Not Engaged Yet

How do I go about doing this?

The other night BF and I were discussing timeline stuff (of course on our two year anniversary lol) anyway, he wants to propose to me the end of the year.  In the meantime, he wants me to give him ideas on what kind of rings I like and don't like and then he'll go from there to buy a ring.

First problem is that BF would be the type to go to a mall jeweler and buy a mediocre diamond and pay double the price.  I would feel horrible.  I have a friend who's a jeweler and I love working with him (he designed an awesome necklace for my mom one year and did it all by my mother explaining the idea over the phone and then my final approval).  How do I go about telling BF that the better value is to use a local jeweler?

Also, I have no idea what I like.  My mother's family was in the jewelry business, so I know the qualities of a good diamond, but I don't know what I like.  I don't even know if I want a diamond.  I'm so confused.  Are there websites where I can look at different stones or diamonds on different settings???

Any input would be appreciated.  Also if this is pre planning, please kick me in the butt virtually lol.

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Re: How do I go about doing this?

  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2013
    When FI told me he wanted to look at rings with me, I started browsing on BlueNile's website. Then we went in person and I tried on exactly what I designed for myself online and it turns out I hated that style on me.

    I highly suggest going in person and trying on a ton of different styles, even ones you think you don't like, to get the best idea of what you want. I ended up loving something completely different from what I thought I wanted (originally I was looking at a simple solitaire with a round diamond and I ended up with a cushion cut diamond with a halo and diamonds on the band -- literally, night and day). 

    As for him getting a better deal, I would just tell him. Tell him that he'll likely get a better price on a better stone/setting elsewhere. 

    I have no advice on the diamond vs other part (I have a diamond and it's what I wanted so I never researched anything else). A lot of girls here do not have diamonds, though, so they can help with that when they pop in :)

    Edited: clarity



  • I know that several ladies on here, that did not want diamonds, went with moissanite.
    As far as letting him know, go on some jewelry websites and see what you like and don't like. Then send him links, I guess. I think suggesting a local jeweler is a wonderful idea, and you just go about it straightforwardly. Just say, "Hey home skillet, I think we should look at local jewelers. They can offer superior quality at a much better price than the Jack in the Box jeweler at the mall."

    If you want something really unique and one of a kind, check out some stores on etsy. I think beth posted a link months ago to some amazing morganite rings on etsy. You can really find some neat stuff there.
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
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  • Oh my gosh ladies, thank you X 1000000!!!!  I appreciated everyone's input and will put them all to use. 

    I'm also the type that changes their mind as often as I change my clothes so I'll probably hold off on actually going to a jeweler until September or so and just look online for now for ideas. 

    Thanks again, I feel a lot better about this!

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  • I think it's wise to discuss your ring openly.  I mean, if you're openly discussing getting married, the fact that he's going to be buying you a ring isn't really a surprise, so I don't see a big deal with choosing the ring together.  And since they are so much money and you'll be wearing it for the rest of your life, you might as well make sure it's something you like and that you get the best possible price for it.

    When H and I starting talking about getting engaged, I stopped in a jeweler by myself when I was at the mall just to get a feel for the types I liked.  Like Liv said, rings you like in the case vs them on your hand can make a big difference.  So once I narrowed it down to a general style, H and I went to the store together to pick the size of the stone, get my finger sized, etc.  He didn't buy it with me there though, so I still had enough surprise with the engagement as for as how/when he proposed, which was still exciting even if I already knew what the ring looked like.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was horrible about constantly changing my mind about what I wanted for a ring. I knew I didn't want a diamond so that wasn't a hard decision for me but there are SO many other stones to choose from. One week I wanted a sapphire, the next moissiante, then emerald, then back to sapphire. I changed my mind about the type of setting I wanted a lot too.

    My advice if you are changing your mind a lot is once you find something love stop looking even just for fun. Once I stopped looking at engagement rings I never changed my mind about what I wanted again. Although I never did tell BF what stone I wanted - I just narrowed it down to a couple of stones I really like.


  • I second everyone else that said to take a look online to get some idea what you like, and then going in person, either with your BF or without. 

    I straight up told my BF that I would really prefer he went to a small jeweler because I think you get better customer service, and I'd like to support small business with that big of a purchase. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-i-go-about-doing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2d7b481-f3ad-4a57-991f-17f48fc228e1Post:84c8dec4-d16e-4127-be13-1c87ef578528">Re: How do I go about doing this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I second everyone else that said to take a look online to get some idea what you like, and then going in person, either with your BF or without.  I straight up told my BF that I would really prefer he went to a <strong>small jeweler because I think you get better customer service, and I'd like to support small business with that big of a purchase. </strong>
    Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
    This.  H went to a small, local jeweler and was given cookies and they got to sit in a fancy booth while he looked at diamonds.  You can't beat cookies and a cozy place to sit.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-i-go-about-doing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2d7b481-f3ad-4a57-991f-17f48fc228e1Post:dfdf1e98-2758-46de-a13e-a32baaed2967">Re: How do I go about doing this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When FI told me he wanted to look at rings with me, I started browsing on BlueNile's website. Then we went in person and I tried on exactly what I designed for myself online and it turns out I hated that style on me. I highly suggest going in person and trying on a ton of different styles, even ones you think you don't like, to get the best idea of what you want. I ended up loving something completely different from what I thought I wanted (originally I was looking at a simple solitaire with a round diamond and I ended up with a cushion cut diamond with a halo and diamonds on the band -- literally, night and day).  As for him getting a better deal, I would just tell him. Tell him that he'll likely get a better price on a better stone/setting elsewhere.  I have no advice on the diamond vs other part (I have a diamond and it's what I wanted so I never researched anything else). A lot of girls here do not have diamonds, though, so they can help with that when they pop in :) Edited: clarity
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]


    I did almost the exact same thing.  I went to Blue Nile and found a couple ideas that I liked and sent two or three picsto FI.  He was still overwhelmed and worried he would get it wrong so we met with a jeweler a couple of his friends had used, and had come highly recommended.  Same scenario as rdr, my ideal computer ring went out the window.  I thought I wanted a solitaire emerald cut, but I fell in love with a cushion cut. 

    I also agree that you should tell him that the local jeweler is the better deal.  Especially if its someone you're already comfortable with.  The two of you can meet with your friend, but he can always compare elsewhere.  Our jeweler took the time to explain everything we needed to know about the 4 c's and which was more important to different cuts.   FI's a worrier, and she did a lot of hand holding with him during the ring process to make sure he was comfortable with the stone and the ring.  Something I don't think  all big stores will necessarily do.

    Good luck and enjoy shopping!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-i-go-about-doing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2d7b481-f3ad-4a57-991f-17f48fc228e1Post:bacf9b90-ce67-4c97-a50c-481669b920cc">Re: How do I go about doing this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I go about doing this? : This.  H went to a small, local jeweler and was given cookies and they got to sit in a fancy booth while he looked at diamonds.  You can't beat cookies and a cozy place to sit.
    Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]

    When my grandparents had a jewelry store they had a whole "salon" for engagement rings with the most comfortable couches ever (they even took them home with them after they closed the business).  Once the ring was bought either my grandmother or grandfather would take them out to lunch or dinner and send them home with a bottle of champagne.  That's why I love the local/small jewelers.  They will help you out so much more and take the time to answer all your questions and concerns.

    I want cookies now!  I also went on blue nile to look at what's out there, I'm overwhelmed!

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  • So unlike most ladies here, I didn't have a ton of input on my ring.  However, I did look at rings online.  It can be really overwhelming.  Luckily, I already sort of knew my style since I wear other rings pretty often.  I knew I liked fancy, elegant stuff.  I also knew I didn't want a diamond as the main stone.  I wanted a Sapphire or a Ruby.  So I found some filigree rings that I loved and sent H some pictures.  I also found some other styles that I picked that were cheaper lol.  

    But I agree, trying stuff on at a jeweler is a very good idea.  

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • I love looking ar rings on blue nile.  So much fun.  BF & I have not gone to look at rings on person and will not.  I said he can do whatever he wants. As long as it was diamond , white gold and under $4000. I don't want him to spend a lot of money on a ring.  I really do want a diamond though. I have a few ring styles I love looking at blue nile and certain ones I don't like.  I've at least managed to get across to him ring styles I don't like ect.   I trust BF's taste and judgement. I love every piece of jewelry he has gotten me.  I'm quite sure actually last month BF bought a ring. Squee!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-do-i-go-about-doing-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f2d7b481-f3ad-4a57-991f-17f48fc228e1Post:832033da-558e-4b83-a3ee-cce98b2dc2cb">Re: How do I go about doing this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love looking ar rings on blue nile.  So much fun.  BF & I have not gone to look at rings on person and will not.  I said he can do whatever he wants. As long as it was diamond , white gold and under $4000. I don't want him to spend a lot of money on a ring.  I really do want a diamond though. I have a few ring styles I love looking at blue nile and certain ones I don't like.  I've at least managed to get across to him ring styles I don't like ect.   I trust BF's taste and judgement. I love every piece of jewelry he has gotten me.  <strong>I'm quite sure actually last month BF bought a ring. Squee!
    </strong>Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

    He said that when we go that I have to narrow it down to two rings and he'll make the choice.  He's always been really good about picking out jewelry, but he's worried I'm going to hate the ring.  I told him I don't want him spending over $5000 but he told me he'll spend whatever he wants, which is annoying but I should just be happy this is happening.

    In regards to the bold portion:  EXCITING!!!!! 

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  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 New York member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: How do I go about doing this?:
    [QUOTE I'm quite sure actually last month BF bought a ring. Squee!
    Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

    Super exciting!

    My goal is to make it clear to BF that it is okay to talk about rings together and to get a feel for what I like whenever he's ready to start looking. When I told him that two friends of ours went to look at engagement rings together, he said something along the lines of "OMG isn't it supposed to be a complete and total surprise???!!!!" Lol. I told him "Not if you want to be positive she's going to love the ring...."

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