So I'm a little frustrated... (long)

Amt2109

As some may know, my fiance's and my plans are very up in the air with visa regulations and wotnot. We're getting closer - we will be married by the end of this summer (yay!).

So originally we were going to have a big formal do out in Cali with most of his family, and a big formal do later on (blessing) in England with my family. This was the plan for about three months, til he finally said to me (and I agreed) that Cali didn't really seem us. He doesn't like Cali, I don't like Cali... plus most of his MD friends wouldn't be able to make it.

So then the new plan was a small do in MD... maybe an outdoor ceremony and restuarant reception, paying for the important family members to come out from Cali. (At any of these American do's I would have my mum, possibly my MOH from my side. Noone else from my family can make it). That was the new plan for a while. So I let my mum and MOH know that they won't have to try to make it out to Cali (you guys should know I'm paying flights, MOH is a teacher and she can only come on a school holiday - I'm not forcing her to attend) - which turns a 17 hour flight into a 7 hour flight.

So a couple of weeks ago, he says he really likes the idea of getting married on the beach at San Diego. This was the point at which I said right, we really need to pin it all down now - if thats what you want to do, we'll do it - but we need to pin it down. I mean, crikey - I'll be out there in a month if everything goes well. We can't book anything til we have a date, but we need to know what the plan is...

Its getting to the point where I'm dreading the "I've been thinking..." discussions! I have a formal wedding dress. I'm waiting on a less formal one and now looks like I have to get a normal evening dress too (he's not paid anything out yet :P) and I feel like we're messing our friends about (I now have to tell MOH its Cali again).

So yeh. Working myself up to the sledgehammer approach for my fiance... . Its difficult for me - I'm very easy going - I'd be happy with the plan whatever -  I mean, the idea of a courthouse and restuarant for MD was a little disappointing for me BUT at least we'd be married and I'd be over there with him (we're currently apart). Theres a limit to my easygoing-ness when it affects others not just us, you know?  Going to have a much stronger 'pin it down' conversation with him in the next couple days, whenever I can collar him...

aegrish

It sounds like both of you are indecisive....,

Amt2109

Well, he's usually the decisive one so this is a little strange!

We've been relaying process details to everyone via our website so they have a rough idea of when it will be - we've got no idea of date til we're given the ok, and once i enter the states, we have 90 days to get married - so we've really been trying to keep family members in the loop so they have an idea of travel plans etc by the time we book.

I just find the way he's changing his mind so much really disconcerting when we're getting so close now.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_im-little-frustrated-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:416c7bb8-8b18-4e45-b35d-2495bfbc6717Post:867e767b-7a83-465b-967e-2694086a9338">Re: So I'm a little frustrated... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, he's usually the decisive one so this is a little strange! We've been relaying process details to everyone via our website so they have a rough idea of when it will be - we've got no idea of date til we're given the ok, and once i enter the states, we have 90 days to get married - so we've really been trying to keep family members in the loop so they have an idea of travel plans etc by the time we book.<strong> I just find the way he's changing his mind so much really disconcerting when we're getting so close now.</strong>
Posted by Amt2109[/QUOTE]

Disconcerting how?  As in - you're afraid he's getting cold feet or just kind of irritating?

It can be hard to nail down details - I imagine especially in your situation.  The discussions I had with Ben while we were trying to nail down a wedding date were kinda difficult - but trust me, it's the hardest part.  Once you book that, the rest isn't nearly as difficult.

Good luck to you!

aegrish

a 'rough' idea won't do most guests any good, especially if they need to make travel plans and purchase airfare or reserve a hotel room.  I agree with Katelyn, set your plans before you start sharing them.  Set as in a date, venue, time.

Amt2109

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words ladies... I take it all on board... I just needed to vent a little. Once we get the plans pinned down at least I'll feel more comfortable (travel between CA or MD is a big difference).

The changing his mind thing is a little irritating - he's very vocal about feelings so I know its not a cold feet thing. Most of the things he's said lately is 'hurry up and get here already!'

I've managed to collar him - and I feel a bit better already - he started the conversation with 'well I've been thinking' and he got a little shot down bless him (was a minor detail about whether we wanted friends over at the new house - that he's moving into in july - too soon!) but the san diego beach thing is a yes for planning purposes.

DNAtime

I can relate, my FILs communication style is to not really take seriously plans and re-think them many times. My style is to make a decision, and that is the plan until something changes. 

Also, deciding on a plan or vision for your wedding can be hard. Cause its a big deal, and you don't want to regret making a bad decision for your whole marriage.  (You know those women who have PPD vow renewals because they were unhappy with their wedding the first time. 

Good luck .

tidetravel

Perhaps you should remind your FI that we have beaches in MD, too. 

If you want to get married on the water, look into Annapolis locations.  It's on the bay, not the ocean, but there are some really beautiful locations out that way.  Of course, you could go all the way out to the eastern shore of MD for a beach wedding, too.

Amt2109

He has good friends out in San Diego and most of his family in southern CA, so that'd be why that side (gonna need some good sun lotion lol I burn through 50... damn english complexion!). We're actually moving out to the Eastern Shore and you're right, theres some nice water locations out there. The new house is by the water - but I think it will be too soon after we move in (and he'll move in sooner than I will probably depending on when I'm allowed over) - I can see boxes everywhere and furniture not quite where we want it yet - plus by then we might not even have invested in extra chairs yet...

He doesn't always think about the practicalities... thats my job lol. He has so much family over in CA it makes sense for least people travelling really.

Thanks for the suggestion though... I need to explore these areas a bit more, haven't had much of a chance to yet.