Not Engaged Yet

Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?

Or since this board is "not engaged yet" are you now? I know a proposal is coming in the near future (he confessed while ago he was going to propose on an OOT trip over july 4th that ended up getting canceled). When the time comes.....we have already discussed and decieded to do a private destination wedding with just immediate family, however we also agreed we want a relatively short engagement - 6-8months ish. So I'm wondering if I should start getting things organized? Thoughts? What are you ladies doing?
For clairfication: Not putting down payments or booking anything just starting to get organized so its not so overwhelming.
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Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?

  • edited December 2011
    I'm not doing any looking around or planning until I'm engaged. If I start doing it now what's to say I won't change mind after I'm engaged and I also wouldn't want to take away any of the experiences you're supposed to have after you're engaged.

    The way I see it, there's no reason to plan ahead, it doesn't take that long to plan a wedding.
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  • edited December 2011
    I tucked away ideas-- BM outfits I liked, floral inspirations, color combinations, and so on. I didn't look at anything specific.

    And, I will admit, absolutely everything except "purple" changed once we got engaged and started planning together and figuring out exactly how much money we had and who was paying for things (and thus also had some input).

    Plus, I burnt out on wedding stuff. I would say no, don't start getting "organized." You'll change your mind, get overwhelmed, and probably get tired of dealing with wedding stuff before the day arrives. You have plenty of time.
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  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I have looked at pictures on TK because they're pretty to look at (I'm a total "girly-girl"), but I have not "planned" anything. No purchases, no calls, just looking through pictures when I'm bored.

    What I have learned from this forum (among MANY things) is that you do not normally need the year+ that the wedding industry makes you feel is necessary. I will leave it to those who have done it to elaborate, but many women on this board have planned their wedding in 8 months or less.

    For right now, I would say enjoy this time in your relationship, and let things happen as they are meant to. You will have plenty of time. Many things come up to delay a proposal (as your BF confessed about yours), tastes change, your BF may hate the things you have chosen, etc.

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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Wait until after you're engaged. Six or eight months to plan any kind of wedding is more than enough, provided you're willing to be flexible on dates and venue. I personally don't know that your values/priorities are right if you HAVE to have a specific date or venue. So yes, you will have PLENTY of time, believe me! :)
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  • edited December 2011
    I started at looking at things I liked, mostly flowers and BM dresses before I got engaged but only once I knew he had the ring. We picked it out together and he told me he had it at our apartment. 
  • run21run21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in a similar boat - likely to have a very small wedding and we want a short engagement. I wouldn't get too excited about planning yet. Colors you both like - sure. Dresses, cakes, flowers... probably not. It's just too difficult (and therefore not very productive) if you don't know the season or general type of location you'll be getting married in. You can do a wedding in 6 months easily so no need to worry about it! Look at pictures if you find it fun, but otherwise, I wouldn't do much.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the imput ladies. As one PP stated I obviously don't want to get burnt out before it even happens...that would make planning a nightmare. As a few suggested, I did mean more looking through pictures of the style of BM dresses, looking at different vacation spots as far as climate/touristy spots...just get a basic feeling of things that I like. KWIM?

    Thanks again!
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  • edited December 2011
    Agree with everyone here...I also looked a bit when we started ring shopping, mostly just at color combos and venues, only online and really, you can't plan much until you discuss a date and a budget. And you shouldn't discuss those two things until you are engaged. So, while casual looking is nice, I would most of it out of your mind until you are engaged and just enjoy your relationship. :)
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  • run21run21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Another thought - we have discussed destination versus local. I think especially with a destination wedding you tend to look earlier. It's a big world! Lots of options if you don't already have a particular city in mind. So yeah, I can see looking at different destinations just for some ideas!
  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I look at pictures here on TK when I'm bored and when my two best friends got married in December I tucked ideas of what to do and not to do away (and kept the list she had me make of songs to be played at the reception away because complying that list took forever). 

    The only BSC thing I did was buy wedding goblets I've seen every year at the local Renaissance Festival with the b-day money I got from my mom's best friend who passed shortly after my birthday (and this was with BF's agreement). I wanted to get something with the money that wouldn't get discarded and really wanted to have something from her at my future wedding. I also didn't want to take the risk of the shop closing or them discontinuing the color we liked. 

    Other than that it's just casual looking and chatting with the BF about our likes and dislikes. After our friends' December wedding we both agreed that while the snow was pretty, the cold was not. So no winter wedding for us. lol
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  • edited December 2011
    I looked at dresses, but only after my now-fiance had admitted to a planned proposal that fell through because he hadn't had time to buy a ring due to his grad school thesis work.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My BF and I have talked about how many people we want to have, budget, drooling over doing a DW, honeymoon destinations, etc.  I've also looked at pics of venues girls post on my local board just to get a general idea of whats in our area.  I have not looked at any of the specifics though, no dresses, cakes, caterers, definitely have not called anywhere...

    It's ok to get ideas, but I think some people go a little BSC before they are actually engaged, A friend of my sisters even put a down payment on a venue AND bought a dress before she was engaged (...without her BF's knowledge)


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  • edited December 2011
    Planning is a no-no, looking at ideas or even discussing them with your BF if he's up to that is okay though.  If you were referring to just browsing then I don't think that you will get flack for that... a lot of people do that, just know that things will change.  A lot of things will affect what you end up with, budget, other peoples opinions (FI, families esp if they are contributing etc).  6 months is more than enough time for a destination wedding, btw.  I know someone who planned one in 2 months with nothing but about a dozen emails!  Don't stress!
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  • edited December 2011
    My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married and we already picked out a ring, but an engagement might not come for another year or so. I say all that becasue I've been "planning" the wedding for over three months now. I have a list of possible photographers and caterers and venues and dresses and etc. All I need is a ring and I can actually start making everything official. But I think planning before is smart so you have an idea before things start getting really crazy. Just a thought.
  • run21run21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Notice how the women who are now married say, "Wait to plan so you aren't bored or burnt out on wedding planning once you're actually engaged" while some NEYs say, "I have a whole notebooks of colors, flowers, cakes, and dresses"?

    Just thinkin' out loud here....Innocent
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:d05a16c1-1496-4979-9b7b-798d9c64f277">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Notice how the women who are now married say, "Wait to plan so you aren't bored or burnt out on wedding planning once you're actually engaged" while some NEYs say, "I have a whole notebooks of colors, flowers, cakes, and dresses"? Just thinkin' out loud here....
    Posted by run21[/QUOTE]


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  • edited December 2011
    I've been taking notes, you couldn't pay me to start planning before I had to. lol
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:45876b2a-e546-4217-80f4-0658a4450876">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married and we already picked out a ring, but an engagement might not come for another year or so. I say all that becasue I've been "planning" the wedding for over three months now. I have a list of possible photographers and caterers and venues and dresses and etc. All I need is a ring and I can actually start making everything official. But I think planning before is smart so you have an idea before things start getting really crazy. Just a thought.
    Posted by kberry333[/QUOTE]

    Umm no. Stop giving us NEYs a bad name. Honestly, do listen to the other married girls here. You CAN get burned out doing this- not because wedding planning is so crazy in and of itself, but because people obsess over little things and plan for months.

    Your list of photographers, caterers, venues, and dresses can all change over time. Especially if (as your profile says kberry) you're not getting married until late 2014. So that "list" that you have now may absolutely do no good if you're not going to book anything for <strong>another 3 years</strong>. How frustrating would that be? For all your work to amount to nothing. Relax and enjoy your relationship! It's still an exciting time for relationships whether you're getting married soon or not.

    I don't see anything wrong wtih browsing ideas and running things through your mind- I think a lot of people do that. For example, you go to someone's wedding and you think "oh! Isn't that a nice idea!" and you tuck it away and ignore it until it's time to plan yourself.
  • run21run21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:4a3dd61c-d341-47dd-bb5b-178e76f8c5ca">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? : LOVE it!  Paint, FTW! 
    Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

