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Very Opinionated...

Let me start off by saying, my FI and I are a very tattooed couple. We want some of ourselves to shine through in little accents of our wedding, like MOST couples do. Our wedding for the most part is very traditional. We're getting married on the water and our reception will take place in a tented ball room.

Anyways - my mom is driving me insane. Everytime I mention a new idea for anything, whether it be food, favors, music, she makes this disgusted face or has some rude comment to make about it. For example, I found these awesome boutonnieres on etsy, that have the metal hand in them. I thought they would be a perfect surprise for my FI because he has a huge passion for music. My mom's response to me showing her was 'What's with that hand thingy? Looks tacky." Then, last night, I called to let her know that I had RSVP'd to our food tasting for October 20th. I was reading her some of the selections from their menu that I really liked and am anxious to try. One of them being a crab ball with citrus mayonaise. Her response to that was 'EW! Why can't you just pick NORMAL things?'  It's gotten to the point where I just don't want to share things with her anymore. My opinion on certain things and new ideas are apparently just wierd and not normal. It really hurts my feeling to be fighting with my mom already - when my wedding is still a year away! I want her to be involved as much as possible, because she's my mom and I'm excited to include her. But I'm fed up with all the comments.

Also - our GM are all wearing old school Vans classics, at my FI's request. My FI is one of four boys, who are all VERY different. Two of this brothers think that it's completely ridiculous for them to have to wear Vans during a wedding. My FI's response was that he had to wear things he didn't like during one of his brothers' weddings, so fair is fair. I just don't see why it's such a big deal! It's one day.

UGH! I knew I should have just run off to Vegas and eloped!

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Re: Very Opinionated...

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    Seriously, stop sharing your details with everyone, you're just opening yourself up to opinions. If you're not personally offending anyone and you intend to be good and gracious hosts then that's all you need to worry about - the wedding should be a reflection of you and your FI.
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    If you're having crab ball with citrus mayonnaise, can I come?  Just because what you want is different it doesn't give people the right to give you a hard time.  Your FI's brother giving him a hard time about the Vans is equivalent to someone complaining about having to wear the color you chose.  Find a gentle way to tell your mom and family that you're choosing things that suit you as a couple, and that it hurts your feelings when they give you a hard time.  Maybe she doesn't realize how her comments make you feel.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-opinionated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5914d682-3745-4ef2-b562-a3d14bd6eec0Post:65ae6881-ed0b-411c-a246-8f319bfcb012">Very Opinionated...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me start off by saying, my FI and I are a very tattooed couple. We want some of ourselves to shine through in little accents of our wedding, like MOST couples do. Our wedding for the most part is very traditional. We're getting married on the water and our reception will take place in a tented ball room. Anyways - my mom is driving me insane. Everytime I mention a new idea for anything, whether it be food, favors, music, she makes this disgusted face or has some rude comment to make about it. For example, I found these awesome boutonnieres on etsy, that have the metal hand in them. I thought they would be a perfect surprise for my FI because he has a huge passion for music. My mom's response to me showing her was 'What's with that hand thingy? Looks tacky." Then, last night, I called to let her know that I had RSVP'd to our food tasting for October 20th. I was reading her some of the selections from their menu that I really liked and am anxious to try. One of them being a crab ball with citrus mayonaise. Her response to that was 'EW! Why can't you just pick NORMAL things?'  It's gotten to the point where I just don't want to share things with her anymore. My opinion on certain things and new ideas are apparently just wierd and not normal. It really hurts my feeling to be fighting with my mom already - when my wedding is still a year away! I want her to be involved as much as possible, because she's my mom and I'm excited to include her. But I'm fed up with all the comments. Also - our GM are all wearing old school Vans classics, at my FI's request. My FI is one of four boys, who are all VERY different. Two of this brothers think that it's completely ridiculous for them to have to wear Vans during a wedding. My FI's response was that he had to wear things he didn't like during one of his brothers' weddings, so fair is fair. I just don't see why it's such a big deal! It's one day. UGH! I knew I should have just run off to Vegas and eloped!
    Posted by BethMarie63[/QUOTE]

    No-one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are. Your wedding is still a bit away, I'd save the wedding talk for this website and leave it out of most conversations with "normal" people. :)
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    Just stop talking to her about wedding details. When she realizes that you've stop sharing and asks why, you can tell her that she was being a negative Nancy. Maybe she'll learn to play nice after that.

