Children at the wedding issue

Paris02

I specifically said no children at the wedding or reception. Its too expensive to have children there. The flower girls and ringbearer are my nieces and nephews so some of the grooms family has an issue with them being at the wedding because I  said no kids but I explained that they were in the wedding. Im getting really irritated with the whole thing now my fiance has an issue with it. What should I do?

blgrout

Stand your ground.  It sucks, but you made these ground rules for a reason.  I'm having the same problem, and people are highly pissed at me, for the same reasons.  But, since we have a strict limit on the amount of guests we can have, if people brought their kids I would exceed the max amount of guests, and then I'd have bigger problems. 

What's your FI's problem with it?  Is it pressure from his family?

And those in the groom's family who have a problem with your flower girls and ring bearers beign there need a reality check, sorry to say.  They are a part of the wedding party, which is an exception.

goobersinlove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-at-the-wedding-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4f4ef243-3dcf-4cf9-a219-d5bc6f53ae7aPost:8e220ded-b3b8-4607-8e00-9badc3828f47">Children at the wedding issue</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I specifically said no children at the wedding or reception.</strong> Its too expensive to have children there. The flower girls and ringbearer are my nieces and nephews so some of the grooms family has an issue with them being at the wedding because I  said no kids but I explained that they were in the wedding. Im getting really irritated with the whole thing <strong>now my fiance has an issue with it.</strong> What should I do?
Posted by Paris02[/QUOTE]

Doesn't sound like this is something you and FI officially agreed upon before this decision was made.  <strong>Work it out with him first and foremost. </strong>Then, once you are a united front, everything will fall into place after as far as explaining to people who RSVP with kids, etc.

HobokensFury

You are right.  Children in the wedding party are an exception.  We are doing the same thing. The only 2 kids allowed are the FG and RB.

Andrea Sieferd Wherley

I am going through the same issue! I have family that won't come because of the "Adults Only Reception" We are already over our budget/guest package of 100 but that isnt their concern, they still want to bring the kids which I had to put my foot down. Most of our guests understand and are making arrangements which I am grateful for!

marriedfilingjointly

Hmm.  I have a slightly different opinion.  Let me start off by saying I am all for adult-only weddings and receptions.  However, If it is an adult-only affair, it should truly be adult only, as in, you should do without having children as props in your wedding.  This advice used to be the standard on the boards, but times change.

What is done is done, I'm not suggesting you "fire" your ring bearer or flower girl.  I am curious, though, how it is expensive to have children at the wedding.  Kids under 11 didn't count toward the headcount at my wedding, and I have heard other vendors offer discounted options for children.  

If your FI has issue with it because he thinks it's hypocritical to say "no kids" and then have a ring bearer and flower girl, his concerns are valid.  But maybe he just has issue with it because he's the one getting heat from his family.  Talk it over with him.  

As far as his family having issue with it, it's his family so he should be the one to deal with it.  I suggest he refrain from over-explaining and simply say "we want everyone to come have a good time without worrying about keeping the kids out late.  I hope you will still come."

pinkbunny8385

wedding party and siblings are an exception to the rule.

though I do like PP advice if you want strictly adults only don't have a flower girl or ring bearer.

though in my case no ifs, ands, or buts...my siblings will be at my wedding.

+HeatherW

Did you and Fi agree on the no children or was it your decision? If you didn't discuss it with him and he's upset...you may want to talk with him before dealing with family.

Paris02

We discussed this well before the wedding we agreed on only the children in the wedding. Our wedding and ceremony are in the same place so its more convenient to say no children at the wedding either so we wouldnt have to worry about people having to leave and take the children home. I think he is having a problem because his family is because they want to bring children because they cant find babysitters. But iI always say if they go out and party they can find a sitter so why the big issue now?

GAndrew12

I would definitely stand your ground on this one.  It is clear that the kids in the wedding party are an exception, and should be at the reception.  I think you should stick with your plan, and I think everyone needs to respect that.