You Wanna Know Something Sad.....?

MrsG2B83

I've been to five weddings in my adult life and only two couples are still together!

In 2004, I went to my cousin's wedding. He and his bride already had two beautiful little girls. They are currently in the middle of a nasty battle.

In 2005, one of my friends back home got married and it was over in a year.

In 2007, my FI's cousin had a beautiful civil wedding with a bash to follow. They are now divorced and "just hanging out".

Maybe it's because the other two couples were together for a really long time (my mom's friend and her hubby were together for 9 years before tying the knot; my FI's brother and his bride were high school sweethearts and waited 10 years).

Hm. Scary.

Tula214

I think a lot of people divorce just because they don't know how to work out their differences. Most people don't try things like therapy, or give up before they work issues out. As long as you have honesty, communication, and patience I think things can always work out.

NillaWafer10

There is something to be said about being in a long term committed relationship.  DH and I knew we wanted to get married when we first started dating, but we waited for five years before we got married.  Our relationship changed a lot, and we gained a lot of relationship tools that will help us tremendously throughout our marriage.

I agree with Trula though, you definitely need good communication.

[Deleted User]

I agree, communication is key in a marriage. My husband said he knew I was the one shortly after we started dating, but we were together 3 1/2 yrs before getting married.

I think some people also rush into having kids right away instead of giving themselves time to be together and enjoy being married. Your lives change dramatically when you bring a new life into the world. I also think people don't take time for themselves to work on their marriage and if things don't go their way, they want out. No one ever said marriage is easy or doesn't require work and both parties have to be willing to do so and be there for each other. Marriage isn't always 50/50 and that is something else I think people have a hard time with.

tpender13

FI and I have been together 7 years, and we're getting married next month. We moved in together after only dating a few months, and I wouldn't change anything. I think I knew that we'd get married a few years ago, but this way, we know we've been through so many ups and downs, that we're positive that we can make it through a marriage, knock on wood.

One main reason we didn't get married sooner was that FI has seen marriage fail so many times. His parents split up when he was pretty young. They are both happily married now, but dad's on marriage 3 -- the second one went pretty badly. Though I would have been happy to marry him a few years ago, I didn't press the issue, because I knew when he asked me to marry him, he would really, truly be ready.

Sonita12

FI and I have only been together for a little over a year and will be married in June 2011. While dating for a while before getting married is good for some couples, it's not ultimately the answer to a happy healthy relationship.

I agree with pp that communication is key and understanding that neither is perfect, but who they are is what is perfect for you. The wonderful and thoughtful things you do for each other should trump the not-so-thoughtful things. As the cliche goes, I kissed many frogs before finding my prince, and FI had been married before to someone he had been dating for 7 years on and off. Now that we have each other we will always work making our relationship successful.

nicweaver

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wanna-something-sad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6d154f35-b1c4-4b21-b680-97504df62c75Post:9a64a230-f2be-4e68-a08c-305d60384d2f">Re: You Wanna Know Something Sad.....?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>There is something to be said about being in a long term committed relationship.</strong>  DH and I knew we wanted to get married when we first started dating, but we waited for five years before we got married.  Our relationship changed a lot, and we gained a lot of relationship tools that will help us tremendously throughout our marriage. I agree with Trula though, you definitely need good communication.
Posted by NillaWafer10[/QUOTE]

I totally agree. Why rush things? If it's meant to work out, waiting a few years to get married should be no problem IMO.

OP- My cousin married a girl after 2 years of on and off and now they are headed to a nasty divorce. But then again the main reason they got married is so they could live together off base in Colorado (he is in the active army).

buckettgirl

My idea is that if it is "right" it will always be right and waiting longer doesn't make it more right.  But if it is "wrong" it will always be wrong and waiting longer doesn't make it right.
My ex-husband and I were together for 2 1/2 years before we married; he proposed 4 days after we met. He made a lot of (good) changes and I honestly believed that we had a chance to succeed as a couple.  However, that being said, after we married, I endured 5 years of emotional and verbal abuse that truly didn't take place before that. I was also highly suspicious of infidelity, but he was clever enough not leave proof. As our marriage came to an end (after 3 years of counseling both together and individually), it came to light that he had mental health problems and a ended with a diagnosis of Borderline personality disorder (google this, and you will get an idea of what I lived with). After one particularly vicious fight, I was defeated - physically and mentally and I knew that I was the only one who cared if we failed.(he never physically abused me, just mean physically exhausted)  Not long after that, he attempted to start another fight, which I refused to partake in and refused to speak to him - I called my parents and told them that I needed to leave. The next day I packed my cats and my puppy and moved out.  That week, I found out definite proof that he had been cheating on me with 2 women (one I suspected, the other was a co-worker of mine). Less than a month later, my co-worker was living our house and was pregnant (I was so happy that I had filed for divorce before I found out about the pregnancy).
That all happened about 2 years ago.
The past year, I have had a wonderful time with my FI; he is kind, gentle, willing to work on things, communicates readily, and never belittles me.  We work in a partnership and I have never felt so complete nor trusted any man as I do him.
Waiting a long time to marry my ex didn't make us more likely to work out; and I don't believe that getting married next May is rushing, either.
I think too many people fail to take marriage seriously and that is the root problem of divorces.

Sonita12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wanna-something-sad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6d154f35-b1c4-4b21-b680-97504df62c75Post:647b840c-3a70-4e4b-a658-70abc14c1850">Re: You Wanna Know Something Sad.....?</a>:
[QUOTE]My idea is that if it is "right" it will always be right and waiting longer doesn't make it more right.  But if it is "wrong" it will always be wrong and waiting longer doesn't make it right. Posted by buckettgirl[/QUOTE]

I agree with that statement totally. FI had been in a similar situation with someone who just wasn't going to help make it work. I think the important thing is to learn from these relationships and grow as a person.

Happy to know that you've found someone who appreciates you and that you're in a better place. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

nicweaver

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_wanna-something-sad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6d154f35-b1c4-4b21-b680-97504df62c75Post:647b840c-3a70-4e4b-a658-70abc14c1850">Re: You Wanna Know Something Sad.....?</a>:
[QUOTE]My idea is that if it is "right" it will always be right and waiting longer doesn't make it more right.  But if it is "wrong" it will always be wrong and waiting longer doesn't make it right.
Posted by buckettgirl[/QUOTE]

I agree with this also. No point in staying with someone if it isn't going to work. I just think that usually (most cases but not all) it is better to have a long dating/ engagement period to really grow as a couple and see what your life may be like together in the long run, atleast that is what works for me, migh not be for everyone.

I also think it might depend on age and circustances also. I think a 20 yr old is more likely to wait 4 years to get married compared to a 40 yr old who may only wait a year.