wedding jitters

bmahu

my fiancee and i have been together for 8 yrs and have been living together for 3 yrs. we got engaged just about a yr ago and have a wedding set for this sept. things between us are great! we get a long very well and are best friends! about a month ago, he said to me that he was having 2nd thoughts about getting married. he wasnt sure if marriage is the right thing for him right now. he started sleeping in the spare bedroom because he thought that if we were apart, he'd miss me and things would be fine. in the meantime, we've put all the planning on hold until we can figure this whole mes out. but about two weeks ago, we got into an argument and i asked him to stay at his friends house for a while. i didnt want him to leave, but i thought that if he left, he'd miss home and our life and would want to get married. well, now he misses home but is still unsure about getting married. i want him to come home more than anything right now but i dont want him to come home and go back to sleeping in the spare room. i want him to come home and want to be us again. should i let him come home now even though, hes still not ready to commit to this wedding or should i just wait it out a little longer? 

lisarose7

Sounds like he just has a fear of commitment.  Are most of his friends married or single?  How old is he?  How many other long-term relationships has he had besides you?  Are his parents still married?  Happily?  Knowing these answers might give you some insight into his hesitance.  Also, I'd recommend couples counseling.

sgervais88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wedding-jitters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:07efb6e6-5c93-41da-9c08-6380eb2a3ef3Post:e31a7c3f-c501-4b42-9c84-53ad223f6db8">Re: wedding jitters</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds like he just has a fear of commitment.  Are most of his friends married or single?  How old is he?  How many other long-term relationships has he had besides you?  Are his parents still married?  Happily?  Knowing these answers might give you some insight into his hesitance.  Also, I'd recommend couples counseling.
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

This.

I mean, we don't know your guy, so it's hard to figure out why he is acting this way without knowing a lot more. Perhaps the two of you could sit down and talk about it all and figure out what is right for the two of you? I definitely recommend couples counseling as well.

mb2712

I agree with laurenclaire, it's a matter of if he EVER wants go get married.  Who knows, if you give him enough space and time and he comes back, will this whole thing happen again?  You and him need to have a long, honest talk.

hdekona

Has he opened up to you about why he's thinking he's not ready to get married? Is there something he feels like he needs to do or achieve before hand? It might be helpful for you guys to talk to either some kind of counselor, or your religious advisor as long as you're both willing to- Sometimes it's easier to talk while there's an objective third party present.

hdekona

p.s. DON'T wait anything out... you may regret it later

debdebdol

You guys have been together a long time.  Maybe he just wants to take some time apart to see if marriage is what he really wants.  Maybe he wants a relationship but just not a marriage.  I know some people who have been together for years and don't want to get married.  You definately need to talk to him and make sure that you both want the same things in life. 

AmandalovesAl

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