Done with Wedding! Now depressed....

sierraberry32

I got to talking with a friend of mine, she has been married over 20 years and has been telling me all the greatest things about marriage. It was great, I loved it! But then she started talking about how she spent so much time and effort on planning her wedding, that when it was over, she fell into a deep depression. She said she didn't know what to do at that time... I heard of people becoming bored after the wedding was over and looking for projects to fill in their spare time, but I have never heard of anyone becoming depressed. Kinda wondering if there is anyone else became depressed, or just bored beyond belief? 

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:b5eac1dd-e915-44ed-8d1f-15ee8a22d2d3">Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]I got to talking with a friend of mine, she has been married over 20 years and has been telling me all the greatest things about marriage. It was great, I loved it! But then she started talking about how she spent so much time and effort on planning her wedding, that when it was over, she fell into a deep depression. She said she didn't know what to do at that time... I heard of people becoming bored after the wedding was over and looking for projects to fill in their spare time, but I have never heard of anyone becoming depressed. Kinda wondering if there is anyone else became depressed, or just bored beyond belief? 
Posted by sierraberry32[/QUOTE]

No. It is real.  Post wedding depression isn't uncommon.  You spend a year (or more) of your life planning one day, and then all the sudden, it's over.  The excitement, being the center of attention, the time it consumes, and then... boom. It's over. 

A lot of people have trouble adjusting.  Read the wedding recap & withdrawal board. The withdrawal is common, the depression is also common. It may not get to the point of needing meds depressed, but it's very common to be "in a funk", so to speak for a few months after the wedding.  Sometimes, longer.

StephBeanWed61502

I think if you make your entire life during your whole engagement revolve around planning your wedding, you're bound to be bored and maybe even depressed when it's over, just like you would be at the end of a job or a relationship or any other time consuming thing that takes over your whole life.

If, however, you maintain a little perspective and realize that what you're planning is a party and not a high-level military operation, you probably won't have this problem.

FWIW, I spent about 30 hours total, over the course of a year, planning my wedding, so it wasn't exactly a major gap that needed to be filled after the wedding, so that's where I'm coming from on this.

cwaggoner07

Being engaged is definitely more EXCITING that being married. You can say 'my fiance' in passing or to an acquaintance and all the sudden the attention is on you. 'How did he propose?' 'When is the big day?' 'Do you have your dress?'

You say 'my husband' and well, everyone has a husband. Big deal.

I LOVE being married, but it is an adjustment. For us, we had a 7 month engagement (less time to get all wrapped up in it), and right after we got back from our honeymoon, we moved. Moving was definitely my new project, and it was a fun transition into being married.

I think it's normal, as long as you can recognize that it's kind of silly and that it will pass.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:a222a027-3d62-438a-b956-4e7042d93778">Re: Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think if you make your entire life during your whole engagement revolve around planning your wedding, you're bound to be bored and maybe even depressed when it's over, just like you would be at the end of a job or a relationship or any other time consuming thing that takes over your whole life.</strong> If, however, you maintain a little perspective and realize that what you're planning is a party  and not a high-level military operation, you probably won't have this problem. FWIW, I spent about 30 hours total, over the course of a year, planning my wedding, so it wasn't exactly a major gap that needed to be filled after the wedding, so that's where I'm coming from on this.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Yup! I spent around the same amount of time every week working on wedding stuff as I did reading or cooking dinner--an hour here, an hour there. I honestly don't know how people spend more time than that. I mean, I love weddings and I spent plenty of time (and still do) leisurely reading wedding magazines or watching SYTTD, but I certainly wasn't actively planning anything for entire days at a time. I'm not sure what people who do that are actually <em>doing</em>.

