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Too young?

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Re: Too young?

  • OP, no one here was rude to you. You asked for experiences and opinions. You got them. Not hearing what you wanted =/= rudeness. 

    By your own admission, you and your FI will grow a LOT over the next 5 and 10 years. And there is a very good chance you will grow apart. 

    If you want to move out and stand on your own two feet, but all means do it. It's a wonderful experience and I learned so much about myself when I lived on my own. But is it really the end of the world to wait to be married?
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    Anniversary
  • lauralaurlauralaur member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited November 2012
    It sounds like you've had a challenging time and spend much of your time caring for others, why rush into yet another challenging situation (marriage is challenging, not necessarily in a bad way, but it does take work, and I married at 22, FWIW) where you're caring for yet another person, your husband? Why not take some time to enjoy yourself, have some fun for yourself, and take care of yourself?

    I have been with my now H since I was 18 and I knew at 18 that I wanted to marry him. Then I spent some time apart from him on a semester abroad and changed a lot during that experience! I actually broke up with him during that time because I had started to question whether or not the relationship was right for me, though I never questioned that he was a great guy who loved me a lot. But I will tell you I never could have forseen that doubt when I was 18, two years prior. I came home and we worked on our relationship and did end up getting married, but we've changed a lot in the time we've been together and needed time to absorb those changes and mature some before deciding that yes, we were still right for each other.

    ETA: I will also mention that it's worth it to listen to the advice you've received because they've been through it before, you have not. You say it won't be you, but you won't know that until you actually experience it. It's the same reason that you wouldn't ask job interview advice of someone who's never been on a job interview before, they haven't been through it and can't offer advice on what it was or was not like, they can only guess or relate what others have told them.
  • OP, I will not tell you how old I was when I got engaged. I will tell you that when it happened, it never once occurred to me to run to a wedding forum and say "Hey, people that totally don't know me, I'm engaged and want to get married. Does anyone out there think that I'm ready?". I was grown up enough to know that I didn't need anyone else to validate such a personal decision for me, least of all a bunch of strangers on the internet.

    It doesn't matter how supportive your friends and family allegedly are (Which, if they are, why are you soooooo desperate to have at least ONE person here validate you?), if you have to ask complete strangers if you're "too young" and/or "not ready"  to do something, then you most certainly are "too young" and/or "not ready" to be doing it. End of story.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • edited November 2012
    I also don't understand why you need one Internet stranger to agree with you when you claim your family and friends do. Does not make sense. I do not base my major life decisions on what Internet strangers think. This in itself makes me think you are too immature for marriage right now and not ready.

    You also have not answered my (and others') question: what is the rush? You say you've been together SO long at 2 years. H and I dated for 5 years before getting engaged and moved in together before getting married. I'm not saying you or anyone else needs to wait that long, but just showing you that in the grand scheme of things, being together for two years in HS is not SO LONG and is also at one of the most fickle times in anyone's life. Not just you, anyone.

    No one insulted you. You came here and ASKED for opinions and then stomped your foot when you got them but they weren't what you wanted to hear. Again, shows immaturity. I am not trying to put you down, just being honest with how YOU are portraying yourself in this thread and giving you reasons WHY we think you are not ready. You are actually being insulting by assuming we are all too dumb to understand that you are just SO different from other 17 year olds.

    You know what? I teach HS and have for many years. I teach mainly seniors, so 17-18 year olds. I have had some very bright, very intelligent, very mature students in my time. I have had students who have literally run their family because their parents worked three jobs and were never home or because their parents were running around doing drugs, dating people, etc. and my students had to take care of and raise their younger siblings, run the household, pay bills, etc. I can still say with 100% certainty that not ONE high school student that I have taught and have known well (way better than I know you) would I say is ready for marriage.


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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2012
    You don't know me or my life - CHECK
    I'm very mature for my age - CHECK
    I've been through things in my life - CHECK
    I've practically raised my younger siblings - CHECK
    Here's why I'm the exception to the rule - CHECK
    Just because you didn't marry your HS sweetheart doesn't mean I shouldn't - CHECK
    Our love will conquer all - CHECK
    I'm just desperate for anybody to tell me I'm not too young to get married - CHECK

    Did I miss anything, fellow hags?

