Not Engaged Yet

Long Distance/International

So I searched the board and found a previous LDR thread that sparked lots of flames, but my intentions with this one are quite different.. anyone dealing with long distance international relationships?

Anyway, I just posted my intro so here's the gist: I'm an American living in Dubai and my bf of 8 months lives in South Africa (I met him during training but he left the company for personal/family related reasons). I am usually against LDR (I was in one back home with a guy who lived a 2 hour drive which turned into a 6 hour flight to Hawaii and then ended because he decided to stay there) but this feels so special and so right, and we both really want it! And even though we haven't been together long, he's even made a few mentions about getting married...

I'm a flight attendant so I get to see him 2-3 times a month in his hometown of Johannesburg, only for 24 hour layovers. But he just started training as cabin crew for an SA airline, so I'm worried our rosters won't match up well when he starts flying, but we'll cross that bridge. Plus his internet has been down for weeks (someone stole some main cables around his neighborhood.. gotta love SA) and they don't know when it'll be set up. Plus, I had a trip this past weekend but was taken off due to some rest issues (I was so upset!) But I get to see him again this weekend, so I'm happy again.

Anyway, what's your situation?

Re: Long Distance/International

  • edited December 2011
    I'm in a LDR, but not international. We've been together 3.5 years now.  FI and I used to be 7 hours apart and we'd get to see eachother about once every 5 weeks or so. Now we're only 2 hours apart, and we get to see eachother at least twice a month, sometimes more. I'm in college still, so I am really busy on the weekends with homework and events and such, so we see each other about the same amount as you and your BF. Seeing each other 2-3 times a month is actually more than a lot of people see their BFs when they are in a LDR.

    FI's best friend is in a LDR with a woman in Korea and FI's friend lives in America. They see each other only a few times a YEAR, but are still making it work. It's extremely tough for them, I know, but I also know with lots of work, trust, and patience, it can work out.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    BF and I used to be LD. We were 8 hours apart and only saw each other about once every 8 weeks. I hated long distance and I'm so glad its over but now that we are looking at grad. schools we are looking at maybe doing long distance again :( but I'm hoping that we won't be so far apart next time.


  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    FI and I are LD.  It's about 4.5 hours right now, and we've been doing it for two years now.  I hate it, he hates it.  But, we went into it knowing that we wanted to make it work, and so we have.  We try and do once a month, and sometimes it works out that we get to see each other more.  I think the worst we've had to deal with is a month without seeing each other because of scheduling issues.  Like bourghem, I'm still in college, and he's a master's student, so we've had some class conflicts.  With his schedule this semester, though, he's been really okay with "homework dates" where we sit in the same room and study or do homework.  It's been nice :-)

    My parents warned me when we went long distance that most fail.  BUT, it's been my experience, and that of a lot of girls here as well, that if you both really want it, you can make it work :-)
    I french with my man
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  • edited December 2011
    First off, Dubai is my dream vacation! I would love to go there. My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over 3 years and were in a LDR. Were only about two hours away but I see him almost everyweekend. So i guess technically its only LDR on the weekday. But were both in college so it works out just fine! The key to a LDR is trust and love! Without either of those it won't last. Just jump in it with both feet, not one.
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  • edited December 2011
    I am also in a LDR and have been for 7 years. Yes you read that right...7 years!!!! He is from England and I am from Arizona. It is tough at first, but then we were both in school and starting our careers. Now we are ready to get married and we have the wedding date for July 9. It will be wonderful not to have to fly to see him anymore. Plus the visa process for him to live in America has been a big pain.
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  • edited December 2011
    FI and I were long distance for a little over two years. The last 4 months of our LDR were spent with him traveling in southeast Asia and me here in the states. It was not fun to say the least. Most of the time he would stay in hostels that had very spotty internet, but we would try to Skype every few days and emailed a lot. Thankfully that is all behind us now, and now we're planning our wedding :)
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    Married! :) 5/19/12 The Domesticals

  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    aah... it's a great vacation spot, in fact, maybe even a possible HM destination? :)

    chimney.. yeah I'm from Phoenix and my ex had lived in Tucson and then decided to spend the summer in HI and then never came back. :P Luckily for you I know British Airways flies nonstop between PHX and London. Where are you having the wedding, btw? In my dream, I want to have the wedding at home (there's a lovely place called The Farm that I live literally 3 mins from) even if I am somewhere else in the world!

    I've looked into the visa process for my bf (our big plan is for me to stay here for a few more years to save money, move to SA for a year or two while we work out his visa (SA offers a lifelong partner visa for temp stay so I hope I can get that, I'm even saving FB messages and whatnot) and then he will come live in the States with me (most likely Phoenix but I told him I'm open.. he lived in Miami and Maine for 3 years working... well I wouldn't live in Maine but Miami, maybe).
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My BF and I were in a LDR for 4+ years (we live together now).  I lived on the East coast and he was in Europe.  We only saw each other about 4 times a year and only once a year if he was deployed, which he was twice.  It was extremely hard, but like other PPs have said, if you want it to work, you will make it work.
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    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • edited December 2011
    I am having my wedding in Mass....my hometown and want to move back East. I an tired of living in the valley and would love to move closer to family.

    If you do the whole visa thing it takes less then a year from some counties. I know that you might have a harder time because of the country where he is from. Check out visajourney. We started this process early June and he has his interview in April.
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  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Chimneygirl.. yeah I am thinking it'll be pretty tough from S.A. That's why i want to spend the time we try to get his visa with him in S.A. (plus I love his family and want to spend some time with them too).
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distanceinternational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2277ef0-e091-43da-b835-88151e588d56Post:320c602b-e4f1-4ec3-b65d-e283d68b2371">Re: Long Distance/International</a>:
    [QUOTE]aah... it's a great vacation spot, in fact, maybe even a possible HM destination? :) 
    Posted by thejinx[/QUOTE]

    <div>That would be a dream! But I doubt we would be able to afford it when the time comes.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh BTW! I saw in your intro post you did pageants! That's so awesome. I did one in February!
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  • EmmakjEmmakj member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Me and my boyfriend have been in a LDR since we started dating. It's odd, he lived in the same town as me a couple of years and we met, then he moved and that is when we started dating. It as always worth it though.

    We have been together a year. We went from 2 hours apart to 4 hours apart, but we still see each other almost every weekend. 

    I hate it more than anything, but after a couple of months I knew he was my soulmate so all of the hassle is worth it. 

    Good Luck!
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  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distanceinternational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2277ef0-e091-43da-b835-88151e588d56Post:689d5280-5468-44a2-a1c0-b07fce7abb68">Re: Long Distance/International</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh BTW! I saw in your intro post you did pageants! That's so awesome. I did one in February!
    Posted by aah009[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yup! I'm aged out obviously.. and I don't think I'm much of s "Mrs." pageant type, either. :P I just did Asian pageants though... how did yours go?</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distanceinternational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2277ef0-e091-43da-b835-88151e588d56Post:02f6746a-bb75-41a7-9bae-be7b38e675b5">Re: Long Distance/International</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long Distance/International : Yup! I'm aged out obviously.. and I don't think I'm much of s "Mrs." pageant type, either. :P I just did Asian pageants though... how did yours go?
    Posted by thejinx[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I didn't place (6 girls and three spots) But I won the community service scholarship award. Although the winner was amazing the pageants are normally rigged here at my school. My school is primary Native American and a NA always wins if their in the compeition but it will still a lot of fun.

    </div>
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  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distanceinternational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2277ef0-e091-43da-b835-88151e588d56Post:5a0f2a6e-c32a-4406-8fd7-655884a04b0c">Re: Long Distance/International</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long Distance/International : I didn't place (6 girls and three spots) But I won the community service scholarship award. Although the winner was amazing the pageants are normally rigged here at my school. My school is primary Native American and a NA always wins if their in the compeition but it will still a lot of fun.
    Posted by aah009[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know what you mean... some of the Asian pageants (usually community ones) are rigged or have unfair rules. I did a Filipino community pageant my first time, and in the Philippines a big part of the vote is "selling" ads. I didn't realize this and sold one and I got 1st runner up, while the winner sold $500 worth of ads... not saying that I should have won, but you know. :)</div><div>
    </div><div>But they are addicting.. gettting dressed up, makeup, hair, etc.. gosh I miss it!!!!</div>
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