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What would you do?

I really need some non biased advice! Here is the story:

My Aunt is my MOH, she has 3 kids, which are also in the wedding. Recently she started taking care of two more boys, They are MOH, husbands, sisters kids.  They are 17 and 13. Ok they are all from Colorado and I am from Cali. My wedding in in Cali in 4 days. Well the family drove down, with the two new boys. I have never met them until yesterday.  SO here is my dilema. She asked me a few months ago if the new boys can come to the wedding. I talked to FI and we decided that since we don't know them they shouldn't  be invited. So now they are in Cali staying at my moms house, and my mom asked me if they can come. At this point its not about we space at the reception, its about principles. Also at this point I really don't give a $hit if they come or not but I can tell my FI is upset about the topic being brought up again. I want him and I to make this decision together. What would you do? Would you upset the FI and let some kids you just met come to your special day. Or would you take the heat from your mom (its just a guilt trip anyway) and deal with some backward comments for the next few days.

Please  I need some advice here, because I honstely don't know what I should do.
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Re: What would you do?

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    I can only tell you what I would do... and especially if it's not an issue of space, I would just let them come. It's going to cause you less stress the next 4 days if you just give in. Then on your wedding day if they do show up anyways, you won't feel indignant and in a bad mood.
    Over time, it's going to cause more strife if you try and stop them from coming. However, I can be kind of a pushover, so I typically avoid conflict.
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    Just let them come... I mean in the grand scheme of things, is their presence really going to ruin or change anything? Probably not. You will be so overwhelmed with everything else going on that day that you most likely will not even know they are there. Don't cause drama and stress over this... so not worth it.
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    lls31lls31 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    If I was in this situation, I would let them come.
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    That is what i am thinking too, just letting them come. FI is upset cuz we already talked about it and decide together that they shouldn't come then i brought it up again. I am totally a pushover and don't like confrontation. He came to the point last night where he told me to do whatever i want. I feel bad cuz either way someone is going to be upset with my decision.
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited July 2012
    Wow.  This would've been a no-brainer for me - the kids come to the wedding.  It seems like they are apart of the family now since the husband (your uncle) has taken them in.

    Aside from that, something is going on with these kids parents.  I'm sure things aren't easy for them.  Don't exclude them from something fun because of "principles."  It's not their fault they are in this position.
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    I would just let them come. It's two people and with 4 days to go it's not worth stressing over it.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-would-you-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:58b87cdc-c0db-44e8-a3e2-443d9d7f8f9bPost:8623c514-abbb-4874-8ee7-6b400c4f8dcc">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  This would've been a no-brainer for me - the kids come to the wedding.  It seems like they are apart of the family now since the husband (your uncle) has taken them in. Aside from that, something is going on with these kids parents.  I'm sure things aren't easy for them.  Don't exclude them from something fun because of "principles."  It's not their fault they are in this position.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    I agree totally. They are going through a lot right now. They should be allowed to come. What's it going to hurt with them there? If there were no kids that would be one thing but since there are they would feel left out and I'm sure that's not what they need right now. They are kids they don't understand this stuff all they know is they aren't allowed and feel more left out.
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    I would just let them come, especially because they are part of the family and both are still underage so making them stay back while the rest of the family go out together is a bit harsh (will almost make them feel like they are unwanted).

    As for your FI, will he even notice these two extra kids the day of the wedding?  Probably not so just have them come, your FI will get over it.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-would-you-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:58b87cdc-c0db-44e8-a3e2-443d9d7f8f9bPost:8623c514-abbb-4874-8ee7-6b400c4f8dcc">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  This would've been a no-brainer for me - the kids come to the wedding.  It seems like they are apart of the family now since the husband (your uncle) has taken them in. Aside from that, something is going on with these kids parents.  I'm sure things aren't easy for them.  Don't exclude them from something fun because of "principles."  It's not their fault they are in this position.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    ITA.  Seriously, you've got two little kids who have been removed from the only home they've ever had, and sent away to live with relatives they may or may not know.  And you want to exclude them from a party simply because you don't know them?  How cruel. Little kids won't get principles. They'll just know they aren't welcome. Let them come or you will look like a raging brat.
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    kaos16kaos16 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    It looks like your initial post was that you didn't want to invite them because you didn't know them.  Imagine wanting to invite a friend or colleague to the wedding whose spouse you didn't know.  It's not as though you would exclude the spouse because you hadn't met him or her before.  I feel like it's a similar situation with these kids.  They appear to have been taken in as part of a family, you are inviting the rest of the family, but not them because you don't know them.

