BM FSIL is pregnant! am i forgetting anything?

winelover123

I'm not supposed to tell any of my friends/family for another month or so, but I'd like to get some advice from other women because she is the first person I'm close with who is pregnant. FSIL is also a BM so she's totally free to pick whatever dress she wants as long as it's black and of the appropriate formality (aka not a sundress to a formal wedding). I'll make sure we have a chair for her during the ceremony so she can sit if she'd like along with water and snacks available all day if she chooses to get ready with us. Her due date will be a week (I think) after our wedding, so I'm hoping she'll still be able to make it! If she is able to make it, am I missing anything that should available for her?

My other big question is are we expected to be at the hospital for the birth? I really don't know what the norm is. When my mom had my siblings and I, my grandma and grandpa came down but not her siblings but i think that was because they live 5 hours away. The only reason I ask is because FI and I are supposed to leave for Hawaii for 2 weeks directly after the wedding and his brother's wedding is the weekend after we get back, so there's not too much room for playing with dates. Our hotel is also booked, though I think that we can call and change dates now of we need to. If I'm missing anything else, please let me know - I know next to nothing about pregnancies and the social norms surrounding them! I'll respond as quickly as I can and TIA!

Belthil

I can't think of any other accommodations that you could make, other than just being super understanding. One of my friends had her very pregnant BM leave the reception right after dinner because she was really tired. I think the key is just to be super understanding, which it sounds like you are.

As for the birth of your niece/nephew that would be something that your FSIL will let you know about. I think a lot of women prefer for that to be a private affair, parents and SO/father of the child, but its going to be whatever FSIL is comfortable with. I wouldn't worry about planning around it. FSIL knows about your plans and if its important to her that you and FH are present for the birth she'll let you know

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-fsil-is-pregnant-am-i-forgetting-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:52c6be07-7b76-4bde-9882-be7806cc7ac5Post:2d3cbde6-a544-402c-9fe6-16341784ca54">Re: BM FSIL is pregnant! am i forgetting anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't think of any other accommodations that you could make, other than just being super understanding. One of my friends had her very pregnant BM leave the reception right after dinner because she was really tired. I think the key is just to be super understanding, which it sounds like you are. As for the birth of your niece/nephew that would be something that your FSIL will let you know about. I think a lot of women prefer for that to be a private affair, parents and SO/father of the child, but its going to be whatever FSIL is comfortable with. I wouldn't worry about planning around it. FSIL knows about your plans and if its important to her that you and FH are present for the birth she'll let you know
Posted by Belthil[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks - i've been thinking about any other accomadations she might need but that's all I came up with. I'm also relieved to hear that women tend to prefer the birth to be a private affair. FI and I were talking about it and neither of us were sure if the whole family usually waits in the hospital or not - she really is the first of our group to have a baby. I'll also take her lead when it comes time to buy plane tickets - if she hasn't asked us to be there in a few months when we purchase them, that probably means that she doesn't want us there. Thanks for your help! </div>

Peledreamsofrain

I think you have your bases covered for having her be comfortable on the big day. Good for you for being so accomodating, that speaks of a warm and generous heart. And definately talk to your FSIL about who she'd like at the birth. It's a deeply personal decision that new mothers have to make. Some people, such as myself, don't want a group of people staring at my vag, and listening to me cuss and scream. Some people, however, videotape it. Personal choice.

erinlin25

Congrats to you for being so understanding and accomodating to your FSIL!  As for the birth, I agree its a personal prefrence, but I would especially think that she would be completely understanding if you guys were on your honeymoon!  When my nephew was born, my parents were mad at me that I didn't spend all day waiting at the hospital.  SIL didn't care what-so-ever and agreed I didn't have to be there waiting all day; so I pretty much said let me know when its all actually going down and I'll go to the hospital... so at 9pm that night (she went into labor that morning) I went to the hospital and saw my nephew.  It was a special moment to be there at the time, but honeymoon definitely trumps birth IMO!! 

When my FSIL had her baby last year, FI and I did not go to the birth as she did not want it to be a show and didn't expect us to change our lives to wait for her to have a baby (they live 4 hours from us).  Of course FMIL in drove down as soon as she went into labor so she could be there... she sent us a picture when our nephew was born and we just drove down later that month to meet our new nephew. 

