Chit Chat
Options

I guess I have no friends to invite....

It recently occured to me that I don't have a whole lot of close friends anymore as I was attempting to tackle the guest list for my wedding. I had tons of friends in high school and college but when college was over, everyone moved out of state and started graduate school or jobs in other places. I am one of those, moving from Boston, MA to Austin, TX after graduating. 

I have a friend who I have been best friends with since we were very very small but she is now on a more alternative path, working at ranches and national parks etc. Obviously she is a bridesmaid and so is my best friend from college. But now I don't know who else I want to come!!! And I'm terrified that all of the guests are going to be on my fiances side :(

At one point in college I went through a rough patch where I had to make some drastic life changes to get myself out of some unhealthy habits. This included cutting off communication with a lot of people from both high school and college who continued to live their crazy unhealthy lifestyle and spiral into the oblivion of addiction and partying. I have lost a few close friends to drugs and jail and bad life choices and while I miss their friendship, they are no longer the people that I once knew. 

The more I think about all of the best friends that I've had, the people who used to dream with me about our someday weddings and say things like "OF COURSE you are one of my bridesmaids! we're going to be friends forever!", a lot of those people are no longer a part of my life aside from showing up on my facebook and instagram feeds. Of course there are one or two people who I can not talk to for years and when I see them again it's just like we never left.. but what happened to all my friends?!?! I don't understand how people slip away so easily and now I feel like I'm left with nobody to celebrate with. 

I am now in graduate school and have met people there who I love and hang out with outside of the office and talk to about social things. The other day I asked two of my collegues if they would come to my wedding even if it was in Boston and they both responded like "oh I'm invited? I guess I would probably come if there isn't anythings else important going on." I was absolutely crushed! These women are who I see every day and go to concerts with and run races and go drinking! It isn't like we are only collegues, we socialize all the time and I even considered asking one to be my bridesmaid. But obviously from her reaction I was way off. So that worries me that if the people I thought I should definitely be inviting aren't sure they would come who on earth is appropriate to invite?

I guess I didn't think that my life was out of the ordinary , that I kept in touch with people just as much as everyone else does, but now I'm really worried that I will be celebrating the happiest day of my life with my parents and one or two friends. Now I feel like over the next year and a half (the wedding is going to be in june 2014) I need to reconnect with people and reignite friendships that meant a lot to me before but fell by the wayside. It isn't just about filling seats

What do I do?! 

Re: I guess I have no friends to invite....

  • Options
    Agree with PPs. If you're happy with your life now, don't worry about filling seats at the wedding. If you really are unhappy and struggling with the condition of your social life, then yes, maybe talking to a professional is the way to go, but it isn't the only route.

    As PPs said, join a club - people who share interests already have something in common. 

    Making friends as we age does get harder, but we also tend to realize that we don't need hundreds of buddies, and a couple of true friends are far more important (and don't forget your FI - I'm betting that he's one of your best friends ever).
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    Thank you to everyone who provided helpful suggestions here. Both for making new friends and for being ok with not being friends with everyone that I used to be friends with. I guess my original post was confusing but I want to make it clear that I have no desire to reconnect with the drug addicts and alcohol abusers that I had cut out of my life. I miss their friendships, the people they were before they became different dangerous people, but I am fully aware that they are no longer those people and that our friendship is gone. That is the reason I am no longer friends with them. I apologize for being unclear. 

    I would also like to say that while I don't think that therapy is a necessity for myself at this moment in time, I don't think that suggesting therapy is always an attack or an unreasonable option. However, I'm not sure that the way it was suggested in this thread was entirely constructive. 

    I sincerely appreciate all of the support and help that I found here. I was solely looking for perspective and maybe some people who had gone through a similar problem. Some of the people that commented on here gave me that. Everyone else that posted helped me learn that this forum is not the best place to go for help and support in the future. The "Mean girl vibe" and unrelated squabbles on here are unnecessary and distracting from the point of the discussion board.

    Thanks for the experience and the help! I wish you all well in the future. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards