Chit Chat

Issues with Future Mother In Law

What do you do when your soon to be mother in law in making your wedding planning and life difficult?  Oh and your fiance keeps telling you that its all in your head and that you just hate his mom...

Before anyone asked, I love both his parents, and can't wait to join his family, he knows this, so him telling me I just hate his mother really pisses me off.

Re: Issues with Future Mother In Law

  • 1) Regarding the addresses, why are YOU doing all of this?  Your FI needs to get on the phone to aunts and uncles to say, "Hey I'm getting married.  Can I get your information?"  It's not great that MIL didn't get that info to you but I don't see where your FI is doing anything and this is HIS family that will be invited.  He gets to do work for his wedding too.

    2) A photographer getting an arbitrary award doesn't mean that she's the best one but if she's the taste you and your FI want, go for it.  Perhaps MIL is trying to give you feedback though.  Ask to see one of your photographer's completed albums to see what type of work she will do for a FULL wedding to see if it's really up to snuff.  And in the meantime, what does your FI think??

    3) Your FI now needs to talk to his parents.  He can say, "Mom and Dad, thanks so much for what you're contributing.  I just wanted to let you know though that this is what the money will go to based on what we budgeted."  Pay for your honeymoon yourself.  You're both adults. 

    It really screams to me that you and your FI aren't on the same page.  You need to figure out everything together and then he can be the contact to his family.  If he's not going to be an active participant in your relationship then you don't have a FMIL problem.
  • I have to agree somewhat with the PP. Your FI needs to me more involved and take care of his family.  As I told my FI, I already have my own mom who is "crazy" over wedding, I can not handle TWO!  And he could have totally gotten the address for his side of the family.  Its HIS family. He needs to communicate stuff to his mother.  And maybe you should only consult her on the stuff she is paying for.  After all if she is footing the bill she should have some say.
  • 1) On the addresses, it sucks that she said she'd do it, but this is your FI's responsibility, and he's the one who dropped the ball here.  If his mom isn't doing it, he needs to decide on who from his family is invited, and get their addresses.  

    2) On the photographer, you should know that the bride's choice award is an award that a vendor buys.  It means absolutely nothing.  When this person makes their website, they go through thousands of photos and choose the best ones to go on their website.  If some of those photos that made the cut are crappy, it should give you something to consider.  It may not have been what you wanted to hear, but she was being helpful.  She was alerting you to a potential problem.  If you go through all of this, and after the fact get back photos that you aren't happy with, you'll be really upset.

    3) On the money, you are sounding really spoiled.  Covering the flowers and rehearsal dinner is incredibly generous of her.  She probably had a different budget in mind than you did, and gave you what she could comfortably afford.  You need to graciously accept this gift, and pay for anything you want above that yourself.  
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