Not Engaged Yet

Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed

My bf and I have been together almost 10 awesome months. We already know we want to get married  tentatively late summer early fall of 2013. Both sets of parents are aware of this so money can be saved up and we won't be scrapping for cash or maxing out credit cards. Parents are the only ones that know about this plan.

Jordan's birthday his dad handed me the check and told me to make sure Jordan puts it in the right account and elbows me.

Here and there throughout our relationship i been asked by my mom's co-workers, family friends, my friends , etc "so when is the wedding?" I look at them funny " really , do you know something I don't know? because I don't see a  ring on my finger yet and it hasn't even been a year."  Every time  I tell Jordan that I was asked again today he gets annoyed. He thinks i was pressuring him " do you want me to buy a ring or buy the ring you deserve"

I was asked 3 times yesterday and one time Jordan was present so he finally saw  that it really isn't me, it is everyone else that is pushing for a wedding announcement.

Why cant people just wait and see. i know everyone is happy but I told Jordan 1 year minimum before he could even ask. He has known from  the minute we started dating that is was my wish  and he respects that. I know he is saving up for a ring but i don't know when he going to pop the question . I don't want to know because it should be a surprise . 

My focus right now is  graduating in December from school and passing my national boards. He is focused on a brand new job/ promotion.

How do you deal with people that are pushing your relationship and want to know when the wedding is?

Im afraid all this pushing is to much and I dont want people bugging me about wedding stuff , invites, location, food etc.
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Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed

  • edited December 2011
    Yup, I get asked that a lot too... we've been together 4 years and people just "expect" it's going to happen "soon"... I just laugh and say, "yeah, okay, whatever" and change the subject.

    Like you said, you're focused on graduating and your BF is focused on his new job/promotion and that's great!

    I like that you already say, "really , do you know something I don't know? because I don't see a  ring on my finger yet and it hasn't even been a year" or if you don't actually say it, just look at them that way, then say it.

    good luck! and always feel free to come on here and vent, sometimes it helps :)
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:03d5e9ab-a161-4a9e-bdaf-5eb074e4eab1">Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]My bf and I have been together almost 10 awesome months. We already know we want to get married  tentatively late summer early fall of 2013. Both sets of parents are aware of this so money can be saved up and we won't be scrapping for cash or maxing out credit cards. Parents are the only ones that know about this plan. Jordan's birthday his dad handed me the check and told me to make sure Jordan puts it in the right account and elbows me. Here and there throughout our relationship i been asked by my mom's co-workers, family friends, my friends , etc "so when is the wedding?" I look at them funny " really , do you know something I don't know? because I don't see a  ring on my finger yet and it hasn't even been a year."  Every time  I tell Jordan that I was asked again today he gets annoyed. He thinks i was pressuring him " do you want me to buy a ring or buy the ring you deserve" I was asked 3 times yesterday and one time Jordan was present so he finally saw  that it really isn't me, it is everyone else that is pushing for a wedding announcement. Why cant people just wait and see. i know everyone is happy but I told Jordan 1 year minimum before he could even ask. He has known from  the minute we started dating that is was my wish  and he respects that. I know he is saving up for a ring but i don't know when he going to pop the question . I don't want to know because it should be a surprise .  My focus right now is  graduating in December from school and passing my national boards. He is focused on a brand new job/ promotion. How do you deal with people that are pushing your relationship and want to know when the wedding is? Im afraid all this pushing is to much and I dont want people bugging me about wedding stuff , invites, location, food etc.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]


    You seem to have your head skrewed on straight. Good plan to wait until after graduation and after you've dated a year. :)

    People are always goign to ask. Right now they ask, "When are you going to marry him?!" After you're engaged, "When's the date!?"  After the wedding, "When are you going to have a baby?!"  You and your FI need to realize that people will ask and do ask, and to let it go. Think of some silly response to say back when people ask.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]I am moving to the 495 area in December and at the same time trying to get an idea of venues.  The feeling of my wedding is victorian  heirloom charm in an italian garden meets the whimsical of a midsummers nights dream fairy court. I like to have 200 guests and catering options.  Does anyone have ideas?
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]


