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How do you get the 'in-laws' to LAY OFF?

Hi! I'm new(ish) here. I've lurked a long time. I may have posted something a long time ago, but I don't even remember what it said. Yes, I've read the sticky. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years this month. He's 29, I'm 27. We met my freshman year of college, started out as friends, and ended up dating a few months into the friendship. (Sorry if this gets long)

Anyways. Yes, marriage has been discussed. It's not something that I'm obsessing over by any means. I actually came back on the site to see if one of my friend's psycho girlfriends had made their website yet, and found myself browsing the board again. I would love to get married someday, but right now it's just not a priority for either one of us. Maybe it's that we've been together so long that it just seems like a formality at this point?

He comes from a huge family-- he's the oldest of 8 and everyone is super close-- and my parents are both deceased, so I get absolutely no pressure from my side of the family which is awesome. His parents are getting a little out of hand though, which brings me to my question/issue.

His parents know that we are planning on paying for our own wedding when it happens, given the circumstances with my family and the fact that they are such a big family and we can't just expect them to give us money. The last couple of months though have gotten a little....irritating. His dad put in the family newsletter that he sends out to hundreds of people that we've been dating "longer than forever-- hint hint" amongst other comments that have been made. His mom is going crazy saying that she wants grandkids and basically begging the oldest 4 kids (29, 27, 25, 23) in serious relationships (only one married couple in the bunch to start having them 'regardless if they're married or not.'

Now, for real. I love his parents. They are amazing people. But how can I politely tell them to shut the f*ck up about it and that we'll get engaged, plan a wedding, have a wedding, have kids, etc. on our own time? How is it even possible that they haven't realized this yet????!!! It's getting out of hand! Thanks for listening to my vent ;)

Re: How do you get the 'in-laws' to LAY OFF?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_laws-lay-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f899b793-a1c9-44b4-bea2-8c006f448b7aPost:48fd573e-e6bb-4f5f-b583-db7a0186b778">How do you get the 'in-laws' to LAY OFF?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! I'm new(ish) here. I've lurked a long time. I may have posted something a long time ago, but I don't even remember what it said. Yes, I've read the sticky. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years this month. He's 29, I'm 27. We met my freshman year of college, started out as friends, and ended up dating a few months into the friendship. (Sorry if this gets long) Anyways. Yes, marriage has been discussed. It's not something that I'm obsessing over by any means. I actually came back on the site to see if one of my friend's psycho girlfriends had made their website yet, and found myself browsing the board again. I would love to get married someday, but right now it's just not a priority for either one of us. Maybe it's that we've been together so long that it just seems like a formality at this point? He comes from a huge family-- he's the oldest of 8 and everyone is super close-- and my parents are both deceased, so I get absolutely no pressure from my side of the family which is awesome. His parents are getting a little out of hand though, which brings me to my question/issue. His parents know that we are planning on paying for our own wedding when it happens, given the circumstances with my family and the fact that they are such a big family and we can't just expect them to give us money. The last couple of months though have gotten a little....irritating. His dad put in the family newsletter that he sends out to hundreds of people that we've been dating "longer than forever-- hint hint" amongst other comments that have been made. His mom is going crazy saying that she wants grandkids and basically begging the oldest 4 kids (29, 27, 25, 23) in serious relationships (only one married couple in the bunch to start having them 'regardless if they're married or not.' Now, for real. I love his parents. They are amazing people. But how can I politely tell them to shut the f*ck up about it and that we'll get engaged, plan a wedding, have a wedding, have kids, etc. on our own time? How is it even possible that they haven't realized this yet????!!! It's getting out of hand! Thanks for listening to my vent ;)
    Posted by charmn311[/QUOTE]

    One, you discuss it with your BF first and come up with a plan that you will BOTH stick to. Presenting a united front is key.

    I would suggest simply talking to BF and asking if he is comfortable with the two of you politely, respectfully, but firmly saying things along the lines of, "Thank you for caring about us. We're not ready for kids/marriage/engagement yet, but we're very happy and would appreciate if you'd respect our right to do things in our own time."

    Work together to come up with lines you're both comfortable with.

    And i'd suggest letting him be the one to say those things to his family the first few times, so that it is CRYSTAL clear that it is coming from him, too, and not just you.

    GL!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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    You say "Hey. Don't tease the Charmn."

    My FILs and own grandmother (sweetly) aggravate me too, but I just sing "First somes love, second comes....."

    The comments wouldn't bother me. The newsletter would, though.
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