Registries.

Paddamill

Does anyone ever really look at wedding registries? My fiance and I put our registry on our STD cards and nobody seemed to notice. Should we expect an item or two from our registry or just say forget about it?

melissamc2

When I am invited to a wedding, whether I plan to attend or not, I purchase a gift from their registry.  I've just done it twice in the past month.  I quite enjoy just looking down a list, clicking, and having it delivered.  I know it's something they want, they get something they want, and it's easy on everyone.

We had quite seriously considered not registering for our wedding, but several friends assured us that we'd be doing everyone a favour by creating one - especially since we have a home and don't "need the basics."

I'm a little curious as to how you know that no one paid attention or noticed,  however.  You're still three months out from the wedding.  I never send a the gift until within two weeks of the event.  Of all the things you could (or should) worry about right now, this is very low on the list.  Either you'll get gifts (from your registry or not) or you won't. The suspense can be part of the fun!

solemnlyswear

Some people do but other feel like you are teling them what you want and are expecting a gift. And while it is traditional for guests to give you a gift they really don't have to. I would expect at least a few from the registry, but most people will probably just buy you whatever they choose And you never know some of the gifts might be something you didn't even think to ask for. Registies are mostly for people who have no idea what to get you.

Paddamill

We have had a bunch of people ask if we were registered and when we told them they were like "Oh, we didn't even notice!"

Believe it or not, we have everything done already for the wedding! I hate procrastination! The only things that aren't done yet are hair and make up for me. Am I crazy for getting a head start? lol

MyNameIsNot

It's a good thing they didn't notice!  Including registry info in the STD/invitation is very rude!

Most people will either give you something from your registry or cash for your wedding, but they probably won't start shopping until the last few weeks before the wedding.

Paddamill

Rude? How is that rude? Aren't people supposed to know where you are registered? Every invitation we've gotten had something stating where they were registered, in fact I found it rude when everywhere I turned it was EVERYWHERE! Website, invites, STD's, facebook...sheesh.

I just thought it was a subtle thing to just say "Hey, FYI we are registered here if you wanted to know"

andy71781

I can't imagine putting it on facebook!  But for real - its not in good form.  Put it on your website or let the guests find it for themselves.  But don't put it on your invites.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:113bce72-f4e3-4fb6-9010-119acb241222Post:2eaac32d-e44c-4a15-b6e1-9b7c581ec0b4">Re: Registries.</a>:
[QUOTE]Rude? How is that rude? Aren't people supposed to know where you are registered? Every invitation we've gotten had something stating where they were registered, in fact I found it rude when everywhere I turned it was EVERYWHERE! Website, invites, STD's, facebook...sheesh. I just thought it was a subtle thing to just say "Hey, FYI we are registered here if you wanted to know"
Posted by Paddamill[/QUOTE]

<div>It's rude because you never mention gifts unless asked.  This is very basic manners.</div><div>
</div><div>Would you send your grandmother a Christmas card and include a wish list?  </div><div>
</div><div>The fact that other people you know are rude does not change the fact that it is highly inappropriate to include registry info anywhere.  </div><div>
</div><div>Many people respond to an invitation like this by refusing to buy a gift at all.  It sends the impression that you are just inviting them for the gift.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's not subtle at all to include it in anything you send out.  If people want to know, they can do a quick internet search or they will ask you.  </div>

xoxob

Registry info should definitly only be on your website.

I think my Aunt sent the info out with shower invites for my cousin's fiance's shower. She isn't getting something off her registry. She's getting a gift, but....well, maybe I'm just a lil' snarky.

amdjelly

I thought that including registry info on shower invitations was fine because a shower is essentially a gift-giving occasion.  If this is in fact considered rude, or a faux pas, then I would like to know before my aunt gets my shower invites!

xoxob

I actually have no idea. It very well could be totally fine. I just didn't like it.

xoxob

It would make sense that it wouldn't be a faux pas for a shower. I was all, "Like I don't know how to look at a website?!" I probably shouldn't take it out on the bride though...she didn't make the invites.

Ugh, you have made me see the light.

andy71781

I have to say that my shower was thrown by a woman who knows a lot about etiquette and I had my registry stuff on there.  So I think you're ok.

amdjelly

LOL ok, just wanted to make sure.  My aunt is very much likes to do things her own way, and I didn't want to tell her how to do something, especially since I'm not even supposed to be a part of the planning.  Didn't want to be rude either though.  Thanks for the replies xoxo and andy!

quotequeen

It's fine to put it on a shower invite because the whole point of the shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts.  You don't put it on the wedding invite because you don't presume that somebody wants to give you a gift for your wedding.

trinalo

Yeah, I was going to say- I thought I'd read on TK a couple times how it's fine to put registry info on shower invites but that's it. Those and your web site if you have one.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I didn't know it was bad form to include registry info on invitations. That's how I've always seen it done, so I didn't think anything of it. And then The Knot showed me the light, and our registry info will not be included with our invitations.

(When I told this to FI he was a little skeptical. "But then how will they find them if they want to know?" Well, we are including our web site address (for RSVPing purposes), and they can also just ask. Hur hur).

Minimax052910

You should definitely set up a website. It's very helpful for the guest, not by just posting where you're registered but a reminder of ceremony location and time in case invitations get lost. You can also mention if the wedding's formal, semi-formal, or casual so they can know what to wear. It's also very helpful for out of town guests where you can post information on where they can stay and block rooms. 

As far as getting gifts, you're way ahead of yourself. I just attended a wedding last month and didn't purchase a gift until three days before the wedding. I also surfed that particular couple's registry to see what was on the list, for couple weeks and saw lot was still not purchased up until the week of the wedding...that's when people start buying. 

There are couples who call their engagement off. This is why some people don't do it until the last minute. Why buy gifts for a couple that aren't married in the end? And then there's some, like myself, that don't want to send gifts out too early, because the bride/groom would forget all about it. 

PharmacyBride

I agree with PP about not including it on invites or STDs (with the shower invite being an exception to this rule).

People will find out where you are registered.  The older aunts will ask (or find out when they get the shower invite) and the younger aunts will probably just search.  Everyone registers at pretty much the same places- and all those places have registry search lists on their websites.

Since it is so easy to find this information- I think it is rude to put it on STDs or wedding invites.  Seems gift grabby to me!  It is important to put in on shower invites (IMO) because why make your guests do extra work when the point of the party is to shower you with gifts.

OP: For one 3months is early... when is your shower?  Secondly, stalking your registry site is very common- but most people have the attitude of "ooh-yay I am excited someone bought me ___" and usually not "why aren't people getting me anything."  Also- sometimes people forget to have the cashier mark the gift off the registry.  So you may end up with doubles of some items.

goheels05

MyNameIsNot is right, and it is ok to put registry info on shower invitations because showers are inherently a gift-giving event.

The best approach is to have a website, put your registry info there, and include an insert with your invitations that has your website url.  It can say "for directions and more information, please visit www.mrandmrspadamil.com.&quot;

Also, you probably won't receive any gifts until your showers and wedding.  Almost no one sends out gifts in response to a STD. 

aerinpegadrak

Umm, I hadn't gotten a single gift three months before our wedding.  I think our first gift arrived about two weeks before, since I didn't have a shower.  So mayhaps you're being a teensy bit premature...

And no, registry info doesn't go on invitations, because it sends a clear message that you're really just looking for the gifts.  And the fact that you're fretting that people haven't bought you enough presents really confirms that message.  We put our registry info on our website and otherwise told people when they asked, and people still managed to find it.

AmandalovesAl

Question...we aren't having a shower, but my mother is throwing us an Engagement Party.  She insisted that we do our registries so she could put that in the invites for the E Party...is that in bad form?

katieanne85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:113bce72-f4e3-4fb6-9010-119acb241222Post:68304b3e-1813-4171-948f-916470d927ef">Re: Registries.</a>:
[QUOTE]Question...we aren't having a shower, but my mother is throwing us an Engagement Party.  She insisted that we do our registries so she could put that in the invites for the E Party...is that in bad form?
Posted by AmandalovesAl[/QUOTE]
yes

aerinpegadrak

Amanda, yes, that's bad form.  Where I'm from e-parties aren't really gift-giving events, so putting the registry on there would make people feel obligated to use it when they might have had no intention of buying a gift.  I would just tell your mom that you're not going to register until closer to the wedding and change the subject.

[Deleted User]

I agree that it is rude to put where you are registered on your invites, a big no no. That sounds like is all you want is a gift. Trust me, word of mouth works just fine. And people know the major stores, so they go there or go online and look you up, no big deal.

honeybee77

it is perfectly accepted to list your wedding website on STDs-- after all, the point of StDs is to give guests advance notice of the event so they can make travel reservations, etc, and your website should assist them with this.  don't list registry info on the STD, but you can list the site and on the site you can include your registry.  

526SadieSadie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:113bce72-f4e3-4fb6-9010-119acb241222Post:8c845592-b528-40e4-9c0e-d270d79fa275">Registries.</a>:
[QUOTE]Does anyone ever really look at wedding registries? My fiance and I put our registry on our STD cards and <strong>nobody seemed to notice.</strong> Should we expect an item or two from our registry or just say forget about it?
Posted by Paddamill[/QUOTE]

Why do you say that?  Your wedding isn't for another 3 months, maybe no one has bought you gifts yet...I always buy from the registry at least for the shower, if there's anything left by the wedding I buy the gift from the registry, too.

526SadieSadie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:113bce72-f4e3-4fb6-9010-119acb241222Post:3ae6b6c9-8558-4bbe-ba75-e1e757371e4f">Re: Registries.</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought that including registry info on shower invitations was fine because a shower is essentially a gift-giving occasion.  If this is in fact considered rude, or a faux pas, then I would like to know before my aunt gets my shower invites! :)
Posted by amdjelly[/QUOTE]

I don't see any problem with the registry info being on the shower invitations or enclosed with the invite, not everyone has internet access/knows how to use the internet (primarily older invitees)  It shouldn't go on the wedding invite, but the shower invite is fine.  If you're concerned about a relative taking it the wrong way, err on the side of caution and let the registry info spread by word of mouth.

caitm730

Registry info with shower invites is fine. That's why stores hand out those little inserts. But the inserts should never be included with the invitations. Our STDs had our website on it, which includes our registry info, but the registry was not directly printed on the STD. I think that would be tacky.

I am 2 weeks away from my first shower and people have just started to buy things. I think that most people buy off a registry for a shower, but give cash at the wedding. At least, around here that's usually how it works.

leoraanna

I agree. It is totally rude to put the registry info on any invite. I have had invites to showers where there were little inserts or it was mentioned on the invite, but technically that is what a shower is- a chance for flose friends and family to "shower" you with gifts. But really, it is not necessary for a guest to give you a gift, it is just a nice perk of inviting people to your wedding.

Back to your question. I always look at the registry. I even spy on registries for people I know even if I'm not invited to the wedding just to see what kind of things they registered for, so I might get some ideas. Pretty much, the idea behind a registry is: a lot of people will like to get you a gift for your wedding and instead of getting you something you might not like or need, a lot of people would rather have things to choose from. It is used as a guide sometimes, and sometimes people do buy right from the registry.

But really, yeah so rude. You didn't include that info on your wedding invitation did you?!