  • Just because you failed in your teenage relationship doesn't mean that I will - CHECK
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:67bd038e-046e-405b-ab5c-dc2f8a5a9cf8">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't know me or my life - CHECK I'm very mature for my age - CHECK I've been through things in my life - CHECK I've practically raised my younger siblings - CHECK Here's why I'm the exception to the rule - CHECK Just because you didn't marry your HS sweetheart doesn't mean I shouldn't - CHECK Our love will conquer all - CHECK I'm just desperate for anybody to tell me I'm not too young to get married - CHECK Did I miss anything, fellow hags?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    I think we're still missing "My grandparents got married before they were even potty-trained and THEY'RE still together."

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:8f34cd25-fd9e-4e2b-a8e1-b6023271cbc4">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : I do not for an instant think that I am doing the wrong thing. No self-doubt or anything like that, I just wanted to go somewhere where there might be at least one person saying that I am not necessarily going to re-live everyone else's mistakes. I've been through a lot, and I think that if I am with a good man that wants to marry me, I should do it. He is perfect for me in every way. Whether I get married when I turn 18 or not, I am moving out of my house the moment I can. It would be a lot easier if I could do it with him because I think I work better when I am working WITH someone than being on my own. I see him every day for at least a few hours before he goes to work and after I am done caring for my younger siblings. When I move out, I don't want to have to drive all the way over to where he lives just so ask how was his work that day. I don't want to have to drive somewhere just to give him a hug. I want to be able to fall asleep in his arms after a long day. It's not just being excited by the prospect of marriage, I think marrying him is the right thing to do and I don't want to wait however long wishing I could marry him but not doing it because a bunch of people who don't know me told me not to. I can see the points of every single person that posted on my thread, but I am not you guys. I am me. I think I am ready and I wish there was just one person out there that would trust me when I say that I am much more adult than any of you give me credit for. I wish someone would think that I am old enough to make my own decisions and tell me that I shouldn't get married because I will end up divorcing him because I will change or else I will be unhappy. I know I will change as a person, but I will be GROWING. And I know HE will grow too. But if I can make myself be the good wife I know I can be and he can be the good husband I know he will be, this marriage WILL work, no matter how much we change. I can tell you that I have changed plenty since we first got together, in some ways for the worse, and he still loves me through thick and through thin. Just because a lot of you didn't beat the odds, I don't think you all should be telling me that I won't. <strong>Just because you guys had a hard time when you were younger, don't you think that instead of putting me down for something that I am going to do either way, you should maybe wish me luck and maybe say a prayer that my marriage will turn out well? </strong>Thanks for anyone who read this whole thing.
    Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't think anyone who responded was responding the way they did because they "had a hard time when they were younger."  In fact, I dont even think they were putting you down.  The point is, 17 is really really young.  Even the most mature 17 year old will change drastically as they get older.  The person you are today is NOT the person you will be in 5 years, though nothing anyone says seems to resonate with you that this is the case.  You will BOTH change--and just because you both grow and change for the better doesn't mean that you will grow and change TOGETHER.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I assume since you are 17 that you have not graduated from college yet, and do not have a career yet.  Do those things, and then decide if you really want to get married.  Nothing is stopping you from moving forward in your relationship with him during that time, but you don't need to be married to do that.</div><div>

    </div>
  • zantsterzantster member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:ad7b79a8-2f37-4d97-823c-6539863af3d3">Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I have been helping out with young children since I was 8. I've got 3 younger siblings that I am practically a second mother to. I graduated before I was 16 1/2. We have been together a long time and have been talking about marriage for over a year. I think I've practiced enough responsibility in my life and have been with him long enough to say that we will be ready to be man and wife by next October. Do you think I'm too young?
    Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]

    I will not make assumptions about aspects of your life that I know nothing about.  My bff got married at 21 and is still very happily married with 3 children.  However, as someone who is detail oriented I just was wondering if you and your FI have got some of the finer details of your future life together figured out. 

    So, matters such as where will you both live?  How will you pay for housing, furniture, food, utilities (water, electricity, gas), transportation and have you done the calculations to know that you have a steady source of income that will be sufficient? 

    How will you cover health insurance since I believe that by law you cannot stay on your parent's insurance if you are married.  If you decided to have a longer engagement you could stay on the insurance until you're 26.  I know it's a pain but these are all things that must be considered beyond your love for each other.  

    When do you plan on having children and how will you pay for their upbringing?  Will you be the main breadwinner or will he and is that settled?  Since you're in college it sounds like you may have student loans. How will you pay those off and have you calculated how much that will more than likely be on a monthly basis? You know that student loans cannot be dissolved in bankruptcy except in extremely rare hardship cases. 

    If a child comes along will that potentially interrupt your education? How will having a family early affect the career you may want to pursue or will you be an SAHM and is he ok with that? These are just a few things I think you should consider and if you don't have all the answers locked in yet then since you don't have deposits down for the wedding yet it appears you may have time to smooth out these issues during a longer engagement if you decide that makes the most sense.
  • I met my now husband when I had just turned 18. We were making plans for our future togethr almost immediately, and I knew we were going to get married. However, we dated for six years before we got married, and two of those years we were living together and completely supporting ourselves. That time allowed us to grow both as a couple and as individuals. We got married when we were 24, which is still kind of on the "young" side of ages for marrying in my opinion. That dating time as young adults gave us room to work out the kinks in the relationship and make sure that we were right for each other.

    You know when I realized that I was really ready to get married? When I stopped thinking, "I want to get married right now so that we can be husband and wife and play house and have a fun ceremony and a big reception and I can stop calling him just my boyfriend and let people know that we are serious!!!" and started thinking, "you know what, I can wait forever to marry this man because I love him and we don't need any formalities to know that we are in a serious relationship."

    There are one or two good reasons to get married that young and 34,050,393 reasons to wait. Live together for a couple of years if you absolutely HAVE to be around him 24/7. A better thing to do would be to live by yourself or with roommates for a few years to develop as an individual, though. You've been with him since you were 15! Give yourself some time to figure out who you are as an individual, independent person. Enjoy being 18 and making some mistakes and growing as a person. You guys can still be in a relationship and if the relationship is really meant to last, guess what? It will even if you are not married!
  • You are extremely defensive for someone so mature...

    Seriously, "wishing someone was on your side" is the neon sign above your head that reads "I'm an impatient teenager who needs to be coddled". Sorry, we don't do that here. 

    We're giving you honest and sincere advice because YOU ASKED FOR IT! Just because you're not getting the responses you want doesn't mean that we are being rude or judgmental. We call a spade a spade, and it has nothing to do with how grown up you say you are. 

    Slow down. Please, for your own sake. 

    I'm also curious where your parents are? You keep saying that they support you and love your boyfriend, etc. But then you make comments (in this thread AND the "vent" thread) about wanting to move out as soon as possible and refer to them as "prudish". What's up with that? Sounds like you're not really being honest about your supposed support system at home. Are they really supportive or are they suggesting that you wait a few years as well? -I'm willing to bet that they want you to wait, hence the reason behind you coming on this forum begging for reassurance. 

    And if you rattle off one more time about how grown up you are for home schooling yourself (which is why your social skills are definitely lacking) and caring for special needs children, please save your breath. Those things do not make you more mature or ready for marriage. If anything they hindered your development and took away from your childhood (something that every child deserves... you missed out) and now you are wanting to leap into one of the biggest adult decisions of your life before you are even physically and mentally capable of doing so. And what does all that mean? It means you're not more mature at all. It means that of all the work you've done, you still haven't learned one single thing about yourself because you've put all your energy into responsibilities that you should not have been expected to shoulder as a child. Your parents did you disservice. Your next 5 years will be spent making up for lost time; having fun, making new friends, going new places and having the freedom to change your mind a few dozen time before you settle down for the rest of your life. Don't miss out on doing these things. Marriage will always be in the future...

    What we're trying to tell you is that the next 5 to 10 years are of ultimate importance for your development. You WILL be completely different... and I guarantee if you look back on these posts you will be embarrassed at your attitude and entitlement. Don't willingly make a decision like marriage at this age... You are not ready. Just asking us to "be on your side" proves it.