I could see people being sad/depressed for a brief period. I didn't personally experience it though, except maybe the day we drove back from our honeymoon, when it sunk in to both H and me that it was all over now. Looking back on wedding planning, I am happy that I won't have to do that again. I'm way too lazy. :)

JaneAustensGhost

I'm not letting the wedding become my entire life.  That said, I can see how I'd miss all this excitement when it's gone.  My FI, being the awesome guy he is, suggested we take a trip three months after the wedding to give us both something new to be excited about.  I told him that was sweet but real life has to intrude at some point, and frankly I'm super excited about just settling into married life with him.  

cwaggoner07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:17f03d0a-0ed1-460c-9a73-ab596722209f">Re: Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not letting the wedding become my entire life.  That said, I can see how I'd miss all this excitement when it's gone.  My FI, being the awesome guy he is, suggested we take a trip three months after the wedding to give us both something new to be excited about.  I told him that was sweet but real life has to intrude at some point, and <strong>frankly I'm super excited about just settling into married life with him.  </strong>
Posted by JaneAustensGhost[/QUOTE]

That has been surprisingly fun for us. :)

Maggie0829

I can definitely say that I fell into a "funk" after our wedding was over with.  Like PP have said, I spent a year or so planning a wedding that was over with in about 6 hours.  I didn't let the wedding consume my life.  I still had my full time job, my friends, my family, my H of course, and preparing to buy a new house so I had plenty of other things to occupy my time.  But, I am a very crafty and detailed oriented person.  I absolutely loved the wedding planning process because I finally had a chance to really be creative (unlike with my everyday job) and flex my DIY muscles.  While some brides would rather die then spend hours upon hours cutting and folding and taping paper together to make invites, it was like a dream come true for me.  So really, I think that after the wedding was over I was most sad because all of the fun projects were over with, not that the actual wedding was over with.  Luckily with buying a new home I was able to move on rather quickly onto many home improvement projects that are seemingly endless.

achiduck

I've only been married for 5 weeks and I can say I have definitely felt somewhat "funkish." I don't feel depressed, and while I don't miss the planning I do kind of miss some of the attention and the build up. Mostly, I just wish we could re-live the day, it all went by so fast!

I have booked my TTD shoot for January so that's giving me something to look forward to that's kind of WR but I've also picked up my old interests that fell by the wayside while I was in heavy-duty planning mode. H and I have also started planning a trip to Paris for the spring.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be, I was honestly expecting to be more bummed out.

bridget1312

Yes!  I just got married 2 months ago and ever since have been feeling, kind of lost?  Its kind of hard to explain.  I love having a husband and being married to the greatest man ever, but all of the planning, all of the time, it was fun, stressful but so fun for me, and all of the sudden its gone.  I heard its pretty normal to feel this way, just never thought it would affect me the way it has..  Just always remember to have a great time doing it, try not to let it get the best of you, which it can be extremely stressful at times and ENJOY the Day!!! Your wedding day seems to go by so fast!  All of the planning and everything and its over in just a few ohourss...

AddieCake

Like PP, we moved shortly after we got married, so as soon as the wedding was done, it was time to focus on packing for that. I was relieved to have the stress of the wedding over and didn't miss it at all. I do like offering advice to new brides-to-be, though. 

I spent the entire planning of my wedding just lurking here and not participating. I knew if I started joining in, I would spend way more time here than I had time for!  I got all the info I needed seeing other peoples' questions, and the best and most helpful advice seemed to come from the women who had already been through it. So now that we've moved and my career is on hiatus, I have the time, and I've come back to participate and hopefully my experiences can help someone else. 

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:90f28e97-2cb1-4d72-a23a-b43e6990bd8d">Re: Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]I read something shortly after my wedding about the silence that follows the big day, and it's so true.  I'd gotten so used to hearing from people all the time about the wedding.  It was typically small things, like texts from my mom with how many days left until the wedding, or an e-mail from my aunt who was making my favors, or whatever.  Not huge details, just tiny things that showed people were thinking about the wedding and about DH and me.  That was nice.  And right after the wedding, it stopped.  Things fell silent.  That was a bit of an adjustment, especially since<strong> I hadn't been aware of how much attention was focused on us until it was gone</strong>.  DH actually had a harder time than I did, I think.  I was at least mentally prepared for a bit of a funk and had made plans to fill the time with honeymoon planning, race training, etc.  I'd neglected to meniton the potential funk to DH, though, and he was kind of sullen/bored for a few weeks.  We both got over it, though.
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

Yup, this. There's lots of attention right when you get engaged and then periodically throughout the planning process when you're asked "how's the planning going?" and the like. Then you have the shower, bachelorette and the wedding creeps up really fast and it's all about you. Then it stops. It's quite a shock.

Fancypantsamy

Despite having not been completely absorbed in planning, I'm a bit sad that my day is over too, despite having things like a book club and a busy job and friends and interests. I think if I could do it all over again and other people's schedules had not been a factor, I would have gotten married in the spring, that way the entire summer would still be ahead of me. Instead, I got married in late September, and went on a nice warm weather honeymoon.... and then came back to cold. And I'm currently living in Canada so there was no Thanksgiving for me this year, and we're doing Christmas with H's family and they are way more laid back about the holiday than mine... So I think it's just a really ramped up case of the winter blahs because everything was SO EXCITING! NICE WEATHER! PARTIES! SHOWER! ATTENTION! and now it's all rain. impending winter. blah. Whereas I think if I had gotten married in say June, I'd be a bit more upbeat about trips to the beach, summer cookouts and reading outside.

That said, married life is nice, and at least it's the right weather to bake stuff and break in all my new kitchen goodies. 

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:618a2fbf-0dd3-4c66-980a-58047b60bd6d">Re: Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]Despite having not been completely absorbed in planning, I'm a bit sad that my day is over too, despite having things like a book club and a busy job and friends and interests. I think if I could do it all over again and other people's schedules had not been a factor, I would have gotten married in the spring, that way the entire summer would still be ahead of me. Instead, I got married in late September, and went on a nice warm weather honeymoon.... and then came back to cold. <strong>And I'm currently living in Canada so there was no Thanksgiving for me this year,</strong> and we're doing Christmas with H's family and they are way more laid back about the holiday than mine... So I think it's just a really ramped up case of the winter blahs because everything was SO EXCITING! NICE WEATHER! PARTIES! SHOWER! ATTENTION! and now it's all rain. impending winter. blah. Whereas I think if I had gotten married in say June, I'd be a bit more upbeat about trips to the beach, summer cookouts and reading outside. That said, married life is nice, and at least it's the right weather to bake stuff and break in all my new kitchen goodies. 
Posted by Fancypantsamy[/QUOTE]

Erm, you know we have Thanksgiving here too, right? It's just in October...

sierraberry32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:6e1a0047-8cb5-4aeb-96cd-8b8822f5536d">Re: Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]Being engaged is definitely more EXCITING that being married. You can say 'my fiance' in passing or to an acquaintance and all the sudden the attention is on you. 'How did he propose?' 'When is the big day?' 'Do you have your dress?' You say 'my husband' and well, everyone has a husband. Big deal. I LOVE being married, but it is an adjustment. For us, we had a 7 month engagement (less time to get all wrapped up in it), and right after we got back from our honeymoon, we moved. Moving was definitely my new project, and it was a fun transition into being married. I think it's normal, as long as you can recognize that it's kind of silly and that it will pass.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Too true! I am not married yet, but I have been pulled over many times by friends, family and sometimes random strangers just to ask about my plans. It's amazing how a little wedding talk can bring a couple of ladies together! 

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sierraberry32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_done-with-wedding-now-depressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2af05a29-a260-4a58-a59e-3d59ade8fc1dPost:842f2926-5873-49de-87c5-6126f95a31ba">Re: Done with Wedding! Now depressed....</a>:
[QUOTE]I can definitely say that I fell into a "funk" after our wedding was over with.  Like PP have said, I spent a year or so planning a wedding that was over with in about 6 hours.  I didn't let the wedding consume my life.  I still had my full time job, my friends, my family, my H of course, and preparing to buy a new house so I had plenty of other things to occupy my time.  But, I am a very crafty and detailed oriented person.  I absolutely loved the wedding planning process because I finally had a chance to really be creative (unlike with my everyday job) and flex my DIY muscles.  While some brides would rather die then spend hours upon hours cutting and folding and taping paper together to make invites, it was like a dream come true for me.  So really, I think that after the wedding was over I was most sad because all of the fun projects were over with, not that the actual wedding was over with.  Luckily with buying a new home I was able to move on rather quickly onto many home improvement projects that are seemingly endless.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have a bunch of DIY projects planned. I am excited to bring my creativity back from the dead, but, I am afraid I will miss it when my our wedding day has passed! 

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