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Who is the Bride

Ever since i have started to plan our wedding, my FH has been driving me crasy!!! i have no problem with him helping out or going to him for his advice but he has become crasy...  he insists that since we are doing a destination wedding that he refuses to do anything shorter than 2 weeks in St. Thomas... even when i explained to him that 1) i dont get THAT much pto time
2) we can always go back later in the year.
so why does he throw in my face that when he goes with his family, they always are there for 2 weeks??? so i kindly told him that he can marry his mother because 10 days is more than enough...
i swear he is the bride right now... even my bridemaids are just relaxing with me... and the wedding isn't for a year!! help

Re: Who is the Bride

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's just as much his wedding as it is yours, so he has just as much say as you do.  Just because you are female doesn't mean that you should have it your way and he should just go along with whatever you want. 

    Have a conversation and work out a compromise on this issue that you can both be happy with.  If you are going to be married, the length of time you spend on a trip is nothing compared to the decisions you'll have to make together.  Planning the wedding together can be good practice for you two.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Well it should be a joint decision.  10 days in St Thomas should be enough though (I live in St thomas).

    Where are getting married?  What is his proposed timeline?

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • The idea that a wedding is all about the bride is utterly ridiculous, outdated, and sexist.  It's about TWO people.  Without a groom, there isn't a wedding.  Marriage is all about compromise.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Last time I checked, there are TWO people involved in a wedding... who BOTH need to agree on the time, place, and length of the wedding. Talk to your FI and learn to COMPROMISE.

  • You may be the bride, but he IS the groom. And having the vagina doesn't grant you total control of the wedding. Marriage is the joining of 2 people, which means TWO people are involved here.

    Having said that, if you don't have the pto to cover 2 weeks, you might want to remind your FI that since you're getting married (Which entails combining finances) if you don't get paid for the time, it's BOTH of your responsibility to ensure you [as a couple] can afford for you to not be receiving a pay check during that time.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • It isn't all about you.  It is just as much his wedding as it is yours.  Being the bride does not entitle you to veto power over everything your FI wants.  Honestly, get over the whole "I'm the bride" viewpoint right now.
  • In Response to Re: Who is the Bride:
    [QUOTE]The idea that a wedding is all about the bride is utterly ridiculous, outdated, and sexist.  It's about TWO people.  Without a groom, there isn't a wedding.  Marriage is all about compromise.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]


    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • He is the groom and has as much say as you do. However, if you simply can't take that much time away because you are not allotted that much PTO, then it is what it is and it's not really something either of you can change. Does he understand that?

     I don't mean to be rude, but this seems like a really silly argument to be having with a man you are about to marry.
  • Rodeo, I don’t think you’re being terribly unreasonable.  I think the comment that he is acting “like a bride” is based on the stereotypes that people don’t like.

    Anyway, you said 10 days, which sounds reasonable to me.  Considering how much PTO you get is the responsible thing to do.  On the other hand, since you’re probably paying a pretty penny to fly down there, there’s a case for staying as long as possible.  I suggest having a serious talk with him as far as finances are concerned, how to use your time off, how you like to vacation.

  • Is there any way you can take a day without using PTO?? Some places will let you have the day off without getting the pay for it.

    Just something to look into.
  • Maybe you should be happy that he wants to be involved in the planning. There are a ton of grooms that don't want to really be involved in the planning and it's basically all up to the bride. You're lucky! :)
  • well to update... we are over this.. we both have agreed to a budget and we both sat down and really listened to each other...
    i do want his opinion and like to meet him half way if possible... we have agreed to take 7-10 days and then go back in the summer... i got the "eye roll" from him when i asked his opinion on the save the dates.... he has let me know exactly what parts he has no interest in and vice versa.... i guess we both are getting a lot of slack from our families that don't really want to leave their states to fly away... but we agreed that in the end we really only need the two of us and the officiant to be happy... thanks for the "slap upside the head" to get me out of being a snarky bride...
    i just want to enjoy and be happy with my soul mate...
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