Need Advice on Dealing with Family....

kmorris21

I absolutely cannot wait until December when I get married.  However, I am having so much trouble with some things because I am clashing with my mom and a few other family members over so many things.  I have been open to all opinions that she (and everyone) else has given me but when I open my mouth to even suggest something, I get shot down immediately or are told that I need to be grateful for people helping and that I shouldn't even have an opinion.  And of course, because their paying for it, I shouldn't need to say anything.  Don't get me wrong, I think out of every thing that has been planned (yes, I love most of it) I've only wanted something different on two very minor things.  But yet it was like trying to pull teeth out of my head to even suggest a change!I just don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this until December. I normally have an infinite amount of patience and I'm not usually snappy or mean but it's about to drive me and my fiance nuts.  I want everyone to be a part of it all but to not be so demanding and downright mean at times.  What do I need to do???   

kmorris21

Right!  I totally agree that they have a say!  Some of the issues have to do with food and the grooms tux.  He picked what he wanted but they think he should've done something a little different.  Granted, they have an opinion, but ultimately its what he feels comfortable in, right? With the food, there were a couple of things that I, and several other people, don't like but yet they were put on the menu because they were cheap and able to make a lot of them.  My suggestion was picking something different that was just as cheap and easy to make tons of that more people liked.  But I was vetoed.  I have contributed to the food budget, since it's part of the most expensive part of the wedding (the reception) so I feel like it could be changed.  I just don't know though!  If I weren't in school I would contribute more in several areas. 

Leah&Christian09

I would say thanks but no thanks, and pay for it myself. This won't end with the wedding.

jeannigirl

This is such a hard subject when parents are helping or even footing the bill. I can truly understand the frustration that you and FI are feeling, after all did everyone forget that this is your wedding?? You can either go with the flow or you and FI need to sit down with the family members that are paying and talk has adults. I take it that you are since your both soon stepping into an adult role has husband & wife. You can decline their help (money) and pay for it yourself, because their are strings attached in your situation. You need to get this nipped in the bud now has you are allowing them to run your wedding. Is that what you both are ok with. I know I wouldn't and I personally would talk with them and lay it out and if they were not willing to go with what I wanted( has it is myine &FI's wedding) not theres I would decline their help and pay for it myself if their not willing to work with you.

Christinesmith10

Screw anyone who thinks just because they are paying they can have the last say in your wedding. I had the same dilemma, and when I got to the point where I think you are now, I told them, "if I had known that you wanted to direct where every cent of your money was going, I would have rathered that you didn't contribute." obviously you start off saying how much you truly appreciate their generousity but I don't think it is truly generous if there are strings attached. This is what I had to say, and it really made a huge difference because she could tell it was really stressing me out. Good luck and I feel your pain!