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Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama

I have previously talked about my "moh" and how she was stealing my ideas for her wedding, she finally came up with her own ideas after not seeing her for nearly 3 weeks! However, I have been there for her through thick and thin about everything and It's actually just becoming annoying rather than me being helpful, she does not even take any adivce I give her. I also do not have the money to be in her wedding(at the time she got engaged I did) or to travel to all the places she wants to go to for wedding stuff(different states). I have been very blunt with her and told her all of this information, but it's like it does not register in her mind, she is also a VERY emotional person(I didnt answer her for 2 hours yesterday, she flipped out, crying, calling me, just going crazy...I was knapping all over nothing). I really do not want to be in her wedding anymore nor do I want her in mine! If anybody has any feedback that is helpful (NOT RUDE) that would be nice.

Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama

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    Just tell her flat out that as much as you value her friendship, it's just not a good time for you financially and therefore you're backing out of participating in her wedding. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:38f0397b-b1ee-441b-8407-6e227b67e46f">Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have previously talked about my "moh" and how she was stealing my ideas for her wedding, she finally came up with her own ideas after not seeing her for nearly 3 weeks! However, I have been there for her through thick and thin about everything and It's actually just becoming annoying rather than me being helpful, <strong>she does not even take any adivce I give he</strong>r. I also do not have the money to be in her wedding(at the time she got engaged I did) <strong>or to travel to all the places she wants to go to for wedding stuff(different states)</strong>. I have been very blunt with her and told her all of this information, but it's like it does not register in her mind, she is also a VERY emotional person(I didnt answer her for 2 hours yesterday, she flipped out, crying, calling me, just going crazy...I was knapping all over nothing). I really do not want to be in her wedding anymore nor do I want her in mine! If anybody has any feedback that is helpful (NOT RUDE) that would be nice.
    Posted by G&E2013[/QUOTE]

    1.) No one is obligated to take advice you give them. Is it frustrating? yes, but just because you give it, doesn't mean she has to follow it. Next time she tries to talk to you about something, instead of giving her advice and trying to fix it, just listen and ask her if there's anything you can do for her. She could just need a shoulder to cry on.

    2.) Tell her that. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money, if she gets mad at you for that, she has a problem understanding reality, and that's not your problem.

    Do you really think there is no way to salvage your relationship? From things you've said, she doesn't seem like the only one whose been on the immature side of this. You should really sit down and evaluate how you've treated each other. Objectively look at how you've acted. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Is she just stressed out and going a little nuts because of the wedding, or has she always been emotionally needy and immature (I doubt that's the case though or I really don;t understand why your still friends with her to this point)
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    She asks for advice, I give it, there is nobody else who will be honest with her but me. If she doesnt was to follow it then ok, thats her decision, I always ask what I can do to make things easier during this time, and every time we talk she has a shoulder to cry on and she does. I listen and like I said she asks for advice. I have not treated her in any way that would offend her or her feelings but being honest when she wants it. I am not being immature, I know her better than anybody. She has always been emotionally needy and immature. Sometimes I really dont understand why I am still friends with her either, but I do know that I am the only one who will actually listen to every word she says.
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    Just tell her openly and honestly (in private so she can't make a scene) that while the wedding was affordable when you agreed, your financial situation has changed, and you can't afford to do all she is expecting of you.  If she gets emotional, stay calm, and say "It's upsetting to me too, but this is the situation." 

    You can't kick her out of your WP, but she can't strong arm you into being in hers either. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:3b819c1a-e9ff-488f-81a0-a3bdf6f11b9a">Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I would either do what achi suggested or <strong><u>suck it up </u></strong>if she's as delicate as you say.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    <div>Edie watch out with that, the OP might construe that as "rude" and she specifically instructed us to NOT be rude.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, if the friendship is over, drop out of her wedding and kick her out of yours.  Or, do it and the friendship with be over anyways.  </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:7270e5a0-0123-49cc-b8ee-b668051026b9">Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama : <strong> Edie watch out with that, the OP might construe that as "rude" and she specifically instructed us to NOT be rude</strong>. OP, if the friendship is over, drop out of her wedding and kick her out of yours.  Or, do it and the friendship with be over anyways.  
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    Never said I wanted the friendship to be over! Is it a problem that I ask for people to NOT be rude?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:eb294292-38ec-4de9-aab2-fa2983708f53">Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama : Never said I wanted the friendship to be over! Is it a problem that I ask for people to NOT be rude?
    Posted by G&E2013[/QUOTE]
    If you kick her out of your wedding, the friendship will be over.

