Time Together

ashleyjo09

How much time do you spend with your significant other? I ask because I wish I got to spend more QUALITY time with BF. Yes we pretty much live together and I see him everyday, but I wish we did more together. He owns his own business so he's constantly working (mon-sat: 6:30-7/8/9; sun: times vary). Even when he's home he's working so it's not like we can spend time together that way as well. We've talked about it and he understands, but he says that there is just a lot going on.

I guess I just wanted to see what the "average" was and if I'm over reacting.

PaigeMcC

Boyfriend and I spend a lot of time in the same place (kitchen, in front of TV,etc) but I find he works a lot as well. 

I can't really tell you an average but we make a point to take at least an hour a day and spend it together, just talking or cooking dinner. We also have started making sure we spend atleast a few hours a week together on a date.  It can be taking the dogs for a walk or going house hunting together or just relaxing with wine and chatting. 

I think it's normal to feel that you're not getting the time that you want, esp. if he's working so much.  Keep the dialogue open tho - and try suggesting ways you can spend just a little bit of time together.  Cook dinner together, go for a walk, etc. Let him know how important it is to you but be willing to compromise as well - his business is important but your relationship should come first.

Good luck

Ana_2985

FI and I spend a lot of time together because we live together and we work together.  I was afraid we would start fighting more because we 're together so much, but it's been fine so far.  We just make sure to do things separately too (go out with other friends, spend time with family alone, run errands alone).

Even if there was an "average" I don't think it matters.  If you are unhappy with the way things are then there is a problem.  I understand that sometimes work can be time consuming, but your FI needs to make an extra effort to set aside time to be with you.  It doesn't sound like you're over-reacting at all.  You should try talking to him about it again and figuring out some way he can set aside time to be with you during the week.

Button5807

I guess that depends on your definition of quality time. BF and I live together but during the week I get home at 6:30 and he goes to sleep at 9. In those Of those 2 1/2 hours I spend at least an hour working out, then I shower so we ended up watching TV together for about an hour or so. Not exactly "quality" time.
We do spend a lot more time doing things together and talking and stuff during the weekend though.

katanne9

Not enough.

Neither of us get home from work until after 7. In his "spare time" he's working on his CFA (a 3 year process) and is now also starting grad school at night.

We try to make an effort to have dinner together at least 3x a week. We usually reserve Friday/Saturday night together or with our friends and Sunday mornings together.

oceana919

Even though we live together, it's hard to find "quality time" to spend together. I work two full-time jobs and have a full-time lab schedule, and he works full-time (often overtime) with a full-time lab schedule and class schedule. I would say 95% of the time, by the time we are all done at night and are in the same place at the same time, we're too tired to really do anything but watch TV.

We try to make a point to carve out time to spend together that is just the two of us, and isn't in front of a computer or TV screen. We make a point to go on at least two real "dates" with each other each month (actually going out and doing something), and we try and do our two mile walk with the dog each night whenever possible.

kismo

A lot..... we live together and most days work together...quality time though....we make sure to set aside at least an hour or two a day to either cook together, exercise together, or whatever we feel like together away from the hussle bussle of our daily life. I'm sure what we do wouldnt work for everyone, but it works for us and we havent driven each other crazy yet :-) 

paintgirl

We work in the same industry so sometimes we have a difficult time with "quality time" - we end up talking about work, especially during the week. We eat dinner with the TV off and no distractions almost every night (probably 6 of 7). Sometimes that turns in to a 2+ hour event - just talking after dinner. We try to go out at least 1 night during the weekend - "date night". The good weather will help - we like to hike, boat, etc and that will give us more time together.

I understand what you're saying. I think it's just "adulthood" - work schedules, house cleaning, errands... real life starts and romantic dating ends. You do have to work at it, setting aside time each week that's for the two of you. On our date nights, we have a no BlackBerry rule - though I think we both secretly check in the bathroom! We aren't brain surgeons or anything but have jobs that can involve real emergencies (not someone broke a nail) so sometimes we just have to take care of business and be understanding of the other's job.

SoulMistress

We set a specific night each week for 'datenight'. That means no work, no kid, no friends... just us. We alternate each week.... this week, we'll do something quiet and cheap like renting a movie or making dinner together at one of our houses. Next week, we'll go out somewhere for dinner or dancing or rock climbing or something we haven't done before.

