Chit Chat

What to call our celebration..? long

Now, I realise this is technically an etiquette question, but I feel more comfortable on this board with you ladies so I hope you won't mind.

Background: I'm finally in the States on my fiance visa and we have to be married within 90 days. We're planning a small do in MD with his/our friends and some family, and then a small do in CA with his family. We had decided on a date  Aug 27th for MD ( I haven't updated TK yet) and Sept 3rd for CA.

FI has been talking to me the last couple days about something I think he feels strongly about. He wants us to do a courthouse thing in the next couple weeks to get the legal bit out of the way - to be safe with the visa stuff. Neither of us wants to be separated another two years. He worries that things can be lost in transit etc and I see that. It also means I can get my work authorisation early and maybe be looking for work right at the beginning of the new school year (I'm in childcare). Basically, he's made some good points.

I have some worries on this. First, that it would make everything else we're doing irrelevant (even though we're involving other people and travelling to CA and all that mainly to make others happy) and having learned all I have about wedding etiquette, it sits uneasily with me. Secondly, I've been looking into creating a registry (mainly because we've just moved into a new big house and there's a whole host of things he just doesn't have, like more than 2 dinner plates, and a good saucepan set). If we get married early, I believe that we won't be able to have a registry anymore.

So the plan (in our short conversation before he just left for work) is maybe to do the courthouse thing in the next couple weeks, then invite the MD people out to a backyard bbq (which we wanted to do anyway) - as a joint wedding celebration/housewarming thing. And I think our circle would be ok with it... they understand whats going on and what we need to do. But it still feels a little weird to me, you know? Though maybe we shouldn't even call it a wedding celebration.

The CA thing is less complicated - his mom has a preacher friend who would be happy to give us a blessing - this sits a lot better with me, because it will still be informal but I think it will be closer to our hearts.

I guess the reason I'm talking this out here (he literally left about 5 mins ago) is I'm feeling a little disappointed - I'm worried about what our guests will think of us, even though they understand... I'm such a people pleaser. But he has a point about getting this done.

CN: For legal reasons we might do a courthouse ceremony early (and let people know about it properly after) then invite our friends to ours for a bbq on the original date for a party. What should we call that celebration, and how do I stop feeling like we're screwing people over.

Thanks for reading ladies (if you got this far, I know its long, I'm sorry) and thanks for any advice you can give.
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