Chit Chat
Options

Spilt Between Countries- A Wedding Party and A Wedding?

I wasn't sure were to post this because its a mixture of different questions.
I got engaged three months ago and my fiance and I have set a tentative date for sometime summer 2012.
The only problem is that my family lives in Kentucky, his family lives in Poland, and we live in Scotland. We were talking for a while about having one big wedding in Scotland but he has a huge family and alot of expensive Polish wedding traditions, so we ruled that out as to expensive.
Instead we have decided to have a big engagement party in Kentucky and the wedding in Poland.I know the forum boards say you should only invite people to the engagement party if you are inviting them to the wedding, but I want to invite alot of people since I know I won't get to see them at my wedding in Poland, so if your wedding is in another country does that rule apply?
How long after your engaged is too long to have an engagement party, because since this engagement party is almost my US subsitute for wedding I wanted to have it soon before my Polish wedding so that would be probably around july of 2010 which is a while off. Is there such a thing as a wedding party that you have before a wedding but its not an engagement party?
I would love to hear from anyone who may have been in a similar situation, any ideas or thoughts would be great!
Cheers and Best Wishes

Re: Spilt Between Countries- A Wedding Party and A Wedding?

  • Options
    Sorry, but I just don't think that etiquette changes just because you live in a different country.  Prewedding parties are not at all requirements to get married.  But what is a requirement is that anyone invited to a prewedding party should also be invited to the wedding.

    IMO, you invite those you want to attend your wedding to the wedding.  If they can't come, for whatever reason:  prior commitment, expense, fear of traveling, etc. they can't come.  That's their decision that you don't get to make for them.

    And you have to realize that the decisions you make come with consequences.  And one of the things about being an adult is living with the consequences of your decision.  It's your decision, and it's a fine one, to get married in Poland.

    One of the consequences of that decision is that, clearly, you won't have as big a guest list as you might if the wedding was in Kentucky.

    But throwing a "prewedding" which is really what you're doing is just inappropriate all around.

    Sorry. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spilt-between-countries-wedding-party-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:344f80a6-60bd-4396-b03c-ab948bc7228dPost:d319d4fd-1361-40fa-bc78-b3f66e5d2f86">Spilt Between Countries- A Wedding Party and A Wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wasn't sure were to post this because its a mixture of different questions. I got engaged three months ago and my fiance and I have set a tentative date for sometime summer 2012. The only problem is that my family lives in Kentucky, his family lives in Poland, and we live in Scotland. We were talking for a while about having one big wedding in Scotland but he has a huge family and alot of expensive Polish wedding traditions, so we ruled that out as to expensive. Instead we have decided to have a big engagement party in Kentucky and the wedding in Poland. I know the forum boards say you should only invite people to the engagement party if you are inviting them to the wedding, but I want to invite alot of people since I know I won't get to see them at my wedding in Poland, so if your wedding is in another country does that rule apply? How long after your engaged is too long to have an engagement party, because since this engagement party is almost my US subsitute for wedding I wanted to have it soon before my Polish wedding so that would be probably around july of 2010 which is a while off. Is there such a thing as a wedding party that you have before a wedding but its not an engagement party? I would love to hear from anyone who may have been in a similar situation, any ideas or thoughts would be great! Cheers and Best Wishes
    Posted by ahoffman01[/QUOTE]
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spilt-between-countries-wedding-party-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:344f80a6-60bd-4396-b03c-ab948bc7228dPost:d319d4fd-1361-40fa-bc78-b3f66e5d2f86">Spilt Between Countries- A Wedding Party and A Wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong>We were talking for a while about having one big wedding in Scotland but he has a huge family and alot of expensive Polish wedding traditions, so we ruled that out as to expensive.</strong> <strong>Instead we have decided to have a big engagement party in Kentucky and the wedding in Poland.</strong> Posted by ahoffman01[/QUOTE]

    I'm not sure how you'll save money by a) throwing TWO parties and b) having the wedding in Poland where many more people are likely to attend and drive up the cost of the "expensive Polish wedding traditions."

    Just have one wedding in Scotland, where you live.  Some people will travel and some people won't.  In the end, you'll end up celebrating with your nearest and dearest and it will be great ;)
  • Options
    Oh, and we did this...  My family's spread out all over the States, and his are all in Mexico.  We chose a "neutral" location, Colorado, and had a destination wedding.  We ended up with 60 guests and had an amazing weekend. 
  • Options
    I think it depends on what you think your guests will be able to do financially and time-wise. I think it might be thoughtful to have an informal "at-home"-reception in KY if you know a lot of people won't be able to afford the trip to Poland. But wouldn't it be more acceptable ettiquette-wise if you had it after the wedding?

    Also, why not at least INVITE everyone to Poland? If they're important enough to celebrate with you, they're important enough to at least have to option (if they're willing to cross the globe to do it) see you get married. Could you plan a large wedding in Poland, invite everyone and then have an early RSVP date for those out-of-country (they'd need to know early to book flights anyhow). That way you might have time to scal back the reception (since you would have to originally plan most would make it).

    Just a few thoughts.

  • Options
    You should not be throwing yourselves an engagement party anyway.  Why not have a second reception in Kentucky instead?



  • Options
    You need to either invite everybody to Poland, or have the party in Kentucky after the wedding.
    Married 10/2/10
  • Options
    Our families are in Italy and France while we live in NY. Getting married in a place we love is one of our top priorities so we decided to have the wedding web-casted for everyone abroad and have a few dear friends to celebrate with. This also helped us stay within the budget of course! I think you should discuss your wedding priorities. If it comes up that you want to get married in Scotland that's what you have to do. Or maybe you want to have 2 weddings, in Poland and in Kentucky. You should give yourselves plenty of time to decide, which you have :-)
  • Options
    I have been to a wedding where it was their second one because they also had a wedding somewhere else becasue their families were spread out. I think that it is fine to have a celebration in Kentucky. Maybe you should have a small one in Kentucky and a large one in Poland. Either way people should be happy to celebrate and I was not offened at all by not being invited to the couples first wedding. I understand that you want a lot of people that are close to you get to see you get married and I think they would appricate it if you have a wedding in the states no matter how small it is!
  • Options
    I'd never even heard of engagement parties before the Knot.  So just don't have one and avoid a lot of the etiquette mess.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    I'm sort of in a similar situation.  My FI and I live on the East Coast, but all my family lives in California.  And my FI's family is from Brazil.  We're getting married in San Francisco, but we're having a second reception in Brazil for those who can't make it.  I guess ettiquet in Brazil is different... we're not inviting everyone from Brazil to the big wedding in San Francisco.  But we're inviting them to a luncheon in Brazil.  But we'll have a dinner recpetion as well for the closer relatives in Brazil.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards