Chit Chat

Just Need to Vent

I love my mother but she is being too much right now. Let me rewind it a few months ago, my fiance and I got engaged last Christmas and earlier in January, we had an altercation with my future MIL (another long story) and I stood up for my fiance. Yes that caused a lot of friction and has somewhat calm down these past few months. Because I have decided to just let it go and be there for my fiance. He says that he can get along with his mother but only from a distance, so we have started coming around. It has not been easy and so many times I just have to fake it and see her neutral. So my MIL has been offering her house to do the bridal shower and my mother is in charge of that because I told her that my only concern was the wedding and that if she wanted to throw me a bridal shower, then she was more than welcome to do it and be in charge of all the planning. Well MIL started asking me questions about the place of bridal shower and I finally told her that she could get in contact with my mother to find out all the details because I have been extremely busy with work (which is true) and am in the middle of changing jobs so it has been crazy. My wedding is in November. Of course my mother is not to fond of my MIL because of what happened earlier this year and because they have known each other before fiance and I met. So there is some history there. The only thing that I told my mother is that we could not have it at my MIL house because I get along great with fiance's father's girlfriend (parents are separated) and that would be awkard to have her go to his ex's house. There is tension there too. Well both mother and MIL finally spoke over the phone and my mother let her know the date only but was still working out the details of place, etc. So last night, my MIL over dinner says I spoke to your mother and the only thing she knew was the date and that's all. I expected this because I know how my MIL is and i know that it was not true because my mother has told me that she let her know that she was still deciding all the other details. In the middle of all of this, there is some issues going on with my family in regards to being there for each other and always bailing each other of situations. My mother and I had argued this weekend over me not wanting to bail out my nephew over something that he had messed up with her car. I did not want to be there because I have always been there for him, yes he is a teenager, but the last few times, my life has almost been in danger and that I always get blamed or seen as the troublemaker. So today when I spoke to my mother, we started talking about the bridal shower and I let her know that MIL had mentioned the conversation over the phone and then she flipped out and started saying why do I go over there if I already know that my MIL and I do not get along, which is true. I am trying to work on for my fiance because I know that my family is not perfect either (always calling me to bail them out of stuff or fix things) and he is always there, except for the last time because he said that he was tired of it and had to put his foot down because of the last time that I was there for my family, it almost got me into a fight. So then in the middle of the conversation, my mother always goes the perfect excuse that she uses, that she has not been feeling well and does not think that she will be able to do the bridal shower for me after all. Then I got upset and let her know that next thing she will be saying is that she does not feel well and will not be going to the wedding. I understand that she does have some health issues but everytime that things are not going her way (me not wanting to let her take over the wedding planning, because she did it with my sister) she says that she will not be doing it afterall right a few weeks before the planned date. Then she says so have your MIL do it and I told her no that's ok, we (fiance and I) will do it and just have a couple's shower. I have reached that point that I am tired of hearing remarks with emotions behind them from my MIL and also my mother being stubborn. It is sad to say but fiance and I are getting to the point that we do not want to come around both of our families because of their egos getting the best of them and not just sucking it up and being there for us with like we have been there for them.

Re: Just Need to Vent

  • I can't even get through this.. no paragraphs
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  • Paragraphs, please.

    It sucks that both of your parents are being childish, but if your mom decides she doesn't want to throw you a shower, and no one else steps up, it's not looked highly upon to throw your own shower. Doesn't matter if it's a couples shower, it's still a gift giving event in honor of YOU and therefore can't be thrown by YOU. 

    If your mom lets your FMIL know she isn't throwing the shower anymore hopefully your FMIL will move forward with the planning. Maybe that's not your optimal solution but you can't really complain about who's throwing the party in which you're getting a boatload of gifts and money. 
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  • All I can say is do not throw your own shower.  You should never throw a party in your honor even if it is a couples shower.  Like PP said showers are gift giving events and you throwing it for yourself is super gift grabby.

    As far as the rest goes.  It sounds like a whole bunch of petty drama with a lot of immature people.

  • Thanks for the CN Linger.  Geez, paragraphs are your friend!  Don't throw yourself a shower, end of story.  
  • Don't throw yourself a shower.  That's rude.

    You should consider spending some time working on your communications skills.  No one can understand what you write.  Here, you're just discouraging people from bothering to read and offer advice.  In other contexts, poor communication skills could result in much worse consequences.  It may seem pointless, but people will respect you more if you can express yourself coherently.  
  • Make it easy on yourselves......elope.
  • To be honest...this is YOUR wedding, and your FI of course, but if they want to be so childish about it, cut ties with both. I know your FI is trying to establish a better relationship, but is it really worth all of the stress? And your mom sounds like she is trying to run your life, again stress you don't need.

    I would make it very simple, either together at YOUR place or individually, set them down and tell them, "Stop stressing us out, cooperate, let US live OUR life, or you can not be a part of it" (mainly for the wedding and shower purpose)

    And about the shower, do not throw yourself one, everyone else is right about that! Mention it to your friends, it would be nice to have a girls night out it sounds like!! You also said that you guys get a long with your FI's dad and gf, talk to her about it too. 

    Make you and your FI happy, forget the rest of the world if you have to, you two are becoming your won family!!!

    Good luck with all of this!! (and ignore the people complaining about your typing...you warned them you were venting, I don't know ANYONE who uses proper grammer and crap when that upset!! Feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to k :) (I'm Angie btw)
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