    I take back what I said about your head being skrewed on straight. Really? Cart before the horse!!! You do NOT  need to know where you'll have your wedding when YOU ARE NOT ENGAGED.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • karlee4everkarlee4ever member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:bd389034-2313-4526-9c43-b1924fdcee56">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I take back what I said about your head being skrewed on straight. Really? Cart before the horse!!! You do NOT  need to know where you'll have your wedding when YOU ARE NOT ENGAGED.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    This. What wedding are you talking about here? Youre not engaged so there is no wedding right now. Also your boyfriend already seems annoyed at the talk of it so just chill. You have only been together 10 months. Just focus on your relationship and have fun with each other. He might not even ask for another year or two or seven! Chillllll out. This should be a very fun time in your life anf you should enjoy it for what it is.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:bd389034-2313-4526-9c43-b1924fdcee56">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I take back what I said about your head being skrewed on straight. Really? Cart before the horse!!! You do NOT  need to know where you'll have your wedding when YOU ARE NOT ENGAGED.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    Okay, yeah, didn't see that. Please, don't start planning before you're even engaged. Just enjoy what you have when you have it.
  • edited December 2011
    I know how that feels.  My BF's family started asking us when we were getting married when I first met them.  We told them under no circumstances were we getting married so soon after dating (we'd only been dating 7 months at the time).  His step-mom and brother have asked that recently, and we just laugh it off and tell them if and when the time is right, we'll do it, but until then, stop asking.  Them asking when we're getting married not going to make it happen.

    Like the other ladies have said, DON'T START PLANNING IF YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED.  I'm an assistant event coordinator, and the events I work with the most are weddings.  Things will change (they always do) and it's stressful enough as is.  I can practically see the stress with the couples I work with.  It's just not reasonable to plan before you're engaged.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:03d5e9ab-a161-4a9e-bdaf-5eb074e4eab1">Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]My bf and I have been together almost 10 awesome months. We already know we want to get married  tentatively late summer early fall of 2013.<strong> Both sets of parents are aware of this so money can be saved up and we won't be scrapping for cash or maxing out credit cards. </strong>Parents are the only ones that know about this plan.

    Jordan's birthday his dad handed me the check and told me to make sure Jordan puts it in the right account and elbows me.

    Here and there throughout our relationship i been asked by my mom's co-workers, family friends, my friends , etc "so when is the wedding?" I look at them funny " really , do you know something I don't know? because I don't see a  ring on my finger yet and it hasn't even been a year."  Every time  I tell Jordan that I was asked again today he gets annoyed. He thinks i was pressuring him " do you want me to buy a ring or buy the ring you deserve"

    I was asked 3 times yesterday and one time Jordan was present so he finally saw  that it really isn't me, it is everyone else that is pushing for a wedding announcement.

    Why cant people just wait and see. i know everyone is happy but I told Jordan 1 year minimum before he could even ask. He has known from  the minute we started dating that is was my wish  and he respects that. I know he is saving up for a ring but i don't know when he going to pop the question . I don't want to know because it should be a surprise . 

    My focus right now is  graduating in December from school and passing my national boards. He is focused on a brand new job/ promotion.

    How do you deal with people that are pushing your relationship and want to know when the wedding is?

    Im afraid all this pushing is to much and I dont want people bugging me about wedding stuff , invites, location, food etc.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    How nice of you to tell your families to save money for your wedding.  That was sooo sweet of you. 

    You don't seem to actually BE focused on graduating.  Your screenname says that you are a BRIDE.  You aren't.  You have already skipped ahead to figuring out what your wedding is going to be like and when it is going to take place.  That is thinking much too far into the future for someone who is NOT engaged yet. 

