postpone or city hall?

SJM7538

Without getting into the details... in the past week or so my FI and I have run into some issues and we need to dip into our wedding money to help pay for some things. We don't want to use our credit cards because our balances are high enough as it is and we are trying to pay stuff off.  I'm so stressed over this, I don't know what do to do.

So I think we may have to postpone the wedding. But part of me thinks that the wedding doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong, I want the white dress and to celebrate with my entire family. I've wanted that for a long time. But another part of me thinks that its much more important to just be his wife and have a fantastic, financially stabe life together and I think about just going to city hall, getting married, taking the loss on the deposit for the venue and the money we would have used for the wedding to pay off all of our debt.

What would you do?

lls31

Honestly, I would just do city hall.  But this is coming from someone who got married at 32, after 6 years of dating and we really just wanted to be married so we could start a family.  We did a traditional wedding, but I would've been just as happy at city hall.

But if you decide to do that, make sure you won't regret your decision later on down the road.  You only get one wedding day.  So if city hall is what you choose, you don't get to do the church ceremony, white dress, and party at a later date.  Just keep that in mind.

AdeleDazeem

I'd go to City Hall, get married, pay off your debt (I'm concerned by your statement about the credit cards) and then have a casual get together at some point in the future to celebrate your marriage (or your first anniversary, etc).

The party doesn't need to be expensive to get everyone together.

SJM7538

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_postpone-or-city-hall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:75a294cb-ed8f-40a5-b96d-b058b910b8eaPost:b8f1be1a-ca5b-4ed6-92e2-fde64d56d3de">Re: postpone or city hall?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd go to City Hall, get married, pay off your debt <strong>(I'm concerned by your statement about the credit cards)</strong> and then have a casual get together at some point in the future to celebrate your marriage (or your first anniversary, etc). The party doesn't need to be expensive to get everyone together.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Yeah it worries me to sometimes. I mean its not unmanagable. We make our payments every month on time and we both have great credit. I just hate knowing its not paid off.

rusngl2

If it was me and it was a decision between getting out of debt or having a wedding, I'd say get out of debt. BUT it would have to be a decision that me & my FI (which I don't have yet, BTW he hasn't officially asked) made together. 

FWIW I think starting out a union on a stable financial footing is more important than having a PPD. And I think your instict is spot on for not wanting to finance a wedding on a credit card

BulgariHeart

I say postpone. CC debt would definitely me my #1 priority but I wouldn't want a City Hall wedding. Personal opinion of course. I totally get the "just want to be his wife" feeling but still don't see a problem in postponing if a City Hall wedding wasn't your first choice anyways. I married my H a whole lot of years into our love story because of priorities but still had the kind of wedding we both dreamt of in the end (it wasn't over the top or anything but exactly how we wanted it). Had we had more priorities to take care of we'd have postponed some more. A wedding is a day that will never come back. I had no problem allowing important matters to take precedence over it, but not to change it into something I didn't want. We're just romantic that way. Really think about it before making a decision you might regret. 

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_postpone-or-city-hall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:75a294cb-ed8f-40a5-b96d-b058b910b8eaPost:45724618-a654-4c9f-8da9-53441ffb69b8">postpone or city hall?</a>:
[QUOTE]Without getting into the details... in the past week or so my FI and I have run into some issues and we need to dip into our wedding money to help pay for some things. We don't want to use our credit cards because our balances are high enough as it is and we are trying to pay stuff off.  I'm so stressed over this, I don't know what do to do. So I think we may have to postpone the wedding. But part of me thinks that the wedding doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong, I want the white dress and to celebrate with my entire family. I've wanted that for a long time. But another part of me thinks that its much more important to just be his wife and have a fantastic, financially stabe life together and I think about just going to city hall, getting married, taking the loss on the deposit for the venue and the money we would have used for the wedding to pay off all of our debt. What would you do?
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

It's really personal preference here. None of us can tell you what is best for you.   If you want a simple, JOP wedding.  You can do that, and still wear a pretty white dress, and go out to dinner with your family after the ceremony. Then, you could use your wedding savings and pay down your debt. 

You can also talk to your venue and see if they would be willing to refund your deposit if you could find someone else to take your date. 

Avion22

Ditto CMGr and Retread.   A lot of people think weddings have to be either City Call or Big Expensive Blowout, but there are so many options in between!    If City Hall doesn't appeal to you, then get creative.    Rent or borrow a dress, or look at consignment shops.   Do cake and punch or a simple meal at a restaraunt.   Buy your flowers from the grocery store.   

When my parents got married in the '70s, it was in their backyard with a few friends as witnesses.  My mom made her own dress, and they bought a very simple cake from a local bakery.  A friend took pictures.   They are just as married now, coming up on their 40th anniversary.   

gmg75241

Dont go into debt over your wedding. Or if you want a wedding etc., push it back if you can wait. There is nothing wrong with a city hall ceremony. A smaller wedding is not my cup of tea so we had our wedding when we were finally able to pay for it. However, everyone does not have to have a big wedding and small weddings are just as good in my opinion. I like the idea mentioned above of doing the ceremony at city hall and then something small afterwards.

SJM7538

I've already bought my dress and booked the venue so if we proceed with the wedding we will postpone until we can afford the wedding that we want. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with small weddings or doing it in my backyard, its just not really what I want.  My fiance does not want to postpone but he really isn't thinking clearly right now. He is extremely stressed out and convinced he can just work copious amounts of overtime to keep moving forward to "give me the wedding of my dreams".

I'm trying to make him see that that really isn't the solution and that what is really important to me is to marry the man that I love and to be his wife and that I do not want him to work himself to death.

I put some thought into and I really think I would regret not having a wedding so as long as  I can convince him then I think I can handle waiting a little longer.