve of for next July.

PandaBurr

I personally wouldn't be jealous of someone who was bragging about their wedding whose superlative trait of the relationship is the fact that they've been dating since junior year of high school, especially since that was only 2 or 3 years ago for you.

Also, the sex thing is just gross.

tafft1

I think the ladies really hit everything I wanted to say , but also know that it isn't a race and as excited I have been for my friends in the past I suppose I got lucky it wasnt wedding talk 24/7 , though in my case people want me to talk about it constantly , even sometimes telling me how it should be , so it goes both ways. I don't think you are being a brat , you are trying to be supportive and an adult , soemthing they seem to be lacking in some areas.

jelique7

i think you are being bratty...since when dose someone have so much time to spend worrying about other people.
yes bashing their parents is wrong...have you ever thought maybe you are not excited because you are too busy judging them and its not your own wedding.

just relax and stop judging them, its not your life or your wedding. If it bothers you then don't listen. when you get engaged you will probably be just as excited and talk about your wedding just as much as they do....

but i do agree that sharing their sex fantasies is too much...you are right not to care about that lol

desertsun

Send 'em over to brides.com or weddingwire.com or some other wedding website where they can talk endlessly with other people about this stuff.

Getting married doesn't give you an excuse to stop caring about other people and what's going on outside your little wedding bubble.

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-being-brat-but-im-going-vent-anyway?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ec0b5e-8986-436f-9dd3-edb993aa20f6Post:3959acce-e07f-4d37-b4ed-856c087c5d49">Re: I know I'm being a brat but I'm going to vent anyway</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of have the opposite problem - people want to talk to me about my wedding and I'm not even engaged yet. Some of his family ask me, "What colors do you like? What kind of flowers?" And I'm like, "Dude, we're not even engaged. Can we chill?"
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]


I got this the other day from a married friend! She was asking me all this stuff about rings and number of guests, and I said, "We're not engaged yet!" Is that like BSC by proxy?