    People are not 'waiting and seeing' because YOU are not waiting and seeing.  Shocker there.  Big giant shocker. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-yooouu?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f434415-b89f-41e2-8c60-50999902630dPost:d01f8cdc-048e-4166-be19-55e39fa893a8">Re: Getting to know yooouu.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Screen Name: artistcjewishbride  though you should see my screen name next to this post.
    Age:24
    Significant Other's Age:27
    What You Do: Dental assistant and college student
    What SO Does: Executive Chef / General Manger
    State of Relationship: very serious ??? I dont know we are moving in togeather in December. He is saving up for a ring, both families know we are planning on getting married. No monster in laws to worry about.
    How Long You've Been Together: 9 months
    How You Met: J date
    Wedding Date (if you're engaged/married):<strong> Planning on Oct 2013 becouse my mom and Jordan are worried about it being to warm. Jordan wants to get married on the 18th of the month and the only Sunday is in Augest so I may still have an Augest wedding
    </strong>Real Babies: none
    Fur Babies: I came into the relationship with 2 papillons Rennie and Legend ( butterfly ear dogs )  Jordan and I welcomes a Brussels griffan puppy into our lives in Aug (Monkey faced dog) though his parents dont know about it yet
    Loves:  my man, my dogs ( showing and as companions) antiques, shakespeare, reniassance faires, history, bellydancing, traveling
    Hates: having an empty wallet haha, but in all seriousness snobby people, unimaginative, a behind a desk job , winter ( I hate being cold) , shaving ( when I can afford it I'm getting laser hair removal) not having enough time in the day to do everything on my to do list, a messy house  etc etc
    Pet Peeves: People Yelling, I get annoyed with my own writing skills and I hate when people point it out becouse it makes me feel awful.
    Rude people, there no need for it Hobbies/Activities: belly dance, dog shows, excercising, cooking, reniassance faire, road trips
    Favorite Thing About Your SO: He loves me so much and wants to do everything within his power to make sure I am taken care of .
    Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: I would have to say chronic genetic related  illness which makes him a slave to medication and blood tests
    Describe Your Personality: very loving, go with the flow , stand by my friends and family, not the best at being sarcastic back, think I have a good sense of humor, not into material goods per say but tresuring what you have , very budget concious ( tend to think things over before making a purchase)
    Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): no clue what a snark is
    I've Been On TK Since: I think May
    How You Came to Be On TK: Jordan and I knew from month 1 that we are each others Besherit  and  <strong>I asked from the beginning that he give me a year before popping the question. I also knew that I wanted to come into  a marrige no baggage. I really wanted to have a whole idea/ picture in mind so when I do have the ring and we have to start planning we had somewhere to start. </strong>
    How I like my potatoes: anyway my sweetheart wants to make them .. Im not a picky eater
    Favorite book/author:- I love historical fiction
    Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: Born and raised Jewish in Richmond, VA moving to DC in December still need to find a shul. I am a major animal lover and have spent time volunteering with a national dog rescue. Never thought I would find the love of my life online who compliments me so well , that my parents adore, and who family is normal lol
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]



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  • alanna91alanna91 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's just something people say for conversation. They see a couple that's in a loving , committed relationship and ask when the wedding is. Don't take offense or get annoyed by it, instead take it as a good thing that people notice how in love you two are.
    White Knot
  • Bett2012Bett2012 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Before I got engaged, this one girl asked me EVERY time she saw me where my ring was.  It was getting really annoying, especially since we really wanted to be engaged/married but couldn't because of schooling and age. I decided the next time she asked, I'd say "OH man, I knew there was something I forgot to put on this morning!"
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  • edited December 2011
    I know it wont be another year, 2 or 7 haha

    Jordan had a few ideas on venues . We had fun over the spring and summer going to a garden here and there , exploring the area together.  He had an idea for a venue so i trust him and kept it as an idea. He told me a few months ago that he didn't want it there because the place has gone down hill since he worked there.

    ((((Our 3 month anniversary (March ) we spent the 2nd half of the week at the inner harbor in B'more and we talked about how beautiful it was for a wedding but how it not our style but if  push come to shove we wouldn't mind getting married there. Jordan dad might have a connection with that hotel chain. ))))

     It puts us at ground zero  so what is wrong with asking about garden venues? It lets us get in the car and go walk around a garden and grab lunch. (we are always looking for things to do)  If we both like it why not keep it in mind for the future.
    I am clueless on DC and it going to be my home soon and it is scary that
    1) I'm in a new state trying to find employment
    2)learn my way around
    3) then I have to try to plan a wedding shortly after i move  in a very expensive area that books quickly while not getting an  IBS episode ( Jordan is very tempted to hire a planner so this does not happen)

    But I cant wait to wake up to him every morning, kiss him as I drop him off at the metro, sharing dinner with him every night and maybe some nights meet him for dinner near the Smithsonian , catch a Caps Hockey game, or a baseball game, and just let the beauty of the buildings wash over me with Jordan as my guide.

    Sleeping is another story because he such a light sleeper that as much as I want to curl up with him every night i worry that the dogs or myself keep him up. ( I went  23 years, shared my bed with  2x bfs and never had someone tell me I toss in my sleep, mumble, or hog the blankets  until Jordan)

    We know 100% that unless something awful happens we are aiming for Aug or Oct 2013 ( my idea to wait)  because
    1)DC is ridiculous when it come to money and how quick venues etc books up and Jordan's connections are limited in some areas

    2) I don't want to steal anyone's thunder ( my mom and brother(s) are both graduating in the spring ) My parents know as well since they are putting back money every month for this wonderful event plus paying for 4 college tuitions

    3)I want to pay for part of my wedding and come into a marriage with no debt

    4)by then I will have completed this part of schooling( Jordan and my mom are already talking about Hygiene school yikes!!!!) , Have the DANB completed (3 parts , still debating on taking one at a time or all together in December) and 1 1/2 years with an employer so i will be confident in my productivity at work.

    Right now my main focus for this week is periodontics ( surgeries and instruments) and this week we start maxofacial  surgery . I live week to week, my calendar / day planner  is my best friend and seeing  Jordan at the end of the week is the biggest reward and the key to my sanity when I have 2 tests a week.

    Jordan lives  day to day because it is so busy and he has so much to do. When i am up at his house on a week day he usually comes home and  chills / passes out for an hour from his 5am -6pm day.

    We started trading off the week driving to see each other. This weekend  coming up I am going up to him for his parents 30th wedding anniversary dinner. End of the moth he  is down here because it is family weekend at UVA and my mom is getting inducted into the honor society. We play the weekends by ear and go where it is easier for the other.

    For the next 4 weeks  after school and my externship I am volunteering my time to help sew costumes for my HS play.

    All the wedding stuff is on the major back burner and we both get annoyed when people ask because we have not reached that dec 18th point and we don't want to focus on it until I have a ring on my finger.
    I was raised in a community where you get married after 3 to 6 months of dating and  weddings are thrown together in 3 to 4 months of planning.

    20 is a normal age to get married. At 24 almost 25 they make me feel like im an old maid . People have been asking since our 3 month anniversary.

    I don't want to know when or how the proposal will happen and I am not worried about it. We talked about rings early and he brings up ideas every so often ( as soon as I get use to an idea he drops another idea), I'm confused and I find it better not to think about it.

    The question asking  from time  to time didn't bother me til I was asked 3 times on Friday including 2 of my mom's  co-workers ( I gave my mom the dirtiest look and then answered the question ) "well no ring just yet but we are looking at fall 2013 so it is going to be a little while longer"

    Then when we were at a family friends house Sat  the husband goes so are you two planning on getting married any time soon I just looked over at Jordan (please help me) so he answered him  and wisely turned the conversation to gardening , honey bees, and how they make certain speciality vegetables.
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:d15dea6a-0fe7-47d0-a7a1-ae2be50a08c4">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know it wont be another year, 2 or 7 haha Jordan had a few ideas on venues . We had fun over the spring and summer going to a garden here and there , exploring the area together.  He had an idea for a venue so i trust him and kept it as an idea. He told me a few months ago that he didn't want it there because the place has gone down hill since he worked there.  <strong> It puts us at ground zero  so what is wrong with asking about garden venues?</strong>
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    Holy long post. I didn't read the whole thing, but the first paragraph was enough... eek.

    I think you still don't get it. See, normally people ARE at ground zero when they get engaged with venue searches. You do this AFTER you get engaged.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • karlee4everkarlee4ever member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Wowza! *Headdesk*. Remember, life is what happens while you're busy making plans.
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  • edited December 2011
    Im sorry, but Im going to sound like a huge B here. You have no right to get angry at people asking when your wedding is and where is the ring when you have so much planned for the wedding that isnt even guaranteed yet. You're being ridiculous for getting angry with them. 
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:20e75d52-ae1c-4bff-97e4-0128017bcfbe">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed : Holy long post. I didn't read the whole thing, but the first paragraph was enough... eek. I think you still don't get it. See, normally people ARE at ground zero when they get engaged with venue searches. You do this AFTER you get engaged.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    This.  Sooooo this.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    "20 is a normal age to get married"

    Um, some girls do it (Hope, I'm not hating on you or our other young engaged ones (I was one too!)), but for the most part, 20 is not a normal age to get married.  20 is the age where you have new life experiences and meet people and do things.  20 is when you start figuring out what you want to do with your career.  20 is when you learn a hell of a lot about yourself.

    Stop planning your wedding.  Or I will break out the chair.
    I french with my man
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  • edited December 2011
    A screen name is  just a screen name  grow up!!!  Some people on here can be so mean.

    I am not a bride yet but I will be, and your screen name stays the same on here throughout the whole time.

    It been a relationship of love , respect, caring since December. Jordan is part of this family and he is like a son to my mom and my dad loves spending time with him. My parents have never offered to take any of my bfs on vacation. Jordan cares for my family as if they were already his own. His family loves me as their own as well.

    The ring is coming I try not to focus on it, no clue what he has put back so far and I don't want to know. He made an offer to take me shopping, pick out a ring and he just pay it off as quickly or slowly as he wanted to and pop the question but that takes all the surprise out of it.

    We joke around about it " well I thought i would just txt you the proposal and send a picture over the phone" 

    Sometimes I can get negative about it all, like when he telling me about a few ideas because it has been done before " Everything has been done before "

    I feel kind  of numb to it all . I just want to focus on school. I cant take day by day during the week  but I can do it hour by hour on the weekend. Wish I could make time stand still on the weekends and Sunday at 2pm is the dirtiest time in the world.

    I talked to my mom about he money because I had been in a serious relationship that lasted 3 1/2 years ( we thought all we needed was love but without support of family it all falls apart and it ended up being a very abusive relationship for the last year and I felt completely stuck)

    i remember when there was a chance of us getting married my dad  was shocked at the 5k on a venue and trying to figure out where he could cut corners to put the  deposit down even canceling a graduation vacation for my brother. I don't want my parents or my brothers going without while planning a wedding. Mom may be getting her Masters next year, and 3 brothers in undergraduate.

    It is extremely level headed on my part and you all can be so negative towards a situation you know nothing about.

    I shouldn't have to defend myself or my relationship just because you don't have 100% of all the facts.  I hate posting on this board because of a few people. Now i need to get some sleep because i do have "work" tomorrow.
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    At least you used paragraphs, geez.

     

    OP I am going to offer you some advice.  I am also crazy busy with school and work and I often have very little free time.  I just got engaged a little over a month ago. I started at ground zero.  It is not that hard to plan a wedding.  I am only having an 8 month engagement; guess what 2013 is a long ways away.  You will have over a year to plan your wedding if he proposes when you think he will.  You will be fine.   Stop worrying and sit back and enjoy the ride of dating.  Soon enough you will be engaged and you will never have that time back.  Stick around, vent your BSCness here but be prepared for the girls to knock you down a peg or two.  Your BF will appreciate it if you stop talking wedding constantly. 

    EDIT: I just read your next post, no one attacked your relationship. And when you put stuff online all we have to go on is what YOU posted, so don't get all uppity about it.  And no one was mean to you in the slightest.  Just because they didn't say what you wanted to hear doesn't mean they were being mean.  What you posted doesn't change anything.  You are contradicting yourself, you want to focus on school but you want to look at possible venues in D.C.  I personally have nothing against going somewhere and being like oh it would be nice to get married here someday.  Big different than going to look at a place because you *might* want to use it someday! 


    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:2c074b3b-2ef0-46b8-89cc-7425eaefede5">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>A screen name is  just a screen name  grow up!!!  </strong>Some people on here can be so mean. I am not a bride yet but I will be, and your screen name stays the same on here throughout the whole time. <strong>It been a relationship of love , respect, caring since <u>December</u>.</strong>Jordan is part of this family and he is like a son to my mom and my dad loves spending time with him. My parents have never offered to take any of my bfs on vacation. Jordan cares for my family as if they were already his own. His family loves me as their own as well. The ring is coming I try not to focus on it, no clue what he has put back so far and I don't want to know. He made an offer to take me shopping, pick out a ring and he just pay it off as quickly or slowly as he wanted to and pop the question but that takes all the surprise out of it. We joke around about it " well I thought i would just txt you the proposal and send a picture over the phone"  Sometimes I can get negative about it all, like when he telling me about a few ideas because it has been done before " Everything has been done before " I feel kind  of numb to it all . I just want to focus on school. I cant take day by day during the week  but I can do it hour by hour on the weekend. Wish I could make time stand still on the weekends and Sunday at 2pm is the dirtiest time in the world. I talked to my mom about he money because I had been in a serious relationship that lasted 3 1/2 years ( we thought all we needed was love but without support of family it all falls apart and it ended up being a very abusive relationship for the last year and I felt completely stuck) i remember when there was a chance of us getting married my dad  was shocked at the 5k on a venue and trying to figure out where he could cut corners to put the  deposit down even canceling a graduation vacation for my brother. I don't want my parents or my brothers going without while planning a wedding. Mom may be getting her Masters next year, and 3 brothers in undergraduate. It is extremely level headed on my part and you all can be so negative towards a situation you know nothing about. I shouldn't have to defend myself or my relationship just because you don't have 100% of all the facts.  I hate posting on this board because of a few people. Now i need to get some sleep because i do have "work" tomorrow.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    You'd best watch your tone with Mutley, young lady. 

