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Mini Vent

So today DH and I went out with my family for father's day dinner.  While at the restaurant another relative walks in who I have not seen since the wedding.  I went over to say hello and make sure she got the photos I sent her and guess what the first words out of her mouth were- I didn't know you were pregnant.  I almost busted out into tears.  Weight has always been a big issue for me and I lost over 20 pounds for the wedding.  In the three months that have passed I have put some weight back on (about 6 pounds) but I didn't think anyone noticed.  I guess I was wrong and I feel like crap about myself now.  I just needed to vent because DH says I'm being too sensitive and that I look beautiful. Thanks for listening.
 
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Re: Mini Vent

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    kaos16kaos16 member
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    Seriously!  Everyone knows that you never talk about someone being pregnant unless they mention it first!!

    My guess. . . . she was probably just jealous that you're better looking than her.
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    Yikes, I'm sorry that happened to you. Some people have no tact.
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    Wow, i'm really sorry she said that to you. Your DH sounds really sweet- listen to him and not this relative. From the pictures you posted on here, you are beautiful and even with an added 6 pounds, i'm sure you look just as good. 

    FWIW, All anyone does after I got married is look at my stomach and ask when i'm going to get pregnant. I think this is what's on most peoples minds after a wedding. They need to know when to shut up. 
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     My sister is very skinny (size 2 after her baby!) and she just got pregnant again, her daughter is 2 years old, I was there when she was explainging that to her that her belly would grow and gorw for 9 months and she looked at my mom and said, grammy, you've been pregnant for years! My mom laughed it off, but I felt sad :(
    ** I don't believe that old cliche that good things come to those who wait. I think good things come to those who want something so bad they can't sit still **
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    Wow... I'm sure that woman was embarassed!

    You look great in the few photos I've seen here, and I can't imagine 6 pounds making you look pregnant!  Ridiculous!

    I'm not that overweight, but I carry all my extra weight around my midsection, so I'm actually surprised that hasn't happened to me yet!

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    I guarantee it had more to do with the fact that you just got married and that's just where people's minds go.
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    Ohh, I'm sorry.  that sucks.   People have generally no tact... and I'm sure she is connecting "wedding = sex = eventual babies".   from the photos I've seen here, you are beautiful !!   try to let this go and go out tomorrow and do some retail therapy.  Buy yourself a cute new sundress that fits your curves, cuz they are gorgeous.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mini-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:337ca45d-57dd-4a6f-be35-a96fb6d9bd59Post:1d8766b5-5470-4355-9d92-d91407a71155">Re: Mini Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]That happened to me once.  I smiled at the lady and sweetly said, "Oh, no, dear!  I'm not pregnant.  I'm just fat!"  She looked like she hoped the floor would open up and swallow her. I've learned to live with being overweight.  I never was able to lose that pregnancy weight gain.  I have a very happy life.  My sister was always thin, and I had to suffer my mother's nasty comparisons and snarky remarks about my weight for years.  Now it turns out that my sister has Celiac's disease, and that is why she has always been so slender.  She has multiple health problems.  Who says being thin is so great?
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    OMG! I would do something like that! After being bigger my whole life I have learned to just deal with it. The people whos opinions actually matter to me think i am beautiful and anyone else is probably just jealous that i can look so good and be confident about myself even tho i am bigger. Not saying that I dont want to lose weight because I do, but im not going to hate myself if i dont.
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    Hoboken, I am so sorry this happened to you and I'm sure you handled this better than I did.  While weight has never been a big issue for me, my tummy always has been.  Even when I was underweight after an illness I had a tummy.  Look at my newborn pictures and there is that tummy sticking out.  While studying for the bar exam several years ago (and on a diet of brownies and potato chips) a guy asked me when I was due.  It resulted in me stopping what I was doing, crossing my arms, leaning back putting all of my weight onto one foot and giving him a seething glare until he was stumbling around in his brain figuring out why I was so pissed and then sputtering out an apology. My response was just  "Mmm Hmm" turning and walking away.
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    There's an aunt that I have that I've been deliberately going out of my way to avoid seeing because I've put on some weight in the last 6 months (Most of it due to sheer laziness, I admit it), and I just know that she's going to ask if I'm pregnant. And if I reply with "Nope, just fat", she's going to unabashedly dig at me for that ... and then act like she's doing me a favor for "telling it like it is".

    I really, really, really hate my aunt.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mini-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:337ca45d-57dd-4a6f-be35-a96fb6d9bd59Post:70e97ce9-3cc7-431c-ae80-4fadc540d9f5">Re: Mini Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]There's an aunt that I have that I've been deliberately going out of my way to avoid seeing because I've put on some weight in the last 6 months (Most of it due to sheer laziness, I admit it), and I just know that she's going to ask if I'm pregnant. And if I reply with "Nope, just fat", she's going to unabashedly dig at me for that ... and then act like she's doing me a favor for "telling it like it is". I really, really, really hate my aunt.
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

