Too young?

roxirose

Hey guys, I had a question to ask all of you.

I am 17 years old, engaged to a 20 year old. We are planning on getting married a few months after my birthday. We have been together for over two years, and it will be one day to our three year anniversary.

He asked my parents' permission to ask me out before we started dating and got their permission to ask me to marry him as well.

My entire family treats him as part of the family and loves him, and loves us together. His family feels the same way about me.

The thing is, a lot of people think we are too young to be married.

I have been helping out with young children since I was 8. I've got 3 younger siblings that I am practically a second mother to. I graduated before I was 16 1/2. We have been together a long time and have been talking about marriage for over a year. I think I've practiced enough responsibility in my life and have been with him long enough to say that we will be ready to be man and wife by next October.

Do you think I'm too young?

HobokensFury

I mean this is the best way possible- you're 17! There is no rush to get married. You can still be together and not get married.  Each of you should go to school, get jobs and come financially stable before you get married.

AdeleDazeem

There's so much to be gained by living on your own, continuing your education, and learning who you are into your early 20s and oh so little to be lost.  If he's right for you, then what is a few more years? 

I can whole heartedly tell you that the person I was at 17 is not the person I was at 25 and who is not who I am at 32.  I thought I had the world figured out then and now all I'm realizing is that life is an ever-evolving, ever-fine-tuning, and always interesting series of situations.  There's so much more to it than a race to the altar and I'm thrilled that I took the time to know myself before giving myself to another.

shanding4787

Yes...you are too young. I'm nowhere near the person now that I was when I was 17. If you're asking the question, you probably already know the answer.

Winterstarlips25

 I got engaged Christmas Eve 2004; when I was 19. Two weeks later, we found out I was pregnant. I got married at 19 1/2 and 6 months pregnant. I found out during our 2 1/2 years as living as a family that he had no work ethics and was living off my disability checks each month. I lived on my own 3 1/2 years supporting my son and myself. 

I now am 26 years old and 27 days out from my second wedding. I am super excited and I now feel I am ready to be someone's Wifey again. This past year has thrown us so much that I feel there is nothing we can't handle.

Whatever you choose, Good luck in your endeavors.  

RamonaFlowers

If you have to ask strangers on the internet if you're too young for something, you're too young.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:2e9dd353-33a6-4efb-af3b-5fa9422ee6cd">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE] I got engaged Christmas Eve 2004; when I was 19. Two weeks later, we found out I was pregnant. I got married at 19 1/2 and 6 months pregnant. <strong>I found out during our 2 1/2 years as living as a family that he had no work ethics and was living off my disability checks each month.</strong> I lived on my own 3 1/2 years supporting my son and myself.  I now am 26 years old and 27 days out from my second wedding. I am super excited and I now feel I am ready to be someone's Wifey again. This past year has thrown us so much that I feel there is nothing we can't handle. Whatever you choose, Good luck in your endeavors.  
Posted by Winterstarlips25[/QUOTE]

I have to echo this idea. I feel like I never really knew my husband until we lived together.  We moved in together a year before our wedding and had lots for growing pains and adjusting to each other. I could not imagine doing it at 17.

Also if you asked me when I was 17 if I was in love with my BF and would marry him I would have said yes in a heart beat.  We actually talked about marriage and he even gave me a promise ring but we decided to wait until we both finished school to get married. Guess what- we only lasted 6 weeks into my freshman year.  Had I married him, I'm sure I would be divorced by now because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to grow into my own person and probably would have realized it by now.

Sassenach1743

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:31faed62-6a85-4643-91e4-154fcffc7ad6">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]There's so much to be gained by living on your own, continuing your education, and learning who you are into your early 20s and oh so little to be lost.  If he's right for you, then what is a few more years?  I can whole heartedly tell you that the person I was at 17 is not the person I was at 25 and who is not who I am at 32.  I thought I had the world figured out then and now all I'm realizing is that life is an ever-evolving, ever-fine-tuning, and always interesting series of situations.  There's so much more to it than a race to the altar and I'm thrilled that I took the time to know myself before giving myself to another.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS!!!</div><div>
</div><div>Every single word of it times 10!!!</div><div>
</div><div>Do not get married this young. Stay in your relationship if you are happy but allow yourself and your boyfriend to grow up some more first. Priorities at your age should be educating yourself, working towards goals of independence and learning how to handle yourself on your own, as an adult. With or without a relationship, these strides must be made by each of you as you grow into adulthood. If you deprive yourself of this time you will be far from prepared to be a strong partner in a marriage. </div><div>
</div><div>I urge you to wait another 10 years. <u><strong>Seriously</strong>.</u> Even if you are still with your same boyfriend, I guarantee you both will be glad you waited. </div><div>
</div><div>And for the time being, dial it back a notch. The serious relationship that you are in at the moment should be valid enough on it's own. No need for a ring or engagement status... its really too much pressure at your age. Just have fun growing up together, sharing experiences, traveling maybe? Live your lives now without the pressures of a marital commitment. Your families will respect you for taking your time.

