Save the Date/Invitations

court476

I know people on here don't like not inviting kids, but my fiancé and I have decided to invite no one that is younger then 15.

So my question is this how do I make it clear that the guest that the person invited brings has to be older the 15, without being rude? (I know how to make it clear that the invited has to be 15 and older),

Also we are having a flower girl (she will be 4 the time of the wedding) and ring bearer (he will be 7 the time of the wedding). How do I invite the parents and the child in the wedding but not the other younger siblings? and make it clear that the child will not be allowed at the reception? (It's at a bar)



Thanks

emarston1

You really want a family to leave one of their kids at home while the other one who's in the wedding gets to come?  And they will only get to come to the ceremony and not to the reception?  Sounds like a recipe for trouble and you didn't think this through.

And I'm not quite sure if your reception is at a bar why a 15 year old would be allowed but not a 4 yo and a 7 yo so I'm guessing you just don't want them at the reception rather than this being a rule since a minor is a minor.

But to answer your question, you address the invitation to only those invited.

MyNameIsNot

Like PPs said, address the invitation only to those invited.  Do not put the children's names on the invitation.  

Expect some backlash from the families of the FG and RB.  If you want an adult only invitation, why would you have child attendants?  Nonetheless, it is very unlikely that these parents will bring one child and leave the others at home.  They will probably withdraw their children from the wedding if you don't invite the siblings.  

court476

And if they do not want their kids in the wedding because the other child is not invited that is fine, the parents choice. Just like it is ours to not want kids there. 

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:78ed2324-60b6-4e2a-8ea2-d4226ca134cc">Re: Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]And if they do not want their kids in the wedding because the other child is not invited that is fine, the parents choice. Just like it is ours to not want kids there. 
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]
So were they just going to be props in your wedding party or do actually have a relationship with these children?  If you have a relationship with them, I would strongly encourage you to reconsider.  Those kids might really be looking forward to the "job" and to then say they can't do it, is pretty shiity.

Also, I don't understand why you are havin a FB and RB when you want a semi-adults only reception.  It just doesn't make sense--have one or the other but not both.

court476

The reception is at a bar and I asked the owner he said the any age is allowed before they open the doors to the general public at 9. We are saying they can't attend. As for the age cut off I wanted 18 but FI said 15 because he has some friends that are young and he wants them to at least be invited.  I was not going to ask the children to be in the wedding till I got a confirmation from the presents that they 1.) were attending and 2.) that their children could be in the wedding.

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:da9dc335-d230-4006-952c-e960fcdbcc72">Re: Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]The reception is at a bar and I asked the owner he said the any age is allowed before they open the doors to the general public at 9. We are saying they can't attend. As for the age cut off I wanted 18 but FI said 15 because he has some friends that are young and he wants them to at least be invited.  I was not going to ask the children to be in the wedding till I got a confirmation from the presents that they 1.) were attending and 2.) that their children could be in the wedding.
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]
And 3.) do the parents know their other children aren't invited?

If you haven't asked the FG and RB yet, I would forgo the entire thing and not invite them and avoid the entire drama filled encounter.

Also, will your reception be ending at 9pm?  Or what do you plan to do with the minors after 9, kick them out of your reception?  Are you and your fiance 21+?

court476

The wedding will be at 1 and the reception from 2"30-8(or 8:30). The people that are 21+ can stay as long as they want (I think the bar closes at 2am) but the reception will officially be over, and yes my FI and I are over 21.

emarston1

OH when you say fiance, you mean husband right?  I hope all your guests know they are being invited to a non-wedding.  I would be pissed to be invited to a "wedding" when someone is already married.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-date

court476

Yes I do mean husband. It is just easier to get answers sometimes if I saw FI. And yes the people invited do know that we are married. It will be a Catholic Convalidation. 

emarston1

After looking through you posting history, I hope you've worked everything out with him.  Not even a month ago you were posting how he was having an emotional affair and I hope, hope, hope that everything is being worked out and you are both seeking counseling.

