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Please help. May have found our breaking point.

I met my fiancée 2 years ago.  Currently I am 34 he is 31.  I have two beautiful daughters (10 & 6).  When we met I told him I was done having children (had to go through fertility tx with both).  And then he was ok with that.  Well all the sudden 4 months ago he confesses that he really wants a child with me and his family (on several occasions) has pushed me for a child and particularly a boy because he is the last male in his bloodline.I talked to him about this last night and let him know where I was coming from and it brought him to tears.  He really wants a child with me.  First there is no guarantee I will even get pg, it took me 5 years for the first and 4 for the 2nd.  I am not willing to try that long.....honestly I don't even know if I want to try.I love him very much and I would be devastated to lose him.  I have been through divorce and still fight my ex on custody issues.  I just don't know what to do.  My heart just aches right now.  I know he feels the same too.  I need your words of wisdom.
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Re: Please help. May have found our breaking point.

  • This is something the two of you should really discuss at couple's counseling.  Kids or no kids is a huge issue.GL.
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  • You anf FI need to come to a conclusion before getting married and only the two of you know what that is.
  • couples counseling sounds like a good idea..... also maybe he could go to some private counselling to sort out his true feelings....is he sure he wants to have a kid, or is his family influencing him?.......also before he was fine with not having any......now he wants one...... his opinion may change 2 of 3 more times.....so I would say coming to a definite conclusion before the wedding is the best idea......HTH
  • I would suggest counseling, but unfortunately this is the kind of thing that is really hard to reach a compromise on.
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  • Whatever happens, you two need to work this out BEFORE you get married.
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  • Totally agree with all the pp, but just wanted to add that you shouldn't let his family influence your decision whatever it is.  IMO the continuation of a bloodline is a pretty bad reason to have a child.  Good luck to you!
  • by my calculations from your post... you were 19 when you started fertility treatments???  sounds very odd to me.  sure, a 19 yr old could have trouble, just seems very young to go thru fertility treatments?  they are very expensive, and seems also very young to be that adamant and set on having kids??  i'm a little confused by that. anyway tho -- i agree, this is a hard issue to compromise on.  another option besides adoption for the two of you to have kids would be to use an egg donor and surrogate, that way you personally don't have to put your body thru all that again.Good luck!
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