Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding

lynnettet

Should I be mad? My fiancee want to go golfing the morning our wedding which is going to be in FL and we live in IL.. I am worried what my family and friends will think if he is not around to help set up the beach...what do you think? ti is an 2nd marriage for us both.

forrma7

no way, its really common for the men to all do something the day of together to keep everyone relaxed and occupied

megk8oz

My husband seriously spent the morning of the wedding playing D&D with his 2 best friends.

I really didn't care what he did as long as he made it to the ceremony on time. Which he did.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:3c220c35-a6be-4d4a-a2a9-c609a808c021">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband seriously spent the morning of the wedding playing D&D with his 2 best friends. I really didn't care what he did as long as he made it to the ceremony on time. Which he did.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Wow! Your husband is a D&D nerd. So is mine. I had never heard of it before I met him. They should get together...lol bc since we moved he can't find anyone to play with. I am surprised my husband didn't think about this the morning of our wedding.

I think it is perfectly fine for him to do something with his friends before the wedding. It wlll probably help take his mind off of things, etc.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:087205de-2a25-4398-a64d-503c20fb67ff">Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Should I be mad? My fiancee want to go golfing the morning our wedding which is going to be in FL and we live in IL.. I am worried what my family and friends will think if he is not around to help set up the beach...what do you think? ti is an 2nd marriage for us both.
Posted by lynnettet[/QUOTE]
I hope your family and friends aren't being forced into setting up your wedding for you.  I think perhaps you need to consider hiring a DOC, if you need extra help.

Beachy730

Well me personally I would tell my H to find something else to do the morning of the wedding since we got married in the middle of summer, and as I so lovingly call him Powder sometimes because of how pale he is, he always ends up burnt after golf, no matter how much sunblock he puts on.  So I would have recommneded he pick something not-outdoors. 

Nobody will think any less of him for not being around in the morning.  Actually I would think it would be more weird to see him before since I'm old school tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding.  The only thing that concerns me about golf is that you can never really guess how long it will take to play 9 or 18.  So as long as your FI or someone with him will be responsible about keeping track of time, and be willing to leave before finishing if needed, then I would just let it go.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:73b415cf-c63d-481c-b587-7ae6a4c8bc18">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding : Wow! Your husband is a D&D nerd. So is mine. I had never heard of it before I met him. They should get together...lol bc since we moved he can't find anyone to play with. I am surprised my husband didn't think about this the morning of our wedding. I think it is perfectly fine for him to do something with his friends before the wedding. It wlll probably help take his mind off of things, etc.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

Oh, my husband is pretty much an "everything nerd", lol. I knew D&D existed, but I didn't know people who regularly played until I met him. As soon as I heard his friends where coming over in the morning, I knew they'd be doing some type of gaming (Xbox, Munchkin, WoW LAN party, etc) ... the 3 of them pretty much can't be in a room together for more than 5 minutes without either starting a game or talking about a game they played on a previous get together, lol.

trix1223

First of all, you have a fiance, not a fiancee.  You're the fiancee in the relationship.

My SIL,  along with the BM, FOB, FOG, some GM including the bride's brother, and some other close friends who were guests all went golfing the morning of DD and SIL's wedding.

Why are you upset about this?

laurynfaerie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:3c220c35-a6be-4d4a-a2a9-c609a808c021">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband seriously spent the morning of the wedding playing D&D with his 2 best friends. I really didn't care what he did as long as he made it to the ceremony on time. Which he did.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
<font color="#000000"> 

My FI will probably do this too lol

ETA: when i mentioned this to him, he said he totally would but he doesn't want to haul all of his books clear across the country :P
</font>

aerinpegadrak

Well, what does your timeline look like?  A full 18 holes takes quite a while, but just going to the driving range or doing a half game won't be as long.  So as long as he's not risking being late, I don't really see the problem.  If you're planning on not seeing each other until the ceremony, does it matter what he does while he's on his own?

Missy/Meg, I was the one to introduce DH to D&D.  Our monthly gaming session is tomorrow, should be fun.  I think DH likes feeding the group as much as he does playing the game.

Jackief11

I'm not sure why some women feel it necessary to be ugly on this website but it's pretty childish. Who cares if she puts fiancee?

Anyway, our wedding is at 7 and my FI and his groomsmen are golfing before the wedding. Just like we'll get massages or mani's and pedi's, they need to do something to relax as well. I would make sure they manage time well, and maybe request they play 9 instead of 18.

Hope this helps

NillaWafer10

I would send him off with a sack of balls and lots of sunscreen.  Let him have some fun

MyNameIsNot

Meh, if he has responsibilities for setting up, he needs to attend to that first.  I don't know why your family would care, as they shouldn't be involved in setting up anything.  Setting up is up to you,  your FI, and your paid staff.  

Once he's done with whatever he needs to do, he can spend his day however he wants.  

tldh

BIL did this the morning of his wedding.  He and SIL still say it was the best thing for him - out with friends and it got his mind off the wedding.

topcatiom

my FI and about 10 guests are actually having a golf competition the morning off, starting mega early at like 7am, (wedding at 3) and then having brunch.I think its great, i don't expect him to do anything with the set up on the morning of the wedding (hopefully it would be sorted the night before) but i guess if you agreed to do it together and he's renegged that's a different story!

DanielleZZ

I can understand why this might upset you.  I am worried about my fiance sleeping in or getting caught up in something the morning of the wedding.  If your fiance is supposed to help set up than ask that he do that first and see how much time is left.  it depends on who is supposed to be setting up and the time schedule but keep in mind that this may be a way for him to relax before the big moment so that he isnt stressed when you to meet at the alter.  Remember it doesnt take most guys as long to get ready as it does for us and if he is just sitting around until the ceremony he may become more nervous. Just make sure that there is someone with him who will be responsible for the time especially if there is going to be drinking involved. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:d0edb907-718b-4cee-bf1a-c4b5c13451c5">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure why some women feel it necessary to be ugly on this website but it's pretty childish. Who cares if she puts fiancee?
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

Because it's wrong and when the medium you are using is primarily words, spelling the words correctly helps you get your point across and allows people take you seriously. 

Also, I appreciate when people point out when I'm wrong so I don't perpetuate the mistake.

EDIT: I'd also send my fiance off with sunscreen and his golf clubs.  Go have fun!  He's an adult and can make his own decisions.  I'm not his mommy and won't stand there wagging my finger saying "absolutely not will you be sunburnt in our wedding pictures!"  ::shrug:: 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:d0edb907-718b-4cee-bf1a-c4b5c13451c5">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure why some women feel it necessary to be ugly on this website but it's pretty childish. Who cares if she puts fiancee? Anyway, our wedding is at 7 and my FI and his groomsmen are golfing before the wedding. Just like we'll get massages or mani's and pedi's, they need to do something to relax as well. I would make sure they manage time well, and maybe request they play 9 instead of 18. Hope this helps
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

I prefer to learn from my mistakes so that I don't make them again.  If you prefer to misspell words or use poor grammar, that's your prerogative.

I however, am happy when people help me to learn something new.  I view pointing out a common mistake like fiance/fiancee as actually helping someone.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:731020c3-b46f-48ed-adf8-e6818940647e">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, what does your timeline look like?  A full 18 holes takes quite a while, but just going to the driving range or doing a half game won't be as long.  So as long as he's not risking being late, I don't really see the problem.  If you're planning on not seeing each other until the ceremony, does it matter what he does while he's on his own? <strong>Missy/Meg, I was the one to introduce DH to D&D.  Our monthly gaming session is tomorrow, should be fun.  I think DH likes feeding the group as much as he does playing the game.</strong>
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

That's pretty cool. You don't see too many girls interested in D&D. He has tried to show me some things, but I haven't actually sat down and watched a game with him and his friends.

I will admit I like some of his role playing computer video games, though. I like just sitting beside him and watching him kill bad guys and monsters.

Manwaithiel

Have to disagree with most of you here.

You and he are the primary planners of this wedding. Does him golfing entail he having fun with his friends while you're setting up the wedding venue by yourself? If it does, then no, it's not right for him to go. It's his wedding too, and if he can't help you set up because he wants to go laze around playing golf, then I would tell my FI 'no'.

If you're going to be hanging out too, then what's the problem? If you get to have fun, then so should he.

Elaborate.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:d0edb907-718b-4cee-bf1a-c4b5c13451c5">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm not sure why some women feel it necessary to be ugly on this website but it's pretty childish. Who cares if she puts fiancee?</strong> Anyway, our wedding is at 7 and my FI and his groomsmen are golfing before the wedding. Just like we'll get massages or mani's and pedi's, they need to do something to relax as well. I would make sure they manage time well, and maybe request they play 9 instead of 18. Hope this helps
Posted by Jackief11[/QUOTE]

How is it ugly to correct the spelling? Correcting someone isn't rude. And it matters because a fiancee refers to females. So unless her FI is female, it's fiance. Seriously. It would be like calling him a "Miss" or "Mrs." The term "fiance" is french, and certain words in french add an "e" to the end to express la genre. So because a female getting married is "feminine" she's a fiance<strong>e</strong> and the man she's engaged to is her fiance.

But anyways OP, I agree with PP that as long as he isn't skipping out on any commitments he made to help set up the ceremony, then the rest of the time is his. He'll be there- he won't miss your wedding because he's on the 12th hole ;)

sister2groom

I think if you and he can figure out a way for him to take of things ahead of time (I don't know what kind of things he might have to take care of the day of) then it's completely fair. What will you be doing? If you'll be at a salon, that's "me" time and I know you're looking pretty for him, but still something you get to do for yourself with your girls. It's not really his fault guys take about 5 sec to get ready.

ehathewa

Our guys are talking about Frisbee Golf while the girls get their hair done.  I think it is a great way to keep them busy and have some guy bonding time... maybe across both families. 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:cd6298d5-060c-4b6a-9128-27850d70de31">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]If you'll be at a salon, that's "me" time and I know you're looking pretty for him, but still something you get to do for yourself with your girls. It's not really his fault guys take about 5 sec to get ready.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

Exactly. 

And I have to disagree with your Manwaithiel.  I can tell you that I was glad DH was still sleeping when I started setting up at 6:00 a.m. for our wedding.  Everyone else was still asleep including the SsIL who were going to help.  It let me get everything finished exactly as I wanted it without anyone underfoot and not having to explain anything made it very stress free.

Manwaithiel

TLDH, if she WANTS to set up the venue by herself, then by all means, whatever. And if the OP is like you (and I'm like you, FI is the max number of people I would want there and I would primarily just be saying "put this there") then obviously her concerns make no sense.

BUT, if she needs his help and has asked for it and if he's saying "But I want to play golf with my friends!!" then I think he needs a reality check. We always tell women that they and their FI are the primary planners of this wedding. That means you both have to do things you might not want to do, including bypassing a golf game, or at least a full golf game, to do what you need to do, then be an adult and suck it up.

OP, PLEASE come back for clarification.

megk8oz

Oh, I definitely agree that if he's supposed to be setting up, then he needs to make that his priority. I also agree that your family and friends should not be doing that for you. They are not an unpaid staff ... if you really need help setting up chairs, pay some college kids on Craigslist $50 to do it or something.

But the way the OP was worded, it's unclear if he's blowing off actual responsibilities to go have fun with his buddies, or if she just thinks him doing anything non-wedding related the day of the wedding would make people think badly of him.

aerinpegadrak

Yeah, if I were in OP's shoes, I'd be hiring someone to do the setup.  That way they can BOTH spend the morning relaxing.  I volunteered to DOC for a friend's wedding, and she hired a bridesmaid's brother and one of his buddies to do most of the work, I just oversaw everything.  I don't know how much she paid them, but I doubt it was very much.

BethMarie63

I don't think you should be upset. My FI plays football on a social league during the fall, and he'll have a game the morning of our wedding. If that's what he wants to do before the wedding, I'm all for it. My only request is that he doesn't break any bones and that he's not late to the ceremony! 

ErinG93

I don't think that it is an issue that he goes, so long as he helps set up if he's made obligations to do so. Ultimately I think you both know what's best! As for family helping set up, maybe I'm a tad traditional, but hey- that's what family is for! I have a TIGHT wedding budget and both mine and my FI's family will be setting up. My future FIL and my dad are building a gazebo for the ceremony! Maybe it's because we're all very close, but I think if your family is willing, it's great that they are helping.

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:087205de-2a25-4398-a64d-503c20fb67ff">Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Should I be mad? My fiancee want to go golfing the morning our wedding which is going to be in FL and we live in IL.. I am worried what my family and friends will think if he is not around to help set up the beach...what do you think? ti is an 2nd marriage for us both.
Posted by lynnettet[/QUOTE]

We are getting married at a golf course and we get a free foursome since we booked there.  FI plans to play golf there before the wedding.  Of course, we need to bring things to the site and set up a few things - he knows he has those responsibilities first. 

The only thing I'M against with our situation is he plans to play RIGHT before the wedding - in his tux and all.  We are getting married July 1 - it is going to be HOT, and he STINKS when he sweats.  I'm grumbling about it, but I think he's going to do it anyway.  I'm praying for rain on my wedding day! haha

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-upset-fiancee-wants-golf-morning-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:26865547-1041-43b1-985b-e411bae653f9Post:8ab8e708-b96d-4db3-8d96-100c451b1a7e">Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I be upset? My fiancee wants to golf the morning of the wedding : There is nothing traditional about putting your guests to work.  They are your guests, not your staff.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Agreed, unless they offer to help.  FMIL and others already had the idea that they would be there in the morning to help set up, and I haden't asked anyone! 

I guess what is meant by tradition is more that the family also assumes they will help set up and and are glad to do it.  Like there is a mutual understanding.