    (Bowing) Thank you, thank you. No need to applaud. Just throw flowers.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:45876b2a-e546-4217-80f4-0658a4450876">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married and we already picked out a ring, but an engagement might not come for another year or so. I say all that becasue I've been "planning" the wedding for over three months now. I have a list of possible photographers and caterers and venues and dresses and etc. All I need is a ring and I can actually start making everything official. But I think planning before is smart so you have an idea before things start getting really crazy. Just a thought.
    Posted by kberry333[/QUOTE]

    After I was engaged, I started looking at photographers.  I found one that I was interested in.   He was one of the most affordable  out of my list of possible photographers.  He won some photojournalist contest.  Well, his rate went up by $3,000.  I was shocked.  This all happened within 6 months.  There really is no sense in getting a list together 3 years in advance.  So many things change.  Prices go up, venues close down, people retire or move.  This is coming from someone who did start booking things fairly early in the planning process.  I got engaged in November, and I booked my venue in February, which was about 16 months before the wedding date. 
  • edited December 2011
    Hell yeah I looked at stuff :)

    Like you I knew my proposal was coming, my boyfriend (fiance now) and I looked at things together, saved links and got ideas for what we would want.

    We booked the venue we'd looked at, picked a few of the colors from the original color scheme, same guest list...

    The others are right, it's really not hard! I thought I was doing myself a favor by looking but it's not like you can actually do the hard part like booking things and paying till you're engaged, in the long run it didn't help much...but it IS fun to "get organized" :)

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  • edited December 2011
    Note that it can also scare your boyfriend/fiance if you plan too much. My fiance was a little bothered to find out I had looked at dresses, though he was more okay with it when I explained that I hadn't started until after his abortive proposal plan.
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  • FennLA94FennLA94 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't start planning anything until I was engaged.  First, because when I did look at websites I would get antsy and curious as to when he was going to pop the question..which annoyed me and eventually him because I would ask what he was waiting for..haha.  And second, because I had no idea when the proposal was going to come.  The point of being engaged is to plan a wedding...save it..it will mean more and you won't get burnt out!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:bf91e759-fd32-4c05-bc9c-16f988ef6aad">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? : Umm no. Stop giving us NEYs a bad name. Honestly, do listen to the other married girls here. You CAN get burned out doing this- not because wedding planning is so crazy in and of itself, but because people obsess over little things and plan for months. Your list of photographers, caterers, venues, and dresses can all change over time. Especially if (as your profile says kberry) you're not getting married until late 2014. So that "list" that you have now may absolutely do no good if you're not going to book anything for another 3 years . How frustrating would that be? For all your work to amount to nothing. Relax and enjoy your relationship! It's still an exciting time for relationships whether you're getting married soon or not. I don't see anything wrong wtih browsing ideas and running things through your mind- I think a lot of people do that. For example, you go to someone's wedding and you think "oh! Isn't that a nice idea!" and you tuck it away and ignore it until it's time to plan yourself.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
     
    Fist of all, my "wedding date" isn't even real. That's a date I picked out of the air because I had to pick a date to create an account here.
    Second of all, wedding planning is relative and an individual can do whatever she chooses. My planning is just a notebook of specific, as well as, generic ideas.  I'm pretty sure I know myself well enough and the wedding I have in mind is small and outdoor in my SO's pasture.  

    I don't see how my opinion and personal "planning" (for lack of a better term) gives a "bad name" (as you so ignorantly put it) to NEYs. It makes no sense.   
    Everyone is different, personally I like being proactive and getting through things as quickly and effectively as possible. I'm organizing thoughts and ideas more than anything. Lately, I've been giving it a rest because it drives me crazy just waiting and I know I'll be waiting for some time. But I'm happy I have things organized and written down, because when he asks he'll want a short engagement and I'll be happy I had my "planning" notes. 

