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Groom in need of some help.

Hello,

I've posted this on another board but it might fit better on this one.
As a bit of side information I'm the future groom writing this so here it goes.

When it came time for me to propose I didn't plan anything extravagent.  I had plans and had to cancel for any number of reasons for 3 months straight (i.e. she got sick, weather turned lousy, etc.) and I was tired of waiting.  So one night at her parents house I mentioned we take our dog outside before bed (we were in town visiting) and we walked around the yard for a while.  I began discussing some of the times we had dating over the last 4 years but was so nervous I'm sure she knew what was coming. As we were sitting on the porch (as she turned her head to dodge the dog) I slipped onto the step in front of her and proposed (kneeling).  She was of course all excited but afterword she has mentioned how she thought I would have put more thought into it since I can be pretty creative.  I've explained I tried but she's still bumbed about it 7 months later (especially when she sees the proposals of some of her friends which have happened recently). 

What I am asking is if it is too late to throw her a surprise engagement party to give her that "special" setting she's wanted? I was also thinking about writing a little speech about how I know the first proposal wasn't really story of all time worthy and re-propose.  It may be corny and embarrasing for me but if it would make her happy I would do it in a heart beat. 

Sorry  for the long winded description but if you girls can give some advise I would greatly appreciate it.  

Thank you,

Andy 

Re: Groom in need of some help.

  • RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I can't help but thinking that if a woman is still sulking about not getting a fairy tale proposal 7 months later, she's not actually mature enough to be getting married.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • What you did sounds very genuine and romantic.  I don't think you should be second guessing it because she is spoiled. 
  • I agree with the others, she needs to grow up and get over it.  I personally think elaborate proposals are dumb.  My husband took me for a walk, stopped, looked at me and said "You love me, right?"  I said "yes".  He asked "do you want to be my wife?"  I said "yes".  Then I declared that I had to go back to my apartment to call my mom.

    My absolute favorite proposal story is that of my sister and bil.  They had come in to town for Thanksgiving.  He had made dinner reservations for the night after but the morning of Thanksgiving he was simply too excited and went to her room and proposed while she was still in her pjs, with morning breath, crazy hair (she has soft curls that don't sleep well), and the previous day's mascara smeared all over (lesson learned to wash it ALL off).  She looked her worst (she's never done morning pretty) and he loved her the most.  She was thrilled and as soon as she had processed what he had done, the loudest "MOM! Get up here NOW!" was heard through the house.  Best story!
  • Like PP i wouldn't either. My Fi proposed to me while doing dishes. And i am absolutely extatic to be marrying my best friend!

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groom-need-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:383a6385-783f-430e-9907-b40afc50e456Post:5a12c1a9-6c55-429a-8ef0-e7c8dbe49aa2">Re: Groom in need of some help.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't help but thinking that if a woman is still sulking about not getting a fairy tale proposal 7 months later, she's not actually mature enough to be getting married.
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  I know it sounds harsh, but if she is still upset after 7 months, it sounds like she doesn't have her priorities straight.</div><div>
    </div><div>She should be greatful to have a great guy who loves her and wants to marry her, not focus on how things weren't perfect.  Life isn't perfect.  </div>
  • Lobsters25Lobsters25 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, our proposal got a little botched due to other circumstances, too.  I was bummed, but it didn't deter from the fact that we were engaged, and my joy in that.  While I didn't want a party, it did stink not having a wonderful story to share with everyone.
    FI knew I was bummed and surprised me with a new proposal this Christmas, nearly a year from his initial one, and it made me so happy.  It was just on the sofa with me and our new puppy, but without the unfortunate circumstances of the last time.  It was a really sweet gesture showing how much he wants to make me smile, and didn't require some big party or shelling out any cash, or us re-doing all of the phone calls and annoucements.  Really, it was something just for me and him.
    I guess I'm not sure why 'creative' and 'special' has to be big party and showing?  Maybe try to grab the ring at some point and drop it in her champagne glass at NYE?  It can be cute and special and cliche without being a whole, over-the-top ordeal.

    *Edit:  It wasn't that the proposal wasn't a fairy tale, it was that it was pretty much ruined by family drama.  oh, the joys of gaining in-laws...
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  • Your FI needs to get over it. I can't believe she's still sulking about it after seven months. My FI had this somewhat elaborate thing planned but in the end couldn't wait long enough to make it work, so he just randomly proposed one morning after I had just woken up. I don't see why it needs to be "story of all time worthy". I love telling the story of my proposal if people ask, because hey guess what? I got engaged to the love of my life. That's pretty much all that matters.




  • Was my proposal what I had always dreamed of: no
    Am I happy that he did it in his own way and it was perfect: yes

    I hate to be harsh, but PPs are right. She needs to get over it and focus on what's important, being engaged to the man she loves and planning a future.

  • I never got an actual "proposal".  H and I just stopped into a jewelry store & picked out a ring. When the salesperson was writing everything up I turned to my now H and said "does this mean we're engaged?"

    Super romantic!!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    My proposal was nothing like I'd always imagined. In fact, on my way to a family party, I was 95% sure he was going to propose. And he did, REALLY FAST because 1) I was late and his parents, who knew he was proposing, were on their way and 2) he was too excited and had been hinting for months. Was I let down that it wasn't a surprising, grand gesture? Yes. It's been a week since then. Do I still care? HELL NO! I'm marrying the most amazing man EVAHR, and this man drinks beer in his undies while playing Skyrim. The fact he proposed as romantically as he did was still a shock. While it may not be the story I always expected I would have, it's better. Because he's the one.
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

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  • I proposed to my wife in the parking lot of a flea market.  There are certainly thousands of far more romatic places and ways to do it, but the time was right, she hasn't complained about it since lol.  Tell her to get over it.

    Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011

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  • That's pretty harsh to beat you up over something that she really shouldn't have any control over. You did it how you chose to do it and in the end she should be ecstatic over the fact she's marrying the man of her dreams.

    Sounds like she's more in love with the IDEA of being engaged/married than the reality of it. I'd be having a long talk if I were you or you could be headed for trouble.
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  • She has a man that loves her, and thats what matters. She has a ring on her hand and she should be eternallly greatful for that. Please dont apologize for not being more "creative."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groom-need-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:383a6385-783f-430e-9907-b40afc50e456Post:c1e1c7ac-ce9f-4d0c-b5ee-76ee2874fd4f">Re: Groom in need of some help.</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's pretty harsh to beat you up over something that she really shouldn't have any control over. You did it how you chose to do it and in the end she should be ecstatic over the fact she's marrying the man of her dreams. Sounds like she's more in love with the IDEA of being engaged/married than the reality of it. I'd be having a long talk if I were you or you could be headed for trouble.
    Posted by scrpio421[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. Specifically the "in love with the idea" part. You shouldn't feel bad or apologize for anything. She sounds spoiled.</div>
  • My FI proposed to me sitting on our couch between episodes of Its Always Sunny in Philadelpha...which we picked up at the mall the same time he got my ring.

  • I think that would be amazing!!! Congrats!!!
  • edited January 2012
    I would say to just surprise her with a special night she'll never forget - you can call it whatever you want - like our "7 month engagemnet anniversary" or whatever, just come up with something. Buy her roses, take her to a nice dinner, go to a movie, go on a romantic drive, whatever you think would be romantic and meaningful to her. But make sure it is a surprise. Don't re-propose, but you can tell her again how much she means to you and how you're are so glad she's going to be your wife someday. You can even explain that you would have done something like this for the actual proposal, but weren't able to given the circumstances. Give her a special night to remember (it's perfectly ok for FI's and spouses to plan surprises for each other just b/c they love each other) and hopefully, she'll move on and let it go.

    ETA: I think you have a genuine heart and your FI is lucky to have you. You're obviously a very romantic guy, so I think you'll be able to find a way to impress her.
  • Honestly, good luck because, if she is sulking after 7 months, her expectations for real life are not even in the realm of reality.

    FTR, my DH proposed at the wine bar where we met.  The only reason that happened is because I was waiting at the wrong terminal at the airport and he had time to collect himself.  He had spent the entire flight with the ring in his breast pocket and his hand over it.  It looked like he was pledging to the flag the whole flight because he was so nervous having "custody" of the ring.  He was so wound up when he stepped off the flight that he had the ring out and was ready to just hand it to me/throw it at me.  As romantic as his proposal was, I still laugh that the one that almost happened with him throwing it to me would have been the better story.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Eek.  Nobody is entitled to a "fairy tale proposal".  Sure most girls have dreams of this stuff for years, but it never usually plays out that way.  Her fairy tale should be marrying YOU!  It's been 7 months.  Absoluely do not propose again.  You did your thing!  That should have been enough.  The proposal story shouldn't represent the couple.  You love for each other should do that.  Story or not.
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  • I think a proposal of any kind is sweet. My FI proposed to me in the middle of an arguement lol no it wasn't a conventional proposal and it may sound funny to other people but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love that man more than anything in the world and I'm so excited to be his wife :)
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