Chit Chat

jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)

I am going to give you guys a bit of a background to my sister and I. We're both in our twenties and found a great guy around the same time (I'm the younger one, she's the older). My FI proposed first, we talked about it about 1.5 years in after living together for a bit (summers between college) and finding we work well together. So then my sister got engaged 6 months after my FI and I. She's my MOH, I'm her MOH. FI and I got engaged last August, picked fall 2012 to get married; sister got a little upset because she also wanted to get married in the fall.

So here's the situation: she decided her and her FI would wait til 2013 to get married because they wanted everything their way so they decided to pay for it and so it wouldn't conflict with mine. A month ago, however, she decided she wanted to do Justice of Peace, and mom and I were like "okay, is that what you really want?" and she says yes. So we marked our calendar and originally it was just me, her, both FI, parents, and siblings. A week before, she decides to invite friends and make it a dinner party afterward, hire a photographer (same photographer as me), do a cocktail hour, etc. basically everything but the white dress.

So I went to her JOP and didn't get to sign the marriage license, wasn't thanked for coming, and was basically ignored the entire time. I asked my FI and he agrees.... did she get married like this to beat me to the punch? Just for reference, she hasn't EVER done anything like this, but I wasn't treated right as MOH... I didn't even know where or when we were doing anything. I had to find out the day of.

And, just so you know, she still plans on  having the fall 2013 "wedding." Am I crazy? 
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:26a9de01-c800-436a-9a41-e7f73f140f03">jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am going to give you guys a bit of a background to my sister and I. We're both in our twenties and found a great guy around the same time (I'm the younger one, she's the older). My FI proposed first, we talked about it about 1.5 years in after living together for a bit (summers between college) and finding we work well together. So then my sister got engaged 6 months after my FI and I. She's my MOH, I'm her MOH. FI and I got engaged last August, picked fall 2012 to get married; sister got a little upset because she also wanted to get married in the fall. So here's the situation: she decided her and her FI would wait til 2013 to get married because they wanted everything their way so they decided to pay for it and so it wouldn't conflict with mine. A month ago, however, she decided she wanted to do Justice of Peace, and mom and I were like "okay, is that what you really want?" and she says yes. So we marked our calendar and originally it was just me, her, both FI, parents, and siblings. A week before, she decides to invite friends and make it a dinner party afterward, hire a photographer (same photographer as me), do a cocktail hour, etc. basically everything but the white dress.<strong> She's already married,</strong> and when I went, I didn't sign the marriage license, wasn't thanked for coming, and was basically ignored the entire time. I asked my FI and he agrees.... did she get married like this to beat me to the punch? Just for reference, she hasn't EVER done anything like this, but I wasn't treated right as MOH... I didn't even know where or when we were doing anything. I had to find out the day of. And, just so you know, she still plans on  having the fall 2013 "wedding." Am I crazy? 
    Posted by casswhiting[/QUOTE]

    What does this mean? They were already married when they went to the JOP?
  • No, sorry. I meant that this day she planned, to go to the JOP, is already over, and she got married JOP but still plans on having her fall 2013 wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I think some of it you are being sensitive and some of it your sister is crazy.

    Getting married because you are jealous of your sister is pretty extreme...I REALLY hope NOBODY would get married to prove a point to their sister.  So this is where I think you are being sensitive.  You are making it about yourself, stop and be happy for your sister.  Some people don't want to wait over a year to get married and that's probably why they got married at JOP. 

    I think you are also being sensitive about the MOH part.  As much as I would be bummed if my sister didn't have me sign the license (if I were a MOH), didn't thank me nor say hi to me she still doesn't have to do any of those things, they are just nice gestures.  She should have been giving attention to all her guests and her H, not her MOH.  I barely spoke with anybody  in WP at the reception, we were too busy talking to our guests. 

    I think you sister is crazy because she sounds indecisive and a super AW (especially for wanting to have a 'wedding' in 2013 which is completely inappropriate).
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
    image
    Fall Wedding Bio
  • Soooo how does her going to a JOP and then having a dinner party make her jealous of you?

    It honestly sounds like you're jealous of her for going ahead with her JOP and dinner.
    It doesn't matter who started dating when/who got engaged when. That doesn't dictate when the couple gets to get married, so I'm not sure what kind of point you're trying to prove there.

    With that said though, you'll find many here don't agree with getting married and then having a re-do wedding shortly there after.

    Again though, I don't really see where she's jealous of you. Maybe I'm having reading failures today. .
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:9733cdbb-ebf4-4782-8461-6e1326711c48">Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, sorry. I meant that this day she planned, to go to the JOP, is already over, and she got married JOP but still plans on having her fall 2013 wedding.
    Posted by casswhiting[/QUOTE]

    She can't have a "wedding," she can however have a vow renewal whenever she wants, if it is on her dime. And as long as she doesn't act like a bride in 2013 (no prewedding showers, or other bride only stuff) she is fine.

    But I doubt she did it to beat you to the punch, you might not know the real reason (it might be personal- she might need health insurance, got pregant and can't announce it yet, etc).