    Do what you want. That's the best advice and I do agree 100% with the married ladies when they said to enjoy your relationship. Because I do admit I was obsessing for a few weeks and I just had to step back and evaluate myself.  He's more important than a ring and a wedding...COMBINED!!! lol That's all that really matters!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:6c92b424-95c6-45a7-9741-33034471cf79">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? :   Fist of all, my "wedding date" isn't even real. That's a date I picked out of the air because I had to pick a date to create an account here.
    Posted by kberry333[/QUOTE]<div>
    <div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Really? Cause I didn't. It gave me a generic date: </span></font><span style="color:#555555;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#0C0C0C">1/1/0001.</font></span></font></span></div></div><div><span style="color:#555555;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#0C0C0C">
    </font></span></font></span></div>
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:6c92b424-95c6-45a7-9741-33034471cf79">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? :   Fist of all, my "wedding date" isn't even real. That's a date I picked out of the air because I had to pick a date to create an account here.
    Posted by kberry333[/QUOTE]

    Actually, you don't need to put a date. It's a little tricky to figure out (it took me a couple minutes fiddling with it) but if you look at my profile (and a few others) it will say "January 1, 00001" or something like that. That's fine if it's not your actual date.

    It is an individual choice. But it really doesn't make any sense because an engagement is a decision between two people to get married in the future and then they have an engagement period where they then plan. You're either in that engagement period and planning, or you're not and you're living life. The purpose of that engagement period is to plan a wedding, otherwise people would just get engaged and a day later hit up the JoP office and get married. As I said before all that "planning" may very well be in vain if you're not going to be booking anything any time soon as things do change all the time. You're not being "efficient" in making all these lists so far in advance. It's good that you've stepped back from it.

    [QUOTE]<strong>Lately, I've been giving it a rest because it drives me crazy just waiting and I know I'll be waiting for some time.</strong> But I'm happy I have things organized and written down, because when he asks he'll want a short engagement and I'll be happy I had my "planning" notes. 

    Do what you want. That's the best advice and I do agree 100% with the married ladies when they said to enjoy your relationship.<strong> Because I do admit I was obsessing for a few weeks and I just had to step back and evaluate myself</strong>.[/QUOTE]

    That's again another reason why people are encouraged to wait to start seriously planning until after the engagement. I don't see anything wrong with seeing flowers or colours and going, "Oh, those are nice!" and then tucking that thought away. But making lists of venues and photographers and caters is a bit excessive that would drive anyone crazy when they're anxiously awaiting a proposal.

    In the end, you're obviously going to do whatever you want. But this is advice to why it isn't such a good idea to start planning so soon.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:7d4ce23b-d7dc-4d8f-adb3-9c0f5187b030">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? : Really? Cause I didn't. It gave me a generic date:  1/1/0001.
    Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

    I didn't and I've tried to change it to a generic date, but it won't let me. It gives an error message. I don't know.
  • deb84deb84 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Have ideas is one thing but researching vendors is a waste of time.  FI and I got engaged in Jan.  In Feb. I started doing research on venders.  We booked our reception hall and ceremoney location.  I got information from photographers.  We booked our photographer in April and her prices had gone up $600 /package.  It wasn't a big deal for us but for someone trying to stay in a strict budget it would have caused  a problem.  Things change.  Not just prices but your ideas.  Also don't forget about your FI, he should have a say too.  And if either of your parent's are contributing money they also will have a say in what you choose.  Enjoy being together.  You will have plenty of time to plan. 


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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:0e40ae5a-21ea-48ec-97d1-d6dbe2994bf0">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? : I didn't and I've tried to change it to a generic date, but it won't let me. It gives an error message. I don't know.
    Posted by kberry333[/QUOTE]

    Don't list yourself as the "bride" on the account page, because I believe it then makes you choose a date. If you choose a different option, it won't make you pick a date. Alternatively, you can hide your profile and I think that hides the date as well. People will refer back to your profile for things such as the date, as I did, so it's nice to have more accurate information on there so this doesn't come up again.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-start-looking-wedding-planning-before-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fbd3986f-098c-4dc7-8775-3254523b0f63Post:b65c5e31-8ab2-42ef-8e1d-6a2ce2c3d7b5">Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you start looking into wedding planning before you got engaged? : But it really doesn't make any sense because an engagement is a decision between two people to get married in the future and then they have an engagement period where they then plan. You're either in that engagement period and planning, or you're not and you're living life. The purpose of that engagement period is to plan a wedding, otherwise people would just get engaged and a day later hit up the JoP office and get married. Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    OK. I get that. And I agree, that's a big part of why I've stopped. Plus, it's not fun doing it by yourself. I want to plan with my SO and sisters. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> 
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