LizM61409

I think if a pregnant woman is mad that her brother and SIL are on their honeymoon instead of watching her push and/or chilling in the waiting room, that makes her officially crazy pants.

Besides, when you're really in labor and hurting you don't actually care about things like which room you get or who's in the room with you (aside from the father). Trust me on this one.

Only other thing I can think of for your wedding- how close is it to the hospital where she plans on delivering? If it's out of town for her, it would be wise for her to know the name of the hospital closest to the venue and how to get there. Also, you may want to think about whether any additional arrangements need to be made if she delivers early and will be bringing a newborn.

Avion22

It sounds like you have everything covered.  Unforunately, you have absolutely no idea when she will actually go into labor -- coud be before the wedding, during, after, way late, way early....so you kind of have to stay really flexible even though there's not much planning you can do.

Just be prepared that she may not be able to attend at all if she gives birth before your wedding.  A lot of people won't bring newborns out to an event with a lot of people (and their germs), nor will they leave a newborn with a sitter, and often mother and baby can't be apart for very long because of nursing requirements.   So she may need to stay at home and miss the wedding, which may also mean your brother missing the wedding.    

As for being there for the birth -- this is not something you should plan your life around.  Again, you have no idea when it's actually going to happen.  Go on your honeymoon as you have planned, and don't worry about the birth plan.  If you HAPPEN to be around during the labor and she wants you in the waiting room, then great.   Otherwise, I don't think this is something you invite yourselves to (unless, due to whatever circumstances, you happen to be the ones to take her to the hospital).

It's really sweet that you are being so accomodating:-)   Like I said, I think your current plan sounds really good and you should have everything covered!

lyndausvi

For the wedding you have the bases covered.

For the birth.  I would just go on your HM as planned and let things fall as they will.   I would also think a bride is crazy for being upset that you are on your HM and not with them.  Most new moms would be happy there is one less family member to "deal" with.  

The whole the entire family waits at the hospital is more Hollywood hype than in real life.   At least in my experience it's more like only the dad and a few others like grandparents or close sister or friend.   A lot of new moms are out in 24-36 hours or so.  Not really a lot of time for visitors.

winelover123

I didn't think about the fact that she could give birth earlier or later - that's a good point! If she chooses to give birth at the hospital, the venue is about 10 minutes away. Hopefully she'll be able to make the wedding, but if she can't she just can't and we'll still consider her a BM. I'm not going to lie - I'm actually really relieved that it seems like the general concensus is the big group of people at the hospital tends to only happen in Hollywood movies. I'm really excited for our honeymoon and the thought of being at the hospital makes me a little queasy. If anyone gets mad at us for not being there, it would probably be FSMIL and not FSIL. Thanks for the advice everyone and I'm glad I'm not missing anything for accomadating her at the wedding!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-fsil-is-pregnant-am-i-forgetting-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:52c6be07-7b76-4bde-9882-be7806cc7ac5Post:be8fe89d-abb9-4998-96e4-2ef23f9ac896">Re:BM FSIL is pregnant! am i forgetting anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:BM FSIL is pregnant! am i forgetting anything?: This.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
Haha she's not usually crazy, so hopefully she stays that way! You all are great - thanks for the advice!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-fsil-is-pregnant-am-i-forgetting-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:52c6be07-7b76-4bde-9882-be7806cc7ac5Post:f784ec1d-5214-4cd8-a014-c6b46334458f">Re: BM FSIL is pregnant! am i forgetting anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]Most women are exhausted,and want some alone time with their husband and their new baby.  The LAST thing they want is a crew of relatives, including eager grandparents, in the waiting room ready to pounce, or on the doorstep when they get home. The nicest thing you can do is offer to come over after the honeymoon and cook dinner for them, watch the baby while she takes a shower, do their laundry, clean the house for them, or go out and do the grocery shopping.  You have no idea how much new parents appreciate most or all of these things.  Bring over some frozen casseroles that can be popped into the microwave.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a fantastic idea. I will definitely offer to do this.</div>