    And yes, it's usually not appreciated when you dictate how not to respond.  This is a message board, people are free to respond how they wish.
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    Sorry I was looking for helpful feedback and not smartalec remarks, I thought thats what these boards were for!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:eb294292-38ec-4de9-aab2-fa2983708f53">Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama :<strong> Never said I wanted the friendship to be over!</strong> Is it a problem that I ask for people to NOT be rude?
    Posted by G&E2013[/QUOTE]

    I'm confused now. If everything you say is true. You've done nothing wrong in your friendship. She's clingy, immature, and overly emotional. She copies everything you do and can't form an intelligent thought on her own, why would you WANT to be friends with her?

    Why do you want to cut her out of your wedding, and take yourself out of hers and still maintain a relationship? Or better yet, how do you plan on doing that?
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    freebread03freebread03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    Unfortunately OP, when you start off by being rude and say things like this "If anybody has any feedback that is helpful (NOT RUDE) that would be nice", it doesn't really make me (and maybe others) want to play nice.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:38f0397b-b1ee-441b-8407-6e227b67e46f">Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have previously talked about my "moh" and how she was stealing my ideas for her wedding, she finally came up with her own ideas after not seeing her for nearly 3 weeks! However, I have been there for her through thick and thin about everything and <strong>It's actually just becoming annoying rather than me being helpful, she does not even take any adivce I give her. </strong>I also do not have the money to be in her wedding(at the time she got engaged I did) <strong>or to travel to all the places she wants to go to for wedding stuff(different states).</strong> I have been very blunt with her and told her all of this information, but it's like it does not register in her mind, she is also a VERY emotional person(I didnt answer her for 2 hours yesterday, she flipped out, crying, calling me, just going crazy...I was knapping all over nothing). I really do not want to be in her wedding anymore nor do I want her in mine! <strong>If anybody has any feedback that is helpful (NOT RUDE) that would be nice.</strong>
    Posted by G&E2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>1.She doesn't have to take your advice. If she doesn't want to take just say "Okay." and move on. </div><div>
    </div><div>2.You are not required to go anywhere with her for wedding stuff. Espically if you can't afford it and have already made that clear to the bride</div><div>
    </div><div>3.Yeah..That's been addressed by PP. </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, if you kick her out of your wedding, usually that is seen as a friendship ending move. So before you make that decision consider what you want your relationship to be (if anything) in the future.

    </div>
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    well.  First you state she copies you and is overemotional, but then you get upset because she doesn't take your advice or listen to you....so....and who cares if she copies you!  I'm sure you aren't the first person to do what you are doing at your wedding!  It lacks originality on her part, but hey, whatever.  My MOH and I are very close.  We could talk this one out (it wouldn't be an issue, but if it was).  You need to do the same. 

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-want-mohs-wedding-anymore-much-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:227eab84-1e6c-43a2-814f-f29c18926d3aPost:2f312084-3e9d-42f6-a7b1-fb32d4bef54f">Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do not want to be in MOH's wedding anymore to much drama : Balling crying?  Like this? <strong>Was that rude?</strong>
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]
    Yes, and she specifically forbade us from being rude.  GOSH LINGER!!!!111!!  Follow directions, damnit.
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    I think that the OP is being a little on the immature side as well. If you are so concerned with her "stealing" your ideas then don't share them to begin with.

    If you are so offended with her no listening to your advice, stop giving her advice.

    If you want to kick her out of the wedding because she is "emotional" then the friendship is essentially over. 

    BUT what really get's me is that you say, "she has always been emotionally needy and immature" in your follow up post, so why did you ever put yourself in the position of making her the MOH? 

    I don't want to be "rude", but I think you knew what you were getting into and you are both being a little petty. 

    You can't kick her out of your wedding, and if you don't have the money to do everything that she wants you to do for hers then just say so. If she seems to ignore it, like you say, then wipe your hands of it because you did tell her you could not afford it.
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