    Knowing someone and having a fantabulous relationship since DECEMBER doesn't really mean much.  You're still in the honeymoon phase.  And seeing as how you cannot seem to form coherent sentences, let alone spell things correctly, I really think you need to focus more on your education and less on your someday wedding.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • edited December 2011

    I just want to say welcome to DC. I'm a long time native of the region and I do see how moving to a thriving, and yes, pricy city like this can be both exciting and stressful. The more time that you spend here, the more acquainted with the region you will become. There are lots of historic houses with gardens throughout the area (I happen to live near a few). Good luck with your exploration of the region. As time goes on, your tastes may change somewhat. That said, I don't see a problem with getting a general sense of what you like for future reference. I can certainly relate to the feeling of mutual recognition and emotional connection that can happen when you and your partner realize that you belong together.

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  • karlee4everkarlee4ever member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:2c074b3b-2ef0-46b8-89cc-7425eaefede5">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]A screen name is  just a screen name  grow up!!!  Some people on here can be so mean. I am not a bride yet but I will be, and your screen name stays the same on here throughout the whole time. It been a relationship of love , respect, caring since December. Jordan is part of this family and he is like a son to my mom and my dad loves spending time with him. My parents have never offered to take any of my bfs on vacation. Jordan cares for my family as if they were already his own. His family loves me as their own as well. The ring is coming I try not to focus on it, no clue what he has put back so far and I don't want to know. He made an offer to take me shopping, pick out a ring and he just pay it off as quickly or slowly as he wanted to and pop the question but that takes all the surprise out of it. We joke around about it " well I thought i would just txt you the proposal and send a picture over the phone"  Sometimes I can get negative about it all, like when he telling me about a few ideas because it has been done before " Everything has been done before " I feel kind  of numb to it all . I just want to focus on school. I cant take day by day during the week  but I can do it hour by hour on the weekend. Wish I could make time stand still on the weekends and<strong> Sunday at 2pm is the dirtiest time in the world.</strong> I talked to my mom about he money because I had been in a serious relationship that lasted 3 1/2 years ( we thought all we needed was love but without support of family it all falls apart and it ended up being a very abusive relationship for the last year and I felt completely stuck) i remember when there was a chance of us getting married my dad  was shocked at the 5k on a venue and trying to figure out where he could cut corners to put the  deposit down even canceling a graduation vacation for my brother. I don't want my parents or my brothers going without while planning a wedding. Mom may be getting her Masters next year, and 3 brothers in undergraduate. It is extremely level headed on my part and you all can be so negative towards a situation you know nothing about. I shouldn't have to defend myself or my relationship just because you don't have 100% of all the facts.  I hate posting on this board because of a few people. Now i need to get some sleep because i do have "work" tomorrow.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    Huh? What does this mean?
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I like that she has "work" (in quotes) tomorrow. Why the quotation marks? I am intrigued.
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:2c074b3b-2ef0-46b8-89cc-7425eaefede5">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]A screen name is  just a screen name  grow up!!!  Some people on here can be so mean. <strong>I am not a bride yet but I will be, and your screen name stays the same on here throughout the whole time</strong>. It been a relationship of love , respect, caring since December. Jordan is part of this family and he is like a son to my mom and my dad loves spending time with him. My parents have never offered to take any of my bfs on vacation. Jordan cares for my family as if they were already his own. His family loves me as their own as well. The ring is coming I try not to focus on it, no clue what he has put back so far and I don't want to know. He made an offer to take me shopping, pick out a ring and he just pay it off as quickly or slowly as he wanted to and pop the question but that takes all the surprise out of it. We joke around about it " well I thought i would just txt you the proposal and send a picture over the phone"  Sometimes I can get negative about it all, like when he telling me about a few ideas because it has been done before " Everything has been done before " I feel kind  of numb to it all . I just want to focus on school. I cant take day by day during the week  but I can do it hour by hour on the weekend. Wish I could make time stand still on the weekends and Sunday at 2pm is the dirtiest time in the world.<strong> I talked to my mom about he money because I had been in a serious relationship that lasted 3 1/2 years ( we thought all we needed was love but without support of family it all falls apart and it ended up being a very abusive relationship for the last year and I felt completely stuck) i remember when there was a chance of us getting married my dad  was shocked at the 5k on a venue and trying to figure out where he could cut corners to put the  deposit down even canceling a graduation vacation for my brother.</strong> I don't want my parents or my brothers going without while planning a wedding. Mom may be getting her Masters next year, and 3 brothers in undergraduate. It is extremely level headed on my part and you all can be so negative towards a situation you know nothing about. I shouldn't have to defend myself or my relationship just because you don't have 100% of all the facts.  <strong>I hate posting on this board because of a few people. Now i need to get some sleep because i do have "work" tomorrow.</strong>
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>1. I just, wow.  So, you're telling us that there was nothing just as interesting in your life that you could use for a screenname other than the fact that you may someday be a bride?</div><div>
    </div><div>2.  Abusive relationships are difficult.  I give you props for getting out.  But, by the same token, you weren't engaged then either.  So, why were you planning a wedding?  This seems to be a trend with you.</div><div>
    </div><div>3.  If you hate posting here, don't post here.  Seriously, nobody is twisting your arm.

