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BM's

How do you tell one nicely that you don't want them in the wedding anymore?My FI sister is very rude, hatefull and says really nasty things about me. I told my FI in the beginning of the wedding plans i didn't want her in the wedding, but he insisted saying she will change...well it has now been a year and she hasn't changed at ALL! No she calls me a liar and tells me all the time that her brother can do better than me. Why would i want somebody in the wedding that doesn't support me and him together or better yet someone who doesn't like me at all...maybe some advice ladies????

Re: BM's

  • Unless you want to cause a huge problem with your fils, you are going to have to suck it up.But let this be a lesson to you...just because someone is a bridesmaid doesn't mean their personality is going to change.
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  • Well I did mention to FI that he could have her on his side...he just laughed and said that would look funny...Also, what if she has told me several times that she don't want to be in the wedding, but when it is mentioned that she doesn't have to be i get gripped out by her and my future mother in law...oh goodness...I keep asking if we can just elope...lol he tells me no. I guess i will just talk to her and see what she thinks of sitting it out.
  • oh and did i mention there has been a problem with my fils since day one??? She made it very clear she didn't like me AT ALL!!!!
  • Yeah. I'd elope.
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  • thats what i keep saying....lol
  • Yeah, there is no nice way to do a nasty thing.  I can understand that she is a real peach, but if you kick her out, you are going to create WWIII with your ILs.  Kicking someone out is also going to make YOU look like the nasty one.  I would ask FI to have a conversation with her about all these things she is saying about you.  Other than that, suck it up, don't talk to her about anything with the wedding, avoid her as much as possible and go on with your life.  She's going to be in it whether or not she is in the WP.
  • Anyway, if that's not an option:If she doesn't want to be in the wedding then just let her opt out or do as PP said and suggest she stand on his side. 
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  • Pick the most hideous dress and tell her that's the dress you want her to wear. It helps even more if it's super expensive. That will more than likely cause her to not want to be in the wedding, and maybe she'll quit herself. OR you can tell her she's going to be standing on FI's side and will have to wear a tux haha! :-) I hate my FSIL as well and have dreamed of too many of these ideas cause I don't want her in my wedding either...she's not mean like yours sounds, but she's NUTS!!
  • I would put her on his side, since she is not your friend and doesn't support you.
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  • Please don't listen to Grace. You have to be careful what you say in situations like this. You are stuck with this new family forever and you don't want to make the situation any worse.
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  • Really??? If FI's sister was pulling crap like that he'd kick her out of the wedding himself. Sister or not he should stand up for you. Not only is she being hurtful but also extremely disrespectful of your relationship. No way in he11 would I have her in my wedding.
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  • You have much bigger problems than a bratty bridesmaid. The fact that your FI doesn't support you and laughs off your FSIL and FMIL's comments is a disgrace. He needs to grow a set of balls; he needs to stand up for you and tell his family that their behavior is unacceptable. You think it's bad now? Your relationship won't change after the wedding - wait until you have kids. If FI didn't stand up for me, I would have to seriously reconsider that whole marriage thing.
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  • You can not unask a BM and in particular  FI's sister. You have FI talk to her about approprioate behavior and supporting the wedding and if she does not support your getting married she steps down. Kicking out a BM is a friendship ending move and kicking out his sister is a family fued causing move. Fi's sister FI's choice. Be the bigger person but stop discussing things with her
  • There are much bigger concerns here than whether you should kick his sister out as a BM. Looking at that issue alone, you will only make your relationship with your FILs worse if you kick her out. I promise you no one will look upon it fondly because it's "your day". Never mind that she probably deserves it; YOU will look bad and it will only be giving your FILs and FSIL more ammunition to attack you. Looking at what you've posted about the relationship, I wouldn't want to marry a man who would not stand up for me against his family, and I didn't. This will NOT change after you get married. You are signing up for a lifetime of this treatment. Make sure that's what you really want before you go through with it.
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