Children at the ceremony/reception...

Roxygrl2002

Okay, so I know this topic has been discussed before, Children invited, children are not invited, etc. What I want to know is a delicate way to word something on my website and that is this... if the children can behave that's great, but if they can't, don't bring them, find a babysitter, or do what you need to do so they don't disrupt the ceremony or cause chaos at the reception. I'm all for having the children there... if they can behave. Any suggestions?

kcscejal

There isn't.  Also, it's always the brattiest kids whose parent's think they are soooo cute, so even if there was it wouldn't be effective.

AdeleDazeem

You have to pick: either invite kids or don't invite kids.

jemmini6

Even the most well-behaved children act up sometimes because, you know...they're CHILDREN.  Also, I don't think any parent is going to own up to their kid being a little brat, so they'll bring them anyways.  I think you just need to make a decision...kids or no kids.

J&K10910

You should threaten them all that if they misbehave you'll take away their cake.  If that doesn't work, tell them you'll take away their pets. 

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-ceremonyreception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0543baab-5794-42c0-a01b-fc02f2bdd8adPost:f4fecf3d-bf94-4e2b-a57a-7b7df10b02a1">Children at the ceremony/reception...</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I know this topic has been discussed before, Children invited, children are not invited, etc. What I want to know is a delicate way to word something on my website and that is this...<strong> </strong>if the children can behave that's great, but if they can't, don't bring them, find a babysitter, or do what you need to do so they don't disrupt the ceremony or cause chaos at the reception. I'm all for having the children there... if they can behave. Any suggestions?
Posted by Roxygrl2002[/QUOTE]

You should not pick and choose which kids are able to attend and which are not. You either invite all children or don't via word of mouth.

em01092

Yeah I get where you are coming from, but etiquette wise, you have to choose to either welcome all kids or no kids. You'd piss off a lot of people if you didn't invite their kids but invited others. They would likely take it personally, as though you don't approve of their parenting. 

Even if you do invite some kids, you can always opt to hire a sitter during the ceremony and/or reception. Just be prepared for people to decline, as a lot of people are uncomfy leaving their children with strangers, even if they are the sweetest old lady from your church or a pre-K teacher trained in CPR. 

So take a stance on kids being invited, think about a sitter, and then leave it up to your guests. Some may choose to leave their kids with grandma for the night instead so they can have grown up time. Others, most like OOT guests, will either bring them or not come, unless they can find someone to watch them while they are gone for a few days. 

Summer2011Bride

It's all kids or no kids in my opinion. Typically bratty kids can behave surprisingly well as typically well-behaved kids have their tantrums too. They are KIDS. That's what they do. If you are that averse to them, have adults-only. Just address invites to the adults. If they RSVP for children, you'll have to call and politely explain the invite was only for them.

jferlenda

PPs are right.  It's one or the other.  You can't let parents use their judgement on that.  

We're just addressing invites to the parents and leaving the "and family" or the kids names off of the invite.  This should give them the hint.  However, we have some of OOTs who have kids and we didn't want them not to come because of that, so my mom set up to have a couple of teenage girls from down the street on babysitter duty at my parents house for the day.  We're just letting them know by word of mouth that they have the option of bringing their kids along and leaving them at my parents house.

Roxygrl2002

Kids are already invited, I just know that there are some children on that list, like my newphew for example who are ADHD or just can't behave. In his case, we've already let my sister know she needs to find a sitter for him that day which she understands. I'm just wondering if anyone has a nicely worded way of implying that if you know your kid can't handle themselves, and I think alot of parents know when their kids can't behave, or are too young to not be crying/screaming at random times... then just leave them home. Anyone have any wording?  Any help toward that would be appreciated. Thanks for all the previous comments as well.

jferlenda

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-ceremonyreception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0543baab-5794-42c0-a01b-fc02f2bdd8adPost:0fb5d968-2f4c-461c-bf88-4fa7e306b4fc">Re: Children at the ceremony/reception...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children at the ceremony/reception... : Like PP said, there really is no wording that could be considered polite. No matter how you phrase it, "Only bring your kids if they can behave" comes off rude. Let parents use their best judgment. Most parents will remove a crying/screaming child from a ceremony, anyway. I think you are worrying too much about this. <strong>You already said that kids are invited. Leave it at that.</strong>
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>^This.

</div>

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-ceremonyreception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0543baab-5794-42c0-a01b-fc02f2bdd8adPost:e1508259-c5d2-4e05-b7e0-7d3612aaa883">Re: Children at the ceremony/reception...</a>:
[QUOTE]Kids are already invited, I just know that there are some children on that list, like my newphew for example who are ADHD or just can't behave. In his case, <strong>we've already let my sister know she needs to find a sitter for him that day which she understands.</strong> I'm just wondering if anyone has a nicely worded way of implying that if you know your kid can't handle themselves, and I think alot of parents know when their kids can't behave, or are too young to not be crying/screaming at random times... then just leave them home. Anyone have any wording?  Any help toward that would be appreciated. Thanks for all the previous comments as well.
Posted by Roxygrl2002[/QUOTE]

Wow....

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-ceremonyreception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0543baab-5794-42c0-a01b-fc02f2bdd8adPost:e1508259-c5d2-4e05-b7e0-7d3612aaa883">Re: Children at the ceremony/reception...</a>:
[QUOTE]Kids are already invited, <strong>I just know that there are some children on that list, like my newphew for example who are ADHD or just can't behave. In his case, we've already let my sister know she needs to find a sitter for him that day which she understands. </strong>I'm just wondering if anyone has a nicely worded way of implying that if you know your kid can't handle themselves, and I think alot of parents know when their kids can't behave, or are too young to not be crying/screaming at random times... then just leave them home. Anyone have any wording?  Any help toward that would be appreciated. Thanks for all the previous comments as well.
Posted by Roxygrl2002[/QUOTE]

<div>wow... aren't you a peach.</div><div>
</div><div>First, kids are kids.  Well behaved kids have bad days. Mis-behaved kids have good days. Even if you were the one who hand picked the well behaved kids you might still have a problem...</div><div>
</div><div>Second, Do you really think a parent is the best person to judge whether their kids are well behaved or not?  Really?  Tell us how that works out for you okay?</div><div>
</div><div>The ship as passed on this one.  They already have been invited, you can't go back and tell people their kids is no longer welcome.</div>

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-ceremonyreception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0543baab-5794-42c0-a01b-fc02f2bdd8adPost:e1508259-c5d2-4e05-b7e0-7d3612aaa883">Re: Children at the ceremony/reception...</a>:
[QUOTE]Kids are already invited, I just know that there are some children on that list, like my newphew <strong>for example who are ADHD</strong> or just can't behave. In his case, we've already let my sister know she needs to find a sitter for him that day which she understands. I'm just wondering if anyone has a nicely worded way of implying that if you know your kid can't handle themselves, and I think alot of parents know when their kids can't behave, or are too young to not be crying/screaming at random times... then just leave them home. Anyone have any wording?  Any help toward that would be appreciated. Thanks for all the previous comments as well.
Posted by Roxygrl2002[/QUOTE]

What about adults who are ADHD or ADD?  Do their spouses have to find sitters for them too?