Not sure if this the right board.

littleluckypenny

CN: Ex-stepmother has brainwashed my younger sisters into thinking my dad doesn't care for them. Didn't let them come to my dad's wedding a few years ago, which really hurt my dad. I don't really talk to her, just the random text on birthday/holidays as I can't completely cut her out my life as she helped raise me and didn't directly do anything to hurt me. Now I'm getting married and have to call and let her know I want my sisters to attend, NOT her. I'm so nervous!


Longer Story:

My dad and ex-stepmom raised me. She was an amazing step-mom to me, even when my dad and her divorced. However, she has been nothing but nasty to my dad and has kept my younger sisters (18 and 14) away from him and has actually convinced them that my dad doesn't care for them or send child support, to the point that my sisters have disowned him (he calls, they don't answer, they only call for money; and he pays more child support than his mortgage!). Nonetheless, they are my sisters and I still hold out hope that they will open their eyes when they get older.

In order for my sisters to even get the invitation, it has to be through their mom. She doesn't take calls from my dad/completely says no to any requests from him out of spite (he has taken her to court, she doesn't comply with the orders). I have to put on my big girl pants and call her to let her know I'm getting married and that I want my sisters there, but not extend an invite to her.

Half of me feels guilty because she helped raise me and I feel not inviting her is not cool, but half doesn't want her there because she is a master manipulator and has hurt my dad and brainwashed my sister and would be a slap in the face to my dad. I wanted him to talk to her so my sisters can come (it's OOT, so they would have to take a flight), but my dad says I have to do it.

I nervously left a voicemail for her saying I want my sisters to attend. She just texted me and will call me after work today! I know the question of "why she isn't invited might come up, and she doesn't know that I know a lot moreabout the drama than she thinks I know. I just needed to write this down to expell some nervous energy.

StephBeanWed61502

If the oldest sister is 18, why do you have to speak to your ex-stepmother at all?  Just call the older sister and let her know that you're getting married, and you hope that she and littlest sister will be able to join you on your wedding day.  I don't see why an 18 y.o. couldn't take a flight by herself, and she's certainly old enough to look out for the 14 y.o. for the brief period that they'll be away from their mom and not yet with your dad.  You don't owe this woman any explanation at all - if you don't want her there, just don't invite her.

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-this-right-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f792299-f3c0-4008-a9f7-311cbb7e6a03Post:683c4762-6fc7-460b-b9c2-c65651c9f559">Re: Not sure if this the right board.</a>:
[QUOTE]If the oldest sister is 18, why do you have to speak to your ex-stepmother at all?  Just call the older sister and let her know that you're getting married, and you hope that she and littlest sister will be able to join you on your wedding day.  I don't see why an 18 y.o. couldn't take a flight by herself, and she's certainly old enough to look out for the 14 y.o. for the brief period that they'll be away from their mom and not yet with your dad.  You don't owe this woman any explanation at all - if you don't want her there, just don't invite her.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Yes, older sister is 18, but she's a college student that technically lives at home. Her mom would have to give her the money and approval (yes, approval because that's respectful) to travel to a place and state she's never been to.  She can't just grab the 14 year old and go! I would still have to talk to ex-stepmom for that.

mbody

So your sisters are half sisters, correct? Your ex step-mom is their mom?

Maybe you can just send an invite to the house with both of your sisters' names on it. That way it's clear as to who is invited. You don't *need* to explain yourself to her but I understand how she might ask you. So maybe you can just say, "Ex step-mom, given the complications & history of the relationship between you and my dad, I feel it's best if you aren't at the wedding." or something along those lines. Do you think she is expecting an invitation?

ElleB87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-this-right-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5f792299-f3c0-4008-a9f7-311cbb7e6a03Post:18bc4188-1c61-4716-a0e6-321e39b04ed5">Re: Not sure if this the right board.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not sure if this the right board. : Yes, older sister is 18, but she's a college student that technically lives at home. Her mom would have to give her the money and approval (<strong>yes, approval because that's respectful</strong>) to travel to a place and state she's never been to.  She can't just grab the 14 year old and go! I would still have to talk to ex-stepmom for that.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

Bowing down to an older persons ridiculous antics is not respectful.  Your ex-SM keeping her kids away from their family is disrespectful.  As far as the money for the flights, the 18 year old can always get a job and pay for herself.