    That is so sad that people would do something like that! Family should be supportive not insulting! I know i had a friend a few years ago come up and tell me she was going to do weight watchers because her mother told her that she was fat! I have always thought my friend was really pretty and no she wasnt a size two but she was freaking hot! I KNOW her mother is crazy.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mini-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:337ca45d-57dd-4a6f-be35-a96fb6d9bd59Post:70e97ce9-3cc7-431c-ae80-4fadc540d9f5">Re: Mini Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]There's an aunt that I have that I've been deliberately going out of my way to avoid seeing because I've put on some weight in the last 6 months (Most of it due to sheer laziness, I admit it), and I just know that she's going to ask if I'm pregnant. And if I reply with "Nope, just fat", she's going to unabashedly dig at me for that ... and then act like she's doing me a favor for "telling it like it is". I really, really, really hate my aunt.
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

    That is so sad that people would do something like that! Family should be supportive not insulting! I know i had a friend a few years ago come up and tell me she was going to do weight watchers because her mother told her that she was fat! I have always thought my friend was really pretty and no she wasnt a size two but she was freaking hot! I KNOW her mother is crazy.
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    HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited June 2012
    Thanks for making me feel better. I just smiled and said no I'm not and left the table. I then sat at our table and drank a pitcher of sangria as I sat in my own sorrow.
     
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mini-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:337ca45d-57dd-4a6f-be35-a96fb6d9bd59Post:8892aea5-737b-4575-873e-b866a56e8101">Re: Mini Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Years ago, right after college I got a sales job where I was based out of my home and traveled locally or semi-locally every day.  The only time I saw the rest of the reps in my district was at quarterly district meetings. So I'm at this meeting and we all got into the same elevator so we could go down to dinner.  One of the guys in my district was Indian, and in this thick Indian accent he said, "So, Lucy.  You have gained weight."  Everyone in the elevator went silent, and I gave the guy who said it my best death glare.  He kept at it, saying that in his country it's not something to be ashamed of, and that they openly talk about a woman's weight in India, and that he was just trying to make conversation. Naturally, at dinner I felt like all eyes were on me as I decided what to order.  Do I go for something decadent as a big old FU to this guy?  Do I order a salad with dressing on the side?  I finally order something middle-of-the-road, and everyone is chit-chatting around the table.  Suddenly the guy from the elevator gets out of his seat, comes around the big long table where the entire district is seated, and stands behind my seat.  Everyone goes silent to see what will happen, and he starts apologizing left and right...that he's so sorry, that I don't understand how it is in his country, that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings...and I'm quietly saying, "OK, I accept your apology, please go sit down."  But he still won't go and just keeps saying how it's perfectly ok in his country, and finally I snapped and told him that perhaps he should go back to his own country because clearly he doesn't know how to function in society in my country. I've never been so humiliated in my life.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    OMG! That would be horrible!!!! I would be pissed if anyone came up with that conversation about me.
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    I remember the first time I came home from college, I'd gained about one pants size. One of my friends still in high school poked my tummy pooch, and I felt HORRIBLE. I've always been sensitive about my belly, whether I was a size 4 or a size 14 (I've been both), and I have always had issues when guys put their arms around my middle or lay their hands on my tummy at night.

    People are just rude.
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    One time my FI and I were at his parents' house and he was sitting down and one of his small nephews came up to him, pointed at his belly and said "you look like you have a baby in there." Of course we all couldn't help but laugh but I could still tell my FI was a little hurt.  His nephew saw the look on his face and started crying because he realized he said something he shouldn't have.  It was one of those hilarious but awful moments.


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    Hoboken, I totally know the feeling.  At least its not my family though.  One of my students grandmothers asked, and I was like "oh no I'm not," amongst random other people.  I too have struggled with my weight for the past couple of years and my FI has been so supportive.

    It sounds like your husband has been supportive as well which is all that matters.  Like PP said, some people just have no tact.  And I agree, you look amazing in your photos!!!  Don't listen to her!!
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    i'm so sorry. <3 people can be so rude! it's happened to me.. at work by a customer. they didn't even know me! they just thought i was fat i guess. :/
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    Yup, this has happened to me too...three times. Once when I was 16 & volunteering at a local hospital. The jackets they gave us were like tents. I got in an elevator with 1 other lady who said the same stupid question 'how far along are you?' I looked right at her & in my v high pitched teen voice said: 'I'm 16 and NOT pregnant.' Man, that was an awkward elevator ride.

    It happened again on our honeymoon. Mind you, I lost an extra 10lbs for our wedding. A preg lady and her friend were waiting in line for the bathroom. The prego went in & then the friend said, 'oh, you're expecting. you can go first.' All I said was 'I'm not.' She did apologize, but I ignored her. 

    Oh, then it happened a third time 2 weeks ago when an older couple that I haven't seen since the wedding asked me if I was pregnant. Considering the guy has had several strokes & is on dialysis, I'm giving him a break. But not the others Yell
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    Oh Hoboken!!  I know the feeling.  It actually happened to me this morning!  I walked into the bank (that I go to every week) while finishing a donut (classy, I know).  The lady who usually helps me is INCREDIBLY sweet.  There was another lady in front of me with a baby.  The lady behind the counter said to me..."The cravings are kicking in, huh?"  Then she pointed to the baby and said, "that's gonna be you in a few months."  I was mortified!  I have gained some weight, but...WOW!

    Don't worry about a thing, Doll.  Your H is right, you are beautiful! 
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