    If they were not to be invited they would be sitting at the home of someone they don't really know, in a town they are unfamiliar with while everyone they do know is at a party they weren't invited to.  It seems a little sucky from that perspective.

    If finances allow, I really think you should invite them.

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    I'm with PPs, I don't know what made you even say no to them to begin with.  Who cares if you don't know them?  You know your aunt, and I'm assuming she spent a lot of money to be in and attend your wedding, along with paying for her 3 kids to be in your wedding as well.  And on top of that, they take in two more kids, which I'm assuming is due to a non-pleasent family situation, and drive them down for your wedding as well and you won't let them come because you don't know them?  They are probably already going through a lot, your aunt is probably going through a lot, and all you can think of is your wedding?

    This should have been common sense....
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    I would tell your FI that your wedding will be remembered as a kindness to these 2 kids who are going through something that I'm guessing he never has.  This is such a no brainer and frankly I think it his attitude is crappy on this.
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    I agree with PP. this is a no brainer.  These are children that are living with your aunt, who is IN your wedding.  Her other children are invited.  These other two teenagers are now basically her family...  It sounds incredibly tacky, and VERY insensitive that you would even consider excluding them.

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    SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited July 2012
    If I read the OP's post correctly, these "kids" are 13 and 17......so honestly, not exactly kids.  If I was 17 I don't think I'd want to spend a day or evening at a wedding of someone I didn't know.  Not sure about 13 though......old enough to be home alone, but might want to still hang with family so that one is a toss up.  I think b/c we are talking about teenagers here and not small children, if the OP doesn't want to invite them she doesn't have to.  If the kids were 3 and 5 or 5 and 7, etc it would be one thing, but at 13 and 17 you should be capable of staying home alone and entertaining yourself for an evening.

    Edit: It's still crappy that she doesn't want to invite them, I'm just saying b/c of their ages and ability to spend an evening on their own I don't think she necessarily has to invite them. 
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    SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I edited to add in that it was still crappy of her not to invite them, but that because they aren't really kids she probably didn't have to if she didn't want to.  I'm not saying I would do the same, if fact I would do quite the opposite.  But some people have strong feelings about wanting only those they "know" at their wedding and in this case because these kids are capable of being on their own for an evening if the OP doesn't want them there, then so be it.  It is crummy of her.  Yes.  Wasn't ever trying to say it wasn't.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-would-you-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:58b87cdc-c0db-44e8-a3e2-443d9d7f8f9bPost:49523251-acf1-448d-9b25-c3c294c96a29">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I read the OP's post correctly, these "kids" are 13 and 17......so honestly, not exactly kids.  If <strong>I was 17 I don't think I'd want to spend a day or evening at a wedding of someone I didn't know.  Not sure about 13 though......old enough to be home alone, but might want to still hang with family so that one is a toss up</strong>.  I think b/c we are talking about teenagers here and not small children, if the OP doesn't want to invite them she doesn't have to.  If the kids were 3 and 5 or 5 and 7, etc it would be one thing, but at 13 and 17 you should be capable of staying home alone and entertaining yourself for an evening. Edit: It's still crappy that she doesn't want to invite them, I'm just saying b/c of their ages and ability to spend an evening on their own I don't think she necessarily has to invite them. 
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

    These kids are coming from out of town.   Staying in a house they don't know... where they don't have their "stuff" to entertain themselves.   They should absolutely be invited.
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    SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-would-you-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:58b87cdc-c0db-44e8-a3e2-443d9d7f8f9bPost:af7f290c-8d96-4c07-8ba1-48fd68361e23">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you do? : These kids are coming from out of town.   Staying in a house they don't know... where they don't have their "stuff" to entertain themselves.   They should absolutely be invited.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    Yup you're right.  I misread the post and thought the OP was from Colorado and that everyone else was in Cali, not the other way around.  Invite the 2 kids and let them/the aunt decide if they want to come.
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    Thanks for the honest opinions. They will be attending the wedidng.
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    Let them come. This is one of those situations where real life trumps an event. She is taking care of them, I'm assuming, because their parents are unable. If she had gotten a foster child in the past few weeks, that child would be invited, because it's now part of her family.
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