    As far as FI's brother being upset about the shoes, I understand not wanting to wear them if they don't like that style and are being forced to buy them, but if you and FI pay for them I don't see a problem. It's the same with the girls outfits, you can pick a dress, but when you start making demands on their shoes or jewelry you have to foot the bill.

    And I'm with acmj11, can I come and eat some crab balls?
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    Ditto PPs. If you know your mother isn't going to approve of your wedding plans, stop sharing them with her.

    Also, you don't need to justify your decisions to her, your FI's brothers, etc. Simply let your wedding speak for itself. I'm sure it will be great fun, and an awesome reflection of you and your FI.
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    Meh - they will always have an opinion. They probably didn't support your tattoos either, but you still love that you got them right? Same thing here. Don't let it ruin your excitement. Just go about your planning without their imput. I like the unique flair your putting for your wedding. Fu*k what anyone else has to say.

    My FI had mentioned wanting Vans too - but we stuck with Chuck T's. No suit just vests and ties. Everyone thought we were crazy at first then realized that it suits our personality.
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    We got some grief about our more offbeat aspects, too.  We just shrugged it off.  I even had the following exchange via Facebook when my sister and I were discussing potential hats for me to wear:

    Mom: Do I get a say in any of this, or do I just show up??
    Me: Depends, are you going to try to take my hat away?

    I think people had a lot of doubts going in, but everyone came out saying it was the best wedding they'd ever been to.  Have faith in your own vision, and let everyone find out the details when it all comes together.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-opinionated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5914d682-3745-4ef2-b562-a3d14bd6eec0Post:6ec3f114-de36-4e4f-b7ac-a650e2391693">Re: Very Opinionated...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just stop talking to her about wedding details. When she realizes that you've stop sharing and asks why, you can tell her that she was being a negative Nancy. Maybe she'll learn to play nice after that. As far as FI's brother being upset about the shoes, I understand not wanting to wear them if they don't like that style and are being forced to buy them, but if you and FI pay for them I don't see a problem. It's the same with the girls outfits, you can pick a dress, but when you start making demands on their shoes or jewelry you have to foot the bill. And I'm with acmj11, can I come and eat some crab balls?
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

    This. If you're buying the shoes for them they have to wear them, but don't force them to buy them if they're not their style.

    And I'm with both ladies....can I come too?
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    If your mom/dad are expected to pay for any of this stuff that you want, I'm sorry to say you have to listen to their opinions.  If you and your FI are paying, do what you want!  Atlhough, your mom might think you're going overboard with too many different things going on and she's trying to get you to use an editing eye, which isn't bad at all. 
    As far as food, I'm kinda with your mom.  The citrus mayo sounds good to you, but will your guests like it?  I tried a goat cheese and fig flatbread pizza hors d'ouevres at our food tasting and it was delicious, but I didn't think they'd be very popular with our guests, so we went with more traditional fingerfoods for the cocktail hour. 
    As far as the vans, it's what the groom wants and the GM's need to comply.  What's the big deal?  They can take them off as soon as the formal pictures are done.  I think they can stand wearing sneakers for a few hours and will live to tell the tale :)
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    I agree with PP, if your parents are paying for it then you kinda have to work on comprimising with them.  If y'all are paying for it then just stop sharing details unless you are asked.  Use these boards to bounce ideas off of other brides and look for support for a decision you made.  We love to see pics of what everyone is doing or getting or has made.  Just remind yourself that these are your tastes, and not everyone is going to share your same ideas.  But don't lose who you are because you are trying to please everyone else.
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    I agree with the previous posters, stop sharing as much of the details, especially new ideas with your parents.  IF they are helping with the wedding bill, you are obligated to compromise on certain things, but bring those in small doses, like have a meeting once a week (and more frequently as the time grows shorter) to discuss and come to a decision with compromise on both sides :)

    Best wishes to you!

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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    I agree with all of the above, maybe also you might just tell your mom these are the things you want and it hurts your feelings to react the way she does, mom's usually don't try to hurt their daughters feelings on purpose. 

    I just had to post because I live for crab cakes with aoili which is exactly what crab balls with citrus mayo they just sound wierder and you totally remind my of my MOH, I am going to be her MOH in Aug 2011 and I will be rockabillied out. its gonna be awesome.
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