Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Incorporate step-daugter

Anyone else gaining step children from marriage?  I'm gaining a daughter.  She will be the flower girl in the wedding but I want to do more to show our family is complete somehow but can't think of any ideas.  There's the obvious unity sand (we're having a beach wedding) for all 3 of us but anyone doing anything else to unite their families?  Thanks for any suggestions.
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Re: Incorporate step-daugter

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    Is your FSD's mother still alive?  If she is, I wouldn't do anything more than have the child as your flower girl.  Later, in private, you could give her a locket.  As much as you are looking at it as she is completing your family, from her mother's POV, it may look like you are trying to replace her - and you can count on her hearing the details of the wedding.
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    ITA with tldh 100%.

    Your marriage is to her father. A unity sand ceremony is sufficient as far as symbolism. It's not fair to make your future step daughter any sort of focus other than being a flower girl.

    I "acquired" 3 step children when I married last August. Only one could attend and she was a bridesmaid. Her daughter was our flower girl.
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    I'm gaining a 13 year old step daughter.  During our ceremony we plan on giving her a necklace - he will hold one end and I will hold the other and we will clasp it together.  I understand the careful line we need to walk as step parents but I think it comes down to the tone of the words you speak during the ceremony.  I'm not going to say she is completing our family, but rather that this is a committment to love her and care for her as she goes forward in her life - our embrace will always be there for her. 

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    Makes sense.  I just know at times, she feels left out of things that we do when she's with her mother and not with us and I wanted to make sure she was included as much as possible in the wedding.  She wants to be involved in everything we do!  I want to make sure it's as inclusive as possible.  She's a definite daddy's girl also!  Maybe the sand ceremony will be enough.
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    I don't think it's necessary to incorporate her in the ceremony any more than you already are. I think that having her be the FG is enough. But you could write her a letter (if she's old enough to read & comprehend it) along with giving her a special piece of jewelry.
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    osh99osh99 member
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    I am gaining a 12 yo SD and a 10 yo SS.  I have been in their life for 6 years now and their mother has been out of their lives for 2 years.  I am having my FSD as my maid of honor and my FSS is one of the best men.  We are going to do a sand ceremony for our little family.  Also, the kids are going to be greeters and hand out the programs and I am having them walk my FH down the aisle.  Everytime I tell my FMIL about that, she starts crying and I know I am doing the right thing with that decision!  We also decided to have a sweetheart tabel with the kids sitting on the endsof the table facing each other.  The thing that is hard for most people not in the situation to understand is that the kids often want to be a bigger part of the day and you have to pick your battles about what is important and what isn't.  My sister has four kids of her own and she keeps telling me that I am including my future step-children too much, but she wouldn't deny her kids their fun, so why should.  I have made a list of the things that are really important to me and my FH has agreed to keep the kids out of those things.  It's a compromise.
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    I will be gaining a vivacious 6 y/o SD.  She wants to be involved in every single detail and was the one who pushed us towards marriage. lol.  She will be one of my flower girls, along with my niece, and when we exchange rings, we were going to call her up and give her a necklace.  You guys think that would be too much? 

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