</div>

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:967c34af-b0cb-4a39-ab17-c17e265871fb">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have to ask strangers on the internet if you're too young for something, you're too young.
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

This exactly. If you were truly ready to be married, you would not have to take a poll of strangers on the Internet. That right there tells me you are too young and not ready to be doing this.

Why the rush? Seriously. Date each other, spend time together, but why do you HAVE to get married right this instant? if it's right, it'll still be right in 2, 4, 7 years. Rushing into it doesn't prove it's right; in fact it makes me question if it is.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:ad7b79a8-2f37-4d97-823c-6539863af3d3">Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey guys, I had a question to ask all of you. I am 17 years old, engaged to a 20 year old. We are planning on getting married a few months after my birthday. We have been together for over two years, and it will be one day to our three year anniversary. He asked my parents' permission to ask me out before we started dating and got their permission to ask me to marry him as well. My entire family treats him as part of the family and loves him, and loves us together. His family feels the same way about me. The thing is, a lot of people think we are too young to be married. I have been helping out with young children since I was 8. I've got 3 younger siblings that I am practically a second mother to. I graduated before I was 16 1/2. We have been together a long time and have been talking about marriage for over a year. I think I've practiced enough responsibility in my life and have been with him long enough to say that we will be ready to be man and wife by next October. Do you think I'm too young?
Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]

Why are you even asking this? Of course you're too young. You know you're too young. But, like every other teenager who comes here asking if they're too young and not liking what they're told, you're going to do whatever you want, which is get married too young, because we don't know your life and you're very mature for your age and you've basically been on your own since you were 12 and you've babysat a lot and practically raised your younger brothers/sisters (except for financially), so obviously you're the exception to the rule and besides, you want to prove everybody wrong and all you need is love.

Don't even get me started on what's wrong with an 18-year-old dating a 15-year-old and where the fcuk your parents were when this was happening or why they thought it was a good idea.

achiduck

You. Are. Too. Young.

Seriously, you're 17! And while it does sound like you are a little more mature than most 17 year olds it doesn't change the fact that you are far too young to be married. Did you know that the human brain isn't fully capable of understanding the consequences of your actions until the early twenties? Think about that for a bit.

I got engaged at 21. I thought I loved him SO much and was ready to be married. I was kidding myself and ended the relationship 8 months later. Now that I am 28, and married I realize even more so how not ready I was. I am a totally different person now that I was at that age. 

MrsGandthebeag

I think you sound pretty mature for your age and the fact that you're asking the question leads me to believe that you're not 100% sure you want to get married.  Like all the ladies said, yes, you need to wait.  Your brain is not fully formed yet and you are not able to truly see the consequences of these actions were you to get married now.  Give it time.  There's no need to rush.  

Ali092011

Of course every person is an individual and every relationship is different, but I think across the board, it's a bad idea for anyone to get married at 17.

I had a serious boyfriend at 17. We were together for four and a half years, and we had discussed marriage, home buying, having children, traveling, and everything else that comes with an adult relationship. Then we broke up at the start of our senior year of college. Nothing earth-shattering happened, it was just that we had grown up and grown apart. It happens more often than not. You do not know who you will be in five years. Thankfully, all of our discussions about marriage and children were mere speculation, not actual plans or action. I can say with complete certainty that had I married the boyfriend I had at 17, we would have divorced by now, or else would have been supremely unhappy. I to this day believe my ex-boyfriend is a wonderful human being. We had a great relationship. But we were not meant to be together as adults.

ravenray

If you are asking this then yes, you are.

I'm 21 and I have been married for 6 months.  I met my H at 17 and we talked about married at 18 and I am so glad we didn't get married then.  Before we got married I went to college, lived in another country, and grew up a lot.  When I first came on TK (before I was engaged)  I was just like you, Oh I am so mature because of these hardships in my life, which you are right they do make you mature but not necessarily relationship mature.  

Just wait.  Wait 2 years.  There is no reason to get married at 18, none.  Since you are in love he will be there in 2 years to marry you.  

artbyallie

You are both far too young. In five years, you will be completely different people than you are now.

Unfortunately, there is no way for you to comprehend this, but maturity truly only comes with years. And honestly? Why rush? If he's really the one, you'll still want to marry him in five years and you can do it then. Presumably by then you'll both be established in your chosen careers or at least making a good start on them.

JaneAustensGhost

Of course you're too young.   I say this with respect and love: you're an idiot.   Seriously, all 17 year olds are idiots.  Maybe you're an exceptionally bright idiot, but you're still an idiot. You have no idea what you are going to become, how to get there, or what your decisions cost you.   I'm sure you're going to be thinking that we don't know your life, that you're the exception to the rule, blah blah blah.  But by marrying at 17 you're proving that you have no freaking idea what you're doing. 

Continue your education.   Date.   Focus on planning out your future.  You still should be drafting your blueprints, not settling down.

Please, for the love of cheese whiz, take a deep breath and chill out before you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life.

JaneAustensGhost

Of course you're too young.   I say this with respect and love: you're an idiot.   Seriously, all 17 year olds are idiots.  Maybe you're an exceptionally bright idiot, but you're still an idiot. You have no idea what you are going to become, how to get there, or what your decisions cost you.   I'm sure you're going to be thinking that we don't know your life, that you're the exception to the rule, blah blah blah.  But by marrying at 17 you're proving that you have no freaking idea what you're doing. 

Continue your education.   Date.   Focus on planning out your future.  You still should be drafting your blueprints, not settling down.

Please, for the love of cheese whiz, take a deep breath and chill out before you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life.

roxirose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:dc88202f-38c6-4947-9066-ebcd1714d922">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you sound pretty mature for your age and the fact that you're asking the question leads me to believe that you're not 100% sure you want to get married.  Like all the ladies said, yes, you need to wait.  Your brain is not fully formed yet and you are not able to truly see the consequences of these actions were you to get married now.  Give it time.  There's no need to rush.  
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

I am not doubting anything, I want this with all of my heart. I just wanted SOMEONE to be on my side and I thought that if I asked this then I might have one or two people agreeing that I shouldn't just be put in the same boat as every other person my age.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:6eb7c4ea-1af7-452d-8c6c-93de1a7ebea2">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I am not doubting anything, I want this with all of my heart. I just wanted SOMEONE to be on my side and I thought that if I asked this then I might have one or two people agreeing that I shouldn't just be put in the same boat as every other person my age.
Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;line-height:115%;">The best people to know that would be your parents and your friends, not a bunch of internet strangers who only have what you posted to go on.   Everyone has their own opinions when it is the right time to get married (ironically it’s often when they got married ;) ) and you are looking for validation that you won’t find on here.  BTW you don't need people to be on your side to make decisions.  </span></p>

roxirose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:d42ad335-11f0-4486-b3b9-3235d9382a97">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes...you are too young. I'm nowhere near the person now that I was when I was 17. If you're asking the question, you probably already know the answer.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

I do not for an instant think that I am doing the wrong thing. No self-doubt or anything like that, I just wanted to go somewhere where there might be at least one person saying that I am not necessarily going to re-live everyone else's mistakes. I've been through a lot, and I think that if I am with a good man that wants to marry me, I should do it. He is perfect for me in every way.

Whether I get married when I turn 18 or not, I am moving out of my house the moment I can. It would be a lot easier if I could do it with him because I think I work better when I am working WITH someone than being on my own.

I see him every day for at least a few hours before he goes to work and after I am done caring for my younger siblings. When I move out, I don't want to have to drive all the way over to where he lives just so ask how was his work that day. I don't want to have to drive somewhere just to give him a hug. I want to be able to fall asleep in his arms after a long day.

It's not just being excited by the prospect of marriage, I think marrying him is the right thing to do and I don't want to wait however long wishing I could marry him but not doing it because a bunch of people who don't know me told me not to.

I can see the points of every single person that posted on my thread, but I am not you guys. I am me. I think I am ready and I wish there was just one person out there that would trust me when I say that I am much more adult than any of you give me credit for. I wish someone would think that I am old enough to make my own decisions and tell me that I shouldn't get married because I will end up divorcing him because I will change or else I will be unhappy.

I know I will change as a person, but I will be GROWING. And I know HE will grow too. But if I can make myself be the good wife I know I can be and he can be the good husband I know he will be, this marriage WILL work, no matter how much we change. I can tell you that I have changed plenty since we first got together, in some ways for the worse, and he still loves me through thick and through thin.