I think the important thing is that we both know Tuesdays are date night and reserved only for eachother. It happens every week on the same night so no one gets confused. Every now and then, something comes up, but in general, it's nice to know that those hours are for me and I don't have to share him with anyone!

ashleyjo09

Good words of advice. I guess this sparked from this past Sunday when I wanted to go to church, then to the driving range or the beach or something fun followed by dinner/cook and a movie.  I wanted BF to myself with no interruptions....we did end up having breakfast, but then we worked on his truck for 4 hours and I cleaned house. Finally at 8pm, we got some dinner and were in bed by 9pm...haha.

I had high expectations and was let down. I'm a planner and he most definitely is not....gonna have to accept that. Thank you ladies!

dwest2201

You ladies make a great point because spending time together and spending quality time together are totally different.  BF and I had a rough time a couple months ago when I was either in school until 10pm or had my son every weeknight and every other weekend.  It really cut into our one on one time and we realized that it was making us edgy with each other.  We have since made an aggreement that we will make time for atleast one dinner either out with just the two of us or a nice big healthy dinner prepared at home with a glass of wine atleast once a month and that we will plan a "fun" activity at least once a month also.  Fun actities on the list ranged from going hiking, having a picnic at the park, taking the paddle boats for a long ride, playing tennis together (neither of us play)... or going to a movie, having pj's, pizza and popcorn in etc if the weather is not good.

We are going to be tested again because in a couple weeks he begins the fire academy and will be working his regular jon (building/maintinaing websites) from home in the evenings/on the weekends.  So he will be super busy and tired this time.  Hopefully we can make our aggreement work and make sure we still enjoy some quality time together. 

paintgirl

OP - Your frustration is understandable. So is your desire for time together! Does it work if you plan something and tell him about it? Like make a reservation for a cool restaurant or buy tickets for a concert or museum or something? If the sneaky way (just planning it and tell him to be there) doesn't work, you might need to come right out and say, "I know we're both really busy and have a ton of responsibilities, but could we set aside a few hours to spend together doing something fun this week?" He might not realize you need this time. Some people get wrapped up in the "to do" list and forget to have fun!

ashleyjo09

paint~that is the ONLY way I can get him to do something fun!! If I say that we are going to stay with some friends an hour away, he'll do it. The agreement thisweekend was that we wouldn't go to an engagement party 2 hours away if he would doing something with me instead...that didn't happen! SO, yes, if I plan something and it requires us spend the night somewhere, he'll do it. Otherwise, it's like pulling teeth! haha

I know he wants to go to a little beach about 2 hours from us that requires a ferry ride and him to take the whole day off, so I'm going to try and plan that for a couple weeks away and TELL him we are going.

musikbx

I will admit that my boyfriend and I spend a decent amount of time "staring at glowing rectangles" together. When schedules allow, we will have dinner and a glass of wine together... and I always insist that we actually sit and face eachother while eating

There are so many excuses for spending non-quality time together, my biggest one being the stress level at my job... but when it comes down to it, I really don't think it's necessary to spend every moment together completely engaged with one and other.

yellowroseFRA

Funnily, although BF and I don't live together yet, I feel like all the time we spend together is quality. We usually do something low key once of twice during the week, like going to a park or a movie, and on the weekends, he stays at my place and we relax together. But then again, we're both graduate students, so we don't exactly get paged for work. But one thing that definitely helps is that we aren't huge on TV, and I don't actually have a connection in my apartment. That way, although we watch alot of movies together, we don't ever just sit and flip through channels.

AnneAndJJ

We definitely don't get enough 'quality' time together either. 

We get a few hours together in the evening, when we're catching up things we don't get done through the day at work or watching TV to unwind. Not exactly quality time; we might get an hour in there. If I make a nice dinner, we try and sit at the table to eat, which is nice. On weekends, we try and do something fun together, just the 2 of us, but recently it's been nearly impossible because of a friend's upcoming wedding. 

Unfortunately, we've started compensating by laying awake chatting for at least 45 minutes after we go to bed. I say unfortunately because it's seriously cutting into our shut eye, but I do really enjoy the evening convos.