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First big fight with my Mom so lost

Today my mother and I had a fight over the date of the wedding, now she isn't going to help me with anything, I told her that I want her to help me but she refuses, she isn't even talking to me. My fiance and I discussed it and that is what we decided. I still feel horrible and now I feel so alone. Has anyone gone thru this before please help me!

Re: First big fight with my Mom so lost

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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    What is her issue with the date of the wedding?
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    Well first...That sucks! and I have been thru a lot of BS with my mom, so I understand. But I will ask...Why is she upset about the date?
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    She doesn't like Friday and doesn't think that anyone is going to show up but it's more affordable for us
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    I am assuming you are paying then? Then she should be more understanding...
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    2011-2012 Races
    10/29/11 LA RockNRoll Min Half (5K) 42:58
    12/4/11 Vegas RockNRoll Half 3:14:53
    1/7/12 WDW Half 3:13:42
    1/15/12 RnR AZ 2:55:27 (PR!!)
    1/29/12 Tinkerbell 1/2 3:22:37 (To many picture stops!lol)
    Me:32 DH:33
    IFV w/ DE Only Option (On Hold For Now)
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    She should definitely be more understanding. Friday weddings are way more affordable.

    I think as long as you're getting married in the town where most of the guests are coming from it's not an issue. If a lot of your guests are from OOT then it may be a little more difficult. One couple we knew got married on a Friday, but the ceremony didn't start until 4 so we only had to take a few hours off of work and the reception was a great party!
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    They are helping us pay but still she doesn't agree nor does my dad about Friday Wedding, they fear that no one will come, well I have been to Friday weddings and people have shown up to them, we have family that is out of state.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    Maybe if they are really demanding with this Saturday wedding, say, "Mom and Dad, while we appreciate your opinions on this, we really can't afford to have a Saturday wedding the cost difference is X" you never know, they may say, "We want a Satruday wedding so much, would you have a Saturday wedding if we pick up the cost difference."

    If they offer something like that, you should probably reconsider for their troubles.
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    Have you shown her both sets of numbers, so that she can get a visual of the difference? Also....If they are helping pay then they will need to understand that you can only afford XYZ and in order to move it to the Sat they want then you will need  help covering the extra....
    image
    2011-2012 Races
    10/29/11 LA RockNRoll Min Half (5K) 42:58
    12/4/11 Vegas RockNRoll Half 3:14:53
    1/7/12 WDW Half 3:13:42
    1/15/12 RnR AZ 2:55:27 (PR!!)
    1/29/12 Tinkerbell 1/2 3:22:37 (To many picture stops!lol)
    Me:32 DH:33
    IFV w/ DE Only Option (On Hold For Now)
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    Since you are paying, you get to decide. Give mom some time to cool down. In the meantime, you can start planning with your fi. Once she realizes she can't control you with those kind of outbursts, she probably will be more reasonable.
                       
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    The thing is that we both want to have the Friday Wedding and we both have no problem with it, I am not working right now and he saving up, I don't think that my fiance wants a Saturday Wedding either. It's more what my parents want then what we want, they just assumed that I would go with it. I stood up this time and I felt so trapped in between what my Fiance and I wanted and then what my parents wants. It's so frustratating.
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    In my opinion Fridays is a difficult time to have a wedding. I'd hate it if I was invited to a friday wedding, because I work full-time. Ask your mother the real reason, this may be why. She may be embarassed to ask her friends/family to attend a Friday wedding, because that's asking them to take time off work to attend to your wedding. 

    What do you mean by "my parents are helping out" ? Are they paying all of the things in the reception? If so, then I don't see why it's such a big deal to have a wedding on a Friday. Saturday would make it a lot easier for your guests. 


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    I had the same type of problem with my mom on the Friday wedding. Here's how I put it to her. I explained the price difference but beyond that I explained to her that it's not as if we are getting married next week and leaving people little or no notice. This is so far in advance that people have time to make arrangements to be there on a friday. Then I went on to tell her that if people don't come then they don't come. The wedding isn't about the amount of people that attend. Besides the people who attend are genuinely committed to being there for you as a couple. Its just like life, when things get real tough you discover who your real friends are.

    On a humorous note - the less people that come the more money you can spend on the honeymoon. Keep smilin' Wink
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    Your parents are paying? Well then they have some say. Can you pay for it without their help?

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    You know, if people really wanted to be there for your wedding they would come even if it's on a Friday.  And if they can't make it I am sure they have a good reason. 

    I would let your mom cool off, and explain to her why you want a Friday wedding.  I am sure after some time she will get over it.

    We are having a Sunday wedding, and realize that many people will not come because the reception will be on a Sunday evening.  We are perfectly fine with it.  If guests can't make it, then oh well.  Ultimately it's about us and our closest, that is all we really need.

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    Show your parents a cost comparison and see if that makes a difference for them. If they are contributing a substantial amount to your wedding budget, then they should have some say.
    If you can pay for the wedding yourselves, then do it your way.
                       
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    Well, if they are helping you pay, then they do have some say. If your parents decide to not help you pay, what will you gys do then??
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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    Can you ask the main people who will be invited (closest friends, grandparents, etc) if they could make it on a friday and show her the important people will be there no matter what?
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    I know how that goes!  My mom and I fought for about a month straight when we first started planning (Dad and sister to the rescue!).

    I would show her the cost difference as PPs have said.

    Since you said you have family from out of state, also throw out sending Save the Dates, so travelers will have plenty of notice for planning purposes.  Just having that as an option might help to cool her anxieties.
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    if your parents are paying for it they have some say i have always wanted a sat wedding,but since my parents paid for the entire event & my dad's brothers family is Jewish and cant drive on sat's i had to have my wedding on a sunday,it worked out for the best bc all day Sat it poured and on sunday the sun was shining so bright,plus in the end it didnt matter if i was getting married on a tues bc i was marrying the love of my life

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    If they're paying, doing it on Saturday is the least you can do.
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    edited April 2010
    I'm not sure how much planning you've done yet, but you should definitely talk to some venues and caterers that you're considering to make sure that it actually is cheaper to do a Friday wedding. When I started planning I was all for the Friday wedding in the name of saving money. But every venue we went to said that they didn't do discounts on Fridays. And since there were plenty of Saturday dates available for this summer, we just went with Saturday instead. When we booked our photographer I asked about the cost of Friday weddings, just out of curiosity (since photog will be our 2nd biggest expense after venue/food), and he said that he only subtacts 5%. So just be careful that the savings may not be as big as you think.

    I've only been to one Friday wedding, and for whatever it's worth I loved it. It was so great waking up hungover on Saturday morning and realizing that after the hangover cleared up I'd still have  another day and a half left of my weekend. I ended up taking the entire day (Friday) off work, but I also had vacation days to kill. Some of our friends only took a half day off, and one or two who just *couldn't* take that day off work skipped the ceremony and came for the reception. The bride said that they had no issues with people not being able to make it because it was a Friday (aside from the handful who skipped the ceremony).
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    Good for you im glad it all worked out. I was going to say sit down with the facts in front of them.  Congrats and im originally from Michigan so enjoy your Michigan wedding. I wish mine was there :o)
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