    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:67bd038e-046e-405b-ab5c-dc2f8a5a9cf8">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't know me or my life - CHECK I'm very mature for my age - CHECK I've been through things in my life - CHECK I've practically raised my younger siblings - CHECK Here's why I'm the exception to the rule - CHECK Just because you didn't marry your HS sweetheart doesn't mean I shouldn't - CHECK Our love will conquer all - CHECK I'm just desperate for anybody to tell me I'm not too young to get married - CHECK Did I miss anything, fellow hags?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
    Said she's sorry for our husbands-NOT YET.
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  • I totally take back that I said you were mature.  I figured you were legit asking, questioning whether this would be a good idea.  I agree with Summer, I also work in a high school and have seen many mature 17/18 year olds.  None of them would I suggest getting married was a good idea.  Also, being home schooled, you are at a disadvantage both academically (it's not the same rigor as public school) and socially (you probably don't have a big social circle).  It also does not sound like you have a job.  Do you want to get married so that you can move away from all these responsibilities your parents have put on you?  Do you want someone to take care of you for a change?  Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.  
  • The guy I was certain I was going to marry when I was 17 is now a Catholic priest, and I am happily married to someone else.  People change.  If you know you are with the right person, he will still be the right person a few years from now. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    .Ok, if you get married now I do NOT think you are domed to a lifetime of misery.   I know quite of few people who got married young who have very long and successful marriages.   My own brother got married at 21 (his wife was 20).  They will celebrate 18 years in Feb.  I know people who waited until they were 30 to get married and got divorced a few years later.   So waiting is not fool proof either.

    However, the vibe I'm getting from this post is your life is hard and you want to get out of your parents NOW.  You are looking at marriage as this puppies and rainbow escape from your current life.  That is 100% the wrong reason to get married.  

    People change a lot in their early 20's.  Many couples find they are not going in the same directions.  It's way easier to figure that out when you are dating than when you are married. 

    I feel like you would be better off moving out of your parents, go to school and/or get a job and really figure out what direction you want to travel.     If your FI is "the one", then waiting a couple years would not make a difference.   








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:cb15ef6a-8404-4f04-b970-5ba3c13c9983">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are not listening. Unsurprising, but it has the potential to backfire rather spectacularly. Finish college. Buy alcohol. Experience life a little before you get married. You think you're so grown-up right now but studies show that having traumas/responsibilities earlier than most actually delay maturity, not speed it up. Your brain is physically undeveloped and won't be finished growing and changing until mid-twenties. Fact.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    <div>YES.THIS. My sister graduated from high school at 16, and college at 19, and guess what she did? She moved back to our tiny hometown and at 22 is going to high school parties and has a 16 year old boyfriend (yes, we know this is illegal, no, there's nothing we can do about it). She clearly missed out on something while she was in such a hurry to grow up and has actually regressed. She is still a great person and I love her, but growing up so fast was one of the worst things for her.</div>
  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:56ad3b98-6432-4eff-8465-c3b3ce8b15b0">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Too young? : <strong>  How will you cover health insurance since I believe that by law you cannot stay on your parent's insurance if you are married.  If you decided to have a longer engagement you could stay on the insurance until you're 26. </strong>
    Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]
    This isn't true. <div>Even being married, you can stay on your parents insurance until you are 26. Student or not. </div><div>
    </div><div>This is new due to ObamaCare, and also depending on the size of the company her FI works for they will have to provide insurance for him at least.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:45be453b-af74-4f4d-8c4b-f9f9bc88afb8">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been with my HS sweetheart since we were 16. I was at the top of my class, valedictorian, one of the smartest and most mature kids I knew. My parents and family supported our relationship, everyone loved us... we got engaged at 18.  Then we went to college. Lived apart for 2 years (with friends, roommates, etc). Lived together for 2 years. Went to grad school for a year. THEN GOT MARRIED. After a 5 year engagement. Here's the deal. Yes, you are 17. You are mature. You are awesome. You are the caretaker in your family, everyone loves you, everyone loves your bf, you're soooooooo smart that you graduated before everyone else and you think your the shiz. BUT, you are going to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with your guy. Do you know how long the rest of your life is? It's a helluva long time. Why legalize it now? Why not have another 5 years of fun? There is nothing wrong with taking it slow. There is nothing that says you HAVE to sign a little sheet of paper tying the two of you together permanently, just in case you do drift apart or something happens and you change your mind in the next 5 seriously formative years of your life. When you don't have to make it permanent, why should you?  BTW- We're happily married and thinking about starting a family, so I'm not speaking as someone who is embittered by a bad divorce or something, I'm just reinforcing the fact that you're going to change and should take it slow. 
    Posted by egeurts[/QUOTE]

    Life isn't about having fun. I don't want to go out and drink. The thought of it disgusts me. I don't care about drinking at my wedding. I certainly do not want to live with him before marriage because I am a Catholic and strong in my faith. Living together is the same commitment minus the paper saying it's so and you can separate without going through the hassle of divorce. I know I'm not gonna need a divorce so I am not going to live together in a life of (what I think is) sin by sleeping with someone I am not married to. And I get that you may think from that last sentence that it is about sex, but it's not. By God's word, living with someone you are not married to is wrong. You are making a commitment but refusing to valididate it because it gives you an out. I'm better than that. If you are ready to live with someone and make the commitment to live as a married couple with all of the perks and shared bills and whatnot but refusing to get married so you can "have fun", what does that say about YOU?
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:a4aa94bd-a78e-45b1-953b-ec541ba35346">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : Life isn't about having fun. I don't want to go out and drink. The thought of it disgusts me. I don't care about drinking at my wedding. I certainly do not want to live with him before marriage because I am a Catholic and strong in my faith. Living together is the same commitment minus the paper saying it's so and you can separate without going through the hassle of divorce.<strong> I know I'm not gonna need a divorce so I am not going to live together in a life of (what I think is) sin by sleeping with someone I am not married to. </strong>And I get that you may think from that last sentence that it is about sex, but it's not. By God's word, living with someone you are not married to is wrong. You are making a commitment but refusing to valididate it because it gives you an out. I'm better than that. If you are ready to live with someone and make the commitment to live as a married couple with all of the perks and shared bills and whatnot but refusing to get married so you can "have fun", what does that say about YOU?
    Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]
    How do you know that?  Are you prescient?
    If it's not about sex, why don't you live together in mutual celibacy?



  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_too-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e1dc416-d37e-4a34-a3b6-dc0d5aaf6bc6Post:a4aa94bd-a78e-45b1-953b-ec541ba35346">Re: Too young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young? : Life isn't about having fun.[/QUOTE]
    No, being a sanctimonious, killjoy uber-Catholic isn't about having fun. Life is supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

    [QUOTE]You are making a commitment but refusing to valididate it because it gives you an out. I'm better than that. If you are ready to live with someone and make the commitment to live as a married couple with all of the perks and shared bills and whatnot but refusing to get married so you can "have fun", what does that say about YOU?
    Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]
    It says that I'm a responsible adult who is making sure that things will work out while we're living together without legal ties so that when we do get married, there's less of a chance that we'll have to deal with a divorce.

    And btw, when we do get married next year, I'll still be going out to smoke hookah with my friends. You know, for fun. Because life is fun.

  • I have no problem with people having faith, but when they use it as an excuse or when they preach to me, then I have a problem.

    There are lots of devout, practicing Catholics who live together before marriage. Using an antiquated notion like 'living together before marriage is sin' is nothing more than an excuse. I remember being in my Catholic school, having religion class, and being told that the thing to take away from the Bible is to treat others as you'd have them treat you.

    Because honestly, if we took everything in the Bible as truth - we'd all me raping and committing incest and killing our own brothers.

    As PP said, live together platonically. There's nothing in the bible that forbids roommates.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We cohabited and shared a bed and didn't have sex. Granted, we moved in together after getting engaged, but there's nothing to say you can't have a really long engagement.

    And nobody said 'go out and drink.' The closest was my comment that you should be able to buy your own alcohol. There's nothing wrong with it in moderation; hell, Jesus's first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding.

    The point that you keep missing is that you really do need to live your own life and support your own self before getting married. Otherwise you'll be co-dependant. I realize you don't see the problem with that, but just trust me when I say it is a problem. I didn't much care for living alone, but I'm glad I did it before getting married just so I know it's possible. I don't foresee ever needing to do so again, but life is unpredictable. There is a remote possibility that my husband could go off his rocker and leave me or, God forbid, die and I'd be a widow. So it's good that I know what I am capable of should the need arise.
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  • mcda04mcda04 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    In Response to Too young?:
    [QUOTE. I have been helping out with young children since I was 8. I've got 3 younger siblings that I am practically a second mother to. I graduated before I was 16 1/2. We have been together a long time and have been talking about marriage for over a year. I think I've practiced enough responsibility in my life and have been with him long enough to say that we will be ready to be man and wife by next October. Do you think I'm too young?
    Posted by roxirose[/QUOTE]

    My dad was in a horrible accident 20+ years ago and was left paraplegic, My mom was the sole source of income and being second oldest meant my older sister and I had to care for my 7 younger brothers/sisters. I too thought i was mature by the time I was 17 but never thought i was ready for marriage.

    H and I were HS sweethearts and dating at this time and never even crossed my mind to marry him then. He was also very mature at 18 since he started working at 14 but neither one of us was ready. I ended up moving in with him at 19 1/2 and to this day i wish we would've waited. We went through some serious unnecessary financial hardships that ended up making us stronger but I don't think 20 years old was the time to go through major life changes.
  • Why the rush to the altar? If you love each other and want to be together forever now, you should feel the exact same way in four years.  I don't think it's romantic or wise to get married at 18.

    Marriage isn't a fairy tale, and I just don't think a 17 year old and a 20 year old are emotionally mature enough to deal with it.
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  • "Life isn't about having fun?" Sure, you have to do things that aren't usually fun like work and such, but really? Also, being a religious woman myself, I'm PRETTY sure God gave us life so we could ENJOY it. 

    Point is, you're young, immature (as most people your age are), and not ready for marriage. I'm with my HS sweetheart and yes, we talked about marriage at 18. But we waited. I'm a completely different person just because of the experiences I've gone through - experiences I might not have had the chance to have if I had been married. Studying abroad? That would not have had happened. The insane amount of things I'm currently doing - working, internship, volunteering, school, etc - not easy to do if you have to take care of a home.

    Look, I had a traumatic childhood too. But that didn't make me mature. Growing up, getting my education, working hard for my pay, living in another country, and really working on my relationship made me mature. 

    We're saying this because we don't want you to make a mistake, not because we want to insult you. Don't get married this young. It can work out for some, but it won't be easy. 
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  • Hey. I helped raise my siblings too. I had a rough upbringing too. I was always mature for my age too. I met FI when I was 16, and we'd been together two years when I was 18. We had a long distance relationship, then moved in with each other for a year for school, had to move APART when we came back home, spent a few years together, saved money, bought a house, got engaged six months AFTER buying a house and knowing after all we'd been through we're right for each other and it was time to get married. I'm insulted that you think you're better than any of us and it only takes you childhood to decide you're ready for marriage instead of experiencing real life for a while. You're not special. Your circumstance isn't special. Grow up, pay some bills, live on your own. Living together is fine, I never lived by myself and never had any desire to. See that you can actually stand each other for a few years before deciding to spend forever together. Of course you won't do any of this but whatever.
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  • I hope you are correct and that 50 years from now you can look back and say that you made the right choice, that you are happy, healthy, financially secure, etc.

    I think what the other ladies here are trying to convey is that you THINK you are ready - and you THINK you are more mature, etc....but that is what anyone who gets married at 17, 18, 19 years of age says.

    No one gets married thinking that their marriage isn't going to last or that they aren't marrying the best person for them, etc.

    My biggest concern for you is that women who get married at a young age often wind up poverty. 

    Women who marry young are 31% more likely to spend at least a portion of their lives living below the poverty line.   And if you have children young, then you likely will not establish yourself with a career, perhaps until your children are older.

    You're response to that will be "not me" or "I'm more mature" or "i'm going to college now"...but facts are facts.  Young brides and young moms have higher poverty rates than women who wait longer to get married and who wait longer to have children.

    Its your life.  I wish you well...and I wish you could see that you are making a mistake.
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  • Wow...

    holy too young Batman.
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