    </div>
    I french with my man
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  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I wish I had a magic wand.
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, that was a whole lot of crazyness to try to read through.

    OP - you are not engaged.  Do not plan a wedding.  If people keep asking you about when an engagement is coming and it annoys you, change the subject.  I have been dating my BF for nearly seven years.  People ask us all the time when we're getting married, we just say at some point in the future and change the subject.  Easy.

    It may be a community thing as you said that people get married after dating for 3 to 6 months but to me that's crazy.   I don't think you can know a person well enough after that short of a time.  Although I am fully aware that some people have done it and have wonderful marriages.   

    Don't rush into marriage.  I'm around the same age as you so I'm not playing the "you're too young" card.  But 24 is not old.  Don't jump into an engagement because other people expect you to.

    And seriously - you aren't engaged yet.  Stop planning.
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  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:2c074b3b-2ef0-46b8-89cc-7425eaefede5">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some people on here can be so mean.

    I shouldn't have to defend myself or my relationship just because you don't have 100% of all the facts.  I hate posting on this board because of a few people.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]
    We're probably all bad in bed and you feel sorry for our SOs too... Sigh, it's been a while since we've been called names.

    Seriously OP, your BF is giving you signs (like telling you flat out) that he is annoyed by the wedding stuff. Lay off him. Focus on school; from what I understand law school takes a lot of attention, and it should really be where your attention lies at the moment. PPs are right, if you don't stop giving people mixed signals about the status of your relationship, they won't stop asking about a ring. You don't need to look at venues or anything else before you are engaged. That's what the engagement is for. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: enjoy your relationship as it is right now. You'll never get these moments back, and it would be a terrible waste to let them pass you by thinking about something that may or may not even happen in the future.


    Andplusalso - Mutley, Prenatal Facepalm made me snort.
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  • caitlin.cavecaitlin.cave member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:2c074b3b-2ef0-46b8-89cc-7425eaefede5">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]A screen name is  just a screen name  grow up!!!  Some people on here can be so mean. I am not a bride yet but I will be, and your screen name stays the same on here throughout the whole time. It been a relationship of love , respect, caring since December. Jordan is part of this family and he is like a son to my mom and my dad loves spending time with him. My parents have never offered to take any of my bfs on vacation. Jordan cares for my family as if they were already his own. His family loves me as their own as well. <strong>The ring is coming I try not to focus on it</strong>, no clue what he has put back so far and I don't want to know. He made an offer to take me shopping, pick out a ring and he just pay it off as quickly or slowly as he wanted to and pop the question but that takes all the surprise out of it. We joke around about it " well I thought i would just txt you the proposal and send a picture over the phone"  Sometimes I can get negative about it all, like when he telling me about a few ideas because it has been done before " Everything has been done before " I feel kind  of numb to it all . <strong>I just want to focus on school.</strong> I cant take day by day during the week  but I can do it hour by hour on the weekend. Wish I could make time stand still on the weekends and Sunday at 2pm is the dirtiest time in the world. I talked to my mom about he money because I had been in a serious relationship that lasted 3 1/2 years ( we thought all we needed was love but without support of family it all falls apart and it ended up being a very abusive relationship for the last year and I felt completely stuck) <strong>i remember when there was a chance of us getting married my dad  was shocked at the 5k on a venue and trying to figure out where he could cut corners to put the  deposit down even canceling a graduation vacation for my brother.</strong> I don't want my parents or my brothers going without while planning a wedding. Mom may be getting her Masters next year, and 3 brothers in undergraduate. <strong>It is extremely level headed on my part and you all can be so negative towards a situation you know nothing about. I shouldn't have to defend myself or my relationship just because you don't have 100% of all the facts.  I hate posting on this board because of a few people.</strong> Now i need to get some sleep because i do have "work" tomorrow.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    I applaud you for trying not to focus on when he's proposing.  That can be super hard to do because this is such an exciting time; however, this needs to be extended to planning your wedding too.  It's one thing to go on a date to a garden and think to yourself "huh, it might be cool to get married here." and it's another thing entirely to run around looking for venues.  There's plenty of time to do that after you're engaged, and to be honest, planning gets so old so quickly.  I've only been engaged for a month and it's beginning to get old.

    Here's the thing.  It is not levelheaded or gracious of you to "give your parents notice" so they can save for your wedding.  It is not your parents' responsibility to pay for your party, <em>especially</em> not at the cost of gifts they planned on giving your siblings.  You are a grown woman.  If they choose to contribute, that's a huge blessing, but you and your fiancemanfriend should plan for what YOU can afford.
  • edited December 2011
    It was more of a " Lets go out for breakfast here, well we are near my parents house and there a garden nearby that I think you would love and it might be a cool place to get married"   It was a complete suprise We don't focus on it and the park was great.  His other suggestion was a resturant he use to work at also down the road from his parents house. I have a feeling he wants to get ready at home haha. I said we will see , but first we should have dinner there.

    As far as money goes , what ever they can help with is a blessing I agree. They have been talking about the fact that weddings are on the horizon and my dad has gotten really serious about putting back money. I am not getting into finaces  on here but my dad is thinking ahead to when we want to buy a house. I literally had to sxplain to him why we cant just go out RIGHT NOW and buy a house and how rediculoius it is to buy a house in the DC area.

    fiancemanfriend haha that is a new one , i might have to use that one in the future  . For now he just the  amazing BF  who now hand delivers flowers. I will never live my birthday flowers fiasco down.
     I am very content with life right now though I wish we were togeather after work to enjoy winding down togeahter on the couch before making dinner. Time will  fly and classes will be done, test will be taken and i can begin a new chapter in my life where i wolnt be getting a last min phone call to take jacob to HS or have to deal with my brother coming home at 3 am waking up the dogs.
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_day-people-keep-asking-wedding-im-starting-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:fcc03499-ba55-46e8-88f4-5e2b828351e5Post:92ec037b-d068-4993-9f8a-7b78a3d8e1d8">Re: Every day people keep asking "when the wedding?" I'm starting to get annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]It was more of a " Lets go out for breakfast here, well we are near my parents house and there a garden nearby that I think you would love and it might be a cool place to get married"   It was a complete suprise We don't focus on it and the park was great.  His other suggestion was a resturant he use to work at also down the road from his parents house. I have a feeling he wants to get ready at home haha. I said we will see , but first we should have dinner there. As far as money goes , what ever they can help with is a blessing I agree. They have been talking about the fact that weddings are on the horizon and my dad has gotten really serious about putting back money. I am not getting into finaces  on here but my dad is thinking ahead to when we want to buy a house. I literally had to sxplain to him why we cant just go out RIGHT NOW and buy a house and how rediculoius it is to buy a house in the DC area. fiancemanfriend haha that is a new one , i might have to use that one in the future  . For now he just the  amazing BF  who now hand delivers flowers. I will never live my birthday flowers fiasco down.  I am very content with life right now though I wish we were togeather after work to enjoy winding down togeahter on the couch before making dinner. Time will  fly and classes will be done, test will be taken and i can begin a new chapter in my life where i wolnt be getting a last min phone call to take jacob to HS or have to deal with my brother coming home at 3 am waking up the dogs.
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    wat?
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    CUPS are your friends. Capitalization, usage, punctuation, spelling. Siriusly. It's not that hard.
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    OP's posts aren't even making sense anymore.  Well, now that I think about it, I'm not sure they did in the first place.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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