How do I invite close friends without hurting my "not as close" friends...

arogers001

Here's the thing, I need some major advice on....

My fiance and I are having a destination wedding and would like to invite family and very close friends, we don't want t large wedding ceremony because we will be coming back home and having a large reception a month later. So my question is how do I invite certain friends and all the others who I am still freinds with only to the reception...I don't want them to think they are "good enough" to be invited to the reception but not for the wedding itself??

I don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone upset by this....

jmp2004

It's not easy to do, but I would just be honest with them and tell them that you are having a small DW but would love for them to celebrate with you after you get back.  Also be careful about accepting or expecting gifts from them.

NOLAbridealmost

Technically speaking, you should not invite anyone to an AHR (at home reception) that isn't also invited to the DW.  The idea is that many invited guests can't afford the time/money to make the trip but would like to attend a party back home. 

This rule tends to get broken.  I personally don't think I'd feel comfortable breaking etiquette, but it does happen.   What you do is send the reception invitation to those invited to the reception and use the wording "Hostname invites you to a celebration of the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. ARogers"

You'd send separate invitations to the destination ceremony/reception (you must host something for those that DO attend the  DW ceremony) for those guests that are included in the DW.

There probably will be hurt feelings. That's why etiquette says that those invited to the AHR should be invited to the DW too.    There's no advice we can give that will change that.

futuremrsbruno

This one is hard because of what the PP said. My friend is planning a DW right now along with an AHR when she returns. How this worked out was that her parents are hosting the AHR for the couple, so they are sending out invitations that say the parents of... while technically, it's still breaking the rule, it will be easier for the bride and groom to keep their DW wedding small and (they hope) not offend anyone.

I'm personally not sure how it will work out, and I've been invited to the DW. However, I would understand if I wasn't and wouldn't be offended by it. I know there are others who may not see it that way, but I'm sure there are plenty like me.