How do you feel about eloping & has it changed?

Festiva

I know that most of us poo-poo the idea of elopment right off the bat.  But it also seems that as we find ourselves in the throws of wedding planning, our notion of elopment changes.

For me personally, it always seemed like something people did who had "been there done that" (you know, like his 3rd wedding and her 4th)   OR that is was two people who probebly shouldn't be getting married....he's 45 and she's 23 or something. 

But NOW- we are actually "running off" to a beach in Hawaii and returing to have a local reception.  This actually totally fits us and our life, I now love the idea!!!!!!!

AdeleDazeem

I knew I didn't want to meet with photographers or go to tastings right off the bat.  I think I'd rather watch paint dry than do all those things.  My fiance agrees.

We're running away with our immediate families (parents, siblings only - 13 people) to a lovely hotel that plans everything for you.  We just need to show up.

It's not an elopement at all.  We could never actually elope because we'd hurt our parents.  So this was our compromise and I am personally thrilled to pieces over it.

Festiva

It's not an elopement at all.  We could never actually elope because we'd hurt our parents.  So this was our compromise and I am personally thrilled to pieces over it.
I love that you are "thrilled to pieces"    And your reasoning for skipping all the hoopla and stress is so similar to mine!

Joy2611- we really wanted our loved ones there too...but it seems like a lot to ask.  We are undecided...we will invite them if we can put together funds for their accomodations...relieving some of their financial burden to attend you know.  And I know our parents understand .... I just hope too that they won't be hurt. 

AdeleDazeem

I do know that some parents never get over when their children elope.  My mother would have cried for months.

If you can afford even one thing (the plane ticket or the hotel room), it would be a nice gesture.  You know your family better than me - if they can handle it, enjoy eloping!  It's so hassle-free!

goheels05

I don't think everyone "poo-poos" over the idea.  But yeah, I'm definitely seeing why people do it.  Planning a wedding is a pain in the butt sometimes.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_feel-eloping-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b9ab181-cdda-4af1-8d62-2fc6df3bdf26Post:bcf16e5e-2ce8-4b12-bb24-2122b8833cce">Re: How do you feel about eloping & has it changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not an elopement at all.  We could never actually elope because we'd hurt our parents.  So this was our compromise and I am personally thrilled to pieces over it. I love that you are "thrilled to pieces"  =)  And your reasoning for skipping all the hoopla and stress is so similar to mine! Joy2611- we really wanted our loved ones there too...but it seems like a lot to ask.  We are undecided...we will invite them if we can put together funds for their accomodations...relieving some of their financial burden to attend you know.  And I know our parents understand .... I just hope too that they won't be hurt. 
Posted by Festiva[/QUOTE]

Mom talking here.  I've been both MOG and MOB in the last three years.  And I have to say that it would have been awful for me to have been kept from my childrens' weddings.

I can tell you that from the moment you find out you're having a child, you begin to think of those milestones, and what they'll be like for you:  first day of school, first prom, driver's license, graduations, and their weddings.

Watching my children marry the love of their life was one of my greatest days as a mom. 

Please, if you think your family will be hurt and sad if they don't see you on your wedding day, don't elope.  I can tell you that it's something I'd never get over.

My DH's aunt and uncle eloped, and his grandmother never, ever got over it.  She still talked about it 40 years later.

I know a wedding is primarily about the couple.  But please don't forget the people who brought you to this point in your life.

guppie786

My fiance and I are eloping which is what I always wanted to do anyway. We did start to plan a small reception and a ceremony with just our parents and siblings present, but after some drama from his side we just said screw it.

We are getting married in Sedona in a little less than a month just the two of us and we couldn't be happier. My parents eloped  and they don't regret if for a second. My Mom actually suggested it after the drama started with his family. Although I am sure my parents would like to like to see us get married they understand as they were in the same situation 30 years ago.