Just because a lot of you didn't beat the odds, I don't think you all should be telling me that I won't. Just because you guys had a hard time when you were younger, don't you think that instead of putting me down for something that I am going to do either way, you should maybe wish me luck and maybe say a prayer that my marriage will turn out well?

Thanks for anyone who read this whole thing.

roxirose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:2b70d04c-4eee-4351-bd5a-3fa96f281e2c">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : The best people to know that would be your parents and your friends, not a bunch of internet strangers who only have what you posted to go on.   Everyone has their own opinions when it is the right time to get married (ironically it’s often when they got married ;) ) and you are looking for validation that you won’t find on here.  BTW you don't need people to be on your side to make decisions.  
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

You are absolutely right. The people on here, no matter how well intentioned they are, do not know me and it was silly of me to even ask when it's not going to change my mind at all.

My family and friends all support me because they know that it will last. He is a great guy that has stuck with me during my worst days and I know that if he was going to leave me, he would have already.

I will admit, I think most 17 years olds are not ready to be engaged or married. Here's why I think I am different. Most people my age are still in their junior or senior year of high school worrying about who they just broke up with or who they think is the one after a month of dating. Most of them have passing their English class as their primary responsibility and some of them don't even care if they do!

I, on the other hand, never went to high school. I did all of my schooling at home. Between 7th and 9th grade, I slacked off a lot. By 10th grade, I started catching up so I  could graduate early and head to college before I turned 17. I worked my butt off to get ahead in school, while taking care of my younger siblings while my mom worked every day. I re-took all of the classes I had previously failed and passed them the second time around. I did SO much work in that short time period, having to work twice as hard to do twice as much work WHILE watching three mentally challenged children five days a week. I didn't end up going back to school right away since my mom needed more help during the days and I knew college would be even harder, though I am enrolled now.

Long story short, I worked harder than most kids my age to graduate at around the age a normal person's junior year would be starting. I have had to have bigger responsibilities than most people who have even finished their senior year in high school. I have had enough stuff put on me that I know how to take care of other people (including mentally challenged kids) and especially myself. I have always been an autodidact, which means self taught. I pulled myself through school with little help and STILL finished early.

I think that because of everything I have been put through in my life, good and bad, easy and hard, I am an adult, whether legally or not. I think I am ready to make this decision and I think that if the people around me, including my prudish parents, support me then they have confidence that I am ready to take this on.

JaneAustensGhost

In Response to Re: Too young?:
I can see the points of every single person that posted on my thread, but I am not you guys. I am me.

See above.  This is exactly the comment that I predicted. 

I think I am ready and I wish there was just one person out there that would trust me when I say that I am much more adult than any of you give me credit for. I wish someone would think that I am old enough to make my own decisions and tell me that I shouldn't get married because I will end up divorcing him because I will change or else I will be unhappy.

The fact you need other people on your side tells me you're too immature to make decisions.  Guess what, your life isn't a democracy.  Not everyone gets a vote.   The fact you can't see this speaks volumes.

 Just because a lot of you didn't beat the odds, I don't think you all should be telling me that I won't. Just because you guys had a hard time when you were younger, don't you think that instead of putting me down for something that I am going to do either way, you should maybe wish me luck and maybe say a prayer that my marriage will turn out well? Thanks for anyone who read this whole thing.
Posted by roxirose

This is the other part that I predicted.

Nobody was putting you down.  Grow up. 

Edited to fix formatting. 

roxirose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:6dcb438a-99da-4864-88fb-cbb327537f17">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I can see the points of every single person that posted on my thread, but I am not you guys. I am me. See above.  This is exactly the comment that I predicted.  I think I am ready and I wish there was just one person out there that would trust me when I say that I am much more adult than any of you give me credit for. I wish someone would think that I am old enough to make my own decisions and tell me that I shouldn't get married because I will end up divorcing him because I will change or else I will be unhappy. The fact you need other people on your side tells me you're too immature to make decisions.  Guess what, your life isn't a democracy.  Not everyone gets a vote.   The fact you can't see this speaks volumes.  Just because a lot of you didn't beat the odds, I don't think you all should be telling me that I won't. Just because you guys had a hard time when you were younger, don't you think that instead of putting me down for something that I am going to do either way, you should maybe wish me luck and maybe say a prayer that my marriage will turn out well? Thanks for anyone who read this whole thing. Posted by roxirose This is the other part that I predicted. Nobody was putting you down.  Grow up.  Edited to fix formatting. 
Posted by JaneAustensGhost[/QUOTE]

Being rude doesn't make you any more mature than me. I am immature because I wanted one person to tell me I can make my own decisions? I am not immature for wanting someone to be polite to me or want someone to tell me what I want to hear. EVERYONE has something that they wish someone would tell them. I was just more vocal than most.

Grow up? Really? I was not rude to you, you have no reason to be rude to me. You can think I am as predictable as you want, but I don't want you to think you are any better than me for getting married older. I have my reasons and I think that they are damn good ones, I just wanted someone to support me, that is all. I have no doubts and I KNOW that I am capable of making my own decisions. You grow up. You must be pretty immature for judging other people that you don't know at all.

dtbluv

Whether I get married when I turn 18 or not, I am moving out of my house the moment I can. It would be a lot easier if I could do it with him because I think I work better when I am working WITH someone than being on my own. 

You think you work better with someone, but you don't know, because you've never been on your own.  You need to do that.  You have to learn how to be self reliant.  It doesn't sound like you have a job and it doesn't sound like you're planning on college.  You have to know who you are as your own person, not who you are as roxirose&mister___.  I'm not saying the whole relationship should end, but you shouldn't jump into moving in with someone and getting married before you've ever been on your own.

But if I can make myself be the good wife I know I can be and he can be the good husband I know he will be, this marriage WILL work, no matter how much we change.

This statement, to me, just emphasizes how young you are.

Your family and friends who are saying you're too young love and care about you, listen to them and take their concerns to heart.  You have absolutely nothing to lose by waiting a few years, so take some time, go to college, work, learn to stand on your own feet, then get engaged.

roxirose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:1ee0c127-f9a9-4ed2-b60d-51d56fb09ece">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]Whether I get married when I turn 18 or not, I am moving out of my house the moment I can. It would be a lot easier if I could do it with him because I think I work better when I am working WITH someone than being on my own.   You think you work better with someone, but you don't know, because you've never been on your own.  You need  to do that.  You have to learn how to be self reliant.  It doesn't sound like you have a job and it doesn't sound like you're planning on college.  You have to know who you are as your own person, not who you are as roxirose&mister___.  I'm not saying the whole relationship should end, but you shouldn't jump into moving in with someone and getting married before you've ever been on your own. But if I can make myself be the good wife I know I can be and he can be the good husband I know he will be, this marriage WILL work, no matter how much we change. This statement, to me, just emphasizes how young you are. Your family and friends who are saying you're too young love and care about you, listen to them and take their concerns to heart.  You have absolutely nothing to lose by waiting a few years, so take some time, go to college, work, learn to stand on your own feet, then get engaged.
Posted by dtbluv[/QUOTE]

I am in college actually. And believe it or not, whether I have LIVED on my own or not, I have taken care of myself more than you can possibly realize.

My family and friends ALL support me, not one of them has doubted my decision to get married.

And too late, I am engaged. I don't really like being told to take some time. I've taken a long time. I have been with him for two years, and I wasn't ready a year ago. And I am not ready to be married now, either. I am in no position to get married with all of my responsibilities at home still, but I will be ready and able by next October.

I can't wait to, in 50 years, think, "Wow, no one thought we would last, and they were dead wrong." I KNOW this is the right choice, and I shouldn't have to convince people that I am not every other person my age.

JaneAustensGhost

I'm not being rude to you.  The fact that you're unable to see that I'm speaking to straightforwardly, as an adult, and accuse me of being immature for "judging you" is all you need to look at to know you do not have the emotional scope necessary to get married.   

You are unable to even relate to me and I'm a stranger on the internet.  You're defensive and emotional.  How will that go over when you're married to someone?  How can you be expected to relate to anyone?  You're still in high school.  It's totally normal  that you'd be a self-obsessed person with no ability to understand what I, or anyone else, is really saying.   I expect nothing else from you.  And you should be happy about this; you're a totally normal 17 year old girl! 

I do not think I am "better" than anyone for getting married older.  It's not about me - I'm trying to tell you that yes, you are too young to marry. 

I respect that you want to make your own decisions.  I even respect that you think you know exactly what you want.  But there is a reason you're legally a minor.  You're too young to make big decisions. 

Please, map out your education.  Date your boyfriend.  Date others.  Get to know what you like, what you hate, and what is important to you.   You owe that to yourself.

AdeleDazeem

Even after reading all your updates, I stand by my original statement.

