Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Do we need a bride and grooms side?

My Mom would like to do a brides and grooms side but we have a lot of friends who are both and my future MIL has a significant amount of more guests then my parents.

What would you suggest doing? Thanks!

Re: Do we need a bride and grooms side?

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    You don't need a bride and groom side. Especially with your FMIL's side being much larger, I think you should even up the sides or put all the mutual friends on your side for visual balance.
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    You don't need a bride and grooms side of the aisle. What do you want? If you don't care, have the ushers tell people that you'd like them to sit wherever they feel comfortable.
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    I prefer not to have sides. A marriage is about the blending of two families. Regardless, once the first few folks show and sit, people will automatically start gravitating toward people they know. But it's no big deal- it's not as though your ceremony is the time for people to chat and catch up.
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    I wouldn't have sides.  Put your parents on different sides, and let guests sit whereever. 
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    We are not having separate sides and am not always a fan of the idea.  It was my decision to forgo it b/c my FI is from AU and though he's been here for several years and has friends coming from here and AU, it would be an obvious difference in #'s and I just don't want to draw attention to that.  As PP mentioned, it is truly about blending families and then often friends..
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    We are not having sides. I think a wedding is about blending more than just the couple- the families get blended too. So I don't see the point in seperating them. I will say, however, that the parents will be on the "traditional" sides. I want them to be seated where they would traditionally be seated. Other than that... I don't care where people sit.
    Amanda and Eric Gettin' married 10/10/10
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:10Discussion:fe04d2d3-83ba-4211-a0c1-62b6645c2915Post:41cbc459-8b61-47d8-a302-b519c26e7991">Re: Do we need a bride and grooms side?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are not having separate sides and am not always a fan of the idea.  It was my decision to forgo it b/c my FI is from AU and though he's been here for several years and has friends coming from here and AU, it would be an obvious difference in #'s and I just don't want to draw attention to that.  As PP mentioned, it is truly about blending families and then often friends..
    Posted by Sapphire1002[/QUOTE]

    Sapphire, is that australia or austria?  My FI is from australia too... and that's the reason we're not doing sides.  I'd have about 70 people on mine since we're getting married in the states, and he'd have about 15...
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    I have a similar situation because my FI's family lives in the North and we live in Texas. Plus we have a ton of mutual friends. My close family friends and family will be listed for the ushers (the list is probabaly my OCD coming out - the ushers will know everyone that is on the list) and will be seated in a "reserved" area on the first couple of rows. Other than that I'll have the ushers seat everyone based on empty looking spots or wherever they want.
    Beka Lou
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    Anne - yes, it's Australia :).  Where is your FI from?  Mine is from Perth.
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    No-you don't have to have "bride" and "groom" sides.  Just let your guests sit where they'd prefer.  At my nephew's wedding, DH and I actually sat on the "bride's" side and the wedding is still valid.  =)

    Now, I just have to respond to this:  3 different posters commented how a wedding is the blending of two families, and that's why families should be seated randomly.

    It's a lovely, romantic notion.  And it's just not true.  A bride WILL become a member of her new DH's family.  And the groom will become a member of his new wife's family.  But that's about it.

    The bride's cousins will not become "family" with the groom's cousins.  I'm sure that everyone here on this board has cousins (say on your mom's side) who have cousins on your dad's side that you don't know.  I do.  My cousins (children of my dad's sister) have cousins (children of uncle's siblings) that I've never met.

     My kids do.  Their cousins on my side never met their cousins on their dad's side until our son was married.

    Another example:  I adore my BIL.  He is one of the best people I know.  I met his sisters on the day BIL married my sister.  And then I saw his sisters again, 30 years later at my niece's wedding.  His sisters are my sister's family.  BIL is my family.  But his sisters are not at all part of my family.

    And one more example:  I don't particularly care for my DD's in-laws.  I love my SIL, but we will NOT be sharing holidays with his mother, father, and sister.  Ever.  They are not my family. 

    4 years ago my son was married.  I was cordial and gracious to my adorable DIL's cousins.  And I'm sure I'll hever, ever, ever, ever see them again.  And that's just fine.

    So please, it's a lovely, "romantic", and puppies and rainbow thought that you're "blending two families".  But it just doesn't usually happen that way.

    Let people sit where they want at your wedding.  But not because you're "blending families".  Just because it's easier.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    You may as well learn now that if you ask a question that begins with, "Do we need to...?", the answer is no, unless what you are referring to is:

    * A partner
    * An officiant
    * A marriage license
    * Witnesses

    On this specific topic, at my first wedding, his family greatly outnumbered mine.  Also, his family was Jewish, and mine was Christian, and the "sides" are reversed in Jewish tradition.  We therefore had visions of everyone sitting on the same side, and the synagogue capsizing. 

    If you are having ushers, you can just tell them to ignore the "sides."  And even if you are just letting people seat themselves, they will typically manage in a common-sense way.

    Of course, at my second wedding, I dealt with the issue by not having a groom, and thus no "groom's side."  Wink
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    I'm not having two sids. I'm doing a circle so that everyone is combined together! I think its better that way.

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    Sapphire, he's from Brisbane... we actually live in Australia, but are coming back to the states for the wedding.  Have you spent much time in Perth?  I'd love to go there.  Anyway, gotta love those aussie boys!
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    our ceremony is outdoors, so we're not restricted by permanent pews or anything. so we decided to have the chairs set up in a semi-circle, and we'll be entering from the side, instead of down a center aisle. if your venue allows for that, it gets rid of the side thing all together.

    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker White Knot

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    We are not having sides either, except for parents and grandparents. Is it necessary for the ushers to explain that to people? I'm sure people will say to them, "we're friends of the groom" or whatever, and I don't want them to have to explain to each person that we are not doing traditional seating. I've actually never been to a wedding that hasn't done traditional seating, so I've never seen how it is handled.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    We are doing sides, but I have been to so many weddings where i knew both that i think its just irrelevant anymore.  I often play a game and say im on the side that has less people so it looks more even - but thats just me being rediculous. i like symmetry!  No one will really care.  i always forget which side is which anyway!
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    No sides, but immediate family is in front row.
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    I don't plan on doing sides either. It is a blending of two families.

    If you do leave it up to people to just sit wherever they want they are mostly likely going to sit by people they know, and you're gonna end up with an unofficial bride and grooms side anyway. LOL, if you care about such things. I like "evenness."

    As long as the Ushers make things look kinda sorta even it should be fine.
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