As for his parents, they won't know until we are married. They have been nothing but a pain about the whole ordeal anyway. He doesn't really have any burning desire to have them there (and I don't really have any fondness for them anyway), so why even invite them and the problems that will come with it?

Edited for some really atrocious spelling.

Kristin789

We did what JOY did:  Each of us invited 7 people, and that's it.

We figured that getting married was intensely personal to us, so we only invited our intensely personal family and friends.  Ended up with 25 people at the ceremony + reception, once you add the officiant and his wife, videographer and his assistant, etc.

P.S. to OP:  We couldn't have gotten married without our parents there - you should think about that.  And I know no one who goes to those At Home Reception Gift Collection Events - most people think that if they weren't close enough nor important enough to be invited to see the ceremony, they are only being asked to the ATR because they ARE close enough to get a really great gift for the the disrespectful couple.

SarahPLiz

I understand having a small, immediate family wedding with lunch at your house more than eloping. But I guess its because my sister eloped and I see the damage it has done to her relationship with my mom. You don't have to have a big ceremony or spend a lot of money to have your closest family there when you make one of the biggest commitments of your life. When you get caught up thinking you DO have to have centerpieces and linens and favors and a humongous dress to make your commitment valid, that's where the stress comes in. You can be a gracious hostess by having a ceremony in the living room and having cake and punch in the kitchen. I just don't understand why you would need to run away from your family in order to get married.

stina93446

I have one idea that comes to mind with elopement....MY FOLKS WOULD KILL ME!

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_feel-eloping-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b9ab181-cdda-4af1-8d62-2fc6df3bdf26Post:a74debc4-44e2-4582-9a60-2b22865ba420">Re: How do you feel about eloping & has it changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have one idea that comes to mind with elopement....MY FOLKS WOULD KILL ME!
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]


This!  The only reson we didn't elope.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_feel-eloping-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b9ab181-cdda-4af1-8d62-2fc6df3bdf26Post:03539887-dc6e-4111-8ed9-456b2c5523c0">Re: How do you feel about eloping & has it changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]it'd be a heck of a lot cheaper and less stressful...
Posted by mrsamyjones[/QUOTE]

Less stressful in the short term, perhaps.  But if it negatively impacts your relationship with your family for years to come.....I'd say that becomes more stressful.  Look at the big picture not the quick fix.

evabee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_feel-eloping-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0b9ab181-cdda-4af1-8d62-2fc6df3bdf26Post:60ab05f6-6df9-4e5e-b2cc-f331dba3780f">Re: How do you feel about eloping & has it changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]And I know no one who goes to those At Home Reception Gift Collection Events - most people think that if they weren't close enough nor important enough to be invited to see the ceremony, they are only being asked to the ATR because they ARE close enough to get a really great gift for the the disrespectful couple.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>If you want to do a reception later, just be sure that you're clear that you're just throwing a bash for people you love, have MOB and family spread the word that gifts are not appropriate since you are already married, no showers, etc. Just high-fives all around.</div><div>
</div><div>I know I started considering eloping and then having a party later when some of my family let it slip that they really want an excuse for everyone to get together. I figure I can throw a party in honor of marriage and love in general, it doesn't have to be about FI and I. I would be honored to celebrate the marriages that have held our families together!</div>

tickledpinkrain

This will be my second marriage...I eloped the first time.  No dress, no parents, nothing.  I actually "ran away" from home (my mother would say)....it's a long story, and not a particularly festive one.

Now I just got engaged and i'm thrilled...i'm planning our wedding in just 3 short months.  But I'm engaged to the most wonderful man who is planning by my side.

I've found it to be stressful, but fun.  I wouldn't change the experience for the world.

Make sure you're open with your parents.  They'll probably be hurt if you're eloping.

Future.Mrs.Carter

I had no idea what I was getting into with planning a wedding. It stressful and every couple months I want to just run off and get married NOW! He gently reminds me that I want a family wedding and says no. We also live 1000 miles apart so that tends to make it harder to wait.