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FSIL(s) as Bridesmaids?

I am having a difficult time deciding if I should ask my FSILs (2 of them) to be bridesmaids or not.  I plan on having 1 MOH (my sister) and 4 BMs.  FI spoke to one of his sisters and she told him that it is completely up to me and she would not be offended if she and her sister were not asked to be BMs, yet if they were asked they would be happy to participate.  So I'm torn...do I ask them and have only 2 friends as BMs or do I not ask them and ask 4 friends (I already know which 4 I would ask and would need to cut 2 if I asked FSILs)?  What did YOU do?
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Re: FSIL(s) as Bridesmaids?

  • I have the FSIL from hell, so I would say no.

    My only piece of advice is: if you know them, and if they are sweet, decent people, and you truly want to have them apart of your day, then ask them.
    If you are doing it only to improve your relationship with them, or if you are just trying to be nice, then don't do it. Your wedding is not the time. 
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  • My fiance has one sister.  I included her because I know her quite well and wanted to be polite and sisterly.  My friends understand and everyone is happy.   I don't like large wedding parties, but I added a spot for her (making a MoH and three bridesmaids).
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  • We have my FI's younger brother and sister in our WP so my FSIL is a BM. If we were pressed for a need to limit numbers, we would not have asked them, and I'm sure they would not have been offended.  They are both great people, though, so it is nice to have them both in the WP.  

    In your case, since it is only BMs and not GMs, and there are two ... if you have friends who you would ask in their place, I would probably not have asked your FSILs to stand up.  But, it could be awkward now that your FI has spoken to his sister, i.e. they may wonder now why you decided not to ask them.

  • FI has one sister...and apparently if I hadn't asked, it would've been bad if I hadn't asked. She would have been insulted.

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  • As long as you get along with them, I'd ask. Do you have any siblings that your FI is having on his side? I think a lot of times people ask their SO's siblings out of obligation. I don't think you necessarily HAVE TO do this. I'm having my SIL and her sister as bridesmaids... Simply because I've known them since we were little and we've all become one big family. In fact, my SIL's sister and I call eachother sisters... It's great. But certainly, do what you feel most comfortable. If you do decide to ask them to be in the wedding, you could have the other two women you were considering participate in another way. One friend of mine got married last summer & had 5 sisters... all of which were her bridesmaids. But she had a boatload of best friends and they were bridesmaids as well--but, didn't stand on the altar. They wore similar dresses (same color/fabric) and were there for the whole process and sat in the front row at the church. I know this isn't ideal, but none of the girls minded it as they knew she had a ton of sisters.
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  • Its really up to you. How many guys is your FI having? My FI wanted our guys and girls to match. FI only has one sister as well so it was kinda natural to have her in our wedding and she is really sweet. We get along great, but just don't have a lot in common bc of our age differences and where each of us is in our life. Just think about it and I am sure you will make the right decision for you.
  • Thank you everyone for your advice so far.  At this point, I am leaning towards asking them.  One is 14 years older than me and the other is 7 years older than me, but despite the age difference I have built a bit of a relationship with them.  Plus, FI is having my twin brother as a groomsman (I told FI he could just make my brother an usher, but he knows how close I am with him so he went ahead and decided to make him a GM).  So it looks like I will have my sister has MOH, his 2 sisters as BMs and then 2 friends as the other 2 BMs.  Thanks for all of the input!
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  • I don't think you necessarily should decide on a number of slots and then try to fill them. Include the people who are important to you. I think including your FSILs is a nice gesture.. even if you aren't really close to them now, you and your children (if you have kids) will be tied to them for the rest of your life, so it might be a nice way to continue building that relationship.
  • You could ask them and still have the four friends as your BMs.
                       
  • My fiance only has one sister...and she just married his brother. He asked me to have her in it since its his only sister. Her and I have become very close and I was going to ask her anyway. I'd say its really up to you, you can always find other ways to include them.
  • If I had a brother, I would want him to be a groomsman, so yes, FI's sister is a bridesmaid. I even have two bridemaids who are FI's cousins, who I'm not even that close to! It was important to him, so I said ok. Plus, they just added on, they didn't replace anyone who was more important to me. I would say that the FSIL is definitely a must, no matter how close you are. In my case there is only one, but I would probably still ask them if there were 2.

  • I always thought (prior to meeting my fiance, prior to my dad dying, when in other serious relationships, when I was younger) if my fiance had sisters, I would have them in the wedding and my brother would be a groomsman.  But when we got engaged and I asked my fiance about having his two sisters in it, he said it was up to me and he thought no since I am not that close to them and they live far away. (They are older than he is and have been in plenty of weddings so that makes a difference.  I think younger sisters who haven't had the wedding experience would be more offended.)  One is not the dress up type and the other one's daughter (fiance's niece) is our flower girl  (she was dying to be FG) so I think his sister was happy her daughter could be FG, plus her husband is an usher and she has a 3 year old son to take care of so she will have enough on her plate that day!  His brother is his best man and my brother is walking me down the aisle since my dad died 6 years ago.  Do what you want and it will all work out!
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  • I have my FI sister in the wedding, he has only one, but at first i wasnt going to have her in it, and FI said he was fine with that but then I thought about it and she is going to be part of my life forever and we have gotten a lil more closer, we live across country so its not like i se her all the time. PLus all my other sisters and brotheres are in it so what is one more. just have 6 BM or have them do something else, like a reading or something
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  • I genuinely wanted my FSIL to be a bridesmaid, she's a sweetheart and I love her to death.  If you're unsure, perhaps it's best not to ask them to be maids but find something else for them to do, a reading, some sort of blessing before dinner or maybe ask them to compile a slideshow of pictures of you and their brother to play during the cocktail hour.  There are lots of ways to include family members besides the wedding party. 
    If you think they, or your future in laws will feel insulted if you don't ask them, maybe ask them to keep the peace and have your two friends do something else?  They won't hold (or shouldn't) it against you if they have any difficult people in their families
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  • i think it all depends on the family -- my husband has 1 younger brother (by about 1.5 years -- he's actually my age) but married his high school sweetheart right out of college. So basically my husband has known her since she was about 14 or 15. I can't imagine not having her as a BM, and, with my first cousin, my de fact MOH. But I do understand the pressure to include those you might not otherwise choose. And for me, though i get that it's our wedding and we get to decide, I tend to bow down to familial pressure rather than get feelings hurt or cause drama, though that's probably not the best course!
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  • chaseleyh, don't think of it as bowing to familial pressure, think of it as choosing your battles.  Is it worth having a blow out with you FMIL or hurting the feelings of your FH's family?  Nah, not really.  There are more important arguments that we'll all come across in married life, this isn't one of them.
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  • I think I have decided that I should ask them.  I think FMIL would be more insulted than they would be if I didn't ask them and I certainly don't want to offend anyone.  My close girl friends know of the dilemma I'm in and understand so I think that is the best course of action.  THANK YOU everyone for your advice and suggestions!
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  • my FSIL has been a bridesmaid for all of my FI's brother's weddings.  I'm not going to be the one to break that tradition.  Actually, I'm also having all of my FI's SIL's (there are three of them) in the wedding party.  It's going to be a huge all sibling/in-law extravaganza, should make for awesome family photos.
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