You indicated that you've been through all the premarital counseling stuff with your priest, does your priest know about all this stuff?  I'm not sure I would be continuing to plan a convalidation if my husband was acting how yours is unless he did a complete 180 in his behavior.  Good luck.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:dc38bd47-818f-43bd-9b6d-b0399a00c60c">Re: Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Save the Date/Invitations : It is EXTREMELY rude to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception (RB and FG).  Like super extremely rude.  RBs and FGs are the exception to the "no kid" thing.  I would be really offended if my daugther was good enough to prance around in a dress for you, but not good enough to enjoy the party. 
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>Re-read the post.  She is inviting the FG/RB to the reception.  She is just not inviting their siblings.  </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>With PP's additions, this whole thing is a clusterfluck.  A WP for a convalidation?  WTF?  But I'm still stuck on a grown man who is friends with teenagers.  </div>

FluffyGumDrop

In Response to Save the Date/Invitations:
[QUOTE]How do I invite the parents and the child in the wedding but not the other younger siblings? and make it clear that the child will not be allowed at the reception? (It's at a bar) Thanks
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]

I also read that as she was not inviting the FG/RB since the other siblings were already told they couldn't come so I assumed the second part about the child not attending the reception was directed at the FG/RB. I was trying to picture what the parents would be doing with the FG/RB if they couldn't go to the reception, drive the kid home and then come back?

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:da9dc335-d230-4006-952c-e960fcdbcc72">Re: Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]The reception is at a bar and I asked the owner he said the any age is allowed before they open the doors to the general public at 9. We are saying they can't attend. A<strong>s for the age cut off I wanted 18 but FI said 15 because he has some friends that are young and he wants them to at least be invited.</strong>  I was not going to ask the children to be in the wedding till I got a confirmation from the presents that they 1.) were attending and 2.) that their children could be in the wedding.
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]

Sorry but I'm still stuck on the part that FI is over 21 and many of his friends are 15...

Ali092011

I am just so confused. You're having a redo wedding with your husband, who you just had all kinds of problems with (are you two over this?), and you're calling it a convalidation, even though you're having a WP?

And your husband hangs around with teenagers?

I felt so, so bad for you last month. Now I just can't believe what I'm reading.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:d4a8a89e-7ffd-4a97-9da2-91707f2025fd">Re: Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Ali, you look so gorgeous in your dress.  It looks like it was made for you!
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

Thank you, Lucy! I try it on way too often. ;)

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:6eae35e1-a071-4963-870b-0bb72d4d2cdc">Re: Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save the Date/Invitations : Re-read the post.  She is inviting the FG/RB to the reception.  She is just not inviting their siblings.   With PP's additions, this whole thing is a clusterfluck.  A WP for a convalidation?  WTF?  But I'm still stuck on a grown man who is friends with teenagers.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Hm..  the wording is really unclear.  When she said "that the child will not be allowed at the reception," I'm unsure if she's talking about FG/RB siblings or the FG/RB themselves.

redheadfsu

So you are still married to the cheating A$$? Awesome. Plus he has friends that are minors (under 18)? Even more awesome.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_save-the-dateinvitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37378505-4a12-4f11-8e6d-4e6885b98008Post:15009312-d682-4559-afe8-eff63845143f">Save the Date/Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I know people on here don't like not inviting kids, but my fiancé and I have decided to invite no one that is younger then 15. So my question is this how do I make it clear that the guest that the person invited brings has to be older the 15, without being rude? (I know how to make it clear that the invited has to be 15 and older), Also we are having a flower girl (she will be 4 the time of the wedding) and ring bearer (he will be 7 the time of the wedding). How do I invite the parents and the child in the wedding but not the other younger siblings? and make it clear that the child will not be allowed at the reception? (It's at a bar) Thanks
Posted by court476[/QUOTE]

I absolutely would NOT invite one child and leave siblings out.  I think this should be your one exception on kids.

What does a bar have to do with  pitting one  sibling against another?

slga12

From past experiences, I have found that even if you do not put "adults only", most individuals do not bring their children to the wedding - unless the children are family members.

The last few weddings I attended, there were only a handful.

However, I do have a question.  Do you not want children at the reception at all, or do you not want them to be there after a certain time?  

Maybe you can invite them to the ceremony and reception, but politely request that all children leave after a certain time (I believe this is reasonable, especially if you are having an evening reception that will go on into the wee hours and/or you are having an open bar).