You owe yourself the time to get to know yourself and stand on your own two feet.  I know you think you've been through a lot, but it's not everything you will go through in life.  Be engaged for awhile.  Enjoy college.  I don't think there's anything wrong with being engaged, but I wouldn't rush into the ceremony.

We aren't putting you down.  You, however, are putting us down by saying that you are better than us and all of are mistakes.  You are putting your peers down by saying that they are immature messes and you are all put together and understand life.  Again, I go back to my statement of how I felt at 17 - like I knew it all.  At 32, I'm humble enough to say that mentality was quite short-sited.

I'm curious why you came to a website asking for one person to support you when you say over and over how all your family and friends support you?  Something doesn't add up here - whether it's your doubts or your family's hesistance.  I don't know, but someone who comes from a very supportive background wouldn't be so desperate for someone to believe in her.  Just think about it.

In the end, if you want to get married at 17, then I wish you all the best.  Do think on what people have said in this thread and do face the reality that you can't possibly know what the future will bring or fathom how much you will change over the next few years.  Do understand that you can move out on your own and support yourself - you don't need someone else to do with you (I moved alone to Boston with $400 at 22).  Do know that what matters above all else is that you need to be true to yourself. 

artbyallie

You are not listening. Unsurprising, but it has the potential to backfire rather spectacularly. Finish college. Buy alcohol. Experience life a little before you get married. You think you're so grown-up right now but studies show that having traumas/responsibilities earlier than most actually delay maturity, not speed it up. Your brain is physically undeveloped and won't be finished growing and changing until mid-twenties. Fact.

egeurts

I have been with my HS sweetheart since we were 16. I was at the top of my class, valedictorian, one of the smartest and most mature kids I knew. My parents and family supported our relationship, everyone loved us... we got engaged at 18. 

Then we went to college. Lived apart for 2 years (with friends, roommates, etc). Lived together for 2 years. Went to grad school for a year. THEN GOT MARRIED. After a 5 year engagement.

Here's the deal. Yes, you are 17. You are mature. You are awesome. You are the caretaker in your family, everyone loves you, everyone loves your bf, you're soooooooo smart that you graduated before everyone else and you think your the shiz. BUT, you are going to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with your guy. Do you know how long the rest of your life is? It's a helluva long time. Why legalize it now? Why not have another 5 years of fun? There is nothing wrong with taking it slow. There is nothing that says you HAVE to sign a little sheet of paper tying the two of you together permanently, just in case you do drift apart or something happens and you change your mind in the next 5 seriously formative years of your life. When you don't have to make it permanent, why should you? 

BTW- We're happily married and thinking about starting a family, so I'm not speaking as someone who is embittered by a bad divorce or something, I'm just reinforcing the fact that you're going to change and should take it slow. 

thejucheidea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:c6ef9e53-cfef-4844-9e31-27ef5c722f5a">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I can't wait to, in 50 years, think, "Wow, no one thought we would last, and they were dead wrong."
Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]
Wow, that's super mature. You're soooo mature.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:d1b11aed-9db2-4ecd-8018-3c1e8fd17bee">Re: Too young?</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm curious why you came to a website asking for one person to support you when you say over and over how all your family and friends support you?  Something doesn't add up here - whether it's your doubts or your family's hesistance.  I don't know, but someone who comes from a very supportive background wouldn't be so desperate for someone to believe in her. 
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Wondering that myself. I think you obviously know that marrying at 17 or 18 isn't widely accepted, so why ask a bunch of strangers online? If you want someone to see you as an individual, you need to ask someone who knows you as an individual. What you're going to get here are blanket statements about the folly of marrying so young. And TBH, I believe everyone telling you to wait is absolutely correct. It doesn't matter how much you have been through or how mature you are. You're still too immature if you can't see why this is a bad idea.

I really hate to say this, but your statement about wanting to live with someone who can support you and help you reminds me of teen mothers who let themselves get pregnant so someone will love them unconditionally. You don't NEED someone to do everything with. If you can't live on your own and survive on your own, you shouldn't be getting married. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it's true. Wanting a partner in life is not enough of a reason to get married.

Like PPs said, if you're sure about him now and know that you will still be in love in five years, why do you need to get married now?

Like I said, I was in a serious relationship at 17 with a guy I was absolutely convinced I was going to marry and have a family with. We decided back then that "Wouldn't it Be Nice" by the Beach Boys was "our song." Listen to that song. It WOULD be nice if you and your FI were older--but you're <em>not</em>. Give yourself some time. You owe it to yourself.