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Thank goodness this didn't happen to me!!!

I just wanted to tell all of you a story about this poor bride I saw while trying on dresses. We were next to each other and got to talking. She told me her mother is paying for the dress and they hoped to find the one today. Her mother was a nightmare the whole time. Every dress the bride put on was shut down almost as soon as she put it on. Finally the mother chose a dress and loved it! You could look at the bride and see she hated this dress, she told her mother she didn't like it at all. The mom told her to just think about it because that was most likely the one they were going to get.

 The look on the poor girls face almost brought me to tears, she was heartbroken. Yet you could tell she wantedto make her mom happy because she was paying for it. Anyway after two more dresses the mother made the decision that they were buying the one she wanted, the bride actually burst into tears. Instead of being understanding the mother got insulted and told her if she was going to be that way then they just weren't going to buy a dress and they left.

I understand the mother was paying for the dress but to do that to your own daughter is jsut mean right? Well anyway I just wanted to share this with all of you, so that way we can say thank goodness thats not me. Do you all agree with me or is the mom right because she's paying for it?



I agree she should pay for the dresss herself, I just felt so bad for her!! Poor thing!

I am so glad to hear people think the same as I do. I thought the woman was being totally unreasonable. The only reason I even care is because this is someone's wedding and you should be mindful of that. 

Re: Thank goodness this didn't happen to me!!!

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Technically if the mom is paying, she gets a say. But I do think that's pretty mean of her.
  • Yeah uh I'd tell that bride to pay for her own dress and cut her mother off from all wedding plans. She sounds like a nightmare
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  • Agreed with PP.  The bride should pay for her own dress and stop discussing wedding details with her mother.
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  • Reminds me of the post recently about the mom saying she was the "2nd most important person at the wedding" I feel bad for that girl because I bet mom is going to try and over shadow her at every turn.
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  • Miss EsaMiss Esa member
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    edited February 2013
    This happened to me, I was going to purchase a used homecoming or bridesmaid dress because I could not justify spending a ton of money on a dress I would wear once. My mother insisted on buying me a wedding dress. She picked the dress, and I hate it. It looks good on me, but it is not what I had in mind, I agreed to the dress because it was something she really liked and because it was her money. I'm just happy that I get to wear a white dress on my wedding day.
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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I get pay = say; but I think the dress is a completely different animal in that regard.

    It's one thing if they are paying for the reception and demand certain food, guests, centerpieces etc., but the wedding dress?  That's probably the most important "accessory" for a bride on her wedding day.  It should absolutely be a no strings attached kind of thing, given that the bride stays within the set budget.

     

  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz mod
    Moderator 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thank-goodness-this-didnt-happen-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:54fa243d-00e4-4d9e-a136-b5c8f875468bPost:8142bd81-2c9e-4def-81c9-b5bc4e7c35f2">Re: Thank goodness this didn't happen to me!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I get pay = say; but I think the dress is a completely different animal in that regard. It's one thing if they are paying for the reception and demand certain food, guests, centerpieces etc., but the wedding dress?  That's probably the most important "accessory" for a bride on her wedding day.  It should absolutely be a no strings attached kind of thing, given that the bride stays within the set budget.
    Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree.  As soon as I became engaged, my dad told me that he would pay for my dress, alterations, and anything else included in my attire and that it would be apart of my wedding gift.  While trying on dresses my dad had a few of his favorites, my mom had hers and I had mine.  My dad pulled me aside and told me that even though he was paying, he would never tell me what to wear that I needed to be comfortable since I was the one wearing it all day.  Luckyily I found a dress that we both loved, but I could never wear a dress that I didn't love and I'm glad he would have never have forced me to wear a dress I hated.</div>
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  • I smell some serious control issues there...

    It's a generous offer to pay for the wedding gown, but completely disregarding the feelings of the bride negates the sentiment of the offer. 

    Sounds like that girl has many other issues with her mother than just choosing a wedding dress. Hopefully she will find a way to pay for a dress that she loves, on her own.

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  • I would absolutely never crush my children's happiness over a stupid dress.  Cost is one thing, hurting them for personal vanity is another. 
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  • That is so sad. If I were that girl, I'd say I need to "think" about it, then go buy something myself. I don't think I could ever do that to my future daughter either. I'd probably offer my opinion but leave it up to her in the end (within reason of course).
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  • In Response to Re:Thank goodness this didn't happen to me!!!:[QUOTE]I don't understand offering to buy someone an expensive gift, and then purposefully choosing something it is clear the receiver doesn't like. Why bother giving anything at all. Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    You don't understand because you're a normal person.. People who need to control EVERYTHING, on the other hand, well what better way to control something than picking and buying it yourself? It's messed up
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thank-goodness-this-didnt-happen-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:54fa243d-00e4-4d9e-a136-b5c8f875468bPost:e4948332-287a-4133-855a-88d686754dcd">Re: Thank goodness this didn't happen to me!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would absolutely never crush my children's happiness over a stupid dress.  Cost is one thing, hurting them for personal vanity is another. 
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  You'd think it would have been pretty obvious when her adult daughter started cring that maybe she was doing something wrong.</div><div>
    </div><div>My mom also purchased my dress, but she was so afraid of her opinion affecting my decision that she refused to say anything until I told her how I felt about each dress first.  Even if I asked her her thoughts she would wait.  In the end I picked something that we both really like, but I thought it was funny that she would literally bite her lip and wait.  Her biggest concern was that I didn't get a dress that was too heavy.  She didn't really care what it looked like, but I know she was happy I didn't pick some crazy hot pink mini-skirt thing.  Lol</div>
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  • This just makes me thankful that my mom is both generous and normal, relatively speaking. 
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  • Poor girl. My mom paid for my dres, but she didn't tell me she was going to until after I'd chosen one within the budget FI and I had chosen. It was a great surprise. 

    When I went shopping with BFF for her dress at DB, there was a full figured bride in the next row of dressing rooms. She really wanted a strapless dress and her mom kept insisting on a bolero becaue  "her arms were fat and she looked terrible". When this poor bride picked something she liked, they couldn't order it in her size so she was going to get the biggest size they had (only one below what she was) and lose the weight. Her mom wouldn't let her because she "wasn't going to pay for something the bride would never have the willpower to fit into." It didn't help when the bride overheard  BFF, who had missed all of this, ask the salesowman what size she needed to order because her body was a 4 but her boobs needed a 6. 

    I seriously thought I might have been on one of those hidden camera shows, but I didn't know what to say. I felt so terrible for her. 
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  • Mom's like that don't really help us plus size gals out with our self esteem...  My mom hasn't even told me whether or not she is coming for the dress appointment.  And while I know I gave her more than enough notice (the appointment is the 1st week in april, and I told her at the beginning of the month), it would be nice to know that she's at least coming.  She doesnt' think I should have a wedding, so she hasn't really called me at all since the engagement in December.  It hurts, but whatever.   I keep trying to involve her so she can't pull the "she didn't even ask me to help plan" card like she pulled on my sister.  So I've asked, but she doesn't.  She didn't even email me back the 6 addresses I needed for SOD's...  I had to use the internet and ask my sister. 

    So she probably won't come.  But,  am actually a little scared that if my mom does decide to come, that it won't be a positive experience, and that I will end up scarred much like some of these horror story brides.  My FMIL is coming, and she tends to be one of those "you can't wear strapless cause you're a large woman" people.  I might end up getting crap from two moms... 

    you know... ordering a dress online keeps looking better and better...  
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  • That poor bride. I think the dress is an area where the bride needs to be happy with it - even if someone else is paying. I think I'd just refuse the dress and buy one that I actually like off of ebay or something.....




  • That's awful. Everyone at my shopping trip (mom, sister, FMIL, FSILs) was so afraid of stepping on my toes they hardly said a word the whole time. Until I actually picked the one, then they were all very excited. On the way home my mom confessed that she had hated my second choice. I was like "well thank god I didn't pick that one!"
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