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:e7e149df-ed68-49b3-a0fa-5b254fd4c961">Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think some of it you are being sensitive and some of it your sister is crazy. Getting married because you are jealous of your sister is pretty extreme...I REALLY hope NOBODY would get married to prove a point to their sister.  So this is where I think you are being sensitive.  <strong>You are making it about yourself, stop and be happy for your sister.</strong>  Some people don't want to wait over a year to get married and that's probably why they got married at JOP.  I think you are also being sensitive about the MOH part.  As much as I would be bummed if my sister didn't have me sign the license (if I were a MOH), didn't thank me nor say hi to me she still doesn't have to do any of those things, they are just nice gestures.  She should have been giving attention to all her guests and her H, not her MOH.<strong> </strong> I barely spoke with anybody  in WP at the reception, we were too busy talking to our guests.  I think you sister is crazy because she sounds indecisive and a super AW (especially for wanting to have a 'wedding' in 2013 which is completely inappropriate).
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    <div>I do have problems with taking things the wrong way, so yes, I am being overly sensitive, but yeah, she threw this together last minute...it was a bit spontaneous, in my opinion. And for the record, I was nothing but supportive of her on this day. It just makes me wonder why she felt she needed to do this right away instead of having more time to plan the JOP. </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • casswhitingcasswhiting member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:e7e149df-ed68-49b3-a0fa-5b254fd4c961">Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think some of it you are being sensitive and some of it your sister is crazy. Getting married because you are jealous of your sister is pretty extreme...I REALLY hope NOBODY would get married to prove a point to their sister.  So this is where I think you are being sensitive.  <strong>You are making it about yourself, stop and be happy for your sister.</strong>  Some people don't want to wait over a year to get married and that's probably why they got married at JOP.  I think you are also being sensitive about the MOH part.  As much as I would be bummed if my sister didn't have me sign the license (if I were a MOH), didn't thank me nor say hi to me she still doesn't have to do any of those things, they are just nice gestures.  She should have been giving attention to all her guests and her H, not her MOH.<strong> </strong> I barely spoke with anybody  in WP at the reception, we were too busy talking to our guests.  I think you sister is crazy because she sounds indecisive and a super AW (especially for wanting to have a 'wedding' in 2013 which is completely inappropriate).
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    <div>I do have problems with taking things the wrong way, so yes, I am being overly sensitive, but yeah, she threw this together last minute...it was a bit spontaneous, in my opinion. And for the record, I was nothing but supportive of her on this day. It just makes me wonder why she felt she needed to do this right away instead of having more time to plan the JOP. </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • W...T...F  This disappeared for awhile then now I can see it on board but nothing on the thread.
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
    image
    Fall Wedding Bio
  • I think she probably wanted to be officially married first. She's the one that has to deal with this weird situation of explaining to people the gap between the marriage and the wedding, so just let it be.
    In a few years this will all fizzle out, and you won't want there to be any bad blood from this situation.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:8bbcaf91-c603-4426-b00d-92ad3b2c9c5f">Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think she probably wanted to be officially married first. <strong>She's the one that has to deal with this weird situation of explaining to people the gap between the marriage and the wedding,</strong> so just let it be. In a few years this will all fizzle out, and you won't want there to be any bad blood from this situation.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    You mean the gap between the wedding and the fake pretty princess day? The day she and her husband exchange vows and become legally wed <u>is</u> their wedding day.
  • She's not planning a wedding.  She's planning a fake show.  Do not keep her marriage a secret.

    But for the life of me, I cannot figure out where you get that she's jealous out of this.  Impulsive maybe, but assuming that her erratic behavior is somehow motivated by you is absurd.  
  • I'm awfully curious as to what your parents think of all this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:c6c64460-028b-4870-a951-0f10d7d37608">Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm awfully curious as to what your parents think of all this.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    That's exactly what I was thinking.  I find it all rather odd.
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_jealous-sister-opinions-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1a6dd456-b066-458e-a577-235b51b12b89Post:7f63cb46-e416-4f0e-b769-6431c0df1f8a">Re: jealous sister? opinions? (long, sorry!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's not planning a wedding.  She's planning a fake show.  Do not keep her marriage a secret. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out where you get that she's jealous out of this.  Impulsive maybe, but assuming that her erratic behavior is somehow motivated by you is absurd.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    I agree. I don't think she's jealous.  Impatient yes, but I don't see how it's jealousy.  If she was jealous, I'd see her picking a weekend within a month of your wedding and just planning her huge wedding then.
  • I"m thinking if she was just impatient she would be calling it good and not planning a PPD.  I'm thinking she wanted to be the first one married.
  • I posted awhile ago but it has never appeared (at least for me, if this is a double post for others, sorry)...

    I don't think your sister is jealous of you. She most likely had reasons to get married now (health insurance, pregnant & not sharing the news yet, etc).

    But she shouldn't be having a pretty princess day. A vow renewal later down the road, fine (if it is on her dime). However bride like stuff like pre-wedding parties and all the extras should not occur. Hopefully someone tells her that and she realizes that she isn't a bride in 2013, just someone throwing a party celebrating their marriage.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • My mom wants her to have the big fancy party, etc. and she wants it to. She's not pregnant, she would've told me; she's a nurse, she has great benefits as is. They don't have any reason to get married so fast. If she wanted to get married before me, she could've just talked to me about it. We've talked about more awkward matters than this.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2012
    Your mom ENDORSES your sister getting married first "just because" and still wants her to have her PPD?  Sorry, but I'd be ticked.
  • I am in the same boat my sister is not even engaged yet, she has been on and off with this guy for 2 years her daughter who is 6 years old is not always get along with him because of how young he is he's never been in a relationship with a person who already has a child he is very immature for his age and my family is is not too fond of him but anyway she is not even engaged yet I've been engaged since 2011 my wedding is in 2014. She's planning her wedding for October 2012 my wedding was originally planning October she keeps copying everything that I want to do but when I come up with ideas she's very negative about it but then she takes the idea and puts it into her wedding am I right to be mad about this or should I just move on and keep planning my own wedding she is my maid of honor. And quite frankly I don't see this marriage lasting at all
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards